


Opposing, but Aligned

by ConstanceTruggle



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Post-Canon, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 117,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstanceTruggle/pseuds/ConstanceTruggle
Summary: The First Order is defeated, and large parts of the galaxy are freed from yet another system of injustice. Rey and her friends find themselves in the midst of the chaos left by the resultant power vacuum, but while Poe and Finn are busy helping to shape a new future, Rey still struggles with the past. Ben Solo’s death on Exegol has left her carved out and hollow, and she is haunted by terrible nightmares every night. Of Ben being hunted and tormented by dark spectres. But are they really just bad dreams? Or is there more to them? All Rey has to go on is a mysterious whispering in the Force:"darkness found him, darkness bound him".In the deepest darkness, the light shines all the brighter - and on both sides of the Veil, two broken souls will have to fight to come back together.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 100
Kudos: 64





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> One year ago, almost to the day, I stumbled out of our little village cinema and knew: Disney, with all due respect, but this is not working for me.  
> So I started writing this Fix-It, which picks up where TRoS left us Reylo-shippers stranded. My deepest gratitude goes to my wonderful beta readers AlphaSierra and GirlWithNoDragonTatoo: thank you for your invaluable support and encouragement throughout this eventful year - your enthusiasm kept me going!  
> I hope you’ll enjoy reading; the story is complete and so I plan to post a new Chapter every 2-3 days.

Ben was floating in an endless pond of pitch-black darkness, along the rim of a churning maelstrom. He was still drifting slowly, but he knew he would soon pick up speed, descending towards the centre. And once the waves of despair crashed over him and pulled him under in a whirl of sorrow, everything would be over.

It was not a guess; although Ben didn’t know exactly what awaited him beneath the eye of the vortex, he was sure it was nothing pleasant. He knew the dark side of the Force well enough. And this place was a vergence of the dark side, he had no doubt about that.

His mind drifted back to how he had come here…  
  


***

  
Ben held Rey’s limp body in his arms on Exegol, her eyes staring blankly into the Beyond. He searched for a spark inside of her, any remnant of life no matter how tiny, that he could rekindle into the brightly burning flame that was Rey – but it had already gone out.  
He knew what he could do, and the price he’d have to pay; but his decision was made instantly.

Ben transferred everything he had into Rey, forcing his own life energy upon her, awakening what had been condemned to eternal sleep.

When she stirred and gripped his hand, he felt a great happiness and fulfilment; for once in his life, he had done something completely right. He felt his heart stutter and slow down, but it didn’t matter. The result outweighed the cost by far.

He was at peace with his choice. It was good.

When she rose and whispered _“Ben”_ , beaming so brightly, so alive, caressing his cheek, this feeling strengthened even more. Oh yes, this one look was worth everything. He committed it to memory to take it with him to the other side, this wonderful new feeling. Appreciation.  
At last, someone could look at him and smile; was proud and happy to see him, instead of frowning in disappointment.

His impending death didn’t vex him – this was so much better than what his life had been like.  
Ben was so glad about his choice.

But then suddenly, Rey surged forward and kissed him!

Not timid. Or friend-like. She grasped him like a desert flower, desperate for water, crushing their mouths together as if her life depended on it. As if she’d been waiting to do this for a long time, and finally allowed herself to do it.

And all of a sudden, Ben did hate the thought of dying.

Living seemed a far more promising, better option! He longed for more of this feeling, yet he knew it was too late.  
His heart had already stopped beating. The last seconds of his existence on this side of the veil were ticking away fast. He laughed out softly, both at the blissful emotions the kiss evoked in him, and at the bitter irony of this.

Rey didn’t understand. She just mirrored his smile, believing for a second that everything was finally going to be alright. And Ben had no time left to explain. All that was left for him to do, was to finish what he had started.  
His body fell backwards, but he didn’t even feel his head connecting with the cold stone floor anymore.

He was already gone.

***

To this strange, otherworldly place.

Rey.

The memory of her had made it here safely. But not just this one; all of them, actually.  
‘Strange’, Ben thought. ‘Shouldn’t I become one with the Force and forget my former self?’

The dark waters on which he floated, gurgled softly. Pale reflections drifted sluggishly over the surface, like glimpses of his memories.

Ben’s thoughts went back to his final moments again. That kiss.

He hadn’t expected Rey to do that. On Kef Bir, he had sensed compassion in her, when she realized that she had fatally wounded him. But there hadn’t been _love_.

He was so sure about that, because he had scrutinized her feelings whenever they had shared one of those unique Force connections. Not that he would ever have admitted it to anyone! With time, he found that her feelings did indeed change; from irritation at the unwanted intrusion of a stranger - no, an _enemy_ \- into her mind, to something different. A resemblance. An understanding of each other’s pain, loneliness and doubts.

That one night, when their fingers touched across the galaxy, he had felt her sympathy, her strong dedication, and her almost naïve will to save him from the dark side.

And when Rey actually came aboard the _Supremacy_ of her own free will, he’d been confident that she would yield and follow him, would allow him to corrupt her into his Dark Empress.  
He had been such an idiot. Had wasted so much time, hunting after her and trying to change her - when she had already been absolutely perfect. _He_ should have accepted _her_ offer on the _Supremacy_. So many missed opportunities; but Kylo Ren hadn’t yet realized it then.

For a while, he had instead contented himself with fantasies of her destruction. Of all the physical abuses he could subject her to, before finally choking the life out of her. Unfortunately, they never truly satisfied him. They only left him all the more restless and aggressive.

  
Dark waves lapped at Ben’s face. The water was cold, and he instinctively tried to raise his head, away from the splashes. But he felt so heavy. With a sigh, he relented, and his thoughts immediately drifted back into memories.  
  


In his desperate longing for a glimpse of her previous affections, Kylo had tried to probe her mind through their bond time and again. But the stronger he pried, the stronger her mental shields became. At first, it had been enough to drive him mad; but then, it finally made him realize what exactly it was that they shared: a dyad in the Force.  
The stronger the one, the stronger the other. And together in unison, their strength multiplied.

So, when Palpatine asked him to kill Rey, he had already made up his mind: never.

And then, finally, their bond did connect them again. Rey was on Pasaana, on some backwood festivity. In her heart, he still found loathing, but also loneliness and fears like his own, reflected over the bond.  
Their next encounter on Kef Bir was a turning point. When she healed him, he felt it again, at last: that same compassion she’d had for him on Luke’s island.

And yet - that was still worlds apart from the feelings that had radiated from her in the last minutes of his life:  
  


When Rey had sensed his presence on Exegol, being _Ben_ again and no longer Kylo Ren: Relief. Hope.

When they both had consciously embraced their bond, and she transferred Luke’s lightsaber to him: determination, protectiveness.

When he had entered the Sith Throne room and disposed of the last Sovereign Protectors: gladness, appreciation. Pride in him.

And then, the last and best moment of his life: the feelings that welled up from their bond when she came back to life and recognized him. Joy, bliss. _Love_.

Until this moment, Ben had been willing to sacrifice his own life for Rey, to repay some of the debt he felt he owed her. But now, there was suddenly this strong desire, that renewed will to live, that promise of life and love. He had finally realized just how much this had been missing in his life.

Yes, he had been ready to go.

But now, he wasn’t any longer.  
  


The water around Ben rippled. Suddenly, a new current pulled violently at him, and he was torn away from the maelstrom’s eye, like a fish on the hook. But the depth fought it! With tremendous force, the vortex tried to suck him back down. The tugging and tearing became so strong, that Ben thought he’d be ripped in half.  
Finally, accompanied by a thundering roar, he was yanked from the dark pool and shot up into a vast, starless sky.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a little treat to get started, I've added the next Chapter for you already!

_Ben was running._

_Running through a scorched hell. The sky was ablaze with crimson, the air thick with smoke and acrid fumes. Rivulets of molten lava criss-crossed the cracked ground and ash rained down on him like dead snowflakes. Twisted iron trees poked out of the grey mass. Maybe this had once been a forest, before it was consumed by heat and fire._

_Ben wasn’t alone, though._

_They were pursuing him. Cloaked figures in black robes swarmed into the fen, chasing him relentlessly, trying to cut him off, to corner him._

_Ben jumped over a stream of lava and immediately changed course as another shape suddenly emerged from the trees ahead of him, joining the hunt. He approached a magma pool and picked up speed, knowing he could make the jump; it wasn’t so wide._

_A second before he took off, the pool roared to life and a jet of molten lava erupted from it, forcing Ben to a skidding halt. He spun around and cringed, searing droplets spattering his back, burning through clothes and skin. Having nowhere else to go, he charged towards his oncoming pursuer, splayed his hand and sent the hooded figure flying backwards with a Force push. It crashed into one of its comrades and both crumpled in a heap. Without pause, Ben leapt over the fallen and raced on._

_In the distance, a tall, menacing stronghold loomed over a large river of lava. It looked vaguely like a tuning fork, its two pitch-black towers jutting up so high they nearly grazed the ash clouds._

_And still his hunters kept coming, gaining on him. Their numbers were endless. Ben was running - running out of time._

  
  


Rey woke with a jolt, panting, a bead of sweat trickling down her temple. It took her a moment to realize where she was: Ajan Kloss. The _Millennium_ _Falcon_. Her bunk.

The thin bedsheet clung damply to her and she kicked it off impatiently. Despite the moderate temperature in the crew quarters, the air felt cool and soothing on her hot skin. She simply lay there for a moment, regaining control over her still trembling body.

‘Breathe, Rey,’ she calmed herself. ‘It was just a dream.’

Only it wasn’t. She’d had this dream before. In fact, it was becoming almost routine ever since Exegol. The dreams were never exactly the same twice; the locations changed. But in its essence, it always came down to this: Ben was in grave peril, in desperate need of her help, yet she wasn’t with him. He was alone.

As was Rey.  
A cold shiver ran through her and her skin erupted in goose bumps. She tried to shake it off, dismissing it as a weird side-effect of the hardships she’d been through, and went for the shower.

The jet of hot water drummed on her back and she craned her neck, letting the water pour down her face. The warmth felt good on her clammy skin, but it couldn’t wash away her sombre thoughts. In her mind, the past few days replayed over and over:  
  


At first, Ben’s sacrifice, while hurtful, had seemed to make sense. Admittedly, she’d felt a bit cheated that she should lose him so soon after he’d finally accepted his light side; but in a sad way, Ben’s passing had appeared consequential to her.

But already on the rough ride home, Rey had felt a tugging at her heart the further away she went from Exegol. Like she was heading the wrong way.

The victory celebrations on Ajan Kloss had distracted her again. Relief and joy over finding Finn, Poe, Chewie and many others still alive despite their heavy losses, had predominated and almost made her forget the ache in her heart for a while.

But from then on, her emotional condition had declined. The funerals. The memorial services. Realization sunk in that a part of her, one that she had never considered as separate from her, was gone. A frighteningly large part.

She suddenly urged to flee, feeling restless and haunted. With Chewbacca’s consent, she had taken the _Falcon_ to Tatooine; it was both an excuse to get away and the opportunity to conclude a journey only she could bring to a close. The journey of two people who had been like parents to Rey, despite the fact that their time together had been short-lived.

Rey had also used the travelling time from Ajan Kloss to Tatooine to finally create a lightsaber of her own. As was the story of her life, she had resorted to scavenging and resourcefulness to collect the necessary items:  
She had disassembled her salvaged quarterstaff for parts, adding bits and pieces she’d found in the _Falcon_ ’s spare part stock. The most important component, a kyber crystal, had taken a bit of luck. After defeating Snoke, Rey and Ren had fought over Skywalker’s lightsaber, accidentally shearing it apart, which broke the crystal within. Back on Ajan Kloss, she’d used an ancient healing technique from one of the Jedi tomes and combined it with a mundane crystal growth tray to successfully restore the kyber.  
Months later, when Rey returned from the battle of Exegol, she was utterly surprised to find that the left-over kyber seed shards she had forgotten in the growth medium, had grown into a fully-fledged new crystal! It was now at the heart of her lightsaber.

Following the instructions of the Jedi texts on the saber’s technical assembly had been easy; gathering enough focus to meditate on the crystal, hadn’t.

She’d spent a whole day in meditation and still wasn’t quite satisfied with the result by the end of it. The plasma blade formed alright, but it simply wouldn’t turn blue, no matter how hard she tried. In the end, she gave up and hoped that yellow was maybe not too bad either.

On Tatooine, Rey had travelled to the Lars homestead and laid the lightsabers of Leia and Luke to rest. A rare moment of fulfilment had suffused her as she watched the twin suns rise slowly, and she’d felt Luke and Leia in the Force, smiling approvingly from a distance. It was finished.  
When the suns’ golden-red glare turned the dunes into a furnace, she left the desert planet and returned to Ajan Kloss.

With her duty to the Skywalkers accomplished, there was nothing to distract her anymore and the feeling of a gaping hole in her soul where her plans and hopes for the future had used to be, returned. Hard.  
  


Rey watched as the last grains of Tatooine’s sand were finally rinsed off her and washed down the drain, taking the memories with them.

She towelled down, donned her usual attire, tied her hair into three buns and fastened the new lightsaber at her hip. Efficient, clinical, hollow. She felt like on autopilot, she realized. Everything she did these days: walking, eating – functioning. She acted like a machine. Numb.  
Whatever had made her distinctly _her_ , was gone. She knew exactly since when and why, and hated it wholeheartedly.

Rey shook her head to clear her mind, took a deep breath and decided to go to breakfast. An empty stomach was never helpful, after all. That was a lesson learned when you’d grown up in the junkyards of Jakku.

When Rey stepped out of the _Millennium Falcon_ , she found that the base was already buzzing with activity, although the sun had only started to rise above the treetops of the surrounding rainforest.  
A group of engineers was heading for the _Tantive IV_ , chatting away merrily, each a steaming cup of caf in hand. A firefighting droid stomped past Rey, heading for the landing area from where the faint droning of an approaching ship sounded. She recognized Lieutenant Tyce, standing with folded arms beside her A-wing, arguing with a technician.

A loud purr caught Rey’s attention. She looked up and found Chewbacca sitting astride the starboard airlock, a fusion cutter in one hand and lifting his welding helmet with the other.

“Same to you,” she smiled. “You wanna go to breakfast, too?”

Chewie shook his shaggy head, grunted something and held up the cutter.

“Okay. Good luck with that!” Rey waved him goodbye and walked over to the mess on the far side of the landing area.

‘The mess’ was actually no more than the hull of a gutted, old troop transport which had been used as a storage place for bits and bobs, until General Dameron had ordered the place to be cleaned out and converted into a public mess.  
Some people had frowned at that order at first, but it quickly turned out that having a dry and somewhat temperature-controlled place to have your meals in, upped everyone’s spirits a lot.

Rey stepped through the spacious hatch and her eyes searched the rows of tables, which were already well-patronised.

“Rey!”

Finn was waving to her from his seat at the end of the back row. Poe, who was sitting opposite him with his back to Rey, turned around and smiled when he saw her. She waved back, nodded, and made her way to the serving counter.  
A young girl, no older than maybe fourteen Rey guessed, greeted her cheerily and asked, “Cereals or sandwich?”

Rey peeped over the counter at the prepared trays. As she had expected, the choice was basically just optical; she could either have a bowl of polystarch flakes or two slices of polystarch bread. At least the fruit on both dishes looked enticing and fresh, probably gathered from the jungle this very morning.

“Cereals, please.”

The girl handed her the tray, adding a cup of caf and a small jug of blue bantha milk. Rey carefully wormed her way through the rows and took a seat next to Finn, who had already finished his bowl and was helping himself to some of Poe’s fruit. His friend didn’t seem to mind; both fruit and sandwich lay untouched on his plate. The only thing Poe seemed interested in was the cup of caf in his hands.

“Good to see you back! Are you all right?” Finn asked her gently. “Everything went ok on Tatooine?”

She faked a smile and nodded, pouring the milk over her cereals. “Yes, thank you. It’s all settled, and I’m good.” The lie came disturbingly easy, she found.  
Finn smiled back and squeezed her shoulder before snatching another piece of fruit from Poe’s plate.

“Is it that bad?” Rey asked and nodded at the sandwich.

“Huh?”

“The sandwich,” she emphasized.

“Poe is a bit off-colour,” Finn whispered and suppressed a grin.

“Hey! Poe happens to be present,” the pilot mumbled grumpily over his cup.

“So, what kept you busy?” Rey asked.

Poe huffed. “That blasted meeting. It’s giving me sleepless nights and a sore tummy.”

“Why is that? How has it gone?” She spooned some flakes into her mouth. They didn’t taste of much, but at least they were crunchy.

“It hasn’t yet,” Finn frowned. “It is scheduled for this morning. Have you forgotten? I sent you a message two days ago. You are expected to take part, too.”

Rey swallowed, spoon stopping mid-air. “Really?” Then she noticed Poe’s wary look. “Oh yes, right. You did. Totally blocked it out, sorry.” She caught herself at another lie without blushing.

“Wish I could,” Poe sighed wistfully. “We really need another Mon Mothma to take over the political reigns, and soon. I hate to have that on top of our other duties; there are still so many urgent military matters that require our attention. The First Order hasn’t gone completely poof just because we beat them on Exegol. Many systems are still struggling to break free from their grasp and could use our help.”

“That’s for sure,” Finn agreed. “We had word from our allies on Bespin of a possible Star Destroyer sighting. I bet they’re after the tibanna. And that’s not the only place they’ve shown up.”

Rey only listened with half an ear as Finn and Poe continued their animated conversation about the machinations of the First Order in several systems. Her thoughts had strayed at the mention of Exegol; back to her strange dream and all the unanswered questions tied to it.  
Who were these eerie creatures, and why were they chasing Ben? Why did those dreams seem so terribly real to her? Were they responsible for the peculiar, all-consuming feeling of hollowness inside of her? Was that the cause of her current inability to focus properly?

_“Watch out!”_

Poe’s sudden exclamation tore Rey from her thoughts and she flinched so violently that it sent the spoonful of milk-sodden flakes she’d been holding, flying. It splashed onto the unsuspecting Major Kalonia, who had taken a seat beside Rey without her noticing.

“Oh, I’m _so_ sorry, Ma’am,” she apologized hurriedly, trying to wipe the sticky mush from the armband around Kalonia’s upper arm. But the seasoned physician took it with her typical good humour.

“People have thrown worse at me, don’t worry. And the blue bantha milk matches quite nicely with the navy armband.” She smiled warmly and patted Rey’s hand, taking the napkin from her and returning to her conversation with another medical officer.

Rey nodded like a bashful child and murmured another apology before turning back to her friends. Her cheeks were bright red and she glared daggers at Poe.

“What the hell was that about?” she hissed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you that much, but you were dripping flakes into your caf,” he said apologetically and pointed at her cup. An oily blue sheen, sprinkled with polystarch crumbs, covered the dark beverage.

“The day’s off to a great start,” Rey sighed.

Finn nudged his shoulder encouragingly to hers. “If it’s any consolation, mine too. I burned my butt this morning.”

“You did _what_?”

“In the showers. Be glad you have a functioning wet room on the _Falcon_. Those crazy lightning bolts on Exegol must have fried something in _Tantive IV’s_ thermostats. The water temperature in the showers now tends to switch to freezing cold or searing hot within seconds. And without warning. The engineers haven’t been able to fix the problem yet.”

“Yeah,” Poe confirmed, “it’s a menace. I’ve heard people calling her ‘Tantrum Four’ because of that new habit.”

Rey giggled. “You can always come over and use our shower, you know. Better than being boiled.”

“Nah, we can’t run from this. We are Generals, we must be leading examples,” Finn puffed out his chest. “Even if it means to put our butts on the line. Literally.”

They all laughed.

“Speaking of leading examples,” Poe said with a glance at his watch, “we’d better get going. Meeting starts in fifteen, and we wouldn’t want to be late now, would we?”

“Not for the world,” Rey groaned.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Final Episode of Season 2 of _The Mandalorian_ airs, and I'm still posting a new Chapter regardless ... am I mad?! ;)  
> Hope you enjoy this nevertheless, happy watching and reading everyone.

Rey, Finn and Poe got up reluctantly and returned their trays to the young girl at the serving counter. On their way out, something caught Finn’s attention.

“Hey, you finally made your own?” He pointed at the dark metal hilt dangling from Rey’s hip.

Poe’s gaze followed, and he whistled. “Nice one. Does it work?”

“No, it’s just for decoration,” Rey huffed. “Of course it works. I’m a decent mechanic, and it’s not exactly witchcraft. Well, most of it isn’t.”

“What Poe means to say is: Come on, activate it!” Finn was as excited as a small boy with a new toy.

“No!” Rey looked around them cautiously, keeping her voice down. “I’m not gonna flourish a lightsaber in the mess hall during breakfast just to brag. Leading examples, remember?”

Both men were suddenly in a great hurry to get her away from public eyes. Under other circumstances, one might have thought they were planning something indecent with her. The moment they had rounded the transport’s derelict former cockpit, they turned to her with expectant grins. Rey shook her head with a smile, but she couldn’t deny a feeling of secret pride when she detached her lightsaber and ignited the plasma blade.

“Wow,” Finn whispered in awe.

“It’s yellow,” Poe remarked. “Is it supposed to be yellow?”

“I don’t know. It simply turned out to be. Apart from the colour, it behaves just like Luke’s lightsaber.” She let the humming blade twirl a few times. “But it feels - better. More personal.”

“I like it,” Finn said. “Yellow is fine. Imagine it had turned out pink.”

They laughed. Rey loved the easiness with which Finn made her laugh, made her forget all the troubling feelings. For a while.

“Enough games,” she sighed, deactivated the saber and clicked it back to her belt. “They’re expecting us.”

They grudgingly resumed their way. None of them were looking forward too much to this meeting, but it still surprised Rey when Poe stopped after just a few metres and turned to Finn again.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you this for ages: what was it that you had wanted to tell Rey when we were being swallowed up in the sinking fields on Pasaana? That most important-like thing?”

Finn froze. He surely hadn’t expected that Poe would bring this up now, of all times.

“You’re just trying to delay our arrival at the meeting,” he stuttered.

“And you’re just trying to avoid the question again! Come on, the quicker you spill it out, the quicker we can walk on.”

Finn glanced at Rey, but she was just as interested in his answer as Poe. Back on Pasaana, too much had been going on to linger on this, and the following events had come so thick and fast she had almost forgotten about it. But she surely was curious, now that she remembered.

“Well uhm, yeah, about that…”

Poe cocked an eloquent eyebrow, arms akimbo.

“We’re not dying now and it’s still private,” Finn blocked defiantly.

Poe gaped. “Oh, please, after all we’ve been through you still won’t trust me with that ominous, big revelation? Are you still miffed that I didn’t tell you about my spice runner past, first moment we met? Or why else am I not allowed to know?”

“’Cause it’s none of your concern, is all,” Finn retorted hotly. “And you’d probably never stop to rag me about it.”

Poe immediately held up his right hand, two fingers extended. “I swear I won’t! Won’t laugh, won’t joke, won’t tell a living soul. General’s swear. Now spit it out!”

The two stared at each other for a long moment. Rey could clearly see the conflicting emotions raging through Finn. He didn’t want to upset his friend, but he also feared his reaction. Whatever he had in mind was obviously delicate.

Finally, Finn yielded. “Alright,” he murmured. “Just remember what you promised. I don’t want word of this anywhere out there, unless I tell folks myself!” Poe nodded.

Slowly, Finn turned to face Rey. It took him a moment to collect himself, then he drew a deep breath, opened his mouth – and closed it again right away.  
‘Stars,’ Rey thought. ‘This really is difficult for him.’ She gave him an encouraging smile.

Finn cleared his throat and started again. “I have … I mean rather I _had_ … these, kind of weird, feelings, and…,” he trailed off. Behind him, Poe rolled his eyes. His suspicions about his friend’s motives seemed to be confirmed.

“Stop that,” Finn snapped irritably over his shoulder. Poe froze, surprise on his face. How could Finn have seen this?  
“Ever since the assault on Starkiller Base. In the forest, remember? It wasn’t that strong or defined back then, but I think it increased since. Or maybe it has always been within me, dormant, but it was drawn out by you. It’s like, sometimes I seem to know what’s happening to you. Especially the bad stuff. When you’re hurt. It’s not like I could read your mind or know where you are or anything,” he hastened to explain.

Rey frowned at him. This was clearly not what she had expected to hear. She was quite relieved that she didn’t have to find a way of letting him down gently, which would have been the case if Finn had confessed any romantic interest in her. But this news was completely unexpected.

“You feel – a connection?” she asked tentatively.

“Well, maybe, I guess you could call it that. It’s just moments, it’s not like a real communication. More like hearing a loud bang in an already noisy room. One moment it’s definitely there, and then it’s gone again. But whenever it happened, I knew for sure it was connected to you.”

Poe had moved up. “You think that could have something to do with the Force?”

Finn shrugged. The thought had obviously crossed his mind, too, but he wasn’t sure what to make of it, if it was true.

“It does sound like it,” Poe continued and turned to Rey. “Can’t you check?”

“It’s not like there’s a test or something, at least none that I would know about,” she said slowly. Then an idea struck her. “But we can give this a try.” She extended her hand, like she had done a long time ago on Ahch-To.

On that fateful night, she had found out about the source of Kylo Ren’s hatred. About the Jedi, his uncle, whom he believed had tried to kill him in his sleep. She had touched Kylo’s hand. Just the ghost of a touch, fingertips brushing against each other across the stars.  
But the impact had been incredible; the Force had blazed through them with such tremendous power that it instantly cemented her resolve to go and save this struggling young man from the dark side.

Maybe, after feeling so alone, carved out and cut off from life, she would feel something with Finn? What if the Force was strong in him and he simply hadn’t known, just like her?

Finn bit his lip, raised his hand and carefully took Rey’s. They remained like that for a second.

Between them, Poe was so tense he seemed to expect Force lightning to shoot from their hands at any moment. But when nothing happened at all, he couldn’t bear it anymore and prodded, “So? Do you feel anything?”

Both shook their heads and let go.

“You still could have sensed something of me reverberating through the Force,” Rey tried to comfort Finn, who looked more than a bit crestfallen. She linked arms with him and they continued towards command centre.

“We do have a strong connection, after all,” Rey said firmly. “You are my best friend. I trust you with my life. Master Luke once said that the Force connects everything; so, if there was one person in the whole galaxy to receive my signals, I bet it would be you.”

“Thanks,” Finn smiled weakly. “It’s okay. I probably overthought it.”

After a beat, he added, “Would’ve been so cool to become a Jedi. I quite like the lightsabers.”  
They laughed, and Rey was glad he was bearing it with fortitude.

“What a career that would’ve been – from Stormtrooper to Jedi Padawan,” Poe interjected and clapped his friend on the shoulder.

“Hey, watch it,” Finn reproached him in jest. “You promised not to joke!”

“Sorry, won’t happen again, General!” Poe smiled.

Rey snickered. Their bickering like an old, married couple was one of the few things that cast a ray of sunshine on her soul these days. They walked a moment in silence, a few other people passing them, also on their way to headquarters.

As before, _Tantive IV_ had been landed inside a large, natural cave in the jungle’s mountain walls, and had taken over most support functions on the provisional base. The old consular ship not only served as headquarters, it was also the main electricity support and provided crew facilities.  
Presently, its conference chamber was the only sheltered place large enough to hold a meeting with as many participants as were expected today.

“Well, they weren’t exactly accurate feelings either, thinking about it now,” Finn picked up the thread again. “When you were down there on Exegol, I was sure I had felt you die. Thank heavens I was wrong about that. Must have been the nerves, or...” he trailed off when Rey suddenly stopped at his side, staring at him wide-eyed.

“You felt that?” she whispered.

“Erm, yes, I mean I thought – but how… huh?” Finn was completely lost now. “You didn’t die!”

“Yes, I did,” Rey corrected him.

“What?! Then how come I find myself talking to you right now?” Poe challenged. In contrast to Finn, who was still gaping at her, he had recovered from this new piece of information very quickly.

“Ben brought me back,” she said.

When her friends kept waiting for her to elaborate, she sighed deeply. She simply didn’t know how to explain something she didn't quite understand herself.

Rey had of course told them what had happened on Exegol down in the Sith Citadel while they had been battling high above ground. During the celebrations and catching-ups, before she had travelled to Tatooine, she had listened to their recounts, and they had listened closely as she’d explained Ben’s transition from Kylo Ren back to Ben Solo, who had helped her defeat the Emperor, going so far as sacrificing himself to protect her.  
In this way, she had somewhat restored the reputation of General Leia Organa’s son.

But Rey had deliberately omitted the small fact that she had been dead for a short while; she hadn’t been sure about what exactly had happened herself. And it didn’t matter that much after all, right? They’d only have worried more.

“Now, for my part, I’d like to hear the full story without omission or sugarcoating. If you don’t mind. Please?” Poe insisted. “And don’t even try to remind me that we’re running late, I don’t care! They can wait, this can’t.”

“There’s nothing you have to hide from us,” Finn reassured her, having found his voice again. “You know you can trust us with anything.”

Rey nodded reluctantly. “Okay. But promise me you’ll just listen; you won’t interrupt or start discussing before I’m finished. It’s bad enough having to recall all of this again.”

Both nodded sincerely. Rey drew a steadying breath and started to recount everything that had happened.  
  
“I do recall Palpatine dying. You surely remember the lightning bolts that disabled your ships?” Again, both nodded. “They were Palpatine’s work. Basically, they were the same as the ones I accidentally unleashed on Pasaana. But his were infinitely stronger, fuelled with the power of all the Sith that ever lived.” Rey’s eyes glazed over. In her imagination, she was back on Exegol.

“I saw our ships falling out of the sky, and I knew I had to do something. I called upon the Jedi spirits, and they gave me the strength to carry on and face him. I made Palpatine direct the Force lightning at me, and then I used Leia and Luke’s lightsabers to deflect it back on himself. He couldn’t take it. It was too much power. He literally exploded, but the blast caught me, too. I can’t describe it properly, but it felt like it knocked all power, all life out of me. I remember my knees going weak, I must have dropped, and everything went dark. That’s what you felt. My death.”

She looked at Finn, who was swallowing hard.

“Next thing I know, I am looking up into Ben’s face, feeling _so_ alive. Vibrant! All those feelings; I don’t even know if they were just mine, or maybe his as well – joy, relief, gratitude. It just drowned out everything else. He was holding me in his arms. I felt his hand in my neck. I was so overwhelmed; I had never felt the like of it before. Without thinking, I reached out and kissed him. Guess it caught him by surprise, but at least it seemed a pleasant one. He smiled at me – and then he dropped dead. Just like that. And as if that wasn’t weird enough already, his body suddenly vanished altogether. Dissolved into thin air.”

Left her alone and broken, with a hollowness that choked her. But she didn’t say that out loud.

“You _kissed_ him?!” asked Poe, wide-eyed, after a moment. “You actually kissed Supreme Lead- “

“ _Ben Solo,_ ” Rey cut him short, angry at her own slip. The kiss had been another ‘small’ detail she’d had omitted so far. It had been a wise decision, she realized, but now it was too late; she couldn’t take her words back.  
“I’ve already told you a dozen times that he had changed. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren died on Kef Bir. It was Ben who came to Exegol, Ben who helped me defeat the Emperor – Ben, who traded his life for mine.” Her voice cracked.

Finn had been very quiet about this piece of news, but her sudden distress prompted him to put his arm around her shoulders and give her a reassuring hug. He shot Poe a look, warning him silently to let it rest.

All the while, people brushed past them, some casting them curious looks. They were really late by now, so they hurried into the overgrown cave.


	4. Chapter 4

In previous battles, Rey had suffered a wide variety of pain; but this, _this_ was an entirely new level of agony. Politics were a devious, alien form of torture, and so different from fighting Sith Lords. It was subtle and civil-tongued, but it was still most definitely torture.

The meeting dragged on forever, an endless to and fro of arguments, counterarguments, compromise proposals followed by several objections and then the same all over again.

How she missed the short, military-style briefings they used to have during the times of crisis! They had been quick, efficient, target oriented. Much like her own self. But at some point - it must have been while she was away on Tatooine, she mused - these briefings had been supplanted by this endless tug of war.  
Rey glanced at Finn and Poe. The two Generals were sitting side by side, Finn with a blank look on his face that barely veiled his absentmindedness, while Poe, brows furrowed, was pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to keep his calm. Rey knew these meetings jarred him as much as her, but he tried very hard to live up to his new role. And this was part of it.

Of course, it was good that the galaxy started to get back to normal. Away from war councils in favour of an elected, democratic government. But she’d never have thought that the way to get there was so gruelling. Rey’s respect for Leia grew even more. The princess had spent years of her life in such committees, whereas Rey had only been in a handful of them and already knew she was utterly unfit for this.  
It wasn’t for a lack of sympathy or compassion for those worlds and their inhabitants. She simply didn’t care a fig about politics and its complex dynamics. She was practical-minded and focussed on finding fast, efficient solutions to problems, fixing things rather than just discussing them without end.

A six-eyed arachnid scuttled up the rostrum, bowed to everyone and began to advertise in a high-pitched voice the merits of solitary legal structures in contrast to central government forms. Rey’s attention drifted away after the first two sentences. She didn’t even know this particular species; in fact, she had never heard of half of the planets involved today.

But that was not why she couldn’t focus on him, or anyone, properly. Even the more regal members of High Societies couldn’t catch her attention for more than the few seconds it took to marvel at their splendid appearances.

These days, Rey found it hard to concentrate in general. The endless droning of diplomats and functionaries surely amplified it, but even without them, her mind kept wandering off, always returning unerringly to Ben. To her strange dreams. What did they portend? Did they even have a meaning, or was she just imagining it all? There were so many unresolved issues with his sudden disappearance. So many things she had still wanted to tell him.

Rey suddenly realized the heavy silence. Everyone was looking at her, as if expecting an answer.

‘Blast,’ Rey thought frantically. She had missed a question to her.

Until now, people had been content to spill their monologues, and in the few discussions that had occasionally arisen, no one had ever before addressed her directly. Actually, she had begun to ask herself why her presence was required at all and had come up with two possible explanations. First: As the last of the Jedi, she was a decorative element, a powerful symbol to be used in favour of the fledgling Republic (or whatever the Rebels were going to dub themselves). Second: Poe simply hated the idea of her having fun while he had to endure this alone.  
She tended towards the latter.

Rey cast a beseeching look at her friends. Poe only returned her gaze with a reproachful look that spoke volumes. Fortunately, Finn cleared his throat, leaned forward and asked the arachnid, “Could you maybe clarify as to how you believe this concerns the Jedi, Ambassador Srik-Xar?”

Whatever Srik-Xar had asked, it obviously had not been immediately related to the Jedi, since he backpedalled and didn’t press the matter anymore.

Rey cast Finn a thankful smile and made a mental note to prepare some catchy but non-committal empty phrases, in case something like this happened again in future meetings. ‘Should be easy,’ she thought sourly. ‘Those diplomats provide ample source material.’

To Rey’s relief, the rest of the meeting went by without further incidents, but it still took the better part of six hours.

  
When everyone emerged from the air-conditioned _Tantive IV_ , the damp heat of an early jungle afternoon hit them like a wall. Poe hung back with a group of Mon Calamari ambassadors, and Rey couldn’t shake off the feeling that he did so on purpose to avoid having to talk with her. He was probably still displeased with her earlier slip.  
At least this way, she didn’t have to fear him touching the kiss-subject again.

“Hey Finn!” she called after her other friend, who was heading for the landing area but turned at her voice. Rey ran up to him.

“Thanks for saving my skin in there,” she said under her breath.

“That’s what best friends are for,” he winked. “Plus, spiderman was trying to publicly show you up, which is something I don’t tolerate from anyone. Nevertheless, as your best friend, I’d like to advise you that it might be wise to feign interest more believably in future meetings. You surely weren’t the only one mentally absent, but you were the only one who clearly let it show.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey sighed. “I’ll try to do better. Although I’d be more than happy to just skip these meetings entirely, to be honest. I am not Leia, I’m totally immaterial to the political circus. When I’m with those people, I feel like a bantha in a tutu! There’s nothing useful I could contribute, it’s just a waste of everybody’s time.”

“I know it’s difficult and not much fun at all,” Finn squeezed her shoulders compassionately. “But we’ve survived worse. Things will get smoother once they’ve become attuned. Getting the ball rolling is always the hardest part, but we can’t give up now just because this is less exciting than blowing things up and brandishing lightsabers.”

Rey chuckled. Finn had a knack of getting her back on track. “Speaking about lightsabers,” she changed the topic, “would you like to join me in the training ground? Test a bit more how far your Force-sensitivity might go?” After so much sitting on her butt, she needed to let off some steam.

“For real?” Finn exclaimed, but then his face fell. “Oh blast. I really wish I could, Rey, it’s just – I promised Lando and Jannah to meet up before they take off on their mission to find the families of all those kids the First Order had conscripted. I have a few bits of insider information about the Order to give them a headstart. They’ve already delayed their departure till this silly meeting was over; I can’t possibly ask them to wait any longer.” He looked genuinely torn between keeping his word and getting some cool Jedi action.

“That’s ok, don’t worry, Finn,” Rey calmed him. “We’ll do it tomorrow, then. There’s no hurry.”

“First thing in the morning!” Finn promised, flashing her an excited grin, and rushed off to the landing area. Part of the warmth Rey had felt vanished with him.  
‘Strange,’ she thought. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t be too much on my own at the moment.’

But staying here offered nothing except more talking, and Rey was done with that for the day. So, she turned and followed the narrow trail which led into the jungle, to the area which had already served as a training ground for Luke and Leia thirty years ago.

  
***

  
Despite the lack of large predators, the primeval rainforests of Ajan Kloss teemed with life. Insects buzzed around Rey, from delicate, colourful dragonflies to fat, iridescent bugs. Birds chirped and trilled from the giant trees in a hundred different voices, marred by the occasional croaks of toads the size of her fist.

After a short while, the dense undergrowth of lush fern and philodendron widened into a clearing. The only sign of human’s presence were several battered old cargo boxes with fading Alliance logos, which nestled at the trunk of an ancient sequoia.

Rey rolled her shoulders, stretched her leg muscles and began a light warm-up. When she was done, she cast a glance at the pile of pebbles which had scattered all over the ground in a far corner. It had been a while since she’d last meditated. She found it incredibly hard to concentrate, and also didn’t really feel the need to meditate.  
She didn’t feel unbalanced; she felt empty. And nothingness could not tip the scales either way. It was simply that: nothing.

So instead, Rey ignited her lightsaber and began to train the cadences Luke had taught her. Each move was precisely choreographed and blended into the next with ease as she went through the drill: overhand strike, parry, thrust. Deflect, riposte. All executed with precision and control, but without spirit.  
‘I wonder if Luke would be proud of me,’ she thought blankly. Her training on Ahch-To under Master Luke had been overshadowed by some rather unfortunate incidents; once, during an exceptionally energetic lightsaber practice, she had accidentally split an ancient rock called ‘Windwailer’ by the natives. They probably still held that against her.  
‘If only they could see me now,’ Rey thought. All the untamed, spirited energy had vanished.

After five more iterations, Rey decided that she was fully at ease with her new lightsaber and ready for the next step. She knelt and opened one of the cargo boxes; it contained some of the tools Luke had used to hone Leia’s skills: a training helmet, a trio of colour-coded combat remotes and a wrist pad with embedded control interface.  
Rey donned the wrist pad and hesitated for a moment. ‘Which one to take?’ she mused. The blue remote had the most advanced evasive techniques, while the green one’s behaviour was volatile and erratic. The red remote was the most aggressive, persistent and annoying one.

She picked red and activated its repulsorfield, suspending the little orb in the air. When she reached for the helmet, a memory flashed in her mind. It was a repurposed A-wing pilot helmet with retractable plasteel blast shield, a type of gear she had found countless times in the junkyards of Jakku.  
‘Stars, that feels like forever ago,’ Rey thought. Jakku hadn’t crossed her mind for a long while. She sighed and shook her head, finally putting on the helmet.

Normally, the typical training regime concocted by Leia had involved Rey negotiating her way through the forest’s natural obstacle course, capturing ribbons tied to trees that were defended by the remotes – but she couldn’t bring herself to do that today.

She lowered the visor and initiated the practice combat protocol. The red remote immediately sprang to life and began to circle her, firing one sting-beam after another, scanning for a weak spot in her defence. Its infuriating precision had needled Rey’s temper badly in past trainings, but it failed to do so now. She deflected each of the remotes’ low-energy plasma blasts stoically, not even attempting to counterattack. Even when it scored, the sharp little sting didn’t get to her. She noted the physical pain of course; but she simply didn’t care.

Whenever she was alone with herself for a while, the feeling of hollowness became overwhelming. There was only this gaping hole of nothing. No joy, no rush of adrenalin like in previous trainings. She just _did_ what was required, but she wasn’t in it with her heart.

‘What’s wrong with me?’ she wondered. ‘I’ve never been one to mope. The Force used to thrill me so much, and I can still feel it strongly, so why doesn’t it suffuse me now like it used to?’

Deep inside, Rey knew and feared the answer.  
Training was neither challenge nor fun anymore, and that had nothing to do with the difficulty level she had set. So, she finished sooner than she had intended, and on a whim, decided to go for a walk instead.

Rey’s path traversed the verdant rainforest, the golden light of the waning day’s sun filtered almost horizontally through the lush green. She climbed up a moss-covered limestone cliff and reached a small ledge overlooking the treetops around the Resistance base, which were still covered with a blanket of sensor-baffling camouflage nets.

She settled there, leaning against the hard, sun-warmed stone. It reminded her again of her old life on Jakku, of many afternoons spent outside her AT-AT, her back resting against the warm metal of the behemoth’s giant footpad.  
For years on end, she’d been squatted in its shade, gazing up into the sky and dreaming of a different life. Putting on that old flight helmet and pretending to be someone else. A rebel. A pilot. Of thrilling heroics, epic adventures, and of her family finally finding her.

Well, those dreams had become reality. All of them. Yet, she now realized that she really didn’t want any of it. The one aspect she’d found worth keeping, worth living for – was gone.

With Ben Solo’s death, everything lacked reason. Life lacked colour. Joy. A purpose. Half of her was missing.

For almost 19 years, she had felt like her true life had been suspended, hibernating, as if waiting to finally begin. And then, within just one year, everything had come and gone again, changed her fundamentally and for good.  
It just wasn’t fair that fate allowed so much to happen within the span of a single year, when for more than a decade there had been nothing but waiting and hardship.

And now, she couldn’t even go back to her former life. Rey felt like she had aged much more than one year. Old, empty, spent, hollow. Like the AT-AT. Cannibalized of everything that was precious, leaving nothing but a bleak hull. If only she could return to being like she had been.

A mirthless laugh escaped her; had anyone told her a year ago that she would soon _long_ to be exactly there, like that – she would have declared him insane.  
‘Such is the fate of hindsight,’ Rey thought bitterly. She wasn’t looking back on a comfortable past. On Jakku, she had known loneliness, starvation and hardship. But it diminished at the vast hollowness she felt now, at the hungry longing that gnawed on the frayed edges of her heart.

The sun had already dipped below the treeline when Rey finally got up. She had not thought to bring a comlink, and she didn’t want the others to worry about her absence. She cast a last, long glance at the sky. So different from Jakku.

Then she turned, and soon the darkness of the jungle swallowed her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kudos and your wonderful comments about this story, they mean the world to me. This being said - on we go!

Rey drifted through the following days in a strange, numbed haze. She did what people asked her to do, but she didn’t offer anything on her own. Her responses were friendly and polite all right, but her friends felt that she simply was not in it with her heart. At first, they joked that she wasn’t acting like a Skywalker, but more like a Sleepwalker.

On the third day though, they began to worry seriously. Finn and Rose spent large amounts of their scarce free time devising ways to bring her out of her shell; even Poe, who had maintained his grouchiness towards her for a whole day after that disastrous meeting, missed her captivating spirit, her infectious fire.

At least, Rey had kept her word and had taken Finn along to her morning trainings.

He quickly realized that these sessions were his best shot at drawing her away from brooding. Giving her something meaningful to do with her time, especially if it included using her new lightsaber, never failed to capture Rey at least for a while.

Finn was eager and dedicated, and for lack of comparison, he didn’t even notice that the training she granted him hardly deserved the term ‘Jedi apprenticeship’. It was nothing like the initial sessions Rey herself had received from Luke, let alone Leia’s advanced teaching.  
They never once talked about the spiritual notions of the old Jedi order. Neither did she practise meditation techniques with him, nor did she encourage him to feel for his connection with the Force, as Luke had done with her at the very beginning.

What they did was very much a physical workout. Rey introduced him to the seven forms of lightsaber combat and taught him some of their basic cadences. Unsurprisingly, Finn was quick to master those drills. As a Stormtrooper of the First Order, he had been raised with rigorous physical training, and handling the wooden training sabers posed no challenge for him.

‘I know I should be trying to familiarize him with the Force, make him reach out for it and get in touch, to see how strong his sensitivity might be. So, why am I shying away from it? Shouldn’t I look forward to the possibility of someone like me? Someone who truly understands what it feels like to be so connected to everything, in touch with this mysterious power?’ Rey wondered.

The answer was simple: she was afraid. Afraid of connecting with someone again, because with the bliss also came the inevitable risk of losing it again.  
Rey was quite sure that her feelings of emptiness and loss were directly linked to Ben’s death and the connection through the Force they had shared before; and possibly having to go through all of this again, with Finn, was an unbearable thought.

The nightmares proved this over and over. They haunted her, unerringly, every night. Ben being chased by those hooded figures, running across barren, wide plains or crashing through dense jungle worlds, dodging and fighting the pursuers whose numbers seemed infinite.

‘Will I have to watch him being chased for the rest of my life?’  
Rey wasn’t sure whether the thought comforted or scared her. As disturbing as those dreams were, they still were a calculable link to Ben. Her last.

But was this really all they were? Rey had dreamed before of course, but none of her previous dreams, even the most vivid ones, had resembled these. Had felt so real. In the ancient Sacred Jedi texts, she had read about Force visions. Was it possible that she simply mistook such visions for nightmares? And if so, didn’t this mean that Ben was still out there somewhere, somehow?  
  


  
_Salt scrunched beneath his boots._

_Ben was racing over a desolate, white flat towards a steep mountain range, his feet sending up flumes of glittering crystals in his wake. His eyes were fixed on his destination: an enormous metal gate in the rock’s side. An abandoned mine lay beyond, a maze of tunnels and burrows. Far better ground to get rid of some of his opponents than out here in open terrain._

_He quickly checked on them; like a seasoned pack of wolves, they were trying to corner him. At least a dozen of them were chasing him directly, but smaller teams were keeping pace with him, running parallel on either side, slowly closing in._

_Ahead, a heap of metal appeared in his path. One of the Resistance’s air speeders, Ben realized. It was all bent and broken, but it might still be useful to slow down his pursuers. He accelerated towards it, the demons right on his heels. In the last moment, he launched himself off the ground and Force-jumped over the ruined craft. Bangs and clattering told him that at least some of his hunters had not jumped high enough._

_Ben landed sliding, his boots carved a crimson trail into the white ground, and he almost lost his footing on the slippery surface. Back in his days as Kylo Ren, he would have yanked at the Force and rammed his heels like outriggers into the ground; but these days were over. Instead, Ben only tugged lightly at the Force, readjusted his balance and used his own momentum to steady himself before barrelling on._

_The massive blast door loomed ahead. Ben could already see the hole his siege cannon had torn into it. He was almost there.  
Suddenly, there was a familiar tingling at the base of his skull. It was the same feeling like when he’d connected with Rey’s mind._

_Rey. The last time he’d been in those mines on Crait, she had escaped him with what remained of the Resistance, leaving him defeated and angry. Now, he felt like she was urging him on, directing him there with all the compassionate spirit and love he had seen in her eyes during his last moments._

_The thought of Rey kept him going. She was his anchor, his light, his deliverance. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t truly here with him. Actually, he was glad she wasn’t; this way, he didn’t have to worry about her getting caught by those demons._

_And those demons were getting too close again; out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw two of them breaking away from the pack to charge at him. He quickly changed course, flung out his hand and pushed at the group that escorted his left side. They stumbled, skidded and went down in a cloud of salt. Ben slipped through the gap and raced towards a row of dilapidated turrets. There was a trench which connected them; with a little creativity, that could be put to good use. In his mind’s eye, Rey grinned._

_In moments like this, Ben really believed he could feel her presence. But that was impossible. It had to be his imagination, trying to comfort himself._

_No matter which path he chose, Ben knew that nothing could bring him back to Rey anymore; not from here. Where he was now, every way ultimately ended in hell. All he could do was to delay it for as long as possible._

_To keep running._

  
  
It was early morning on the fifth day since her return from Tatooine, when Rey sat cross-legged in the far corner of the clearing, trying to calm the tumult in her head. Although it was just beginning to dawn, the rainforest was already awake and bustling; but it wasn’t the noises of the jungle that kept Rey from levitating the pebbles around her as she had intended. It was the echoes of her last vision that did.

This time, she had recognized the setting immediately: the large, white salt flats of Crait. Ben had been trying to outrun his pursuers to a huge metal door in a mountain wall. Rey had seen this door before, when she had lured the TIE fighters away from the Resistance’s meagre ski speeders. She knew that a Rebel outpost lay hidden there, but she had awoken before Ben had reached it.

‘I hope you made it there safely,’ Rey thought.

With a sigh, she shook off the memories and tried to focus again on the task at hand. Concentrating on the pebbles, she dipped into the Force and started lifting one after the other. Soon, a dozen stones floated in the air around her, weightless and tranquil.

Unnoticed by Rey, Finn entered the clearing. When he spotted her, he stopped dead and watched with fascination. Since Exegol, he had not seen her use the Force, unless one counted lightsaber combat. The sight of mysteriously hovering stones without the use of repulsorfields was magical.

Suddenly, some of the stones started to wobble.

 _“Kriff,”_ Rey cursed through her teeth. More stones lurched, some dropped back to the ground, a few others shot away in random directions – and one of them aimed right at Finn’s face!

“Woah!” He dropped the paper bag he was holding and quickly ducked out of the way, the stone zooming past his ear.

Rey spun around, startled.

“Hey, it’s just me,” he waved at her, casting a last glance after the projectile which had burrowed into the bark of a large tree. “I didn’t mean to spy on you, but you looked so busy.”

“It’s fine. And sorry, I didn’t mean to shoot you,” Rey apologized. “What’s that?” She pointed at the bag on the ground.

“Oh, I just brought some breakfast for later.” Finn picked up the bag and placed it onto the old Alliance cargo boxes, quite intentionally on the one which contained the wooden training sabers. “I got D-O’s message that you’d already gone here and I thought we might get hungry after training. So, we’ll be lifting rocks today?” he asked hopefully.

“Well, actually, I thought we could practice the Soresu form some more. It's really useful for deflecting blaster shots,” Rey evaded.

Finn looked at her intensely for a moment and sighed.  
“Rey, I don’t want to push you or anything; I’m sure you have your reasons. But all I’ve been doing for three days is wielding a stick. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind the physical exertion. I’m used to that. But somehow, I thought that we might start with all those other Jedi things, too? I’m ready, Rey.”

“I know you are,” Rey said. _It’s me who’s not,_ she added silently. But she recognized the defiant stance he’d instinctively assumed; there was no way she’d talk him out of this.

“Alright,” she yielded. “But I have to warn you: using the Force yourself is one thing; teaching somebody else the ways of the Force, is another. I have never done that before, and I’m not qualified for it.”

“You’ll do fine,” Finn reassured her. “If necessary, we improvise. As always.”

He squatted down next to Rey, mimicking her crossed legs. “So, how do I make stones float?”

“Not for a while, probably. Let’s work on your connection with the Force first,” Rey said and took a moment to sort out her thoughts. What was the best way to explain this to a beginner?

“Before you can harness its powers, you need to find a way to access the Force. Think of it as an invisible energy that runs through all things, connecting everything in the universe. Basically, all you need to do is to learn to consciously sense it and then tap into it.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, digesting her words. “But if it’s that simple, how come the galaxy isn’t crawling with Jedi?”

“Actually, there used to be many more Jedi in the past. All credit to my grandfather that this isn’t anymore,” she sighed. “But I’m sure there are still other Force-sensitives out there, this very minute. Most of them simply haven’t yet realized their ability, unlike Maz Kanata or you.”

“You really think that it was the Force that relayed the feeling of your death to me during the Battle of Exegol?”

“Of course. How else would you have known? I definitely didn't tell anyone. And besides, it makes sense: Force-sensitives can manipulate the Force, but it works the other way around, too. Disturbances in the Force will be felt by them, causing pain and distress.”

“What do you mean by ‘disturbances’?”

“When someone you’re very close to dies, you can feel it through the Force. Distance is immaterial, you would have noticed it even from halfway across the galaxy. I felt Luke die on Ahch-To, although we were lightyears away on Crait. Same happened when Leia passed away. This is how strong the Force is. It makes you a part of everything.”

Finn nodded slowly, frowning slightly in concentration.

“Alright, so I got this transmission through the Force. Like, a passive receiver. But how do I actively sense and use the Force?”

Rey tried to remember how Luke had guided her on her first steps.

“Close your eyes.” Finn did as she requested.

“Breathe. Relax. Find your centre.” She watched him and waited until the frown had vanished from his face.

“Now reach out with your feelings. What do you see?”

“I see…,” he trailed off and knitted his brows together again, “… not much, with my eyes closed.”

Rey chuckled. The image of a reed grass shot through her head.

“Think beyond what your eyes can see. You need to find another sense. You can lay your hand on the ground if it helps.”  
On Ahch-To, Luke had put her hand on the rocky cliff, forming a physical connection between her and the island. It had worked; it had enabled her to find access to the Force. Maybe this might help Finn, too.

Obediently, Finn placed his hand on the earthy soil, and she waited for a reaction.

But after sitting in silence for a few minutes, Rey was becoming jittery. Her cross-legged posture wasn’t exactly comfortable, and she noticed a column of pea-sized ants that was beginning to take an unsettling interest in the two unmoving figures.

“It’s no good,” Finn finally sighed and opened his eyes. “There were moments when I thought I glimpsed something, but… I don’t know.” He shrugged.

“A wise man once told me that getting the ball rolling is always the hardest part, but you should never give up,” Rey winked. “It’s not a simple feat I admit, but once you’ve gained access, the path will become clearer.”

Finn grinned. Then a thought seemed to cross his mind.

“Could we … could I try something? Improvise?”

“Of course,” Rey nodded.

He disentangled his legs and crawled around her, accidentally disrupting the ant trail. The insects scattered quickly and vanished into the brushes. Finn squatted down opposite her and held his hands out.

Rey hesitated for a second. “You want to try this again?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “With everything I know now, maybe it will be different this time.”

‘Oh, why not,’ she thought. ‘It can’t hurt to try, right?’


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone! 🎄  
> 

Rey shoved the nervous fluttering in her belly down, forced a smile and took Finn’s hands. He closed his eyes and resumed her previous instructions of breathing and relaxing.

For a while, nothing happened, as before. Rey was wondering idly how long it would take for the ants’ curiosity to chip away at the fear that had kept them away so far, and how Finn might react when a dozen of those creepy-crawlies scuttled up his legs.

But suddenly, something changed. Her eyes darted back to Finn, and she felt something in him _stir_. Not outwardly, but in the Force. Like an awakening.  
A smile began to spread over his face, his eyes still closed, and Rey felt tendrils of the Force coming from him and reaching out to her. They were gentle and light, like wisps of wind, but the sensation was so terribly familiar it sent icy shivers down her spine.

Whenever the Force had connected her with Ben, it had been exactly a feeling like this, only infinitely stronger - it had been totally unstoppable. Ben’s presence had appeared so solid that she had thought he was truly present. Rey had even fired a blaster hole into a hut because of how real it had seemed.

And although Finn’s Force presence wasn’t nearly as solid as that, the feeling of another Force-sensitive trying to connect with her was so akin, that her hardly suppressed panic suddenly welled up again and swept over her like a tidal wave.

Rey ripped her hands away as if she’d burned them.

Finn opened his eyes slowly, still grinning like a child beholding the Christmas tree. He was so overjoyed that he completely missed Rey’s strange reaction.

“That was you, wasn’t it?” he asked excitedly. “I _saw_ you, but not with my eyes, like you said! I thought that if the Force had connected me to you before, I could use that same line again, like redialling – and it worked!”

Rey hardly listened. The memories of her recent loss and the threat of another one loomed over her, and it left her paralysed with fear. She was shaking, arms wrapped tightly around her.

“Rey?” Finn suddenly registered her state. “Stars, Rey, what’s wrong?” Her grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly when she didn’t react at all.

Rey swallowed hard. The lump in her throat didn’t budge. Instead, she held up a shaky hand and indicated to him to give her a moment. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on her breathing.

‘This is Finn, it’s not Ben. Things aren’t going to repeat themselves. It will be different,’ she kept replaying the mantra in her head over and over, until she finally felt the panic subside. When she opened her eyes, Finn was worrying his lip and looked thoroughly shaken himself.

“Rey?” he asked tentatively.

“I’m okay,” she tried, but realized that not even an ASP droid would fall for that lie. “It’s just… this was … unexpectedly intimate.”

Finn’s eyebrows shot up.

“Oh – _oh!_ I’m sorry, Rey, I didn’t realize it would be… that you could … I really didn’t mean to ... to intrude or … wow; I screwed up big time,” he slumped down.

Rey smiled weakly. “I’ll live, don’t kill yourself. I just need a minute, and then I’ll be as good as new.”

He nodded and got up, leaving her alone. She repeated the mantra a few more times in her mind, until the rustling of paper distracted her. When she turned, she saw Finn emptying the content of the breakfast bag onto the cargo box, arranging it for two. Her stomach growled, impervious of any emotional turmoil.

She stretched her stiff legs, got up and walked over to him. “That’s nice of you, thanks,” she pointed at the food he had piled on her half of the spread-out bag.

“Are you really okay?” Finn asked with a guilty conscience.

“Yes. And just so we’re clear: when I said _intimate_ , I didn’t mean it in the ... you know, physical sense. I just haven’t been in touch with another Force user for a while, and it took me by surprise. It brought up some memories I … still have problems to handle.” She grabbed a flatcake and started to eat. It spared her from having to talk, and it was actually surprisingly good.

He unfolded two metal mugs and poured some caf from an insulated bottle into them. “Still; I’m sorry for getting carried away by my own brilliance so much.”

Rey shook her head vigorously and swallowed down the bite. “Don’t blame yourself, the same happened to me, too. The first time I sensed the Force I was so overwhelmed, I went completely overboard. Luke was horrified with my lack of decency.”

Finn gave a small smile and handed her the mug. For a while, they ate in silence. The flatcake was really delicious, and Rey wondered again where her friend had gotten it from; it didn’t taste like canteen food.

“Will you cancel our training?”

Rey stared at Finn, her cake frozen halfway to her mouth.

“What? No!”

Relief poured over his face.

“You’ve managed such a big step today, and your joy at it is well-earned and totally okay. Don’t worry about me. I’ll do fine.”

Finn sipped his caf and watched her over the rim of his mug. “You’re the worst liar in the world, Rey. Besides, I always worry about you, and especially lately. What’s troubling you so much? A blind man could see that something’s not right. You’re absent-minded all the time, and your focus isn’t what it used to be, or how else do you explain the incident with the stone?”

“My hold on the Force just slipped,” Rey said defiantly.

“Something is clearly dragging you down, and those lapses are just the symptoms. But what lies at the heart of it? Talk to me, for Force’s sake, I’m your friend.” He paused, then asked softly, “Do you even know it yourself?”

Rey nodded silently, unable to meet his eyes.

“Is it Leia?”

She shook her head. “We’ve lost so many loved ones in this war. But this is not about Leia.”

For a moment, she was unsure whether she should confide her recurring dreams to Finn or not; she had regretted spilling her secrets once before and didn’t want to go through that again. But she trusted Finn, and he was quite right: this was destroying her; maybe she would feel better if she got it off her chest.

“I’m having this strange dream,” she started. “Every night ever since Exegol. At first, I thought it was just that: a weird dream. But by now, something tells me that there must be more to it. Like it’s a kind of vision.”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s about - Ben,” Rey said hesitantly and watched Finn’s reaction closely, but he kept his face carefully blank. “He’s being hunted by hordes of hooded shapes, and he has nothing to defend himself with but his speed and Force powers.”

“Which is … not a well-deserved thing? Oh, come on! No need to look daggers at me. I really appreciate that he found his good heart at the end and helped you win, but that doesn’t make up for all the evil he has wrought before.”

“He surely can’t make up for it while he’s running from monsters!”

“He is dead, Rey, didn’t you say so yourself?”

“Maybe he is, but I am not sure anymore. These visions might show Ben in his ‘well-deserved’ afterlife, but why would I have to witness them over and over again? They aren’t exactly pleasant for me to watch. That’s why I am becoming more and more convinced that these visions are trying to tell me something. Like a call for help. Ben can still be saved, maybe he’s trying to fight his way back to our side and those figures want to stop him.”

Finn stared at her with his mouth open. “That sounds totally … is such a thing even possible? To come back from the dead?”

“You do remember who you’re asking, right? _I_ came back, Finn. But I couldn’t do it all on my own. I needed the help of someone on this side of the veil to bring me back to life.”

“I think I’m beginning to understand,” he nodded slowly. “You’ve been so absent-minded because all your thoughts revolve around how you might save Ben, correct?”

“Mostly, yes,” Rey agreed and started to say more, when suddenly Finn’s comlink beeped.

“Sorry,” Finn muttered and fished the little device from his trousers’ cargo pocket, “must be Poe. Mind if I answer?”

“Go ahead. If it’s him and you don’t answer, he’ll be burning down the jungle searching for us; I forgot my comlink in the camp again.”

Finn shook his head, but smiled and withdrew a few metres, answering the call. Rey finished her flatcake and caf, and decided that she’d done the right thing in telling her friend. Saying it all out loud already seemed to lift some of the weight that had dragged her down. And Finn hadn’t called her mad.

He returned, and he didn’t look happy. “It was Poe. Looks like my priceless attendance is requested ‘for a matter of utmost urgency’,” he mimicked his pilot friend. “I didn’t even know Poe knew words like this, and that’s never a good sign.”

Rey chuckled. “Not another meeting, I hope?”

“Don’t know, he wouldn’t say over comlink. Are you coming?”

“No way,” she held up a hand. “It just might be a meeting, and I can do without, thanks.”

“Who couldn’t. And by the way, he did try to call you, too, and he’s not happy you don’t have your comlink with you. Want my advice? Glue the damn thing on your lightsaber or something, but he’s hypersensitive about being able to contact anyone, anytime. For now, I’ve told him we’ll meet at lunch, that ok with you?”

“Sure, thanks. Same time, same place.”

Finn smiled, waved her good-bye and hurried towards base camp.

  
***

  
When Rey entered the mess, she was surprised to find it almost empty. Normally it was quite crowded during meal times, but now there were only a handful of people sitting scattered in the rows of tables. Nevertheless, her friend Rose jumped up as soon as Rey entered the room and waved her over.

“Rey, over here! We saved you a seat, and I already got your ration,” she pointed at the empty seat next to Poe.

‘As if that was necessary,’ Rey thought, but she replied a friendly “Thanks, Rose” and took her seat.  
Then her eyes fell on her ration. She frowned. A lone banana lay on the plate. Somebody had taken the trouble of carving ‘REY’ and a smiley into its skin.

“Trouble with food storage,” Poe explained sourly. “Somehow, rodents got into the cold store and have been throwing a party. It’ll take till tomorrow to sort it all out, so prepare to starve.”

Rey shrugged. “This will do.”  
One day without proper meals wasn’t rare on Jakku, even for a skilled scavenger as she had been. And with that, she calmly peeled the banana and ate it.

Nobody said a word, and she had a feeling she knew why. Next to her, Poe was seething. When she was done with the fruit and just about to ask why such a minor crisis would make him so tense, he suddenly exploded.

“You really don't care about anything anymore, do you?!”

“Pardon?”

“We have lost almost all our supplies! I haven't the slightest idea how to feed about two hundred people until at least tomorrow night. And on top of that, a whole shipload of diplomats arrived from Coruscant this morning, whom I have to entertain. That makes a plague of rats twice as much fun! Because what does it matter what an insignificant, little planet like _Coruscant_ thinks about us! But does Rey care? Does she ever carry a comlink so someone could reach her? Oh, no. Such mundane problems are beneath her. She prefers to dwell on her private dreams!”

Rey felt like she had been doused with ice water at his last sentence.

“What?” she whispered and looked at Finn, who lowered his eyes in shame and looked very embarrassed. Poe didn’t even notice and continued his ranting.

“Our Jedi prefers to indulge in her daydreams, and spins outrageous stories about her archenemy-turned-Romeo, whom she has to save from hell! Seriously, Rey, I fully understand that everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. And I’ll believe that you are actually dreaming about this guy. But the cause of these dreams is not that he is still among us and sending you secret messages, it is _your wishful thinking!_ As long as you keep your newfound boyfriend alive in your dreams, you can give in to the illusion that he is still with you somehow.”

Poe had talked himself into a rage; he was pointing and stabbing his index at Rey as if it were a vibroblade. The whole room had gone very quiet.

“And you know what bothers me most about that? It’s not even that you’ve got the hots for the biggest jerk in the galaxy, redeemed or not; there’s no accounting for taste. But that these dreams are making you completely oblivious to the fact that there are _real_ problems to deal with, and _living_ people who need you - that goes against the grain for me!”

Rey stared aghast at Poe for seconds. He stared back angrily, counting on her temper to explode, as it normally did.

But instead, Rey stood up without a word and left.

Finn watched her leaving, and pain reflected in his eyes; he felt like a traitor. Even Poe looked rather dumbstruck. The moment she had left the mess hall, Rose slammed her fists on the table, making both men jump.

“You’re the most insensitive, obnoxious boor anybody could wish for as a _friend_!” she reproached Poe.

Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed Rey's empty tray, banged it on hers and left the two men sitting.

  
  


_No…_

_Merciful Force, please - not this place!_

_Of all the places Ben had been forced to revisit, this was the worst. The beginning of the end. Where his life had irrevocably changed for the worse. He frantically looked around, but there was no doubt: he was back at Luke’s training temple._

_The temple was burning brightly, flames roared high into the pitch-black night. When they started licking at his boots, Ben finally forced himself to move. He stumbled through the ruin, over rubble and smouldering timber. And over bodies. The bodies of his fellow students lay scattered everywhere. Pain and horror where still etched into their expressions, even in death. Looking at those familiar faces cut into Ben’s heart like a knife.  
For thirteen years, they’d trained together, lived together, laughed together. Almost half of his life._

_Until Ben had destroyed all of it. All of them._

_Old, well-known fears rose up in him, and he started running without a real goal. He just wanted to get away from here. It was too much. The crushing guilt, the burning shame._

_Acrid fumes filled his nostrils, and the smoke made it hard to see in time that his chasers had returned. They seemed unperturbed by the fire, appearing constantly out of nowhere and forcing Ben to change his course hastily._

_He’d just jumped over a collapsed temple wall, when he nearly stepped on another fallen Jedi disciple. She had the same dark brown hair as Rey, only it was tied up into a single ponytail. Ben remembered her, though he couldn't recall her name. Her dead eyes stared at him accusingly._

_It was tearing him apart. He hadn’t wanted this! Not this!_

_Still, he was responsible for all the dead. His conscience had tried to blame it on others - Snoke, Palpatine, on the Dark Side of the Force - but ultimately, it had been his fault, his hatred, that had caused the destruction of Luke’s hope for the Jedi._

_With a strangled sob, Ben tore himself away from the dead girl and stumbled on blindly. A wooden portal appeared out of the dense smoke clouds, and suddenly, Ben knew where he was. This was the temple’s front gate, the exit, his way out!_

_Ben splayed his hand and pushed at the large thornwood doors. The planking bulged and the iron hinges groaned, but the portal held true. Ben tried again, struggling to regain his composure, but he just couldn’t focus. This place… this horrible place… too full of haunting memories, the ghosts of the past…_

_He slammed into the gate, feeling the wood’s smouldering heat against his chest and shoulders. It was definitely ablaze on the other side, but it didn’t yield. Ben panted, panic beginning to rise in him. He needed to get out! Away from this place! He couldn’t hold himself together much longer. Desperately, he tugged at the door’s searing-hot metal handle._

_The sound of claws raking over stone made him whirl around. His pursuers had found him. In a solid line, they advanced. Ben wished he could crawl into the burning portal in his back, but he couldn’t. So instead, he surged and Force-pushed at the ones closest to him, trying to create a gap to slip through._

_It almost worked; he had just jumped over the tumbling spectre and ducked under the grasping claws of two others, when his foot caught on something and he fell face-first into something soft on the ground. Ben pushed himself up on one elbow – and found himself an inch from the dead girl’s face._

_ALL. YOUR. FAULT._

_And suddenly, he couldn’t keep it together anymore._

_With an agonizing cry, his will shattered – and Ben fell apart._

_The demons howled in triumph and grabbed him, tearing and tugging at his disintegrating form, but Ben felt nothing. He didn’t even hear them over the wailing voices of his dead comrades, who pierced his soul with accusations._

_But then, one sound permeated the ruckus inside of him. It was a single, pained scream, but it wasn’t his own._

_It was Rey’s._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was not the most 'jolly holiday ride', sorry for that ... but the good news is: since it's Christmas, I'll be posting the next Chapter already tomorrow, so it's not too much suspense.


	7. Chapter 7

Rey shot straight up, screaming at the top of her lungs. Her momentum catapulted her out of the bunk and, with the gruesome images still vivid in her head, she stumbled blindly through the dim crew quarters until she bumped into a wall. Panic drove her further along that wall, until she finally collapsed and huddled into a corner.

They had gotten hold of Ben, and had torn him to pieces!

Rey was shaking like a leaf. Tears were streaming down her face and she was cold to the core. Today of all days, Chewie was on night shift and not on the _Falcon_ to soothe her. He would’ve been more than welcome.

A sob shook her. This had been by far the worst nightmare of all. It had begun as always: the hooded figures chased Ben, this time through a burning field of debris. Rey had never actually entered the ruins consumed by the fire, but she recognized them from a previous Force vision. They were the remnants of Luke’s Jedi temple.

She buried her face in her trembling hands. No, she didn’t want to have to watch the horrible pictures again once the creatures had downed Ben.

Gradually, her hiccups ebbed away and her breathing slowed. Rey staggered to her feet, but after one look at the crumpled bed, she knew that she wouldn’t find any more sleep tonight. Her first instinct was to go to Finn. Then she remembered his betrayal, and it still stung.

‘Oh blast it,’ Rey thought angrily. ‘One more reason to go to him and get this out of the way.’ She threw over a warm poncho and hurried to Finn’s quarters aboard _Tantive IV_.

“It can’t go on like this,” she muttered to herself. “I must do something; this is driving me insane. I must help Ben!”

_If it isn’t already too late._ The thought gave her heart a twinge.

It was at the dead of the night, but Finn opened after a short moment, looking relieved when he saw who was there – until he registered the haunted look in her eyes and the streaks of tears on her cheeks.

“Rey,” he whispered and quickly scanned the corridor around them for whatever peril had brought her to his door that time of night, “stars, what’s wrong?”

“I know it’s late, and I’m sorry to wake you, but I just need to talk to someone. Someone who won’t think I’m mad.” She nervously ran a hand over her eyes.

“Oh,” he relaxed and gave her an understanding nod, “sure, come in. I need to talk to you, too.” He swiftly stepped aside and motioned her in.  
Rey had never visited him in his private quarters before, she realized. The room was very small, but remarkably tidy. First Order army life, she assumed. Apart from a bed in an alcove with a couple of compartments, there was only a small, folded down metal table and two plastic chairs. She took a seat there.

“Caf?” Finn asked and pointed at his backpack which was sitting neatly next to the door. The silver insulated bottle from this morning poked out of it.

Rey shook her head. “No thanks, I’m sleepless enough as it is.”

He smiled wryly and sat down across from her. “Needn’t worry about that. That gnat’s piss is so watery, it wouldn’t keep you awake if your life depended on it. If there’s one thing, just one single thing I miss about the First Order? It’s their caf.”

Rey chuckled. Going to Finn had been the right decision. He made her feel better already. Still, there was the reason why she had come. Her smile faded.

“I had another vision,” she started. “They feel so terribly real, Finn, not like dreams at all!”

He nodded quickly. “Look, Rey, if you say they’re not just dreams, then I will take your word for it. I do believe your judgement. I wanted to tell you earlier, but you weren’t at the _Falcon_ and Chewie didn’t know where you were. I need to apologize for telling Poe about this. I should have asked you first, I’m really sorry about that! He went way too far because he’s under so much pressure at the moment. So I’ll ask your forgiveness on his behalf, too.”

Rey exhaled deeply, consciously forcing the bitter feelings of hurt and betrayal out of her heart. She knew Finn meant every word of his apology, and she hated bearing grudges. They didn’t get you anywhere but further down. Then she squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, Finn. I understand. These days, I’m probably not an easy person to deal with either.”

“The thing is,” Finn continued cautiously after a moment, “Poe has a point, too. We’ve all lost people we loved, and it’s not like things don’t haunt us at night as well.”

Rey only noticed now how tired and weary he looked – but that he was still fully dressed in his daywear. He had also answered the door within seconds. His bed was crisp and smooth, clearly unused. Finn hadn’t been sleeping, she suddenly realized. Something was troubling him. Poe had hinted at it, but she simply hadn’t picked up on it.

“Stars…” she said slowly. “I’m so sorry, Finn. I’ve really been an awful friend lately.”

He only shrugged. “No, not really. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to lose someone you’ve been _that_ close with. Goes way beyond what you normally get. I mean, he brought you back from death.”

“Still, that’s no excuse. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Finn sighed and closed his eyes for a second. “Jannah.”

“Huh? I thought you were with Rose?”

“What?! No! I’m not _with_ Rose. I mean, she’s a great pal, certainly one of the most brilliant engineers the rebels have, and _-stars_ \- that girl can hold her drink, but we’re not a couple. We’re just friends.”

Rey nodded, still slightly confused. “Okay... well, Jannah then?”

But Finn waved away. “No, not in that way either. We’ve got a lot in common, we share a fate, she’s brave and pretty –” he blinked, and then went on, “– but it’s not about romance at all. Jannah just accidentally kicked something off. You remember that she and Lando had that hare-brained plan to find out the origins of all those abducted kids that the First Order had raised into Stormtroopers?”

“Yes, I do,” Rey frowned. “Although I don’t understand why you of all people would call it a ‘hare-brained plan’. What they are trying to do is kind and honourable.”

“Come on, Rey,” Finn said with a sad smile. “Honestly, do you think they’ll find out anything? Most of the Order has gone up in smoke, either during the war or because the surviving officers dared not to leave evidence and burned it all themselves. And even if Lando manages to find an intact file; you wouldn’t think the First Order kept records of every cadet, and whom he or she was taken from?”

“Actually, I expected them to do just that. Neat and orderly accounts, piles of documents, flawlessly kept records to provide the horrible truth with a polished legal veneer. Maybe tweaked a little bit here and there, but it’s a start. It can’t all be made up.”

But Finn just shook his head. “Most of the times, I believe the First Order didn’t even know where those kids came from. Not that they cared much, either. They had contractors, or ‘recruiting officers’ as they liked to call themselves, who did the scutwork for them.” He huffed. “Or could you imagine chrome dome in all her sparkling, lowering herself to travel the murky regions of space just to grab a bunch of strays off the street?”

Rey remembered vaguely that Rose had described a terrifying Stormtrooper Captain in her recount of the events on the _Supremacy_ , clad in a unique chromium armour. She had perished in the fire aboard the flagship, after trying to kill both of them. That was probably ‘chrome dome’.

“Then at least they would have records on those recruiters,” Rey mused. She wouldn’t give up so easily.

Finn shrugged. “Maybe. Some of them were freelancers. Smugglers, slave traders, scum. But most of them wore a nice, official badge. J-Sec alone conscripted more than half of my batch.”

“J-Sec?”

“Jinata Security. Best pals of the First Order, though I’ve heard rumours they parted ways last year or so. In the not-so-amicable sort of way. Wouldn’t know why, though. Maybe someone else offered even more money.”

He got up, snatched the thermos from his backpack and poured himself a cup of caf. “It makes no difference, anyways. You wanted to know what keeps me up all night.”

Rey nodded.

Finn sat back down, gazing into his steaming mug for a moment. “I decided to take matters in my own hands. Since I’m not too confident about Lando and Jannah’s approach, I wanted to do it my way. _Our_ way.” He cast Rey a meaningful look.

It took her a moment to realize what he hinted at.

“You tried to find your family through the Force?” she asked incredulously.

He nodded. “I’ve watched you meditate in the past. It looked fairly straight-forward. I thought I might give it a try and maybe find out something about my family. If I only went back far enough, I might remember their names, or the name of my home planet at least.” He went silent.

Rey admired his resolution, but it was a naïve way of thinking. What surely looked simple enough was more than just crossing your legs, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. In the little training Rey had gotten, both Luke and Leia had been very anxious to point out the importance of choosing ‘the right place’, ‘the right moment’, ‘the right emotions’. Of course, she could have meditated anywhere; but why not chose _this_ place or rather face _that_ way? There had always been something to consider and improve. Everything had - implications.

“What happened?” she asked, but she already suspected that something had gone terribly wrong.

“I got my memories back all right,” Finn sighed. “ _All_ of them. Each abuse, every beating I ever took, every humiliation I suffered in the First Order. All the things I had buried, banished into the remotest regions of my memory, resurfaced.”

They remained silent for a while. Finn emptied his cup, and Rey tried to recall what she’d learned about meditation; anything that might prove helpful.

Sadly, it all ended up making perfect sense: her Masters’ warnings about meditating while being unbalanced. Their reminders to be careful to avoid negative thoughts and emotions. Rey was sure that it had been Finn’s fear of finding nothing which had prompted such bad memories to resurface. Fear, aggression, anger - all traits of the Dark Side. Inadvertently, he had opened Pandora’s box. She truly understood now how bad the consequences could be when you didn’t heed those warnings.  
But Finn could not have known that.

“This is my fault,” she concluded. “Had I taught you earlier in meditation and its risks, none of this would have happened.”

“For once, I won’t disagree, but now it’s too late to whine about it. Do you think those memories will fade by themselves? Or is there anything we can do to make them go away?” He tried to hide the desperation in his voice, but his sunken eyes were begging her to work some Jedi magic.

“I never tried healing a mind, only physical wounds,” Rey started. “But it should be similar. Yes, I think it could work.”

“Then I’d say you try, right away! One more night without sleep and I'll go crazy.”

Rey moved her chair over to Finn and gently placed her hands on his temples. His pulse was rapid, but she doubted that it was the caf.

“Okay,” she took a deep breath. “I’ll try to find the uncovered memories first, that’s all. I won’t change or try to erase anything yet. It’s still a kind of mind probe, so if any of this makes you too uncomfortable, let me know immediately. I don’t want to hurt you, but I’ve never really done something like this before.”

Finn nodded slightly. “Shall I close my eyes?”

“That’s up to you, but I will.”

Rey closed her eyes and evened out her breathing. She recalled how she had used the Force to heal the vexis snake in the underground tunnels on Pasaana. How she had sought out damaged flesh, ruptured veins and severed tendons, and then used the well of energy inside herself, her own Life Force, to stitch them back together. It had been almost too simple.

The human brain proved to be more difficult, though.

The moment Rey shifted her focus from her own recollections towards Finn’s mind, she was assaulted by a chaotic swirl of pictures and emotions. They flashed by so fast, she hardly caught a real glimpse of anything, and she didn’t dare to seize one in fear of hurting her friend. Only one memory caught Rey’s eye, although she couldn’t say why: Finn, clad in his white Stormtrooper uniform, was holding his helmet in hand, gazing in horror at a blood-red handprint that was smeared across the visor.

With a gasp, she withdrew her fingertips and opened her eyes.

“Holy Force,” she groaned, and Finn just blinked. He looked as worn out as she felt. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it wasn’t painful, just… I don’t know… whacked-out. Did you find something?”

“Too much at once,” Rey speculated. “But there was one memory that stuck out. You were holding your Stormtrooper helmet, and there was -”

“Slip’s blood on it,” Finn finished the sentence. “Yes, I keep seeing that one all the time. Among everything else.”

“Slip? Who was he?”

“FN-2003. A fellow trooper from my team in the FN Corps. He wasn’t very promising in our simulation trainings, that’s how he got his nickname.” He turned the empty cup in his hands, staring into space. “One year ago, we were sent on a mission to Jakku, on an assault against a village called Tuanul. During the skirmish, Slip was shot. I tried to help him, but it was too late. He died right in front of me.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey squeezed his hand. “It’s cruel to lose someone so suddenly.”  
In his eyes, she saw that he recognized the double meaning of her words.

“The only positive outcome of this was, that it finally jolted me into action. After Tuanul, I deserted from the First Order,” Finn sighed. “Rescued a certain pilot we both know, who’d been held captive aboard our ship, and he crashed us on Jakku, where I met you.”

“I’m glad you did,” she said warmly. “Not the crashing part, but all the rest.”

Then she frowned in thought. “Tuanul happened only one year ago. Did Slip’s death haunt you ever since? Or has this memory turned up again together with the other, even older memories?”

Finn took a moment to mull this over. “I hadn’t thought much about Slip till now,” he admitted. “His violent death shook me up, but we hadn’t been like brothers or anything. We weren’t that close. And with everything else going on in my life, I had almost forgotten about it. So, yes, I’d say it’s one of the resurfaced memories.”

A smile of hope crossed Rey’s face. “Maybe that’s the reason why the Force showed me this memory. If I focus on it, I might be able to find the others through it. Do you think you can handle another try?”

Finn shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but nodded anyway. “I have nothing to lose,” he swallowed. “Go ahead.”

Rey tried again, focussing solely on the incident on Tuanul he had described.  
As she had expected, she found the memory twice: one was greying with natural age and blended into the stream of his memories harmonically. The other appeared to be ripped out of place like a chunk of meat from a fresh wound. It pulsed in an off-beat way and tried again and again to connect to his present mind, but it found no purchase, so it kept drifting aimlessly.

“I can see it,” she said calmly through closed eyes. “You still okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Finn muttered. “Not half as bad as before.”

“Then I’ll start searching out the others.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t end up a mental rollercoaster again,” he tensed. Rey felt the darkness creep into his mind and opened her eyes.

“Hold on to the light, Finn! Speak of the devil and the devil shows up. Your mind must be calm, balanced and open for this to work. We’ll only succeed if you can focus on the light side of the Force. Have faith! I know what to look for now, I _can_ single them out.”

He puffed out his cheeks. “Easier said than done. But I guess I understand what you mean. I’ll try to think positive, I promise. But you promise me that you’ll teach me all about this meditation mumbo jumbo, and soon, okay?”

“I will,” she smiled. “Proper Jedi education, not just combat training. And now let’s do this so you can get some sleep at last.”

They both exhaled and resumed their positions.

Now that Rey had identified the tell-tale signs of those stranded memories, it was easy enough to locate them. She didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of erasing them yet, but with a little creative input from Finn, she at least managed to freeze the meandering smithereens and keep them from gnawing at his consciousness all the time.

“Better?” she asked, when he opened his eyes.

He was silent for a few seconds, listening into himself. Then, a broad smile lit up his face. “Much! It’s like you’ve closed the bulkhead to a busy hangar. I can still see the starfighters when I look, but their engine whining and generator hums don’t bug me anymore. It’s brilliant!”

And with that, he rose from his chair and pulled her into a firm hug. Rey beamed and returned the gesture, chuckling.

“I’m glad you’re better. I’ll check the Jedi texts if there’s anything noteworthy about erasing surplus memories, but if this already helps you sleep, then it’s a mission accomplished.”

Right on cue, Finn yawned, and Rey laughed. “You have an appointment with your bed, General! See you tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah, and leading examples never fail to keep their appointments.” He shuffled over to his bed, suddenly looking bone-tired. But then he turned once more.

“Wait - what were you going to tell me about your vision of Solo? Before we switched the subject?”

Rey was already at the door. Her smile faded. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay? It’s … it’s not that important.”

“If you say so,” Finn replied and suppressed another yawn. “Thank you, Rey. Good night.”

“Anytime. Sleep tight.”

Rey left his cabin and slowly walked down the main corridor towards the mid-ship elevator. She hoped Finn would finally have a good night’s rest again. How fortunate that the Force had led her to him, even if the reason for visiting him had not been very nice.  
There was no use in lingering on her regret over not having trained him properly before, and over her general absent-mindedness that had rendered her blind towards his state. Poe was right in that, at least: she had to change this.

‘I won’t let my friends down like this ever again,’ Rey vowed to herself. ‘From now on, I’ll spend more time with them and not just focus on my own troubles so much.’

When Rey stepped out of _Tantive IV’s_ elevator, the night air in the limestone cave was cool and damp. She drew the poncho closer around herself and made another decision.

Nevertheless, she would not abandon Ben.

But instead of seeking out her friends’ solace, she decided to dig into other sources of information for a change. Hadn’t Ben called their bond a ‘dyad’? And hadn’t Palpatine claimed that such a thing hadn’t happened in generations?

Well, Rey had access to information which dated back many, _many_ generations: the Sacred Jedi texts. She had skimmed through those books before, in more or less detail. The Chronicles of Brus-Bu and their arcane knowledge for example, had been very useful when she had healed the broken kyber crystal from Skywalker’s lightsaber. They might contain more useful notes.

The only trouble was that those ancient scriptures were written in archaic languages, and she would need a translator. At the dead of night.

‘That leaves but one option,’ she thought and turned towards the recharging station. The golden shimmer of C-3PO stood out prominently among a few other droids resting peacefully on standby.

“Threepio?” Rey whispered, trying not to wake the others.

The protocol droid jerked and rose to his feet immediately. “Oh, Master Rey. How nice to see you! Is it already time for breakfast?” he asked loudly. One of the astromechs stirred and emitted a few disgruntled beeps in binary. C-3PO was shocked. “I beg your pardon?! How dare you –”

“Shh, you’re waking up the whole base!” Rey whispered urgently. “Check your timer, it’s in the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep and wanted to do some late-night reading in the Jedi texts, but I need your help translating. Please?”

“Oh, but of course. I would be delighted!” C-3PO answered in a reasonably low voice. He unplugged his battery from the recharger and followed Rey to the small section she had established for studying.

“This will be so very exciting!” he chatted merrily. “Might I remind you, I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, but the Jedi texts use some of the most fascinating rules of grammatical construction, and their perception of what makes a proper tense is quite intriguing.”

“Well – if you say so,” Rey smiled and pulled a red book from the shelf. “Shall we start with this one?”


	8. Chapter 8

“This all sounds very exciting, but it is not what I am looking for,” Rey sighed and carefully closed the last of the ancient books she had been reading with C-3PO.

Eight bound books, as old as the format they were conserved in. When Beaumond Kin, the Resistance’s historian, had seen those volumes, he had almost drooled. ‘Maybe I should ask him for advice, too,’ Rey thought.  
Threepio was eager to help, but his approach at translation was - factual. Many of the texts were spiritual though, and used a lot of paraphrasing and metaphors. Rey had a feeling that the droid’s version lacked in the finer nuances, which Kin could relate to easier.  
She put the double-spined book back onto the shelf in her workshop and reactivated the dehumicoil field which kept her little library safe from the moisture of the cave.

“This was most entertaining,” C-3PO chirped. “Are you sure it was in vain? For I am positive that I have translated every passage to the best of the current scientific knowledge.”

“You were a big help, Threepio!” Rey said gratefully. “It’s just the Aionomicum that didn’t hold anything I’ve been searching for; we found plenty interesting information in the others.”

“I am glad to hear that. Do you still need my help? It is already morning, and I would like to check on R2-D2. It seems he sets a bad example for the other astromech droids. I need to have a serious talk with him about this,” the protocol droid said determinedly.

“You’ll have a tough time teaching him manners,” Rey chuckled. “But please, go and try. Oh, and thank you so much that you’ve sacrificed you recharging cycle to help me!”

“Anytime, Master Rey. Farewell!” C-3PO marched out of her workshop and she leaned back in her chair, rubbing her tired eyes.  
‘Master Rey,’ she thought. C-3PO was the only one who called her that. Since her return from Tatooine, where she had been inspired to adopt Luke’s surname instead of her own, people had either continued to call her simply ‘Rey’ or had adopted ‘Master Skywalker’. For some reason, the droid refrained from both and had created his own version.

Her eyes wandered to the Sacred texts beside her. They had always fascinated her: generations of Jedi had piled up their knowledge, experiences and ideas. Without envy, they had freely shared on esoteric Force techniques and meditative practices, as well as complex theorems Rey still had not the faintest clue about.

One of those had spiked her curiosity tonight: one chapter had dealt with something called “Chain Worlds Theorem”. It described a mystical plane within the Force, a collection of doors and pathways that linked all moments in time together. Could Ben be at this place? It would explain why he had been travelling through different locations every night.

But C-3PO had not been able to determine whether this theorem described a place which really existed, or if the whole thing was just an insoluble conundrum posed to test Padawans.

At least, they had found out more about this ‘dyad’.

According to lore, a dyad was a unique kind of Force-bond, which connected the minds of two Force-sensitive beings across space and time. Physically, they remained two separate individuals, but they were one in the Force.

The text described the effects this special bond had in great detail, and it matched with everything Rey had experienced with Ben: they had communicated with each other across great distances, not only seeing and hearing, but also being able to interact with each other. The bond had given them a clear sense of what the other felt, and when they had fought as one, their powers had grown incredibly.

The Chronicles of Brus-Bu had delivered the final proof: only for the bonded individuals of a dyad was it possible to exchange Life Force beyond the normal limits of healing. If one half of the dyad was killed, the other could sacrifice his essence to revive his mate and take her place.

‘Ben had known.’ Rey swallowed hard at the confirmation.

After Finn had told them about the disturbance in the Force her death had created, she’d had to accept for a fact that she hadn’t just been unconscious on Exegol, but dead. That knowledge gave rise to another question which haunted her: Had Ben known what resurrecting her would cost him? Would he still have done it, had he known?

But now she was sure. Ben had been trained by Luke; he’d had access to these books longer than she had. He must have known, but had done it regardless. It was both a sad and a comforting revelation.

Rey got up and stretched her arms and legs widely. The base was definitely waking up, and with it the noise.  
‘Time for a cup of caf,’ she decided, rubbed her tired eyes and left her workshop.

During the short walk to the mess, her mind drifted to the questions the Chronicles had not answered.

Since the texts reflected the experiences of generations of Jedi, Rey deduced that there must have been at least one dyad before her and Ben, who had been through the same ordeal as them. How else would they have known about the exclusive ability to swap places in life and death?

Even so, none of the texts elaborated on what happened afterwards.

Would their special bond simply dissolve? How did the survivor cope with the sudden emptiness the loss ensued?

Or would it still hold, even beyond death? Would it continue, with one on each side of the veil? And if so, was there a chance they could still contact each other? They were able to reach beyond the veil and pull somebody back – but how far did that ability go?

It seemed unthinkable, but Ben had already done it after all, so … was there a possibility she could do the same? Resurrect him?

Unfortunately, none of the books had supplied any answers, not even hints towards that. While she and Ben definitely weren’t the first dyad, their predecessors hadn’t deigned to leave any practical notes for them.

“Good morning, Master Skywalker!” A young man in a light brown jumpsuit greeted her and flashed a smile. Rey looked up. She had reached the mess and had almost collided with the blonde technician who was just descending the short ramp.

She stopped quickly, trying to remember the name of this man. “Good morning, umm –”

“Get moving, Hadeen, we don’t have all day.” A Mythrol, also clad in brown but with a toolbelt so heavily stocked that it looked like it weighed a ton, appeared behind the young man and shoved him on. “That fuel pump won’t repair itself. Ma’am,” the tall amphibian nodded towards Rey but didn’t break his stride, forcing his colleague to stumble on.

Rey watched the Mythrol herd the young technician called Hadeen towards the landing zone, giving him a lecture about discipline, break times and very long to-do lists. She shook her head and entered the mess.

“Lando!” she exclaimed happily as she spotted the old rascal, standing at the service counter. He was handing through a couple of boxes which were piled up at his feet. When he heard his name, he turned and grinned broadly at her.

“If it ain’t Rey Skywalker!” He spread his arms and she rushed into them, hugging him tightly.

“It’s so good to see you back,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “How have you been?”

“Busy,” he winked. “Buffing up some old contacts, sending a few tracker dogs on their way – you know. But I found the time to make some acquisitions for the Resistance.” He pointed at the boxes. “Food, meds, spare parts. Anything I could get my hands on fast enough.”

“Poe will want to marry you,” she warned, staring at the treasures.

Lando laughed. “I’m not sure Kendra would share me. But tell me, how’s the General getting along? I haven’t seen him around yet, and people are looking suspiciously at their own belly buttons when I mention his name. Is everything alright?”

“Um, well, actually…” Rey faltered, then sighed. “No. Poe is so stressed out, he’s more volatile than unrefined coaxium. On top of the usual problems, the cold store got infested by rodents yesterday while a surprise team of envoys from Coruscant turned up. Me and Finn were in the training ground, I had forgotten my comlink… well,” she skimmed quickly over the most important items.

“He worries too much. And he’s still trying to fight battles he’d better run from. Politics isn’t his cup of tea.”

“Poe knows that, and that only makes it worse. But so far, no one has volunteered to take Leia’s place, so he has seized the mantle. Someone had to.”

“That’s well-meant, but I know a bit about mantles, and this one doesn’t fit him. Maybe he can shoulder it for a while, if you all help him, but you must concentrate on finding a real leader. And don’t even think about me, I’m too old for this lunacy. I’m better suited to assist with other things,” he picked up another box and gave it to the girl behind the counter.  
“Believe it or not, most Generals gravely underestimate the vital impact of good food and strong caf on troop morale. If there’s anything you need, just tell me and I’ll try to get it.”

Rey grinned and helped Lando transferring the boxes into the kitchen.

When the last one had disappeared and a delicious smell began to waft through the mess, Lando rubbed his hands together, quite satisfied with his work, and then consulted the watch.

“Well, I’ll better be off again. Jannah is waiting at the _Lady Luck_ , we have a rendezvous with a possible informant on Dantooine.”

“Already? That was a short stop,” Rey said in surprise.

“Always work to be done, my dear,” he winked. “And I feel most at home in the sky. Take care, and look after Poe. He may pretend to be tough and confident, but from what I’ve heard, I think he’s an inch from falling apart.”

Rey nodded, he bade her good-bye and strolled towards the exit. She had taken only a few steps towards the counter, magically drawn in by the scent of caf, when she suddenly remembered something.

“Lando!” Rey called and hurried after him. The aging smuggler stopped and turned.

“Actually, there might be something I need.”

“Sure, what is it?”

Rey cast her eyes down, well aware of some eyes and ears that were on her at that moment, and she instinctively lowered her voice. “Well, it’s nothing special, strictly speaking. But, during your _acquisitions_ , you haven’t perhaps come across some –” She bent forward quickly and whispered something in Lando’s ear.

A broad smile spread over his face. “I would be a lousy smuggler if I hadn’t come across _that,_ ” he replied conspiratorially. “I’ll have it brought to you before we take off.”

“Thank you, Lando,” Rey hugged him gratefully, then went to grab a cuppa at last and took a seat.

On his way out, Lando hailed a few more people just arriving, among them Finn, Poe and Rose. They were just as surprised to see him as Rey had been, but he only waved and went on towards the landing zone.  
‘Jannah and that information must mean a lot to him if he’s in such a hurry to get there, that he won’t even stop and chat with the Generals,’ she thought.

Her friends got their breakfast trays. When the girl began to load them with scrambled eggs, fried roots, slices of real bread and a can of juice, Rey found it very entertaining to watch their reactions: Finn rubbed his eyes, clearly believing he was still dreaming (at least that meant he had been sleeping, Rey noted happily). Rose hopped and squeaked with pleasure whenever a treat was put on her tray; it was heart-warming.  
But Poe was best. He stared at the tray with his mouth hanging open, completely dumbstruck. Considering his normally lightning-fast reflexes, this was a once-in-a-lifetime sight that Rey would remember forever.

“Hey, good morning,” Finn, carefully balancing his tray, came over and slowly sat down on her right.

“Good morning indeed,” she smiled. “Why are you up already? I didn’t expect to see you till lunch, at least.”

“I had promised Rose to take a look at _Tantive IV’s_ generator. Thought I wouldn’t sleep anyways. Bit premature, it seems now,” he explained. “But getting up early for _this_ is totally worth it! Where does this miracle come from? Did you use some crazy Jedi power to turn rodents into food or what?” And with that, he started to devour his breakfast.

Before Rey could answer, Rose and Poe approached their table. Rose quickly ducked under Poe’s tray and sat down to Rey’s left, exclaiming, “Have you seen all this wonderful stuff?! It’s unbelievable!” She sniffed at the sizzling roots. “Hmm, I have no idea what it is, but it smells fantastic!”

“May I?” Poe asked insecurely. He stood there with his tray, looking lost, and indicated at the seat opposite Rey. She noticed how Finn and Rose tensed. Lando’s words echoed in her head, as well as Finn’s from last night. And anyway – holding grudges had never been her thing. Grudges were a luxury you couldn’t afford on Jakku.

“Of course,” she smiled.

“Thanks, Rey,” he replied with relief after a second of surprise, and sat down. The mess was filling up quickly now; the delicious scent was drawing everybody out of their beds.

“And to answer your question,” Rey turned to Finn as if nothing noteworthy had happened at all, “the person responsible for this miracle is Lando. He dropped off a pile of food crates right before you arrived.”

“Man, that guy really knows how to turn up just in the nick of time,” Finn shook his head and grinned.

“Say, Rose, is the generator on _Tantive IV_ still giving you troubles? Finn told me you wanted him to have a look at it. Are you so desperate already?”

“Oi!” the mentioned protested.

Rose giggled and swallowed a mouthful of egg. “I wasn’t counting on his skills as a mechanic, although I’ve been told that he can do more with a magna-driver than just pound it on things. But actually, I was hoping that the Force might give him a hint at what’s ailing this stupid thermostat, because we’re running out of mundane ideas.”

“So it is still boiling people?”

“Either this or flash-freezing them.”

“Hmm,” Rey frowned and finished her caf. Poe was watching her in silence, nibbling at his bread. “Mind if I take a look at it?”

“Not at all!” Rose’s eyes lit up. “Two Force-users are even better than one. When do you have time?”

She glanced at her empty cup and Finn’s tray. He had already finished his breakfast in record time.

“How about now?”

Finn shrugged his okay, Rose gave them a happy thumbs-up.

And for the first time in almost a week, Poe smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the Christmas holidays!
> 
> Oh, and to anyone who dreads "Hmph, yet another World-Between-Worlds / Chain Worlds Story?", you may (!) roll your mouse over the symbol for a popup spoiler:  
> Spoiler alert !


	9. Chapter 9

The showers proved to be a tricky case.

Rey spent the whole morning crawling through supply shafts, avoiding live wires and piecing things back together. It reminded her of her scavenging days on Jakku: she hadn’t always only disassembled junk. Once, she had repaired a substantially damaged Ghtroc freighter into space-worthiness. She had also created a speeder entirely from scratch for her scavenging trips.

Therefore, Rey considered herself quite apt at troubleshooting. But _Tantive IV_ was a large spacecraft, and the problem was either minute or exotic, she began to suspect, since none of the obvious sources of error had been the cause so far.

Rose had patiently explained to her what tests and checks the technicians had already performed, but never argued when Rey wanted to do them herself. After four hours, she was now convinced that the thermostat was indeed working properly, it wasn’t the anti-scalding device either and every mixer valve in the showers did its job perfectly.

“Rey, have a break!” Rose called into the maintenance hatch the Jedi had disappeared into.

“Yes, in a minute,” came her muffled reply, “I just want to check something - _ouch!”_

“Hey, you alright?” Rose asked worriedly.

“Yeah, yeah, only bumped into a heat sink with … never mind. Careful, I’m coming out!”

Rose stepped away from the hatch and Rey’s feet came sliding through, quickly followed by the rest of the lithe young woman. “There’s enough thermal gel in the tanks, as well,” she sighed. “Blast. What in the Force’s name can it be?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to try using the Force? Apart from swearing, I mean,” the small technician asked timidly. She had tried to persuade Rey before, but to no avail.

“The Force is not magic,” Rey insisted. “A ship is not a living thing, it’s not connected to the Force. If I wanted to lift the captain’s seat or rip out a couple of wires, I could use it to do so, but I cannot feel into the ship to find out what’s wrong any more than you can.”

Her comlink beeped. When she activated it, Chewbacca’s low wailing sounded.

“Chewie, how are you and Finn doing with the pumps? … No, we haven’t found anything either. Where’s Finn?” she replied and listened to more grunts. “Ah, ok. I’ll fetch him there later. Keep trying!” Chewie huffed and terminated the call.

“No luck with the hydraulic system?” Rose asked.

“No. Water pressure is perfectly constant. That’s not our culprit either.”

“Come on, let’s have a cup of tea,” Rose suggested. “Maybe this will give us an idea. Phenlass and Odla have discovered a plant on the mountain plateaus whose leaves can be brewed into something that tastes almost like real Gatalentan tea.”

“Alright,” Rey yielded and followed her friend into the Operations forum. The forum was always manned no matter the time. Right now, only two commanders were present: Lieutenant Chireen, who was brooding over a monitor, and Lieutenant Connix, who was leaning against a console, looking bored.

“Hey Kaydel,” Rose greeted the latter cheerfully. “Where is everyone?”

Connix pointed a thumb towards the conference chamber. The doors were closed.

“Oh dear,” Rey groaned. “Another meeting?”

“Yep,” she nodded. “The Coruscant delegation. Finn is in there, too. They started only a few minutes ago, so in case you still wanna join, you could –”

“Oh, no, no!” Rey put her off quickly. “I’m fine here. We were only hoping for a cup of this new tea the Surs have found, and then we’ll be off again. Still haven’t figured out what causes the temperature problems in the showers.”

At this, quartermaster Lieutenant Chireen looked up. “You are on that now, too? Tico, you didn’t tell me you had recruited a new assistant,” he joked in his thick Jaymirian accent.

Rose had been busy in the tiny kitchenette with the water boiler and came over now, carrying two steaming mugs of tea.  
“Normally I wouldn’t waste my time, nor that of our Jedi, on repairing showers, but we need to fix this problem eventually, before the crew raises a mutiny.” She winked at her friend Kaydel, who rolled her eyes.

“Ha!” Chireen suddenly exclaimed and beamed at his monitor. “Come, have a look at this!”  
He pointed at the screen. “I’ve been listing all reported temperature incidents. Do you see a pattern?”

The three girls gathered round him and looked at long columns of seemingly random dates and times.  
“No,” Rey finally admitted and Rose shook her head as well.

“Of course you don’t – but hang on,” he said smugly. “I also made a list of every other recorded activity that took place at exactly these times.”  
He pressed a button, and another, even longer list of several events overlaid the first. Before Rey could take all the data in, he continued proudly, “Now, if you were to apply a filter as to only those activities which coincided with _every_ temperature fluctuation, this is what you get.” He pressed the button again and the events vanished – all but one.

“Holy Force!” Rey muttered. “ _That_ would never have occurred to us.”

“Someone should better tell General Dameron,” Rose cautioned.

Connix nodded, hurried over to her station and typed a short message. But when she tried to send it, the machine only gave her a spurning beep. “He has put the internal com on mute,” she explained. “I can’t reach him like this. Shall I go in and disturb their meeting?”

“Wait. Don’t you think we could fix this?” Rey asked. “Poe will worry less if we can tell him that we’ve already taken care of the problem. And now that we’ve identified the cause, it shouldn’t take long, right?”

Rose hesitated. “He’d surely throw a fit if we disrupted this meeting without imminent danger; what would _Coruscant_ think! And I agree that we can fix it. Only, if this really turns out to be the source of the error, it’s just the size of a pea, so let’s hope we spot it fast. At least, we now have something to start with. By the way, excellent work, Aarton!”

“Glad to help,” Chireen looked pleasantly flattered. “I can send for a team of technicians to help you, Rose, then Master Skywalker can resume her own duties. Ypsit and Bissel are currently on standby.”

“Sounds great, the three of us should be able to locate the troublemaker quickly,” she agreed. “Kaydel, if General Dameron comes out of this room before we solved the problem, tell him what we know. But chances are, we’ll be quicker. You’re lucky, Rey. Your work is done here.”

“Are you sure you don’t need another hand?”

“Absolutely, we’ll be fine. I’ve taken up enough of your time already.”

“Well, alright.” Secretly, Rey was a bit glad to get some fresh air again, and Rose surely seemed to have everything under control. “Good luck with your search, see you tonight!”

“Thanks. Oh, and grab a lunch box! Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t eaten anything all day except a cup of caf and half a mug of tea.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey laughed and saluted in jest. Rose definitely was in control.

  
***

  
When Rey stepped out of the mess hall half an hour later, carrying a sumptuous sack lunch in her arm, a little droid raced towards her on a single wheel.

“D-O!” Rey greeted him friendly. “Have you escaped BB-8’s watchful eyes for a while?”

“Priority order,” he answered. That’s when she realized that a small packet had been wedged into the gap between his chin and his primary articulation joint. It was rather flat, rectangular and unmarked.

“Ah, I understand. You are a delivery droid now! Is this from Lando?”

“Y-yes. Lando, yes.”

She bent down and gently freed the packet, mindful not to scare D-O. “Thank you,” she smiled at him.

“N-n-nice,” he answered, spun round on his wheel and dashed back towards the clearing where the _Millennium Falcon_ was parked. Behind one of the bushes, Rey suddenly glimpsed a flash of orange and white. She grinned. BB-8 acted like the mother hen of little D-O.

Stuffing the packet quickly into her bag, she was just about to take the narrow trail to the training ground, when the elevator doors of _Tantive IV_ slid open and a large group of people poured out. Rey craned her neck, and indeed spotted Finn and Poe amidst the throng.

_“Rey!”_

Finn had seen her too and came running over, grinning like mad.

“Have you already heard?! They’ve found the source of the problems in the showers. Guess what, it was _Poe’s comlink_ that caused all the crazy hitches in the water temperature! Me and dozens of others got our butts burned because big General D was barking orders over the radio.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard,” Rey laughed. “Is it fixed yet?”

“Almost,” he said. “Ypsit, that freaky Shahkirin mechanic, slipped into the main frame while it was _live!_ He found a small, faulty soldered joint in the priority com section which had short-circuited with the environmental control system, so whenever Poe activated the comlink he had inherited from General Organa, he sent the shower temperature regulation into overdrive. They have to shut down the central processor to do the repairs, which is why we have taken a five minute’s break now.”

“Finally showering without fear again,” Rey teased. “This faulty soldered joint might be a result of the Force lightnings on Exegol, don’t you think?”

“Shh, don’t you say that!” Finn hushed her. “Technically, it might be. But you should’ve seen Poe’s face when Rose told him privately that it was his com that had caused all the trouble. I’m telling you, give us another hour, and we’ll have him ready to buy us all a drink tonight to make up for it.”

“Rey, here you are,” Poe walked towards them and Finn silently gave her a conspiratorial wink. “And don’t bother to rub it in, Rose already told me all about the havoc my com has wrought. I’m sorry for that. But this still doesn’t make not carrying one any better.”

The Jedi grinned. “No need to get excited, General - I got mine with me,” she patted her pocket. “All tested and safe.”

“Awesome,” Poe sighed. “So, are you coming back in with us? You haven’t missed out on much yet.”

“Unfortunately, no. And I’m afraid I have to take Finn with me now as well.”

Both men stared at her, but Finn recovered quickly.

“Yes! Of course, there’s ahem – there’s important Jedi training for me, you know. Urgent business! Can’t be delayed,” he rambled on, hardly able to suppress a grin. “I – I have to hone my Force skills, that’s very valuable for the Resistance.”

“What?!” Poe asked with indignation.

“But I’m _so sorry_ to miss out the meeting. Enjoy it on my behalf, see you at dinner, bye-bye!”

Without waiting for a reply of his dumbstruck friend, Finn grabbed a giggling Rey’s elbow and almost dragged her to the training ground.

  
***

  
“That was a little unfair,” Rey scolded Finn mildly as they traversed the lush jungle.

“Scalding my backside wasn’t fair either,” he retorted with a smile. “Plus, this meeting isn’t crucial. The envoys from Coruscant are just giving some wordy feedback and want to be fawned on before they declare themselves on our side. The result is already fixed anyways, if you ask me.”

“That’s not what I meant. You know the comlink wasn’t Poe’s fault. He probably didn’t even know that it operated on a special priority channel, nor that it had been damaged during the battle on Exegol. It’s not like he treated anyone to alternating showers on purpose.”

“Of course I know. And he knows that I know, so don’t worry, he won’t take it personally. Rose fixes the joint and everything is fine again. Watch the mousehole,” he stepped around a large hole in the ground and Rey followed suite, wondering how big the mouse would have to be that dug such holes.

“Are we really training today or was this just a diversion to bail me out?” Finn asked curiously.

“Surely we’ll be training! I hope you weren't looking forward to idle loafing.”

“No, not at all! That’s great. I just wondered… after yesterday’ training… well, you know.”

“That’s past history now,” Rey discarded his worries. “Time to move on. I promised you we’d practice meditation, and we will. Maybe we’ll even try some Force powers.”

“For real? Prime!” Finn exclaimed joyfully. “Like the mind trick thing you performed on the two Stormtroopers on the _Steadfast_?”

“Woah,” she laughed. “Better not – who would you be influencing? There’s just the two of us, and I won’t volunteer. I was thinking about Force pushes, for a start.”

“Anything you say, Master Skywalker,” Finn replied, bent a large fern aside and entered the clearing on the training ground.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short, little Chapter as a farewell to 2020 - I'll be updating next year again. Which is to say, tomorrow. ;-)

Finn’s introduction into the mysteries of meditation was going very well, Rey thought as she sat cross-legged next to him. Maybe it was because he was reasonably well-rested. He was also in a good mood; the amusing solution to the shower problem and the fact that he did not have to attend the meeting made him very happy. And his joy whenever he made contact with the Force certainly played a part, too.

But without doubt, Rey’s own calmness was the biggest factor.

While reading the old Jedi texts for hours, she had suddenly realized something: since dyads were so incredibly rare and special, training Finn therefore posed no danger for her. Their connection would never reach the same intensity as that of a dyad in the Force.

‘This is perfectly ok,’ she smiled as she watched Finn’s first steps in meditation. He had taken well to focussing on his breath and staying in the present moment; actually, quicker than Rey herself had, she found. For him, the biggest challenge was not to give in to doubts, fears and pessimism. Whenever the slightest crease started to furrow his brow, she would nudge and remind him to stay in the light. And he was making progress.

Suddenly, Rey’s stomach growled. Her hand flew to her middle and she tried to calm it down, but it kept growling more.

Finn snorted slightly. He tried to suppress his grin, but his concentration was done for.

“How about a break?” she sighed, feeling a little blush creep up her neck. “Did you have lunch?”

He opened his eyes and smiled at her. “Not really. But breakfast was filling, and Poe actually had biscuits in the conference room to impress the Coruscants, so no worries.”

“I have more than enough for two. Care to join me?” They got up and went to their make-shift table, the cargo box. Rey fetched her lunch box and pulled out a thermos, two silvery aluminium foil pouches, a sliced pineapple and the packet D-O had delivered from Lando.

“What do you like better: Parwan risotto or veg-meat strips in jogan sauce?” she asked Finn as she read the tiny, imprinted labels on the pouches.

He shrugged. “I’ll have the risotto. They probably taste the same anyways.”

Rey handed him the pouch and then felt around her bag for a small metal disc. When she found it, she flexed it and quickly dropped the bag onto her plate. It was heating up rapidly. For a moment, they just sat there, listening to the ceaseless noises of the jungle, and waited for their meals to cook.

“You know,” Finn began, “I’m glad we’re doing this. Meditation isn’t as boring as I thought, and with a bit more practice I guess I’ll be able to fix my memories properly.”

“I’m sure you will,” Rey agreed. “You’re making good progress. Just don’t push yourself. These things take their time to sink in.”

He prodded the inflated pouch, but the content didn’t stir yet. “Patience isn’t my strong suit. That’s why I’m going to ask you something now. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to! But what was it that you were going to tell me last night? About your vision? And don’t you worry, I won’t tell a soul about anything you say.”

“You haven’t forgotten,” Rey sighed. “No, actually it’s better to talk about it. It may well have been the last vision.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Remember those cloaked hunters I told you about? Last night, they managed to seize Ben. And they’ve torn him apart.” She swallowed hard. The pouch on her plate started to whistle lightly through a tiny steam valve, indicating the meal was ready, but her appetite had suddenly vanished.

“Torn him apart?” Finn repeated in disbelief. “You mean, like, actually physically torn him –”

_“Finn!”_

“Sorry,” he winced. “It’s just… so unreal. Definitely not a case of wishful thinking, as Poe thought.”

His pouch began to whistle, too. Absent-mindedly, he grabbed the tear-off strip, ripped it away, and the risotto oozed out thickly.

“I just don’t know what to do,” she whispered. “How can I help him, or is it now too late? Have I missed something? There’s so much I don’t know about the Force, especially about this dyad stuff.”

“The - _what?_ ” her friend asked through a mouthful. “What’s a dyad?”

For the next ten minutes, Rey told him everything she knew about the special connection she and Ben had shared in the Force. How it had linked them repeatedly across the galaxy, enabled her to talk to him, to look into his feelings. That Snoke had claimed to be the source of it, but that the Jedi texts had proven that dyads had existed a long time before the Supreme Leader. She gave him a summary of the Chronicles of Brus-Bu and what she had learned from it about the unique qualities of a dyad.  
Finn listened closely while he ate his risotto.

“Hmm,” he said when she had finished. “That bond reaches really far. I mean, I knew the two of you had been connected somehow, and that you had glimpsed things in his head when he tried to pry into yours – but this is huge.” He paused, thinking. “Can you still feel Ben now? Or in your dreams? Can you look into his thoughts and feelings, like you did before?”

“No,” she shook her head. “It’s different. Back then, whenever the Force connected us, it was like a private dialogue. The world around us became muted, he was the only thing in sharp focus. Now, it’s like I’m watching a hologram. I’m just the audience, not a participant.”

He sighed and shrugged. “Sorry, I can’t make anything out of it. This is way beyond my understanding of the Force. But that doesn’t say much, so keep your hopes up. Maybe not all is lost yet! Stay with the light, remember?” She gave him a small smile and nodded. “And finally have something to eat,” he added. “At least a bit of pineapple. Is that tea or caf?”

He pointed at the thermos, and Rey’s smile finally widened.

“See for yourself,” she said cryptically.

Finn cautiously unscrewed the cap and sniffed. Nothing. He poured himself a cup. “Hot water?” he asked blankly.

Rey slid Lando’s packet over to him. “Little surprise for my best friend.”

Eagerly, Finn tore it open, and a good dozen of flat, silvery squares tumbled out. His jaw dropped. “This can’t be –”  
He reverently picked one of them up and turned them over in his hand, disbelief in his eyes.

Then he shouted with glee, so loudly, that a spooked flock of colourful birds hastily took to the sky. The squares turned out to be little bags. Finn ripped one open and a dark brown tablet fell from it, which he dropped into the cup of hot water.

The water welled up, turned almost black and Finn whooped again as the aromatic smell of strong caf permeated the clearing. “This day is getting better and better!” he exclaimed. “Here, try this and you’ll never touch the stuff the Rebels call caf again.”

With a laugh, Rey took the cup and tried the brew. “Mhm, it’s really good. You’ve totally earned it. Enjoy!” She handed it back to Finn and started to eat some fruit. Her lunch pouch had deflated again and lay cold and mute on her plate. She felt a pang of guilt for wasting good food, but eating had lost much of its appeal recently.

“I guess we better skip meditation for the rest of the day,” she said after the last piece of pineapple. “If that brew is as strong as it smells, you won’t be able to sit still for a while. How about the Force push then?”

“That’s so wizard!” Finn grinned and looked around, scanning for something to push around. “What do I start with? The crates? A tree?”

“How about this?” Rey held out her hand and a pebble shot from the pile at the edge of the clearing neatly into it.

“This?” the young man asked with indignation. “You really want to start small.”

“Actually, size doesn’t matter,” she laughed. “But for beginners, it’s usually easier to start with something small. It appears more feasible to the mind than something big and challenging.”

She put the stone on the box between them and began to explain, like Luke had taught her.  
“The Force push is one of the most common forms of telekinesis, which allows you to manipulate physical matter with the power of the Force. Very useful in combat, but also utilitarian. Its precision, magnitude, range and intensity are tied to your concentration, willpower and emotions. With enough training and skill, you’d be able to lift Poe _and_ his X-Wing.”

That idea made his eyes light up.

“The key is your inner balance, your focus,” Rey opened the palm of her hand, facing the stone, and it rolled slowly towards Finn. “Let anything distract your thoughts, and you might find yourself accidentally shooting pebbles at your friends.” She winked, released her hold on the Force and the stone came to a halt. “Have a go!”

Finn nodded and began to concentrate on the stone.

Rey watched him, tapping into the Force herself. It didn’t take long and she felt Finn’s presence in the Force, dim and blurred at first, but after a while, he had found his centre and his mind became more focussed.

“Good,” she encouraged him. “Try using your hand to visualize your intended movement.”

Finn raised a hand and pushed at the air. The wispy tendrils of the Force circled the pebble, washed over its surface, rippled away from it – but try as he might, he couldn’t channel them into a coordinated push. They just bounced off the stone uselessly. He kept trying many times, biting his lip and frowning deeply.  
He _so_ wanted this to work!

For a fraction of a second, the stone quivered, but then stilled again.

“Easy Finn, don’t let anger and impatience control you. Stay calm and in focus,” Rey warned him.

He nodded and shifted his concentration on his breathing. Then, somewhat calmed, he reached out again; but the stone rewarded his renewed efforts only with stubborn immobility.  
After another fruitless ten minutes, Finn’s frustration finally got the better of him. His pent-up anger surged, and that sent the pebble flying uncontrolledly from the box, missing Rey by an inch.

“What in the blazes…” she exclaimed and flinched, but then had to laugh at Finn’s shocked expression. “Alright, now we’re even. And to be sitting opposite you during your first steps at Force pushing wasn’t the smartest idea I ever had, either.”

“I’m so sorry! I really could’ve hurt you with that.”

“Yes, and sometimes, that’s what Force pushes are meant to do. But this one wasn’t, and that’s what we need to work on. This push was unintentional and out of control, because it was generated by rage and aggression instead of a balanced mind.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “But it does the trick, doesn’t it?”

“Only if you want to abandon conscious control over your abilities and allow them to rampage. Plus, while this might work with shoving things, it won’t work so readily with other Force powers. You can manage to _push_ instinctively and reflexively, but take pulling, for example! This requires calm concentration. Not to mention stuff like levitation. As a novice, you should never attempt to do that while not completely emotionally balanced.”

She fetched another stone, placed it on the box again and sat down beside Finn this time.

“Try pulling it towards you.”

He did. But no matter how he approached it, either with calm concentration or using emotions like imagined greed, with or without gestures – the stone didn’t budge.

“Blasted thing!” he gritted his teeth. The pebble started to tremble, but this time Rey was prepared. She quickly put a domed Force barrier over it and the stone bounced around wildly inside it, until Finn’s laughing about this show dissolved his anger, and it dropped down.

“How did you do that?” he asked and extended hand, trying to grab the stone, but felt a resistance which kept him from it.

“I placed a Force barrier around it. A shield, either to keep something undesirable out or to contain it within.” She picked up a handful of sand and let it trickle over the dome, thus rendering the barrier visible. “Another useful Force power I’d like to teach you, once you’ve managed to channel your energy consciously instead of manifesting emotional outbursts.”

“There’s so much to learn,” he sighed and wiped a hand over his face. They’d trained little more than an hour, but constantly keeping his concentration up was putting a strain on the overfatigued man.

“Enough for a whole lifetime,” Rey shrugged. “So, there’s no use in being rash; just train this as often as you may, not necessarily just here with me. There’s plenty other opportunities, I’m sure you’ll find some.”

A small, mischievous smile crossed Finn’s face. “Oh yes, I could imagine some. But you know what? Right now, my head feels as hollow as if a borecrawler had eaten its way through. I better take a break. And maybe a nice, hot shower, if Rose has fixed it.”

Rey got up as well, feeling the same tiredness. It had been a short night, and an eventful day so far. Slowly, the sun was descending towards the treetops. They still had a few hours of daylight ahead of them, but she felt like it was late evening already.

“Sounds like a great plan. I’ll check on Chewie, and we’ll meet for dinner?”

“That’s how we do it,” her friend confirmed and together, they returned to base camp.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to a bright New Year - may it bless you with health, happiness, and a strong anchor in the Light!
> 
> On a less bright side, a word of warning: There's a nasty nightmare coming up in this Chapter, ye be warned.

Tonight’s dinner was very merry. Rose and her team had indeed fixed the temperature problem and the whole crew was celebrating, with a generous donation of alcohol from General Dameron. Laughter rang through the mess hall and the mood reminded Rey of their victory celebrations after the battle of Exegol.

‘Has it really been almost half a month?’ she suddenly wondered. It was hard to believe, but life went on regardless.

The sound of shattering glass drew her attention and she saw Finn, wearing a pronounced “Oops”-expression on his face. Opposite him, his co-General and friend Poe stared in shock at a foamy blotch of Trandoshan ale that dripped from the wall besides him.

“When I said ‘Hand me one, too’, did that really sound like ‘Please Force-hurl the bottle at me’?!” he complained, but no one else seemed to take offence at Finn’s failed attempt at passing a beer, using the Force. They simply laughed it off, and someone handed Poe a new bottle.

Rey grinned. Hopefully, this would teach Finn to appreciate the benefits of training control, in contrast to the quick and dirty variant. She downed the last of her own cider and was about to get up, when suddenly, music began to play. Everyone turned.

R2-D2 had rolled to the serving counter, playing an audio recording. Three young women – Rose, Ltd. Kaydel Connix and a B-wing pilot Rey remembered was called Enanan Supa – scaled the table next to him and started dancing, bawling a drinking song at the top of their voices.  
The crowd in front of them began to clap and cheer. Among them was the blond technician, Hadeen, who waved at Rey and beckoned her over. She smiled at him, but shook her head, scrunching her nose. Table dancing wasn’t her cup of tea.

Poe was just beginning to regret that his bad conscience had prompted him to ease the usual drinking restrictions, when a fourth female climbed the table and joined the dance. It was Zorii Bliss, helmet and all. And while her headgear wasn’t exactly sexy, her supple moves made more than up for it; no one wasted a single glance to her helmet.  
Poe gawked at Zorii, as did most of the other male audience. Even Rey had to admit that the leader of the Kijimi Spice Runners surely knew how to deploy her body effectively. But when some of the men started to whistle, Poe was finally jolted out of his fixation.

“Okay, this is getting way out of hand,” he grumbled and tried to make his way to the counter, which wasn’t easy, considering all the blokes were now standing on tip-toes and craning their necks to get a better view of the quartet.

Rey thought that this was the perfect moment to leave. In the evenings, the side windows in the mess hall were always opened, letting the cool night air in to save the electricity of air-conditioning. With everyone looking the other way, she quickly slipped through the window next to her and walked the short distance to the clearing where the _Millennium Falcon_ was parked.

The sky was almost completely dark now, and the only others Rey met on her way were some droids. Everyone else was in the mess hall or, if unlucky, on duty. After the noisy festivities, she enjoyed the silence. Jakku had been a rather quiet place, especially after she’d moved into her AT-AT.

The _Falcon_ lay dark and still, at least until Rey entered and passed the main hold. Chewbacca was sitting at the engineering station and brazed a waveguide antenna.

“Hey Chewie,” she said over the hissing of the torch. “Didn’t you want to come over after you’d finished the auxiliary cooling system? We’ve been waiting for you. They’re throwing a big party in the mess.”

The Wookie just gave a long, throaty gurgle.

“I’m not a party animal either,” she smiled. “But it’s good they’re having a bit of fun. Do you need help with this?”

He shook his shaggy head and grumbled a question.

“No, no, I don’t mind the noise, you keep going. I’ll go to bed, it’s been a short night. See you tomorrow.”

Rey followed the curved corridor to the crew quarters, and after a quick catlick, she crawled into her bunk.  
But despite being bone-tired, sleep simply wouldn’t come. She didn’t know what she feared more: another horrible nightmare – or the lack of it. What if Ben had truly been ripped to pieces and those dreams, the last connection she had to him, were now also gone for good?

After tossing and turning sleeplessly in bed for an hour, she got up again, wandered out of the _Falcon_ and into the jungle.

  
***

  
Something drew her up that ledge again. Rey knew the way by heart, and no fear of wildlife or darkness touched her.

Night had fallen fully, but the rainforest hadn’t gone silent. The sounds of the night were only different from those of the day. Rey heard the soft cooing of a nocturnal bird and the faint traipsing of small hooves on leafy ground. Near the training ground, a sounder of roba stomped noisily through the brushes in search of seeds and tree nuts, grunting and belching.

The view from the ledge was magnificent. Rey sat down and marvelled at the beauty of the thousand stars above.  
Not knowing why or where the thought came from, she suddenly found that meditating here was exactly what she wanted to do. Maybe it would calm her mind enough so that she could finally sleep.

She closed her eyes, but hadn’t even started descending into deep contemplation, when she felt a warm, comforting presence. Rey opened her eyes again and saw Leia’s Force spirit standing in front of her!

“Rey,” her Master said with a warm smile. “It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too, Master,” she replied, almost a little reproachful. “It’s been so long; I haven’t seen you or Luke since Tatooine.”

“We’ve both been here all the time,” Leia said. “But you were too unbalanced to notice. Which is why I’ve seized the first chance to get into contact with you, right now. To see you, but also to warn you. Rey, you are losing yourself. Don’t dwell on the past so much, or it’ll snuff out your future.”

Rey frowned. Had she been so wrong in her self-judgement? She hadn’t felt unbalanced. Detached, strangely lethargic and lacking in drive, yes - but never unbalanced. Yet, it would explain a lot of her inability to focus and to control the Force properly.

“Maybe you’re right,” she finally admitted. “I’ve only just started to push myself up and care for the living again. But it’s harder than I thought.”

Leia nodded knowingly. “Carrying on despite hardships and losses is the greatest challenge for the survivors. Be strong. Look only at the path ahead. Your whole life still lies ahead of you.”

Something inside her resisted that notion. Rey hesitated, but she just had to ask. “How… how is Ben?”

Her Master’s hesitation was a second too long for Rey not to notice. “Ben is not yet with us,” the former General finally said.

“What? But how can … he should be in the Netherworld with you! According to Master Kenobi’s annotations to the Jedi texts, the signs were absolutely clear that Ben had joined the Force. His body disappeared, and -”  
A terrible suspicion rose in Rey. Had her latest vision been true? Had Ben’s spirit been annihilated? But Leia sounded as if he hadn’t been beyond the veil at all so far. How did that go together?

“I know, my dear,” Leia said calmly and laid a gentle hand over hers. Surprisingly, it felt warm. “I was there on Exegol, too, and I saw what happened. I believe that my son has every chance to join us in the Force and even preserve his consciousness, but he is still on a journey. Once he has confronted the errors of his past and grown beyond them, I am sure he will join us.”

Rey looked at her in confusion. “You mean, like… he’s in a … self-induced purgatory?”

Leia chuckled. “My brother would probably phrase it like that, but it’s basically what I meant. As I said, Rey: don’t look back. Move on. All Ben needs is time to come to terms with what he has done. I am sure there’s no stopping him from contacting you the moment he turns up on this side of the veil.”

“You think so?”

“Of course, if that kiss was anything to go by,” she winked.

‘Oh, blast!’ Rey thought and blushed deeply. Her only hope was that the darkness of the night might cover up for most of it. Leia had watched Rey kiss her son! Thinking about it now, it was logical. All of the Jedi had been with her, after all.

Of course, her face must have given it away, because Leia laughed out. “Oh Rey, never be ashamed of your feelings, especially not of love. I was young once, too - admittedly, a very long time ago - and I fell for the most notorious scoundrel in the galaxy. Who am I to tell you not to follow your heart?”

  
***

  
When Rey walked back towards base camp a short while later, she was very pensive.

Leia was her Jedi Master. So knowledgeable and well-educated. But somehow, her explanation just wouldn’t settle with Rey’s gut feeling, which claimed stubbornly that Ben wasn’t in a self-induced purgatory and she should try to help him, to get him back.

She felt so torn between wanting to believe Leia and trusting her own instincts. ‘Follow your heart,’ she sighed. That was so easy to say!

At least, when she arrived at the _Falcon_ again, Rey was so tired that she only managed to take off her boots before she collapsed into bed and instantly fell asleep.

  
  


_Ben recognized immediately where he was, even with his eyes closed. He lay on damp earth; the musty air was permeated with malice and menace. He could sense coldness and death surrounding him, a darkness so intensely sinister and evil, that Ben could practically taste it.  
There was no doubt: he was on Dagobah. Back in that dreadful cave._

_But how was that possible? He himself had destroyed it, to Snoke’s great dismay. With difficulty, Ben managed to lift his head and open an eye.  
Oh yes, it was the Dark Side Cave alright, just like he remembered it. Only this time without the visions of his parents and uncle. He was alone. No, wait – that wasn’t quite right. Although he couldn’t see his hunters, he could feel them clearly. They were gathered outside the cave, waiting patiently for Ben to come out again. Or to stay inside and rot away._

_Ben tried to open the other eye, but somehow, he couldn’t. He raised a hand to feel his face - and flinched: there was no hand anymore! His right lower arm ended abruptly in a stump. He quickly checked his left arm; the hand was there, but it was missing two fingers._

_Trembling, he ghosted his remaining fingertips over his face and gasped. No wonder he couldn’t see; the eye socket was empty! There was no blood, and he felt no pain. He kept exploring and soon found that he had lost an ear, parts of his scalp, and his lips, leaving his mouth a gaping hole. Not to mention that, at closer inspection, the lower half of his body was missing completely._

_This was a nightmare.  
It just couldn’t be true._

_All of a sudden, Ben remembered Luke’s burning Jedi temple. Despair, guilt and shame had torn him apart – obviously, quite literally so. And had it not been for Rey’s agonized cry at the last moment, Ben would have utterly shattered and surrendered to oblivion._

_As if on cue, the fog shifted a little and he saw the sole of a boot peeking out a short distance away. ‘Oh, now I get it,’ Ben laughed mirthlessly. ‘My pursuers are waiting for me upstairs until I’ve put myself back together, so they can hunt me some more.’  
Gritting his teeth, he dragged himself towards his limb. It was more exhausting than he’d thought, but at least his leg reattached itself miraculously once he’d managed to place it where it belonged. Then he hoisted himself up on his stump, reached over his head and plucked his scalp from where it had tangled in some low-hanging roots._

_Piece by piece Ben collected, growing more tired and worn-out with each bit. He reached the weathered stone steps and found his lips resting on the last step. When he picked them up, a memory suddenly resurfaced: Rey’s kiss. She had initiated it; he’d never have dared. Not after the unspeakable perversions he had allowed himself to indulge in, after she had refused his hand on the_ Supremacy _._

_When Ben had resurrected Rey, he had been ready for anything but for her to kiss him. She had never shown signs of romantic feelings towards him. Compassion, like she had shown by healing him on Kef Bir, hardly warranted kissing. But she had nonetheless. And the honesty of it had radiated from her, had wrapped him in a warm, lovely blanket._

_Long gone now. He was alone again, cold and isolated from her. With a sigh, Ben carefully placed his lips on his mouth, then he scanned the cave again - there!_

_Crawling on his belly, his freshly reattached leg still unable to support him, Ben went after the eye he had glimpsed shortly, before the mist had obscured it again.  
Where was it? It had been right here on the ground, just a second ago. The fog cleared for a moment; Ben saw it and immediately thrust out his hand to seize it, but reckoning distances with only one eye was tricky. Instead of grabbing the eye, his fingertips bumped into it and it bounced away into the darkness of the cave, while all he could do was watch helplessly._

_All strength and hope fading, Ben slumped down. He felt so weak. Couldn’t even manage such a simple task anymore.  
  
_

THERE IS A WAY OUT ... YOU KNOW IT ... IT IS SO SIMPLE ... _  
_

_  
There was a voice in his head. It was strangely familiar. Its whispering seeped into his soul like acid, masked as honey. Ben knew he’d heard it before, but he couldn’t remember where or when._

  
STOP FIGHTING ... SURRENDER ... COME TO ME ... _  
_

_  
An image appeared in his mind, like a long-forgotten memory from childhood. A black maelstrom, roaring and churning, that tried to swallow him up._

  
I CAN MAKE THE PAIN STOP!

_  
It was tempting. Maybe oblivion wasn’t all so bad. Why was he doing this to himself anyways? He couldn’t run forever. Ultimately, there was nowhere to go for him, but down._

_Suddenly, the image of the vortex shuddered; a bright light pierced through its darkness and carried a voice that Ben definitely remembered: Rey. Like the lightest touching of minds, he felt a breeze of warmth, love, compassion - and distress over his capitulation._

“Ben…”

_Her voice calling his name echoed through space and time. It seemed so real. Rey’s presence drove the dark manifestations away and rekindled Ben’s resolve. The maelstrom vanished, and he was back in the Cave of Evil._

_Oh, so what._

_Ben picked himself up again; literally. Even if she was just an illusion, a desperate, instinctive form of self-preservation - he would continue. For her._

_Because the real Rey had never given up._


	12. Chapter 12

The nightmare had been there all right. But it was different. No monsters, no demons. Only Ben, all alone, in what appeared to be a cave of limestone and dirt. Roots had cracked through the walls everywhere; it was damp and misty.

His body lay scattered all over the floor. He was literally reassembling himself, almost comically. He didn’t seem to be in pain, but the work was tedious, and his movements were slow and feeble.

‘A broken soul,’ Rey realized and compassion welled up in her.

Now he reached out for what seemed to be _– stars –_ an eye, misjudged the distance and accidentally pushed it further away. He watched as it rolled and rolled, mocking all physical laws of inertia and traction. Disheartened, he slumped down and lay motionless; all will to combat had left him.

Rey watched him, and when he didn’t get back up again, her heart broke for him. _“Ben…”_ she whispered.

After another long moment, he stirred, raised himself up on one elbow and crawled slowly into the darkness to continue his gruesome task.

Rey woke up and felt the wetness of tears on her face.

Part of her was relieved that Ben was still there, in a way. But it hurt so much to see him defeated and hopeless.  
During the hunting and combats in her visions, he had been full of energy, like on Exegol. Ben Solo favoured speed and agility to Kylo Ren’s raw, brute strength. But the broken man in that cave had neither.

Rey forced herself to get up, got out of her rumpled clothes and showered. While she dressed, she decided to do something she had hardly ever done before: she would skip breakfast without being forced to, simply because all appetite had left her.

Instead, she roamed the camp, looking for her friends. But as if fate wanted to punish her, all of them were either already busy or nursing a hang-over. She was about to leave the cave hangar again when she spotted Beaumont Kin, who sat alone at a portable comm station.  
The former professor of the Lerct Historical Institute proudly wore the Resistance’s standard uniform in an attempt to ‘blend in with the crowd’, as he used to say; but the neatly ironed shirt, carefully groomed beard and deliberately ruffled hair betrayed his intellectual background.

Rey’s face lit up. Maybe the historian could shed some light on that cryptic ‘chain world theorem’ she had found in the Sacred Jedi texts. And thereby, on Ben’s possible whereabouts.

“Good morning, Professor,” she greeted him.

Kin turned and she saw that he had been reading a lengthy letter. “Oh, hello Rey. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one sober this morning. And please, skip the formalities. It’s just Beaumont.”

“Okay, thanks. Is this a bad time?” she pointed at the message.

“This? No no, it’s just a personal letter from my old friend Voren, a fellow historian. Nothing urgent. So, how are you faring?”

“Well, I’ve stumbled over a passage in the Jedi texts that I need your help with,” Rey came to the point quickly. “It’s personal, not Resistance-related, strictly speaking.”

“Deciphering more of those beautiful volumes? Private or official, no matter, the answer is the same: yes, please!” he jumped up and followed her to the workbench where she kept the ancient writings.

“Here,” Rey pulled out a slim book which appeared to be little more than a loose-leaf collection and carefully flipped through it, until she found the illustration that described this strange ‘world between worlds’. “I had already put C-3PO on it, and I think he translated it correctly, but I still don’t fully understand what it means. Is this a real place, or is it just an intellectual game?”

“Hmm, let’s see,” Beaumont murmured slowly. He sat down, frowning with concentration, and his bright eyes danced over the tattered page. When he muttered the translation of the scribbled notes, Rey’s assumption was proven right – C-3PO had done a good job. Above the text, there was a visualization of the theorem; circles, lines and graphs. The young historian followed them softly with his finger.

Rey could see the wheels turning behind the professor’s eyes, but after a few minutes, he sighed and shook his head.

“Sorry, Rey. I think I understand what the theory is about, but whether it describes a genuine thing or not, I can’t say. As an academic, I’d strictly say this is just a foolish fantasy. There are no such things as mystical planes outside of space and time. But I’ve also studied the occult, and I’ve seen a bit of what the Force can do myself. Therefore, who knows what’s possible and what not? It sounds incredible, but so do many things concerning the Force.”

She was disappointed at that; actually, she’d had high hopes on Kin’s vast knowledge.

“You have travelled many places, Beaumont. Places sinister in the Force. Leia told me you’d been on Moraband and Malachor to study old Sith temples.”

“Not only the Sith,” the professor corrected her. “I visited former Jedi temples, too. The Eedit Temple on Devaron, for example. Quite a remarkable historical location, by the way.”

“And did you never encounter anything related to this theorem there?” she tried again.

“My focus has never been much on the spiritual side of the Jedi religion. I’m more interested in the political and historical reference. I have of course noticed the Sith’s obsession with immortality and their ruthlessness in achieving any form of it, but that has nothing to do with the idea of a ‘world between worlds’. That sounds more like a very useful travelling nexus to me.”

He paused as something occurred to him.

“Do you know if the Sith had access to this knowledge?” he asked her.

“I would think so. Many Sith had once been Jedi themselves, before they fell to the dark side. They’re bound to have taken some knowledge with them.”

“Then I wonder why they didn’t use it,” the professor mused. “It surely wasn’t due to moral considerations, so either this theorem is indeed only fictional, or they were otherwise unable to get there.”

“Or maybe they got there and just kept it secret?” Rey chanced.

“No, I think we can rule that out,” he objected with a raised index finger and went on to explain, looking very much like the university professor he’d been. “As the enemy’s headquarter, Exegol had one distinctive advantage over all the other hidden Sith worlds: it was truly secret. Over the course of history, other planets like Moraband, Mustafar and Malachor had been revealed to those who dug deep enough. Even I was there, so it can’t have been that difficult. But not with Exegol.

Now, tell me, Rey: If you were the only one who knew about such a well-hidden place – would you risk disclosing your precious secret by crafting _wayfinders_? Objects that can be stolen and used to betray position and path to your sanctum to the whole galaxy, like the Rebels actually did?”

“Only if I had absolutely no other way to get there myself,” she agreed, getting his point.

“Exactly! Decades of secrecy could be rendered futile in a few seconds if a wayfinder fell into enemy hands. Yet they risked it; and that means in turn: they had no access to such a gateway,” he pointed at the picture of the nexus.

Both fell quiet for a moment. Beaumont gently closed the book and handed it back to Rey.

“Actually, the more I think about it, the more I pray that this theorem is truly only fictional. Just imagine the possible consequences if the Sith Eternal had gained access to such a place of power! Being able to go to any point in space and time - there’s no limit to the damage they could’ve wrought from there. They don’t like you? No problem, they just travel back in time and alter history, kill your ancestors and thereby render you unborn.”

He shook his head. “No, such a place must not exist.”

Rey’s heart sank. Beaumont was right, of course. In her blind hope that Ben might be at this place, she hadn’t wasted a single thought on the military implications of the existence of a powerful nexus which connected space and time.

“Those ‘Sith Eternal’ you mentioned; who were they?” Rey recalled the hundreds of faceless followers in her grandfather’s throne room.

“Sith cultists,” the historian explained eagerly. That was his turf. “Loyalists that have operated in secrecy throughout galactic history, keeping up the Sith religion even after the Sith Order had become extinct with the death of the last two Sith Lords. They managed to keep their machinations on Exegol a safeguarded secret for a long while, till you busted it, but their reach was vast. I suspect they must have been on the executive boards of the First Order; there are so many striking similarities in the First Order and its historical precedents.”

“They were surely pulling the strings,” Rey muttered. “Do you think there are enough left of them to regroup?”

“We’ll keep gathering intelligence on them,” Kin said evasively. “But it’s not a top priority at the moment. To become dangerous again, the hydra first has to regrow a head, and it’s been torched badly.”

Rey was a bit confused at his comparison; what in the Force’s name was a hydra? And why would it be torched?

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t be of more help to you,” he apologized and got up. “Maybe next time. I’m always happy to delve into those venerable books. Despite their age, they’re still a challenge even for keen minds.”

“It wasn’t in vain. You’ve given me a new perspective on this theorem, and that helps me lot already.”

They walked back to the comm station. It had begun to rain outside, one of the frequent but short-lived downpours on the jungle world. Kin’s letter was untouched, and the cave was still quiet and deserted except for them.

“I’ll go start training,” Rey sighed.

“Well, my combat training lesson seems to be cancelled for today,” Beaumont smirked. “Neither Rose nor Kaydel have shown up yet. Must’ve been late last night, I take it.”

“That’s for sure. But if you like, we could train together. You shoot at me with your blaster and I’ll deflect your shots with my lightsaber.”

Kin stared at her, unsure whether she was kidding or really meant it. “I sincerely hope this was some kind of Jedi-joke, because I’m surely not going to fire a real weapon at you. The Generals would have me eat the sacred books if I hurt you! I’ll rather send a reply to Voren, before the rain shortens out the electronics again.”

“Okay. I’d neither want to risk the Jedi legacy nor cause you indigestion,” Rey grinned. “Thanks again for your insights. Oh, and if you see Finn, please tell him to meet me at the training ground.”

Beaumont affirmed, and the young Jedi sprinted into the dripping rainforests of Ajan Kloss.

  
***

  
Rey didn’t know what to feel, and she thoroughly hated the crippling uncertainty which bubbled up inside of her.

She gritted her teeth and jumped over a huge trunk that lay across her path, using the Force to propel her higher. No, she wouldn’t allow herself to be dragged down again. So what if the chain world theorem was a dead end!

But still; having done so much research and gained nothing, having exhausted the Jedi’s vast knowledge without finding the answers she had hoped for, did frustrate her.

Rey reached the clearing, soaking wet. She didn’t mind though; the rain was warm, and having grown up on a desert planet had left her with an almost reverential respect for water in any form. It took her only a moment to retrieve her training gear from the cargo boxes and prepare the obstacle course.  
‘Pity that Finn isn’t here,’ she thought as she put on the helmet. ‘But he’s probably still catching up on sleep.’

Why was Ben not with the other Force spirits?

The question kept going around in her head. No matter what way she approached it, it always came down to that central question.

She could have accepted it if Ben did not want to see her right away, for whatever reasons. Well; Rey tried to convince herself that she could. It would hurt, of course. But she’d respect his decision. At least for a while.  
She might even believe that Poe was right and that her visions were indeed just dreams, born of her stubborn hope to have more time with the other half of her dyad, after it had taken them so long to finally find each other.

But _not knowing_ simply did not sit well with her. It left too many risks of bitter regret.

Rey lowered the helmet’s visor, as if to shut out her sombre thoughts. But they only got trapped inside the tiny, enclosed space.

Where was Ben? Why was he not with his family on the other side?

Blindly, feeling her path only in the Force, Rey sped up and entered the course. The terrain was rising slowly until she was running along a ridge. A rift approached and she jumped over it, precisely snatching a red ribbon that dangled mid-air from an overhanging branch. She touched down lightly on the other side and kept on running up a slope, arms and legs pumping.

Leia believed that Ben was in a self-induced purgatory.

Rey couldn’t explain why, she had no rational grounds to bolster it, but her Master’s interpretation still felt wrong to her.  
Why would Ben be in purgatory, and for so long? How would Leia even know? What did she know about guilt, about conflict, about the dark side? She had never been tempted, even despite her heritage. And when she had passed away, it had been content and deliberate, like her twin brother Luke.

Rey had read all of Luke’s writings, his additions to the Sacred Jedi texts. At least they were intelligible to her without linguistic help, since he’d written in Basic. In one passage, Luke had described the Battle of Endor from a very personal point of view: How he had been saved from the Emperor’s wrath by his father, Darth Vader, who sacrificed his own life in the process. How this had redeemed the Sith Lord, restoring Anakin Skywalker, whose spirit joined the other Jedi in death.

It had just stopped to rain when Rey reached a plateau and pushed up the visor. Two combat remotes awaited her, red and blue. She ignited her saber and grimly blocked blast after blast.

Even former Darth Vader had made it to the Netherworld basically in no time, Rey thought and felt her anger rising. A man who had committed genocide against the Jedi during Order 66, who was responsible for the death of millions, who had abused the Force for decades in the most abominable ways - yet when he had been restored to his good self in his final moments, he had obviously not needed any purgatory to enter the Mist-Beyond.

Then, how could Ben not have?

She splayed out her hand and _pushed_ angrily, sending the blue remote spinning into a thicket. The red one swivelled and tried to shoot her back, but she parried the blast with her saber, not even turning to look at it.

Darth Vader had been Kylo Ren’s paragon, the idol he’d desperately striven to match but had always fallen short. What had he done that –

Rey froze, experiencing a sudden moment of clarity. The remote jumped at the chance and zapped her in the knee pit.

“Ow!” Rey flinched and quickly dodged another sting-beam aimed at her ankle from the overzealous remote. “Stop it already,” she growled and tried to simultaneously fend of the blasts and deactivate the program on her wrist pad.

Finally, the remote beeped its surrender and landed obediently. Rey deactivated her saber, took off the helmet and tried to steady her breath. Steam was rising from her shoulders, and physical exertion blended with an elated excitement at her epiphany.

_Bring back the balance, Rey, as I did._

She remembered. On Exegol, when everything had seemed lost, the Jedi spirits from the past had spoken to her, lifted her, enabled her to fight on. Although she had never known them, she had immediately recognized their voices as if they’d been best friends forever. And most prominently among them, had been the voice of Anakin Skywalker.

Rey dropped the helmet, turned and started down the slope, accelerating with every step. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? Looking back now, it seemed the most logical thing to do. If there was one person who knew first-hand how it was to make the transition from Jedi to Sith and back, and die immediately afterwards, it was Anakin Skywalker!

She leapt over the rift, rolled, and took a sharp turn towards the small ledge, her favourite meditation spot. She needed an audience with a certain Force Spirit.


	13. Chapter 13

“Come to me,” Rey whispered. “Anakin Skywalker. Answer my calling. I need to talk to Anakin. Come to me.” Over and over she repeated that mantra, her eyes closed and her thoughts focussed so hard on her task that her furrowed eyebrows almost met in the middle.

“Rey Skywalker.”

She nearly jumped out of her skin and turned at the familiar voice. The Chosen One stood at the forest border and looked at her with a wry tilt to his brow.  
“Has no one told you that it is not upon the living to demand audiences with the dead? It is upon _us_ to deign to appear to whomever we see fit. We decide when, where and if at all.”

“I am sorry, Master Skywalker,” Rey bowed her head. “I didn’t know, and I didn’t mean to be impertinent. But I urgently needed to talk to you.”

The Force spirit chuckled with amusement and came closer. Rey glanced up at him; she had expected Anakin to be an old cripple, but instead she found herself looking at a striking young man around her own age. His face was framed by a thick mane that reminded her a lot Ben, only in a much lighter tone.

“Relax, young Jedi. For the records, I’ll pretend to have wanted to contact you first,” he winked, and Rey blinked back in confusion. Were there really such rules? Or was the Chosen One joking with her? His whole demeanour suggested it. “So, before you may ask me whatever you thought was important enough to drag me out of the Netherworld, I expect you to answer my question first. Understand?”

“Yes, Master,” she instantly caught on. Tit for tat. That was something she knew very well from her life on Jakku.

“Good. So, tell me, Rey Skywalker. Why did you adopt my family name?”

This question caught her completely unawares. “S-sorry?” she stuttered.

“You see, I fully understand why you would repudiate your own lineage,” Anakin stated and began to pace. “‘Palpatine’ isn’t exactly a name held in high esteem anymore. But from the infinite number of surnames in the galaxy, you chose ‘Skywalker’. Explain why.” He stopped and stared at her with the same intense stare that Ben had inherited from him. Was he even aware how similar they were?

“I… it wasn’t a well-planned or strategic decision,” Rey tried to organize her muddled thoughts into words. Why indeed had she done it?  
“On Tatooine, when I saw Luke and Leia’s Force spirits, there was this old woman passing by, asking me for my name – and I said ‘Skywalker’ without a second thought. I don’t know, it … it just felt _right_ somehow, at that moment. Like they had given their blessing to it.”

For a few long seconds, Anakin seemed to contemplate her answer. Then his expression softened. “Then it was the right choice. Never forget, though: the ‘Skywalker’ name does not only stand for glory, for shining heroes and blessed Chosen Ones. It is also a name of taint, burden and fall; just like Palpatine.”

“I consider it an honourable name,” she disagreed carefully. “I hoped to make Luke and Leia proud of me.”

“We shall see. And now that you have dutifully answered my question, what was yours?”

Rey was suddenly nervous. Hopefully, she wouldn’t mess this up. For some reason, she found it difficult to judge Anakin’s true mood and didn’t quite know how to place him. Maybe that was because of the stark difference between his real age and his youthful appearance? It surely was odd to be talking to such a young man - about his grandson.

“It’s about – Ben. You… you do know what happened after you and the Jedi spirits helped me defeat the Emperor?”

He nodded. “He achieved what I had failed to do: he saved the woman he loved.”

Rey gaped at him, unable to respond. Her mind had just keeled over.  
With one simple sentence, Anakin had ripped her from the familiar paths of her thoughts; forced her to view the dyad she had finally believed to understand from a new, completely different angle. Although, part of her had to admit, ‘love’ had long been hovering over them like an unspoken truth. Until now.  
That realization left her blushing in shame at her own ignorance.

“Uh, yes,” she managed to stutter. “So … you know about us being a dyad in the Force? And what that means?”

Now Anakin sighed. “That makes _three_ questions already, Rey Skywalker.”

“Sorry, sorry Master,” Rey’s blush intensified. Blast, this wasn’t going as she had hoped at all. This whole conversation pushed her from one unexpected pitfall to the next, with no safety net. But before she could continue, Anakin did.

“That is exactly why spirits don’t usually answer to mortal’s calls. We have all of eternity, but you are wasting your precious life time by not getting to the point. If you would allow me? I have talked to Leia and she told me your worries about her son. So, I guess I’m in the picture.  
Now, as to Ben, my feelings towards my grandchild are … complicated,” Anakin said slowly and Rey saw how truly conflicted he was. “For one thing, he is responsible for much sorrow and, ultimately, the death of my two children.”

Rey was about to object, but he just raised a warning finger and she closed her mouth again immediately. She realized just how commanding his presence still was, even as a Force ghost. As living and breathing Lord Vader, he must have been terrifying.

“Luke sacrificed himself to buy his sister and her followers enough time to escape Ren on Crait. Leia did the same when she distracted him from striking you down on Kef Bir. And if his involvement in these deaths appears too indirect to you, think about my son-in-law.”

Rey’s face fell. “I understand that you must hate him, after everything he has done to your family. But –”

“I was not finished yet,” he interrupted her, gently but firmly. “There is one thing I cannot hold against him. One thing that lies deep at the heart of all his transgressions. Like me, Ben had been deceived by the most devious and cunning man in the galaxy. For a long time, he was nothing but a puppet on Palpatine’s invisible strings. Hell, the old devil didn’t even shrink from impersonating _me_ to lure my grandchild into darkness. Therefore, I cannot blame Ben for falling for his insidious schemes.”

Hope sparked in Rey and she immediately seized the opportunity. “If you don’t despise him, then please tell me, why isn’t Ben with you in the Force? Do you think Leia is right and he is too caught up in remorse to make the transition? I keep seeing him in visions at night that suggest otherwise. Please, I’m so desperate to know what is right; the uncertainty is killing me.”

This time, the Chosen One took even longer to answer. He slowly walked towards the edge of the cliff, looking down at the concealed Rebel base. His face was serious and pensive, and Rey would have given anything to know the thoughts that went through his mind.

“Difficult to say. I’m hardly a standard template, you cannot compare us; although I suspect you do. That’s why you are consulting me in the first place, am I correct?” Anakin glanced at her with a quirked eyebrow, a challenge to contradict his keen analysis.

Rey nodded. She still believed that he and Ben had a lot in common, despite his claims.

“Well. Everyone experiences Death differently,” he went on. “You won’t understand until it is your turn. To most people, there is nothing more to it than closing your eyes and ceasing to breathe. But for Force-sensitives, a lot can happen on the way, especially when they are powerful.”

One last time, he turned to her. The graveness on his youthful face betrayed his true age, and to Rey’s dismay, his appearance was beginning to fade. “My only advice for you is something obvious: Who has the only link to Ben at present?”

And with this, he was gone.

Rey frowned. ‘The only link to Ben at present’? Riddles were the last thing she needed right now. But maybe the answer really was simple and obvious, just like Anakin had said: she had the only link, of course. Her nightly visions.

She got up and walked back to base camp deep in thought, replaying her conversation with the Chosen One in her mind. He had neither confirmed nor denied Leia’s theory; but did he have one of his own? Was he discreetly trying to point her to something, or was he just at a loss, like her?  
The more she thought about it, the more she felt like Anakin was hiding something behind his general, evasive statements about the afterlife.

But how did her _visions_ fit into this?

One way or the other, Rey was burning to do something. Anything. If necessary, she would have to improvise - it couldn’t go on like this.


	14. Chapter 14

When Rey emerged from the jungle, it was already late noon. The first person she saw was AD-4M, an administrative droid who sat at the approach clearing’s terminal, managing a list of incoming traffic for tonight.

“Aydee,” she called out and the white droid swivelled his head. “Do you know where I can find General Dameron or Finn?”

“Affirm,” AD-4M rasped. “Landing zone Bravo Two.”

“Thanks,” Rey smiled and walked towards the arrivals area. She had taken only a few steps, when she suddenly heard loud, angry shouting coming from Bravo Two. One voice, she recognized immediately - it was Finn’s.

Rey ripped her lightsaber from its clasp and broke into a run. But when she burst onto the small landing area, a strange sight met her eyes:

A pristine, gleaming chromium Star Yacht sat on the landing area. In front of it, Poe had a hard time restraining a furious, roaring Finn. Jannah was holding Rose in a wristlock; the small technician was struggling against her iron grip and kicked like a horse to get free.

The target of Finn and Rose’s rage seemed to be a stranger who stood a few yards away from the four, dabbing at his bleeding nose with a hanky.

And between the two parties, being totally on the fence, stood Lando Calrissian.

“What the hell’s going on here?” Rey demanded, completely flabbergasted.

“Let go of me!” Finn bellowed, “I’ll kill that bastard!” But Poe only dug his heels harder into the ground to keep his friend from breaking loose.

“Rey!” At least Rose had noticed her arrival. “Rey, seize him! That dirty swine sold us to the First Order. It was him who gave away the Resistance fleet’s plan to escape to Crait, he is responsible for the destruction of our transports!”

“Now, now, let’s not be so hasty!” Lando raised his hands, trying to assuage the flying tempers. “I’m sure we can work this out.”

“Lando, get this guy out of here,” Poe pressed out. “Otherwise, I might just lose my grip on Finn.”

The old smuggler complied and turned to the stranger, who had not said a single word so far. “Come on, DJ, show me what you’ve found. On your ship, if you don’t mind.”

“After you, g-g-good sir,” the man stuttered, ran a hand over the smooth surface of the Yacht and a flight of stairs extended gracefully. Somehow, Rey thought, the guy’s shabby exterior stood in stark contrast to the elegance of the ship.

When Lando and the stranger he had called DJ had disappeared into the ship, Poe and Jannah let go of their captives.

“Would someone kindly explain to me what is going on here?” Rey asked irritably once more and clicked her lightsaber back onto her belt.

“Yes. But I need a drink first, and some ice for Finn’s knuckles,” Poe commanded. “Did they not teach you in Stormtrooper School never to hit someone with a closed fist?”

“No. Doesn’t matter when your fists are armoured,” Finn grumbled and eyed his bleeding knuckles, but followed the others the few steps over to the mess hall.  
While they took seats, Poe went to the counter and returned a moment later with a bottle of starfire ’skee, a couple of shot glasses and an instant cold pack.

“They serve starfire ’skee here?” Rose asked with wide eyes.

“No, they don’t,” Poe said quickly. “That’s my personal bottle, so don’t even think about it.” He poured them all a shot, even Rey, although she shook her head in disgust. Strong alcohol didn’t agree with her.

When all but her had downed their drink, Poe began to recount.

“’Bout twenty minutes ago, Lando and Jannah arrived back from Dantooine. Shortly afterwards, that beautiful Star Yacht hailed us and was directed to Bravo Two on Lando’s request. He said it was a ‘business contact’ of his. All was fine, till Finn and Rose suddenly showed up and started to throw punches at that contact.”

“What would you have done? That filthy jerk had nearly gotten me and Rose killed on the _Steadfast!_ ” Finn said defiantly, cooling his knuckles. “Not to mention the Rebel fleet on its escape to Crait.”

“Okay, okay,” Rey held up a hand and addressed Finn and Rose. “So – you obviously met this guy before?”

“Yes,” Rose nodded vigorously. “The First Order was tracking our fleet through hyperspace, so we couldn’t shake them off. The only way to stop them was to disable their tracking device aboard the _Steadfast_. That _business contact_ -” she spat the words out “- claimed to be a master codebreaker who could smuggle us in. We had no other choice and the Rebels were running out of time, so we hired him. We almost made it to the tracking system, but then we got caught and he saved his hide by selling us and the Rebels out.”

“I see,” Rey frowned. “Jannah, how come you’re dealing with such scum?”

The beautiful warrior shrugged. “Like Rose said, he’s one of a thousand business contacts Lando entertains. I don’t know most of them, his network is infinite. But they surely aren’t all honorable gentlemen, mark my words.”

“Do you know what Lando wanted from him?”

“He said, this ‘DJ’ was an exceptional slicer. I guess he had tasked him with infiltrating some former First Order database. To find out more about us conscripted kids.”

Rey sighed. “I’m beginning to understand. Lando is really pressing every button to find out about your family, huh?”

“Not just mine alone, but, well,” Jannah smiled. “Yeah. Most of the leads turn out to be dead-ends, but he never gives up. Like with the spy on Dantooine; he was a fraud, but at least the guy only tried to pull us over the barrel with information and wasn’t shooting at us. Idiotic to try and fool the Master of fooling, if you ask me. I just serve as his bodyguard, and maybe to learn a bit about the trade from him.”  
Her admiration for the old smuggler was obvious.

As was the look Finn gave Rey; he seemed to be saying: ‘See? I told you – they won’t get anywhere their way.’

“The only question which matters is: can we trust this DJ now that he’s here?” Poe had listened silently so far. He already knew most of the story Rose had told Rey, because he had been in contact with her and Finn during their attempt to save the fleet. But the codebreaker had never featured heavily in it until now; if this should change, if he turned out to be a danger to their base, no shiny Star Yacht whatsoever was going to keep Poe from taking its owner down.

“You can.”  
Lando had entered the mess and sat down at their table now. They all looked at the distinguished General.

“You cannot trust that lying snake!” Rose spat angrily.

“I understand that you like him as much as a load of Drutash droppings,” Lando held up his hands defensively. “You truly parted ways under unfortunate circumstances. But that does not mean DJ can’t be trusted.”

“What?” Finn began in disbelief, dropping the cold pack. “That is the understatement of the year!”

“Before you get started again, how about a deal: I’ll be DJ’s advocate and I’ll tell you the story from his point of view. Then you may judge for yourselves. Fair is fair.”

“Why would you do this?” Poe asked.

“Because it takes a thief to know a thief, and I’m the closest thing you’ve got to a thief at this table,” Lando replied with a winning smile.

“I’d like to hear DJ’s side of the story,” Rey said immediately. She had experienced before how different perceptions and descriptions could be, when Luke and Kylo had recounted their respective versions of what had happened that fateful night in the Jedi training temple.

“Excellent,” Lando praised. “So, I’ve talked to DJ. And he did not deny cutting a deal with the First Order to save his skin when your plan went south and you all got arrested. But he claims that he had told you before that he wasn’t a Rebel himself and was only in it for the money. Correct?”

Reluctantly, Finn nodded.

“Well, you can hardly expect a freelancer like him to lay down his life for somebody else’s cause. DJ also claims that he did not steal the information he bargained his freedom with, but incidentally overheard a conversation between Poe and you, in which Poe mentioned Admiral Holdo’s plan to evacuate the crew into shuttles and abandon ship. Is that so?”

Poe gasped in shock as he realized that he had accidentally given away this vital piece of information.

“I take this a yes.” Lando took the bottle, poured the shattered General another shot and patted him reassuringly on the back. “You didn’t mean to; we all know that.”

Poe nodded mechanically and downed the shot, still staring into space.

“Last but not least,” Calrissian continued, “DJ claims that the First Order’s money was all he got for his troubles. According to him, he broke you two out of a prison cell on Canto Bight and rescued you in the ensuing pursuit from the police when you had run into a dead-end; all free of charge. He then accepted nothing but Finn’s word that the Rebels would pay him whatever he asked - which never happened, because you got caught. And he even returned his upfront payment, a pendant made of Haysian smelt, although he had kept his side of the bargain and successfully brought you into the tracker room. Anything wrong so far?”

Rose and Finn shook their heads. “You make him appear like a saint,” Finn grumbled, “but he isn’t.”

“No more than you or I,” Lando agreed. “But keep in mind that DJ is not a friend of the Resistance. To him, the only factions are his side, and the others’ side. The First Order and the Resistance are nothing but two halves of the same medallion in his view, and as long as he could avoid being crushed between them in the war, he was happy to cut deals with both. And that’s why I know that we can trust him. Do you know what ‘DJ’ is short for? ‘Don’t Join.’ That’s not just his name; it is his philosophy. He won’t seek out the remnants of the First Order, trying to sell our position. He has no reason to. I hired him for a job, he did it, and he got paid. That’s all that matters to him.”

They all sat in silence for a moment, contemplating Lando’s words.

Then Rose, who had been clutching the pendant around her neck, suddenly reached over the table, grabbed Rey’s untouched glass and knocked the starfire ’skee back. “Fine. I still don’t like him, but I trust your judgement, Lando. Did he at least deliver some good news for you? The job you hired him for?”

Rey smiled at the remarkable woman. Rose had good reason to hate this guy, but she always tried to move on and look at the positive side. She was a lot stronger than one would suspect from her looks.

“Oh yes, he delivered,” the old smuggler smiled and patted on a pouch in his vest. “I’ll have to trawl through a lot of data, but it is intact and more promising than anything we have gathered so far. To give DJ credit, he is a formidable slicer; if you don’t mind his lack of personal hygiene too much, and his horrible style of dress.”

From outside, the gentle purring of engines sounded. The gleaming Star Yacht rose gracefully from the jungle, accelerated and disappeared into orbit.

“Hey, who allowed him to –” Finn stopped, looked at Lando, and sighed. “Of course. Well, let’s just hope you are right and he won’t blurt out our position.”

“Ajan Kloss isn’t any more or less safe than it has been ever since the battle of Exegol. You wouldn’t believe nobody saw us returning here?” Lando shook his head. “Your belief in people’s virtue honours you, Finn, but you should know that only about half of our fleet was truly loyal to the Resistance’s cause. The other half consisted of more or less shady people who only considered _us_ the lesser evil. Spice Runners, smugglers – everyone who knew they would suffer more under the First Order than under us.”

“They know about Ajan Kloss, it is not a secret base anymore,” Poe agreed. “I’m actually amazed that it’s taking them so long to pop in.”

“I think they are too busy at the moment securing their own positions,” Calrissian said. “The First Order had an even larger number of opportunists in its ranks than us. Nearly all of the hardcore fanatics perished on Exegol, and those free riders remaining won’t risk their heads avenging them.”

“We should still consider relocating,” Rose mused. “Why take chances?”

“I’m trying,” Poe sighed. “Remember the Coruscant ambassadors? One of the things I discussed with them was the possibility to move our base to them. Right into the centre of the galaxy. They were _inclined to accept -_ ” he mimicked a haughty tone “- but their condition was, that Coruscant would be established as the sole capital of our new galactic government.”

“The Rim worlds would not like this,” Jannah warned.

“Of course not. That’s why I have declined their generous offer with thanks. But we’ll have to see how long we can afford such luxuries. Speaking of luxuries,” Poe screwed the top back on the bottle and got up, “I’ll pay a visit to the showers before the evening briefing. See if they still work alright.”

That finally got a grin out of Finn.

They all got up and prepared to leave the mess hall. Lando and Jannah were headed for the _Lady Luck_ to sift through the new data, while Rose muttered something about needing to find Beaumont Kin.

Rey joined the two Generals. She was glad to find them bantering; the tension from DJ’s unexpected visit had passed at last.

“You okay?” Finn asked, linked arms with her and they walked towards _Tantive IV_.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Rey answered automatically. “Did you manage to do some Force training today?”

“Not much,” he admitted. “Did some meditation before breakfast, managed to knock over the salt caster in the mess, but still no luck pulling it.”

“That was you?” Poe asked in mock outrage. “I’ll have a sign put up: ‘No using the Force in the mess hall’, first thing tomorrow morning.”

The two Force-sensitives laughed.

“Good thing you didn’t try to use the Force on DJ,” Rey grinned. “You were so emotional it could have affected your control and you would have squashed him to pulp.”

Finn clapped his hand to his forehead. “Blast! Why didn’t I think of that!”

“Just think of the mess that would have made,” Poe shuddered and stopped in front of the men’s showers. “This is where we part company, Rey. Oh, and you don’t have to take part in the briefing later. It’s just to update the other commanders on the news of the day. No Jedi topics.”

“Great! Thanks, Poe,” she smiled with relief.

“Hey, does that mean I can skip it, too?” Finn asked hopefully, but Poe only pushed the door to the showers open and said, “No, General Finn, your presence is not negotiable, so get in and freshen up, and pray that I won’t use my special communicator again.”

Finn yelped and dashed through the door, holding both hands protectively over his buttocks.

“Don’t ever let the crew see you like that,” Rey laughed. Poe was about to follow his friend, but she held him back. There was something she had sensed in him earlier that needed addressing.

“Tell me, Poe,” she said softly. “Are you really alright? When Lando told us about… you know, how DJ got the information about the evacuation plans. You looked thoroughly shaken.”

Poe cast his eyes down and sighed. “It was a stupid mistake. If only I had kept my mouth shut, then … well. We’ll never know, what if.”

“But that is not all there is to it, right?” Rey had felt it clearly, radiating from him, like dark ripples in the Force. Not just shame and regret; there had also been a strong feeling of unworthiness. She knew it far too well not to recognize it: Kylo Ren had been imbued with it.

Her friend cast her a suspicious look and realized there was no use in trying to deny it. “It wasn’t just that I had let this information slip. The whole plan was too risky and bound to fail. When I told Admiral Holdo about it, she immediately saw the danger I had put them all in. In less than five seconds, she saw everything clearly and predicted what happened in the end: I had disclosed the Resistance to the First Order.”

“I never met Amilyn Holdo in person, but Leia told me a bit about her,” Rey remembered. “Most people underestimated her because of her eccentric persona, but she was a master strategist. It’s no wonder she swiftly realized the possible flaws in your plan. Her quick wit was part of what made her an Admiral, and Leia’s friend.”

“I’m still a long way from that,” Poe said contritely.

“But you are on the way,” Rey squeezed his shoulder. “You have grown beyond the man you were before Crait. If you doubt yourself, at least trust Leia’s judgement. She moulded you into her command position for a reason.”

Poe searched her eyes for a long moment. But he could not find any deceit there. A small smile flickered across his face. “Thanks, Rey. Guess I needed to hear that.”

The young Jedi smiled at him, nodded and turned towards the _Millennium Falcon_.

“I’ll give you the day off more often if you keep saying such nice things to me!” he called after her before entering the showers.

Rey grinned.

“That can be arranged.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I hope you enjoyed the little excursion into the background and main characters in this chapter ... but I promise that in the next one, some action is about to start, at last. 😉


	15. Chapter 15

Finn and Poe did not show up at their usual dinner time, and neither did Lando or Jannah, although Rey had passed the _Lady Luck_ on her way to the mess hall. ‘They are probably busy sifting through DJ’s stolen data,’ she thought, sending a little prayer to the Force that they would prove Finn wrong and find what they were looking for.

Rey had been searching for her own family long enough to know how much this ‘project’ meant to Jannah and Lando on a very personal level. Finding out whether or not she was his lost daughter was important to them.  
But even if their efforts never brought this or Finn’s origin to light, they could still help hundreds, if not thousands of other young men and women find the families again from whom they had been stolen as infants.

When Rey had finished her lonely meal and stepped out onto the ramp, a group of technicians approached, Rose among them.

“Oh, hi Rey!” Rose greeted her cheerfully. “Tell me you aren’t just leaving and we’re too late to dine with you?”

“I’m afraid you are,” she smiled. “But I left a tiny bit for you.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. Why don’t you come back in and join us? I’m sure, Hadeen would sacrifice his dessert for you as a recompense,” Rose winked. The young blond behind her didn’t object.

“Thanks, very generous of you, Rose,” Rey laughed, “but I’ve already promised Chewie a game of dejarik. And that Wook can’t take a joke when it’s about dejarik.”

“Too bad. Well, don’t anger Old Fuzzy too much, or you’ll wish you were stuck in the briefing like Poe and Finn.”

“They’re still not done?” Rey asked incredulously. “He said it was just a short briefing, nothing special on the list.”

The technician shrugged and continued after her colleagues. “Doesn’t he always? See you tomorrow!”

Rey waved her good-bye and dodged more incoming crew members on her way to the _Millennium Falcon_. It wouldn’t do to keep Chewbacca waiting.  
  


***

  
The game had gone well. Rey didn’t even have to lose on purpose; Chewbacca was a seasoned player and beat her after a challenging forty minutes struggle. He offered her a rematch, but she declined, claiming to be too tired.

In truth, Rey wasn’t tired at all.

She had finally made up her mind what to do with Anakin’s cryptic advice about her visions being the only link to Ben: tonight, she would stop being a silent spectator. Tonight, she would misbehave.  
The prospect filled her with an excitement she had not felt in a long while.

Rey went to bed and forced her agitation down by taking deep, steady breaths for a few minutes. Slowly, her body relaxed and her mind calmed down.  
‘I need to keep my wits about me while I dream,’ she branded on her memory again and again, until she drifted off.

She didn’t know how much time had passed since she had fallen asleep, but she was relieved to find her mantra had succeeded when her consciousness surfaced from the blurry depths of dreamless sleep. It felt almost like being awake, but her surroundings told her clearly that she was not.

Looking around, Rey recognized the scenery immediately: she stood in the snowy forests of the ice planet Ilum. Snowflakes were falling silently, and a pale white light illuminated the eerie woods. Once, Ilum had been one of the most sacred places of the Jedi - until the First Order turned the entire planet into a gigantic, mobile weapon of mass destruction: Starkiller Base.  
Here, in this forest, Kylo Ren had offered her to join him for the first time. In response, she had given him a scar across his face.

And now she was here again, in a place which no longer existed in the real world. The Resistance had sabotaged the thermal oscillator’s conduit, and under the enormous pressure of the pent-up dark energies, Ilum had collapsed and imploded into a star.

A sound startled Rey; the crunching of footsteps on snow.  
She turned and her heart leapt: Ben, whole and unscathed, was running right at her! Instinctively, she spread her arms to embrace him, but he didn’t slow down and then – he ran right through her.

Rey gasped. She had not felt any resistance at all, like she wasn’t even solid. Or was it him?  
‘That’s what ghosts must feel like,’ she thought and shivered.

Before she could turn to see if the incident had had any impact on Ben, something else caught her attention: the trees were moving.

No – not the trees; the movement turned out to be legions of hooded figures. They were after him again!

Rey spun on her heel and darted after Ben as well. He was already some yards ahead, winding his way through the narrow trees in an attempt to put as many obstacles as possible in the way of his pursuers. That also made it harder for her not to lose sight of him.  
Fortunately, the cloaked monsters ignored Rey completely. Maybe they also did not perceive her, like Ben? Some of them were passing her so closely that she altered her course; she had no desire to have them pass through her as well.

Ben Force-jumped over a chasm, similar to the one that had separated him from Rey a year ago.

This suddenly reminded her of her plan to interfere.

She concentrated. With her mind, she searched for the web of the Force, that fabric of energy that connected everything in the galaxy. What she found felt different somehow, but she paid no heed. There was work to be done.

Harnessing the power of the Force, Rey tugged at its strings to pull the hunter closest to Ben off-balance. It worked; the figure stumbled and crashed into a snow drift. But at the same time, the hooded shape in front of Rey stopped, whirled around - and looked her straight in the eyes!

For the first time, Rey saw the horribly disfigured face under the hood. It was almost human, except for the purple skin colour, sharp bone spurs around the eyes and two fleshy tentacles on the chin. The yellow-glowing eyes were sunken and sparkled with hatred and malice. Wounds covered the skull; cuts and burst skin, a tentacle dangled down, half torn off.

The creature snarled threateningly, raised a hand and struck at her with its claws. Instinctively, Rey raised her arm to block the blow. The claws raked over her forearm and a sharp pain flashed through her.

Rey cried out - and woke up, the echo of her scream still ringing in her ears.

Immediately, heavy footsteps thundered across the corridor, and less than ten seconds later, Chewbacca stormed through the door, swinging a heavy magna-driver. Rey sat bolt-upright in bed, her arm pressed tightly against herself, and stared at him with wide eyes. Then she pulled herself together.

“I’m okay, Chewie,” she gasped and tried to ignore her wildly beating heart, “I just had a bad dream. Sorry.”

The Wookiee looked at her critically and asked something.

Rey nodded. “Yes, everything’s okay now. I just need a moment’s rest, thank you!” He growled, lowered the driver and trotted back to his bunk.

She listened after him until she heard the squeaking of his pallet. Only then did she look down carefully at herself: three blood-red, frayed lines adorned her forearm. An otherworldly, black shimmer wafted around them.

Now Rey was absolutely sure: These were no mere nightmares, no figments of her imagination. It was their dyad, the unique Force bond that still connected her to Ben. Whatever hellish place he was imprisoned in - she had just been there, too.

She carefully examined the damage. It could have been worse. The cuts were not very deep, the trickle of blood had already ceased. Maybe it was just a warning for her to stay away. Or she had been very lucky.  
But the one thing this wound proved beyond a shadow of a doubt was, that her visions were _real_ \- and so was Ben!

All at once, Rey’s famous determination was restored. She would save Ben from those monsters. She had a purpose again, a destiny - and together with that, her strength and unbridled will returned.

Rey jumped out of bed and had to force herself to leave the _Falcon_ pointedly slow.

“I’m going to take a walk. Get some fresh air,” she called to Chewie. Deep inside, she felt a little bad about swindling her friend; but this was a Jedi matter. As soon as she had left the ramp, she ran straight to Finn’s quarters.

_Ben shot through the air, drawing on the Force to jump higher and farther than any ordinary human could ever have. Beneath him gaped an endless abyss. One of countless more. Ilum was falling apart._

_Kylo Ren had defiled this sanctuary of the Jedi. He had killed his own father here, and had suffered an almost fatal defeat himself, both physically and emotionally._

_And yet, Ben was not thinking about any of this right now._

_He had sensed something unbelievable, something he had thought impossible: his other half in the Force! For a brief moment, Ben had felt Rey’s presence clearly, piercing the cloud of fear, darkness and despair that obscured everything down here. There had been times before when he had imagined he felt her comforting spirit; but this time, it was different. The feeling was much stronger._

_Ben landed in the snow on the other side of the chasm and immediately whirled around. He was breathing heavily, but his eyes were sparkling with excitement as he reached out with all his senses and searched for the source of this feeling._

_There! A disturbance in the Force!_

_One of the demons following him had just prepared to leap over the chasm, when the Force around him changed suddenly. He staggered and tumbled into a snow drift. Ben’s heart jumped. Had Rey done that? Could it really be her? But how?_

_And there, behind the snow-covered brambles - one of his fiendish hunters turned around abruptly and lashed out at thin air! Ben squinted and tried to see what was going on back there. But it was too far away, and the falling snow flakes blurred everything. He concentrated and probed for their bond, trying to locate Rey’s familiar awareness. But he found nothing; on the contrary: the feeling of her presence was all of a sudden gone completely._

_More cloaked figures approached the abyss now, and Ben knew he could not stay much longer. He had to get moving again. Reluctantly, he stepped away from the cliff._

_Had it really been Rey? And if so, why had she come here? How_ could _she even come here?_

_Was it possible … that she had found a way to this place? And could he perhaps use that same way to escape from here?_

_Maybe he had been wrong, and there was still a path that would lead him to Rey! He would only have to find it._

_With new-found energy, Ben sped through the frozen forest, his thoughts racing even faster._


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School started again for us today, and it's quite a challenge ... since it's Home schooling, alas. I will still strive to keep up with this regularly, but I apologize if I don't answer messages and comments as quickly as before. And in case school started for you as well: Keep calm and carry on, this is especially for you today! 🤗

For the second time in only three days, Rey knocked at Finn’s door in the middle of the night. This time though, it took a lot longer before she heard the sound of shuffling feet and the door finally opened. Finn blinked drowsily; he looked tired and crumpled in his pyjama bottoms.

“Rey?” he mumbled. “Wassup?”

“I need to talk to you. And I need to talk to you _now_.”

She slipped past him without waiting for an invitation. The bed was ruffled, she noticed; he seemed to have overcome his sleeping problem at last. Finn dropped heavily into the plastic chair.  
“You’ve been dreaming about _him_ again,” he said. It was not a question.

“It’s not just dreams,” Rey replied firmly.

Finn sighed, and this time he didn’t even try to hide his frustration. But before he could say anything, Rey held out her arm and showed him the marks.

“Dreams don’t do that,” she said dryly.

Finn stared at the bloody claw marks and was immediately wide awake.

“I’ll be jiggered! Where did you … no, wait. Let’s get Poe first, then you don’t have to tell the story twice,” he said and searched the pockets of his jacket, draped over the chair, for his comlink. “He’s on nightshift anyways, just down the corridor. Probably slurping caf with D’Acy in the ops room.”

Rey felt a little queasy. Poe had a knack of being too honest at times, especially when it came to her personal affairs, like ‘the kiss’ or her visions. How would he react to this now? On the other hand, she hoped, they had gotten along well again, especially recently.

Finn had found the little device at last and selected the message function. “Poe, come to my quarter, at lightspeed.” He pressed the ‘send’-button and waited for a confirmation.

“Wasn’t that a bit dramatic?” Rey asked carefully.

“Nah, any less urgent and he’ll ignore it, thinking I just need someone to bring me fresh caf. Not that such worries would be warranted in any form! I would never do that,” Finn grinned.

The comlink confirmation never came; instead, the door suddenly flew open and Poe stumbled in, panting. “What … in the … Rey?!” He froze and looked in confusion from Finn to her. Then back to Finn, wearing nothing but a pair of pants.

“No, not what you’re probably thinking,” Finn frowned. The room only featured two chairs, so he offered his to Poe and plunked down on the bed. “Sit down. Rey’s got something to show you.”

“Oh? I can’t wait to see,” Poe said with a raised eyebrow and took the proffered chair.

With a bit of trepidation, Rey showed him her arm. He looked at it, frowned, looked again. Then he shook his head. “Is this some kind of joke I don’t get?”

“But - don’t you see it?” she asked incredulously.

“No. What?”

“She’s wounded!” Finn interjected. “Three bleeding cuts, right across her forearm.”

“Are you kidding me?” Poe’s frown deepened and he bent closer, squinting his eyes. “I don’t see the tiniest scratch.”

“Here,” Rey carefully hovered her index over the marks, tracing one after the other in the air, “and here, and here.”

Poe followed her intently. “Seriously, I see nothing but your arm. Safe and sound.”

“That’s weird,” Finn wondered. “Why can’t you see them?”

“Hmm; maybe it is something only visible to Force-sensitives,” Rey mused. And then she told the two men how she had come by these injuries, about the terrible creature that had attacked her in her sleep.  
“When I woke up, there was a black aura surrounding the marks,” she finished. “It’s gone now. I don’t know what it could mean, but maybe Finn and I are the only ones who can see wounds that have been inflicted through the Force like this.”

“Possibly,” Finn agreed. He fidgeted around on the edge of his bed, too agitated by her recount to sit still. “But I’ll swear any oath that those wounds are totally real, Poe, even if you can’t see them. There’s something fishy going on here, don’t you think?”

Poe chewed his lip for a while, staring at Rey’s forearm, deep in thought. She was already beginning to fear that he might rubbish her vision again, but then he looked straight at her.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I was wrong when I said your dreams were just delusions. Honestly, I have no idea what’s going on, but I trust you two. So, whatever you say it is – I’ll believe you.”

In an impulse, Rey got up and hugged him tightly. Finn grinned at them like a tooka cat. When she sat back down on her chair, she furtively brushed a tear from the corner of her eye.

“So, what do we do?” Poe asked gently.

Rey cleared her throat. “If my visions are real, then those creatures and Ben are real, too. He’s not yet gone from here completely; I believe that we can still save him. If we find him, I’m sure I can somehow bring him back.”

“Wait a minute - _back_?” Poe frowned now. “I thought you just wanted to help him deep-six the monsters and proceed onwards to heaven, or whatever the Jedi call their afterlife.” He had no desire to bring the Supreme Leader back, atoned or not.

“Don’t cross your bridges before you come to them,” Finn cut in quickly. “No matter what you’re planning to do with him, you’ll first have to find him. Otherwise you’re wasting your breath arguing. So, where is he exactly?”

“He’s at a different place each time,” Rey said slowly, only too happy not having to discuss the finer details of her plans with Poe. “Some of them I don’t know, others I’ve recognized. Like Crait, or Luke's Jedi temple. And last night, he was definitely on Starkiller Base.”

“Hmm,” Finn tapped a finger to his chin, thinking hard. “All locations that held some significance for him. Places where he suffered a defeat.”

“But where is he going to be next?” Poe joined their considerations. “That’s the interesting question, if we want to be there, too.”

She smiled, glad that Poe allowed the topic to rest. He truly had matured; the man she had met a year ago would have been too hot-headed to not continue the fight.  
“I’m not even sure it is a real, physical place on this plane of existence,” she replied. “Starkiller Base is long gone, for example. And in another dream, I had to watch Ben reassemble himself piece by piece after he’d been torn apart. No real human body could’ve survived such an amount of injury. Maybe he’s incorporeal or something.”

“Wow, I’m out,” he raised his hands. “This is way beyond my humble comprehension.”

“Yeah, this is out of our league,” Finn agreed. “Which leaves you with a single option: ask someone who’s adept in this stuff. The only ones coming to my mind would be the Skywalkers. They were both Jedi Masters, plus they knew Ben from birth; they might even know where he’ll show up next.”

Rey was reluctant. It was a reasonable advice; she just hadn’t told Finn or Poe that she had already talked to Leia and Anakin, to no avail; asking the two once more would probably not yield any new insights.  
Which left Luke as her only hope. ‘Déjà vu,’ she thought and couldn’t suppress a wry smile.

“Okay, it’s worth a try,” she got up. Although she realized that she was clutching at a straw, it didn’t quench her determination. “Better than sitting and waiting.”

When she left Finn’s quarter, she overheard Poe mutter to Finn, “What do you mean she’s going to _ask_ them?”  
  


***

  
Rey left _Tantive IV_ and dashed out of the limestone cave. In the dim cave, she nearly crashed into BB-8 and D-O, who were trundling towards the recharging station.

“Sorry!” she called over her shoulder, “I’m in a hurry, guys.”  
BB-8 beeped inquisitively after her, but he got no answer; the jungle had already swallowed her.  
“O-o-overclocked?” D-O suggested, and BB-8 agreed with a low whistling.

Rey hastened through the nocturnal jungle. Leaves and twigs struck her in the face, but she raced on regardless. Running felt good, it reminded her that she was alive and taking action. In the faint light of the stars, she occasionally saw one of the local miniature deer take flight, but fortunately, she didn’t run into any dangerous animals on her way to the ledge that overlooked the base.

The terrain rose slowly and Rey decelerated, careful to keep her footing on the damp, moss-covered rock. Finally, the trees fell away and she stepped onto the cliff. Above her, the galaxy expanded endlessly. There was no light pollution on Ajan Kloss, which rewarded her with an incredible view into deep space.  
‘No wonder the Force can be felt so strongly here,’ Rey thought in awe.

Sitting down, she closed her eyes and quieted her mind. Descending into contemplation was becoming easier again, she found.

“Master Skywalker,” Rey whispered, “be with me. Be with me.”

“You could be a bit more specific, you know,” an amused voice answered a few minutes later.

Rey’s heart leapt and she opened her eyes again, recognizing the voice immediately: it was Luke! His blueish Force spirit stood beside her and smiled down at her warmly.

“There’s three Skywalkers here; although strictly speaking, Leia is a Solo,” he said. “It’s good to see you back in shape, Rey. You had us worried a bit, after Exegol.”

“I’m sorry, Master. I let myself go. But no longer! That’s also why I’ve contacted you; I need your advice,” Rey said eagerly. “There should be two Solos now, but one is missing. Has Leia told you about our conversation?”

“Yes, she has,” Luke nodded earnestly, “and I tend to agree with her. As grievous as it may be, you have to continue your life. There’s so much still lying ahead, so many possibilities for you. You could help to restore order in the galaxy, or you might want to pick up my mantle and train a new generation of Jedi. Finn is such a good start!”

Rey’s good mood vanished. Like she had feared, Luke was taking the same line as his twin, discouraging her from holding on to Ben. She knew they only meant well for her, but starting a training temple was the last thing she had on her mind at present.

“On Exegol, when I thought all was lost, you came to me. All of you! All the great Jedi of the past,” she tried to sway him. “I heard your voices. And your father’s voice told me to bring back the balance, as he had done. But how am I supposed to do this, alone?”

“You’ve already achieved it,” the old Jedi replied calmly. “You conquered the darkness within both of you: You resisted Palpatine’s temptations and cleansed Ben’s corruption. His death doesn’t change this. Wherever he is currently, he will emerge here eventually. Have patience, Rey.”

“But what if the wait-and-see strategy turns out to be wrong? Every moment that Ben is trapped in suspense could mean more torture and pain for him.”

Luke squatted down so he was at eye level with her. “For him – or for you?”

“For him,” Rey emphasized. In a desperate, last attempt to convince her Master, she rolled up the hem of her poncho and revealed the three claw marks on her forearm. “This is what I got for trying to help Ben last night in my dreams, from a cloaked figure that was hunting him. And there’s hundreds of them chasing him every night, torturing him if they grab hold of him. I can’t allow them to do that any longer.”

But Luke wasn’t even listening. The moment she had shown him the marks, his attention had been on them.

“This is no ordinary wound,” he whispered. “This has been inflicted purely by the Force.”

“Yes, I know. But didn’t you listen, there’s hundreds of those –”

Luke reached out and gently laid his hand on her good arm. She felt his warm touch as if he was solid. “I am sorry that I’ve been so harsh, Rey. I have underestimated how much Ben’s loss is punishing you.”

The sudden change in tone puzzled Rey.  
She examined his face; he looked deeply worried, but it was not the fearful horror she had seen in his eyes on Ahch-To, when he first realized the level of raw power that coursed through her. It was a look of concern and compassion, and the way he crouched in front of her, like she was a wounded animal that had to be treated carefully not to scare it away …

Her eyes went wide as realization struck.

“Are you suggesting that I did this to myself?!” she asked angrily.

“No, no Rey!” Luke quickly shook his head. “Not deliberately, at least. But nowadays, Force wounds are extremely rare, and if you suffered them in a dream, it might be a hint -”

“A hint towards the fact that I’m immersing myself so deeply into my hallucinations that they become real?” she cut over him bitterly and jumped to her feet. This theory sounded all too familiar. “Well, thanks for your diagnosis. But you’re wrong. I’m not making this up!”

“Rey!” Luke’s pained voice called after her, but she was already storming from the ledge, back into the jungle. She didn’t look back to see the defeated look on his face; again, he had failed an apprentice by an unfortunate turn of events.

Rey crashed through the undergrowth, stumbling blindly down the dark slope. She was foaming with rage. How dare Luke accuse her of such a thing? Was it really easier for him to believe that she hurt herself than to believe that her visions were true? Why did everyone always assume that her dreams were nothing more than the pining for a lost lover? She was no soppy, witless –

With a crunch, the rock under her suddenly gave way and Rey lost her balance. She yelped and tried to regain her footing, but it was too late. Her momentum carried her off her feet and she toppled down the ridge side. Tumbling and rolling, she frantically grasped around for a hold, until she remembered that there was a better way. Bracing both hands against the ground, she _pushed_ hard. Finally, her slide stopped, and she hovered a few inches above the ground.

Panting, Rey let go of the Force and plopped onto the mossy gravel. Her body ached everywhere from the harsh fall, but at least nothing felt broken. It was still pitch-black down here, so she reached for her lightsaber and ignited it. Its pale, yellow glow illuminated the night faintly.

She slowly got up and lifted the plasma blade higher to get a better view of her surroundings: she had almost reached the bottom of the hillside. Large boulders lay only a few metres below her; she was very glad that she hadn’t crashed into those.

‘If I had broken my neck down there, Luke would probably claim that I did that on purpose, too,’ Rey thought sourly and her temper flared again.

She jumped down the last few steps and then stomped back towards the Rebel base, seething with anger and frustration.  
‘This was the _last time_ I asked a Force spirit for advice,’ she decided petulantly. She was mightily pissed with her Masters. ‘One never gets anywhere with them.’

She was on her own, Rey realized.

“Doesn’t matter,” she growled and swung her lightsaber like a machete, slicing the palm fronds in her path. “Most of my life, I did pretty well alone.”

With dawn already tinging the horizon in shades of pink and orange, Rey reached the camp and immediately flung herself into bed. She fell into an uneasy sleep; the noises of the awakening base kept her from dreaming.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is turning every stone, searching for a sign of Ben's whereabouts...
> 
> A short, little Chapter featuring my favorite smuggler! Yeah I know - sorry, Han.

A few hours later, Rey trudged through the rainforest on her way back from an early morning training session, and still felt grumpy and very tired.

Finn was chatting happily besides her, and Rey couldn’t blame him. He had made good progress in his training, and although she thought that he was still relying too much on emotions rather than on control, he had managed to accomplish his Force pushes with acceptable precision. Pulling was still an insuperable barrier, but Rey was positive that he would get round to mastering it with time.

When Finn had asked her about her meeting with Luke, she had only told him that she was none the wiser, keeping her face as neutral as possible. Her Master’s assumptions about the origin of the claw marks, she kept to herself; she was not going to risk her friends assenting to Luke’s view, not after it had taken her so long to convince them into finally believing her.

“… Rey? Ajan Kloss to Rey, hello!”

Finn’s voice startled her out of her thoughts. They had nearly reached the base camp already, she realized with surprise.

“Wool-gathering again, Master Skywalker? I thought you were past that,” he fretted.

“A bit,” she admitted. “Just trying to figure out what to do next. About finding Ben.”

“If you find him, will you really try to bring him back?” Finn asked. “I mean, you do realize that Poe, and probably a lot of other folk, are very happy the way things are, right? At least, when it comes to the Supreme Leader’s fate.”

“Yes, and I’m among them, but ‘these folk’ don’t know what I know: that I’m not bringing back Kylo Ren, but Ben Solo,” Rey said wearily. How many more times did she have to tell them? Was it so difficult to believe that the dark side fundamentally changed people? That it made a difference, and wasn’t just a technicality of naming?

Finn pressed his lips together and remained silent. She didn’t need to probe his mind to know that he was with Poe on this one. He would rather not have Leia’s son back, but respected her too much to say it out loud.

Just before they reached the forest’s boundary, he spoke up again. “I overheard Jannah this morning, saying that she and Lando will soon be off on a Hydian Run to gather more supplies. As far as I know, Lando and Han were best buddies for decades; maybe he’ll have some stories to tell about Han’s son. So, in case you wanted to talk to him personally, you better do it now.”

Rey nearly stumbled over her own feet. “That’s … that’s a great idea!”  
She started to run for the _Lady Luck_ , but then remembered to turn to Finn. “Thank you,” was all she said; there was so much more, but she didn’t know how to phrase it without sounding corny. She hoped her friend would understand regardless.  
  


***

  
Lando was just rounding his ship for a last pre-departure check, when Rey emerged from the dense undergrowth surrounding the parking spot of the _Lady Luck_.

“Ah, Rey. Come to see me off?” He grinned widely.

“Sad to see you go, is more like it,” she cocked her head. “Though we’re looking forward to the treats you’ll bring when you come back. You’ve set the bar very high, you know.”

“Then I shall do my damnedest to surprise you even more,” he winked. “First rule of the trade: never give away everything right at the start! Always keep a few aces up your sleeve.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Rey snickered, but then became serious. “I also came here because there’s something personal I need to ask you before you leave. Can you tell me anything about Ben Solo? About the time before he became… you know,” she trailed off.

The old man looked at her for a long moment, a sad smile playing around his lips. “I guess I could,” he finally sighed and pointed at a stack of crates. They sat down.

“I was already wondering when you’d ask me about Ben,” he admitted. “There’s rumours you are hunting after his soul.”

“Rumours?” Rey asked with raised eyebrows. “Who’s spreading rumours about that?”

But Lando shook his head. “Second rule of the trade, Rey: never disclose your best sources. Unless under torture. Or if it pays off exceptionally well.” When his attempt at joking didn’t lighten her up, he patted her hand instead. “Relax. You may rest assured that this is far from being common knowledge. Apart from me, only a handful of others know what keeps you awake at night, and I think you know them all.”

The administrative droid AD-4M suddenly appeared on the clearing, saw Calrissian, and came over with a data pad in hand. He handed it to him, saying, “Good day, sir. General Dameron has approved your flight. Your expected departure slot is in forty minutes.”

“That’s fine, Aydee, we’ll be ready,” Lando nodded and slipped the pad into his pocket.

As soon as the droid was out of earshot, he turned back to Rey. “Ben Solo,” he said slowly. “I don’t know what Han or Leia have told you about him. But Chewie and I are probably the last two people alive who have always known the young lad who would one day become Kylo Ren. So, what do you want to know?”

“I’m not even sure,” Rey admitted. “Ben is still out there somewhere; I just don’t know where exactly. He keeps showing up at different places he’s been to in the past. Important places. I believe that if I knew where he’s going to be, I might be able to free him, or at least help him defeat his pursuers.”

“Well, I’m less Force-sensitive than Aydee, and what you’re saying has ‘Force’ written all over it. I can’t help you foreseeing where Ben is going to show up. But I knew the Solos quite well, and if the story of how Ben grew up might help you, I’m your man. At least for the next half an hour.”

Rey considered that for a moment; then she nodded, pulled up her legs and crossed her arms over her knees. “Tell me how Ben grew up, please.”

And he did.

In quick sketches, Lando drew his picture of the first twenty-three years of Ben’s life.

How overjoyed Han and Leia had been about the birth of their child. The titch had captured everyone’s heart immediately, even when he sent a toy flying across the room, instinctively harnessing the power of the Force through the rage of a toddler.

How Ben was the only one who got away with yanking on Chewbacca’s fur, and that he had actually made the Wookiee _purr_ when they were cuddling.

How he had called Lando ‘unca Wanwo’, once he began to talk. These first few years had resembled a normal life, from watching holoshow cartoons to flying a kid’s speeder.

How Ben had always followed Han around as he grew older, admiration in his eyes, aspiring to become a pilot like his father.  
But around that time, the natures of Leia and Han had begun to clash severely. Han, the restless smuggler, and Leia, the respected senator in the New Republic. And then there was Ben; sometimes caught in the middle, sometimes left outside alone.

How his parents had brought him to his uncle when Ben was ten, hoping that the famous Jedi Luke Skywalker could keep him on the straight and narrow. Lando had visited them in the Jedi temple a few times, whenever he was around the Yavin system.

“One thing always bothered me,” Lando concluded his narration. Rey hung spellbound at his lips. “Ben never complained to me about his training, his fellow students or his uncle. But a few times, I watched them sparring and doing … Force things… well you know; and he always seemed so isolated from the others. I couldn’t make sense of it at that time.”

His sparkling eyes turned sad. “Not until seven years ago. Ben had already turned into Kylo Ren when it was publicly revealed that Leia’s true father had been Darth Vader. I contacted her and asked her if Ben had known, and she said ‘No’. Can you believe this, Rey?”

He looked at her intensely. “Ben had never known of his true lineage. That he was the grandson of Darth Vader. They had tried so hard to shield him from the dark secret of their family, that they had shoved him into a corner. A very lonely corner.”

“But he knew about his grandfather,” Rey found her voice again. “He even kept his deformed helmet on his ship. I’ve seen it.”

“Oh yes, I’m sure Supreme Leader Snoke used his knowledge of Ben’s inglorious ancestor to lure him to the dark side in the first place. But you wouldn’t think he told him the whole story, do you? That Vader had been redeemed in the end, had regretted what he had become?”

“No, certainly not.”

“Exactly,” he exhaled and sat back. “I loved and respected Leia very much, Rey. Even Han. And I don’t blame them for not always managing the balancing act between perfect parents and hardworking folk. But I firmly believe that the galaxy could’ve been spared a lot of pain, if they had only talked openly to Ben about his ancestry. Especially Luke and Leia. It certainly would’ve upped his resilience against manipulators such as Snoke to know that he was not the only one who felt the thrill of the dark side. Its calling. But that, ultimately, it would be the worse choice.”

Rey’s mind was reeling from all the new information. The almost perfect image of Luke and Leia received more cracks by the day, but maybe this was just her own anger. Lando said himself that he had no feeling for the Force, and her Masters might have had their reasons for keeping this particular information from Ben.  
“Maybe,” she replied evasively.

“Lando!” Jannah’s head poked out of the observation deck high above them. “We’re due to leave in… oh, hi Rey!”

The young freedom fighter wore a beautiful silk caftan instead of her usual, sturdy fighting gear. It was blazing red and flowed loosely around her frame. She had braided her mane and tied it back into a ponytail. If she hadn’t spoken, Rey would not have recognized her.

“I’ll be right there, princess,” Lando called and stood up. “Fire her up.”

He took Rey by the shoulders and squeezed. “We can talk more about this when I return. Or maybe you’ve even found Ben by then, with or without the help of the stories I told you.”

“Thank you so much for this, Lando.” Rey placed a smile on her face; she didn’t want to part on bad terms with the old General. “I can’t yet say if it’s going to help me find Ben, but those stories surely were most interesting and entertaining.”

“Yeah, I’m afraid that if you do find him, he might not like me having spilled the beans about his childhood,” he winked and climbed up the ramp. The engines were slowly coming to life. “Oh, one more thing. We’ve been digging through some of DJ’s data. There’s still a lot of work ahead of us, but we stumbled over a huge encrypted list of recruits, all conscripted by J-Sec. Rings a bell?”

“J-Sec,” Rey repeated slowly. Then it hit her. “Jinata Security! Yes! Finn said that these were the guys who collected his batch. How did you know?”

“Just rumours, of course,” Lando said mischievously. “Well, can’t say any more yet, but we’re on it.”

He waved her good-bye and disappeared into the bowels of the ship. The engines were howling now, and Rey hurried to clear the area before the blast from the exhaust nozzles became too strong.


	18. Chapter 18

Rey watched the _Lady Luck_ growing smaller and smaller, until it disappeared completely. The sky had darkened, black clouds were piling up into mountains on the horizon. In the distance, she could already hear the roll of thunder. It would rain soon.

_“Argh!”_

The sound of a failing repulsorfield, a dull thud and a stifled cry of pain caught Rey’s attention, and she headed worriedly towards the noise. A string of muttered curses pointed her deeper into the jungle. When she got closer, Rey recognized the voice: it was Maz Kanata.

And indeed, after a few meters, she discovered the pirate queen. The little woman stood next to an ancient, rickety antigrav cart, loaded with crates and boxes of all kinds. The antigrav seemed to have conked out under the strain for good.

“Ah, the Force sent you, girl!” Maz exclaimed and stopped kicking the junk heap when she saw Rey. “Just in time. Come on, be a nice Jedi and help me get this to my ship before it gets soaked.” As if on command, another thunder rumbled, closer and louder.

“Where did you get this thing? It’s antique; I’m surprised it even made it this far.” Rey knelt down beside the cart and tried to pry open the antigrav access hatch, but it was solidly rusted-in.

“Bah, never mind the drive. Are you a Jedi or not? Use the Force!”

Rey made to stand up when her hand brushed against of the crates, a wooden chest with huge metal locks. A disgusting feeling shot through her, smarmy and deceitful like the smile of a Hutt. It felt so vile and repulsive that she quickly drew her hand away as if she had burned it.

“What’s in there?” she panted shakily.

Maz turned and looked at the chest Rey was pointing at. An expression of regret flitted over her wrinkled face. “Something that better remains locked away,” the petite woman said darkly. “One of many curiosities I’ve been collecting over time; not for profit, but for safekeeping. Do not touch it. It bites.”

“So I noticed.” Warily, Rey took a few steps back from the cart. Then she extended a hand, concentrated, and the whole carriage lifted easily from the ground. “I guess I shouldn’t even ask about the other boxes?” she called after Maz, who had already walked ahead, leading the way further into the rainforest.

“A wise conclusion,” Kanata replied over her shoulder. “Those crates are part of my property from Takodana. Some of my antiques and trinkets survived the First Order’s rude visit and have been pilfered. But most of them find their way back to me, sooner or later. Lando ‘stumbled’ over these here, and was kind enough to return them to me.”

Rey didn’t answer right away; a large palm leaf had slapped her face. The forest was dense and overgrown, and her guide didn’t stick to any discernible path. She ducked deeply to avoid another low-hanging branch and envied Maz for her petite form. “Where are we going?”

“Didn’t I say that? To my ship, of course. I’ve parked a little distance outside, the base is always so crowded,” Maz replied and stepped around the uprooted trunk of an enormous sequoia.

Only then did Rey notice that the old woman was limping slightly.

“What’s wrong with your leg? Are you hurt?”

“Nah, it’s nothing. A box dropped on my foot when the antigrav failed, but I’m good. Don’t worry. How did you get yours?”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked confusedly.

“Your arm. Looks like an interesting story; or isn’t that a Force wound?”

She was so surprised that the cart almost slipped from her hold. “You can see it?!”

“Yes. You don’t have to be a Jedi to know the Force, nor to see its more sinister effects. Did something in your training with young Finn go amiss?”

“No, this has nothing to do with him. I got it from … from a malevolent spirit in a vision,” she explained, pushed away a bundle of vines that hung from a tree like a giant curtain – and froze in place.

The curtain revealed a circular clearing, flanked by five huge sequoia trees. Nestled within this natural alcove was a small ship. Maz approached it, keyed something into the transmitter on her wrist, and the rear cargo ramp lowered slowly.

High above them, the treetops began to sway and a rushing passed through the leaves. The wind was picking up, indicating the coming of the storm.

“Come inside, quick,” Maz beckoned her and entered the ship.

She didn’t have to tell her twice. As much as Rey appreciated water - the initial joy of feeling completely soaked through after a rain shower in the jungle had quickly faded. She guided the cart inside and then followed the pirate queen to the cockpit. The large, transparisteel windows gave her a stunning 180° view of the exterior. ‘In space, this must be grand,’ Rey thought.

“Have a seat,” Maz pointed at the co-pilot’s seat and busied herself in the galley. “I’ll make us tea, and you tell me all about this vision.”

Rey did. She hadn’t finished yet when the cloudburst hit and rain streamed down the windows, blurring her vision. ‘How befitting,’ she mused.

Her hostess came over and handed her a steaming mug of aromatic tea. “Thanks again for helping me out of trouble. Without you, I would never have made it here in time.”

Groaning, Maz let herself fall into the captain’s chair and put her leg up onto the console.

“Let me have a look at that, please,” Rey said with concern. “Even a blind man can see that it’s not ‘okay’.”

“Oh alright, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad,” she yielded. “Damn cart.”

Rey carefully pulled the hand-knitted legwarmer away and examined the ankle below. It was swollen and a dark bruise was beginning to form. She gently put a hand on it, closed her eyes and reached for the Force.  
A low hum resonated through the cockpit. Rey felt all the life in the rainforest around her, drew some of its energy into herself, added her own and poured it into the sprained ankle. She felt Maz’ pain recede, and when she opened her eyes again, she knew that the foot had healed.

“Incredible,” Maz muttered, but she wasn’t looking at her foot. She was looking at Rey. “Do you even understand how unique your ability to heal is? And how significant? I haven’t seen anyone do _this_ with the Force in all of my life, neither Jedi nor Sith. Can you imagine how different history might have gone if people had been able to heal instead of just killing each other?”

“Hardly,” Rey admitted and reclined into the padded seat, sipping her tea. She had never thought about this at all, to be honest. The possibilities, if Anakin had been able to save his beloved… but no, there was no use pondering about such things now. The past was immutable.

“Does it exhaust you?” Maz asked curiously and lifted her leg from the console, gyrating her foot experimentally. “To heal someone?”

“Sometimes. The more grievous the injury, the more it exhausts me. Though I wonder why no one else ever used this ability; it’s described in the Jedi texts. It isn’t exactly secret knowledge.”

The little woman shrugged. “Maybe it doesn’t work for others like it does for you. I take it you are aware of yourself being one half of a pair in the Force?”

Rey nodded, not really surprised that the pirate queen had gathered this information from one of her uncountable sources. No wonder she had been one of Leia’s closest and most indispensable advisors.

“When Han first brought you and Finn to me, I thought you two might be the foretold pairing,” she continued. “But I was mistaken.”

“Foretold?” Rey frowned.

“Yes. There’s a Sith prophecy about two Force-users bonded so thoroughly that they are truly One. The Sith have been fascinated with the concept of two for an eternity.”

Rey cast a glance towards the cargo compartment, where she had parked the cart with the ominous box. “You seem to have a fascination for the Sith and their heirlooms.”

“Not overly,” Maz chuckled. “The Force is universal, girl. And it paints in broad strokes. Trinkets and artifacts might be simply pitch-black or snow-white, but people never are. They have layers. Flaws and virtues, shadow and light.”

Her words reminded Rey of the ancient mosaic she had seen in the Jedi temple on Ahch-To. According to the Rammahgon, it depicted the Prime Jedi in a state of perfect balance: He was half black, half white, and his surroundings contained both elements equally. Nothing was pure, but everything was in balance.

“The same applies for the other half of the pairing; Leia and Han’s son.”

Rey felt a lump in her throat and tried to wash it down with another sip of tea. “Ben called us a ‘dyad in the Force’. I’d have him back if I could,” she whispered.

“Of course you would. Your souls are still intertwined; that vision proves it. But it seems, there are those who don’t want you to have Ben back.” Maz pointed at the three thin marks across her forearm. “Have you tried to heal it?”

“No,” Rey shook her head. “It’s just a scratch.” And it was also proof that she wasn’t just telling made-up stories, she added silently.

“I’m not the biggest fan of gambling in the galaxy, but I would bet my ship that you couldn’t heal it, even if you tried,” Maz said. “Beware of those spirits, Rey. The dark side of the Force can harm you in more ways than that of the flesh, and its poison runs deep.”

“You wouldn’t know where I could find Ben? Where he’s going to turn up next?” Rey blurted out, unable to prevent herself from asking the question that burned in her chest.

“I don’t,” the old advisor replied calmly. “But I’d question whether he is any _where_ really, in the first place.” She looked out of the windows. The rain had stopped, though the water still dripped from the canopy of leaves above and there were still rumbling thunders close by. “And if you wanted to get back to the camp for dinner in time, most dryly, you should get going now. The rain will return soon.”

Rey understood the hint and got up. “You’re right, I’d better leave now. Thanks for the tea, and your advice.”

She left the freighter and wound her way back through the steaming jungle. It was uncomfortably humid, and her hair and clothes clung to her within seconds. Thunder rolled overhead, and she had just reached the mess when another downpour struck.

  
***  
  


Rey sat alone at a table and poked her food ration listlessly. She pushed the protein block around her plate, leaving sticky trails of brown _something_ on the plastic. The weather was as glum as her mood; the rain pounded onto the metal roof above her, and the ship’s climate control had a hard time keeping out the moist heat.

The day had been a complete waste. Well, maybe not entirely, since she had indeed learned many interesting things she hadn’t known before, both about the Force and about Ben. But what she had been looking for most urgently, she had not found.

Rey sighed and dropped her fork. She was not hungry. It was just so annoying that Ben’s whereabouts kept evading her. Who was left to ask, where could she find help?

Good Force, she had even mustered up the courage to ask _Chewbacca,_ who was helping out in the mess tonight, but all she got out of the Wookiee was a snide remark about Ben’s … no, she couldn’t possibly repeat that to anyone, ever.

There was movement at the ramp and Rose came running in, dripping wet. She took a tray of food and sat down next to Rey.

“What a lousy weather,” she dried her hands and face with a paper towel. “I could have saved myself the trouble of fixing the showers, there’s a quicker way to get drenched.”

Rey only nodded, not really paying attention. Rose noticed her silence, as well as the untouched plate of food.  
“Did you know,” she lowered her voice conspiratorially, “that there’s this absolutely gorgeous, blonde guy at the Engineering Corps who has his eye on you?”

“Huh?” Rey’s head shot up.

“Ah, finally someone’s awake,” Rose smiled smugly. “He’s a little shy. Has tried to talk to you a few times, but I guess he always missed the right moment.”

Rey saw a face in her mind’s eye and searched her memory for the corresponding name. “Hadeen?”

“Oh, so you did notice him.” Her friend winked. “He’s quite a stunner, right?”

“Um, well, if you say so?”

“What? Don’t you like blondes? Ah, I see; you prefer tall, dark, and Force-sensitive,” Rose grinned at her.

“Can we talk about something else, please?” Rey felt a blush creep up her cheeks. She wasn’t even sure if Rose was describing Ben - or Finn.

“As you wish,” she still smiled. “Paige always used to talk about boys to cheer me up when I was down, you know. Worked like a charm. She was so popular with the boys.” Rose gripped her medallion, lost in thought.

“I’m sorry, Rose. You have lost so much in this war,” Rey whispered. She felt ashamed for focussing solely on herself again.

“Yes. But she died like she’d lived: as a hero. I can be strong for her. And at least I was lucky enough to make new friends along the way,” she nudged Rey. Then she grabbed her cutlery and dug into her food ration heartily.  
“So, tell me, what’s been raining on your parade?” she mumbled.

Rey told her of her fruitless endeavours, recounting her day in short.

Rose listened patiently and ate her food, only nodding at times. When she was finished, she cast a glance at Rey’s untouched plate, and Rey passed it over to her, still lacking appetite. Joyfully, the little technician tucked in.

“I’m at a dead end,” Rey finally finished her account. That realization nearly had her succumb to despair. As much as she racked her brains, she just couldn’t grasp that vital, missing piece: where had Ben gone, if not to the Mist-Beyond? How could she free him if she didn’t even know from where?

Rose leaned back and sighed, “Uh, I’m full.” She rubbed her belly. “I really love the brown ones, you know? The yellows are okay, too, but the green -” she made a face and shuddered with disgust.

Rey just smiled. Everything tasted the same for her, these days. They could have served her sawdust with cardboard, for all she cared. What unhinged her a bit though, was the fact that Rose seemed completely unfazed by what Rey had been talking about the last few minutes.

“It may sound silly, and maybe it is, but – why don’t you just ask _Ben_ where he is?”

Rey felt thunderstruck. “What?”

“You say you visit him every night in those dreams. Couldn’t you ask him where he is? I would think he knows best.”

She blinked. Then a smile lit up her face. “Rose, you are a genius!” She hugged the technician tightly and sped out of the mess, heedless of the rain.  
Rose laughed and called after her, “Save what you love, Rey!”

Rey returned to her quarters, gathered a few items and rushed on into the jungle, up the ledge, remembering to choose the place carefully. At least, it had stopped raining again by now.

She set up her camp: a warm, woollen blanket for the night, a small oil lamp and her lightsaber. Just in case.  
Before she lay down, she meditated for a while to calm her mind and focus on the light side of the Force. Yet her heart was still beating wildly in her chest with excitement when she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you doing out there? Everybody still in good spirits? Is the pacing right, or are the updates too quick for your taste? Wouldn't want to hassle anyone...  
> I'd love to read from you! 😃


	19. Chapter 19

Rey stood high upon the wreckage of the Death Star. Below her, Kef Bir’s ocean was raging. She felt the whole structure quiver whenever the colossal waves crashed against the skeleton of the Empire’s former pride. Wind tousled her hair, and the sea spray tasted salty.  
Everything felt so real, though she knew this was happening only in her mind. Her hand went to her hip – but her lightsaber wasn’t there. Blast.

She shielded her eyes against the elements and looked around, trying to find Ben. It wasn’t difficult: a swarm of black, hooded creatures crowded onto a platform nearby. Bent support beams protruded from its side, like iron rib bones. On one of them stood Ben. He was jumping from one to the other like an acrobat, using the strategic advantage of this position to send his assailants tumbling into the sea with Force pushes. He could not escape this way; but they could not get him either.  
Unless he slipped.

Rey reached out with her mind, calling out to Ben through their bond. But instead of the familiar touch of his mind, a sharp pain flashed through her. She recoiled; it had felt like dipping into the ice-cold void of space. Something was wrong.

At the same moment, the creatures in the back row spun around, glared at her for a split second - and then charged towards her. But this time, Rey was prepared.

The first one lunged at her, claws of both hands raised to rip up her face. Rey quickly dodged him and, in one flowing movement, continued to kick another in the chest who had leapt at her back.  
Gathering the Force, she shoved the next pair of assailants hard, knocking them back into their companions behind them.

Rey turned and focussed on Ben again, but with the same result: something dark and vicious lurked beneath their bond and snatched at her as soon as she reached for their connection. Something was blocking her from Ben. Or someone.

Rey’s eyes darted to the throng of black figures that stood between her and Ben. So, she had to get past them. But how?

Her attackers had recovered and charged again. Rey dodged and pushed, struggling to keep her balance on the slippery surface. She held her position, but she couldn’t advance. And there were so many more still ahead of her.  
‘A kingdom for a lightsaber,’ she thought grimly, fending off another blow aimed at her throat.

Unexpectedly, nature came to her aid as a giant wave crashed over the platform. Rey nearly lost her footing, instinctively using the Force to stabilize herself. Her opponents were not that lucky: they were swept off their feet, and all but three of them vanished in the roiling depth. She seized the opportunity and leapt over her prone enemies, running towards the dense crowd of hooded creatures.  
Maybe she could climb along the flank of the Death Star to get around them? Rey peered over the edge, and her heart sank. She was standing on the rim of the superlaser’s focus lense, and below her, the structure fell away at a steep angle. Even using the Force, she would have a hard time bypassing her enemies that way. Not to mention the raging ocean, or her pursuers.

Rey felt the hairs on her neck rise and quickly turned around. Her three chasers were back, and they were getting reinforcements. More of their companions parted from the main group and headed her way now, since they were unable to get to Ben. They surrounded her, slow and menacing.  
_Kriff -_ she realized too late that she had allowed them to close a ring around her.

Rey gritted her teeth. She closed her eyes and desperately drew on the raw Force of the sea, channelling a roundhouse blast that send the monsters sprawling to the floor. Her head spun, and she nearly stumbled from sudden exhaustion; Kef Bir’s ocean was a powerful beast that was difficult to harness, and impossible to tame.

Suddenly, she heard a strange sound - familiar and frightening at the same time. She blinked and tried to focus on the source of the crackling, spitting noise.

And then Rey saw it.

From the swirling depths of the ocean, a sizzling streak of angry red emerged. Serrated and volatile. It rotated like a propeller and rose in an arc towards Ben’s outstretched hand. It cut a swath of destruction through the shrouded figures in its way, before it smacked into his firm grip.

Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.

_“No!”_

Rey screamed as a terrible realization hit her: this was what those horrible creatures had been trying to achieve all along! To drag Ben back into the Kylo Ren persona, nullifying his redemption, condemning his soul to an eternity in hell.

Another tidal wave surged against the platform, and this time, Rey was unable to hold on. Like a giant fist, the cold saltwater punched her in the gut and swept her away.

The last thing she saw was the fierce, red flare of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.  
  


***

  
Rey woke up screaming and flailing, as if she was still falling off the wreckage of the Death Star, towards the churning ocean. Her foot caught the oil lamp and sent it flying over the ledge. It hit the mountain side a few times on its way down, until a final loud crash announced its demise.  
For a moment, it was completely dark. Then Rey’s eyes adjusted to the dim light of the stars above. She spotted the blanket; it had caught on some dried shrubs near the edge of the cliff.

When she had recovered a bit and her body wasn’t shaking so badly anymore, she got up and fetched the blanket, drawing it closely around her. She felt so cold, as if truly submerged in the chill ocean of Kef Bir.

Ben had not heard her. She had not come through to him. And worse: he had retrieved his old lightsaber, _Kylo Ren’s_ lightsaber. The endless fighting and torturing had finally worn him down. He was succumbing to the dark side once more.

And Rey had been unable to prevent it.

Ben would never return. Neither to her, nor to his family on the other side of the veil. Trapped in hell forever. Tears welled up in her eyes and she didn’t try to hold them back anymore.

Ironically, this was a recurring theme with Ben.  
“Oh Ben,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry. I failed you. Everyone always failed you; your parents, your Masters – and I’m no better.”

Rey curled up and dropped her head onto her arms. Tears fell into her lap; tears she had suppressed for so long, stubbornly refusing to accept their fate. For the first time since his death, she allowed herself to weep, to mourn. To accept the pain and despair.

Suddenly, a light breeze ruffled her hair. Gentle and warm, like the caress of an invisible hand. Astonished, Rey lifted her head and wiped her teary eyes, but when she looked around, she was still all alone on the small ledge.  
And then, she heard something. The breeze carried a whisper; words, soft but perfectly clear – or were they right inside her head?

_Darkness found him. Darkness bound him. There he’ll be. Eternally._ _Eternally._ _Eternally…_

Rey had stopped breathing. The last word, ‘eternally’, echoed on until it was drowned out by the sounds of the night.

Tears and sorrow vanished, and were replaced by a rush of excitement. Rey sat bolt upright and muttered the cryptic sentences to herself a few times. The person it referred to was Ben, she was sure. But what about the rest?

Darkness … the dark side of the Force? Probably.  
Had found, and bound him. Well, that much was clear. She saw the result every night.  
But where would Ben forever be? That was the question she had asked herself, why she had tried to contact him in the first place: to find out where he was.

Eternally. Maybe this was a hint? The voice had said it again and again. She remembered something, vaguely … she had heard it before. Just recently. Hmm, but where? Eternally. Eternal …

“R’iia’s shorts!!” Rey exclaimed and threw off the blanket.

The _Sith Eternal!_

Beaumont Kin had told her about a cult, the Sith Eternal. Were they the hooded figures hunting Ben? They had been the invisible masterminds behind her grandfather’s secret operations on Exegol.

_Exegol!_

Of course. Damn, it was so obvious Rey could slap herself for not realizing it sooner.

Ben had died on the most hellish place in the galaxy. A sacrifice, as noble in its intention as it had been, was still a forced death. A ritualistic act.  
Leia’s warnings about the significance of _everything_ replayed in her head.

For Ben to lay down his life in such a tainted place – it was screaming for something to go wrong!

He should have known; but he had been in a hurry, and probably had not spent a thought about that. Or he simply hadn’t cared. She would not have either, in his shoes.

Rey jumped up and ran back to base camp, a plan forming in her head along the way.

She shortly considered getting Finn and Poe on board, but then dismissed the thought. They were probably fast asleep, and this was too urgent. She had no more time to waste; if she hurried, then maybe she could still make it to Ben before he would surrender to the dark side completely.

Plus, this was Jedi business, _her_ business. As much as Rey knew they would try, her friends could not help her. Finn was still too inexperienced in the Force, and Poe had not even seen her injury. How could he stand against an army of dark spectres?

But then she halted; the tiny voice of reason piped up in her head: leaving without any word was unwise, too.  
An idea struck her. She could leave a note with BB-8 about what she had discovered and where she was going! Yes, that would do. Satisfied with her plan, Rey ran on towards the _Millennium Falcon_.

A few minutes later, the old freighter’s rear appeared, illuminated by the dim lights of a maintenance droid. It was coating a replaced thrust vector plate with a thin layer of chrome-titanium, to make it more resistant towards radiation emissions. Rey hated the metallic stench of the alloy, as did most organic creatures; which was why AD-4M tended to schedule such jobs during night-time. But apart from the droid, nobody else was up.

Rey darted inside and then tiptoed to the recharging station. A soft snoring sounded from the main hold, where Chewbacca slept. Fortunately, she did not have to sneak past him; the Wookiee was a light sleeper.

BB-8 and D-O were indeed recharging. Rey hushed them before they accidentally woke up her friend, and recorded her message. “For Poe and Finn,” she emphasized. “No one else. Understand?”  
BB-8 affirmed quietly and then added a question. “Thank you, and no, you may not come with me. I’ll be back soon anyways.”

She got up and snuck out again, took a sharp turn and ran towards the main port. She had made her decision: she would take Luke’s X-wing, _Red Five_. The old rust bucket had brought her safely to Exegol and back before, and the Sith wayfinder was still in it.

But when she slipped onto the small clearing where the aged starfighter was parked, Rey was surprised to see that somebody awaited her! The fighter’s S-foils were locked in a closed position, and on them, dangling her legs merrily, sat Maz Kanata.

“Found your purpose again, Rey Skywalker?” The petite woman hopped from the wing and walked over to her.

“Yes. Have you come to stop me?” Rey challenged.

Maz only laughed and shook her head. “There is no stopping you now. You would still go, no matter what I say.” Rey relaxed at her words. “Which is why I wanted to give you this before you leave,” Maz took Rey’s hand and placed something into it.

When she looked at her palm, she found a pendant on a slender chain: a circular stone disc, no larger than a nightblossom. In its middle sat a clouded, white gemstone, which flashed golden when she tilted it. Tiny inscriptions adorned the disc, and though Rey didn’t understand their meaning, she recognised them nonetheless: the oldest Jedi scrolls were written in that same script. Despite its simplicity, the pendant looked exalted. And ancient.

“The Sith were not the only ones who knew how to craft items powerful with the Force,” Maz explained. “Quite a few in my collection have been made by the Jedi. This one here is my personal favourite. Only the Force knows how, but I found out that this little charm can bring you good fortune. It got me safely out of a few tight situations over the years.”

“Maz, I’ve got no right to accept something as valuable as this,” Rey said in awe.

“Oh, don’t you worry, girl. I do not intend to part with it for good. Unlike Luke’s lightsaber, this is not a gift. Think of it as – a loan. Where you’re going, you will need all the luck you can get.” Maz closed her small hands over Rey’s, sealing the amulet inside. “So, do what you have to do. And then bring this back to me.”

Rey smiled, understanding Maz’ intention. The barely concealed plea for her to be careful. She put the chain around her neck and tucked the pendant under her sashes. “Thank you, Maz. I’ll keep it safe.”

Then she jumped into _Red Five_ and took off towards the Unknown Regions, through the crimson energy storms to Exegol.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which we get to see Ben's point of view ... and then some.

_Stalling tactics had never been Ben’s strong suit.  
Delaying things was just not in his nature. If there was a battle to be fought, he would rather confront it head-on than beat around the bush. Because of this, Luke had often called him ‘rash and impatient’, and Snoke had found even less polite words._

_What his Masters, and even Ben himself, had failed to understand was, that he was very well able to change this - but only if there was a good reason for it._

_Summoning the Force, Ben pushed himself off the steel beam he had been balancing on and made a daredevil backflip. With precision, he touched down on another girder that jutted out of the Death Star’s wreckage. The impact caused the carrier to sway, and the cloaked figures that had been crawling onto it in an effort to seize Ben, tumbled into the surging waves of Kef Bir’s ocean.  
A well-aimed Force-push, and several more of his hunters followed their hapless comrades with flapping cloaks._

_Still, this tactic was a little risky. While the fallen kept climbing up from the raging floods, soaked and battered, Ben was pretty sure that he would not get a second chance if he ever missed a jump. The only good thing was that he never tired. Ben didn’t know why, but his body seemed to have an infinite endurance here. Physical exertion didn’t drain him, while emotional strains did all the more._

_The game went on and on. Ben would remain on a girder for as long as he could safely defend it, and then hop to the next. Rinse and repeat. Neither side could achieve victory like this. But for once, Ben was not playing to win._

_He was waiting. Listening out with every fibre of his being for a sign, a feeling, anything that would indicate Rey’s return. Because by now, he wasn’t just sure that it truly had been her on Ilum, but he was also convinced that she would return. It was only a question of time. And time passed differently at this place._

_Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Ben’s patience was rewarded._

_His alert senses immediately registered the well-known prickling at the base of his skull. He craned his neck, trying to locate Rey, but the dense crowd of black, billowing cloaks and grasping claws blocked his view. Impatiently, he tossed another bunch of pursuers off the beam to make room._

_There!_

_A pack of hunters from the back row had suddenly turned away from him and advanced towards an invisible enemy instead. Ben jumped from girder to girder, trying to keep them in sight, but the majority of the hooded figures was still after him. They barred his view and –_ blast them! _– the way over there._

_Another tidal wave thundered against the wreckage of the Death Star and the whole structure groaned and shook. Ben immediately threw out his arms to keep his balance on the slippery beam, and then his heart nearly stopped: That pack had been almost entirely swept off the platform. And Rey? Had she been torn away, too?  
For a panic-stricken second, he considered leaving the girders and jumping right into the fray. But that was more than reckless - it was suicidal. And it would not help Rey if he got himself captured again. Balling his hands into fists, Ben stayed put and calmed his mind enough to concentrate. With relief, he sensed that her presence was still here._

_His hair, dripping wet, hung in his face, and he brushed it away impatiently. Rey’s remaining pursuers were back on their feet again, and they were getting reinforcements. Slowly, they formed a circle, but Ben could not see their target; to him, it looked like they were surrounding thin air. But his mind told him differently. Rey was here, he could feel her clearly._

_This was it - Ben was done waiting and stalling. He would not just stand by and watch the demons attack Rey. He had to get to her! She might be his way out! But to do so, he had to find a way to overcome the hordes of demons between them. Force-pushes alone were not enough to deal with so many at once._

_An inspiration suddenly struck him._

_He reached out, both with hand and mind, and cast the Force down into the roiling sea. It was easy to find his mark, almost frighteningly easy. He tugged sharply and felt no resistance as the lightsaber he had once discarded so unceremoniously, shot from the depth. It flew into his waiting grasp, mowing down anyone who was unfortunate enough to stand between it and its Master._

_Having his old lightsaber back was strange. The crackling blade was exactly as he remembered it; and yet, something felt off.  
No matter. It would do the job._

_The sword hissed as Ben cleaved a path through his pursuers and started towards the outer edge, where he had last perceived Rey’s presence. Another wave washed over them, and suddenly, the feeling of her faded, and then vanished completely a second later._

“Nooo!”

_Ben screamed in anger and lashed out in blind rage. One by one, he cut his enemies down, until he was alone on the platform, surrounded by heaps of black cloaks. Slowly, the red haze that had descended over his vision receded and he numbly deactivated the lightsaber. He looked at the carnage around him, at the saber in his hand – and then he took a big swing and tossed it back into the ocean. He exhaled in relief, feeling as if a heavy burden had lifted from his soul._

_He had been right: Rey_ had _come back to him! This time, he had almost made it to her. He didn’t know what exactly would happen when he reached her; but he would find out. The next time._

_Until then, he would stick to his plan: to stall the forces of hell and wait patiently for Rey’s return.  
  
_

***

  
Rey’s eyes flickered between the Sith wayfinder and the transparisteel canopy. She clutched the flight controls tightly and guided _Red Five_ along the narrow, safe path through the chaotic, red gas cloud that veiled Exegol from the rest of the galaxy.

Finally, the nebular cleared away and revealed the grey, storm-beaten planet. Lightning strikes illuminated the atmosphere all over its surface, and Rey’s jaw clenched. She was back.

The X-Wing broke through the thick layer of clouds and swooped towards the Sith Citadel below. The half-exploded pyramid looked like a detonated firecracker, its top open and torn. Searching for a landing spot, Rey flew a wide turn over the area surrounding it.

The first time she had come here, there had been nothing but barren plains around the upside-down pyramid. Now, the place looked a lot like the junkyards of Jakku. Wreckages littered the ground as far as the eye could see; some were still smoking. But there were no signs of life, of survivors.

Rey slowed down, landed _Red Five_ on a clear spot right beside the Citadel and hopped out.

‘The Blobfish would so love this place,’ she thought sourly, taking in all the possible salvage. She was mildly irritated that her ability to quickly assess what was worthwhile taking, had not diminished at all. Naturally, years of scavenging did that to you. Who knew when it would come in handy again?

Rey turned away from the ship graveyard and walked hesitantly towards the inverted, truncated pyramid. Most of it was still afloat, she realized with surprise, despite the structure having cracked open like an erupted volcano.  
She carefully made her way to the platform which would lower her into the underground part of the Sith Temple. With a bit of luck, it would still work. She gently touched the amulet through the fabric of her shirt. Maz was right; bravery alone would not suffice here.

‘Wish me luck,’ she whispered.

Another bright lightning split the sky above her and struck into the ground close by. The static discharge made her skin prickle and her hair stand on end.

The platform looked battered, but it was still working. Slowly, Rey descended into the bowels of Exegol once more. She drew her lightsaber and switched in on. The soft humming immediately comforted her, and she gripped the hilt tightly.  
Its pale light traced the towering Sith statues on her way down, now even more fragmented and fractured than during her last visit.

Down in the underground, the tomblike silence was oppressive. The yellow glow of her lightsaber barely illuminated the vast, pitch-black halls. She advanced slowly. Pebbles scrunched under her feet while she pressed deeper and deeper into the Citadel, climbing over debris and rounding shattered statues.

Rey rounded a corner behind a particularly ugly stone head, and found herself suddenly face to face with - _Snoke!_

She shrieked and jumped back, lashing out with her lightsaber in wild panic. With a disgusting, squishy sound, his severed head slid from his neck and hit the floor with a dull thud.

Slowly, Rey regained her composure, breathing hard.  
He had been dead already. A limp body, hanging half-way out of a burst bacta tank. She looked around. There were several such tanks, each containing a Snoke. And other _things_. She pulled a face. This was a laboratory out of a madman’s nightmare. She had passed it very swiftly last time, not caring for what it contained. What a terrible place!

She quickly moved on, feeling she was nearly there.

Rey had almost reached the towering stone wall before the throne room, when a body suddenly appeared in the cone of light, lying in a crumpled heap. She stopped short, but it didn’t move. Then she saw the chest wound. Something had stabbed this person, and by the look of it, she would have bet it had been a lightsaber. She moved closer.

The figure was clad completely in black, from boots to helmet, but the armour looked like nothing she had ever seen before. It wasn’t Imperial, although the helmet bore some resemblance to the Stormtrooper’s buckets, if not for the black colour. The rest was a wild mix of everything, but the most striking part was an enormous cleaver, which lay besides the body.

Rey raised her lightsaber high above her head, and found her dawning suspicion correct: more bodies were revealed, all clad in similar armour, yet everyone sported unique weapons and a distinct helmet. Rey counted six of them in total.  
She had found the infamous Knights of Ren. She had never seen them from so close up.

Back on that fateful day, Ben had come to Exegol to help her defeat Palpatine. But his way to her had been blocked by his former bodyguards, and without a lightsaber to defend himself, they had managed to overpower him. She had sensed Ben’s predicament and used, with his consent, their unique bond to transfer Luke’s lightsaber to him, incidentally fooling her grandfather into believing she would strike the old man down with that same move.

‘He surely put it to good use,’ she thought as she stepped over the remains of the Knights of Ren.

The passageway was already in sight when a strange feeling suddenly crept up Rey’s neck and she slowed her pace. It was not unpleasant; rather, it felt serene and calm. It was the last thing she had expected to feel here and now.  
Then the light changed, and everything was suddenly suffused with a golden shimmer.

_“Rey.”_

A warm, deep voice called her, and she was immediately reminded of the moment when she had heard the voices of the past Jedi, encouraging her to carry on against the Emperor. She looked around, searching for the source of the sound. But nothing caught her eye.

“I know you,” she said, still revolving slowly. “You are Master Qui-Gon Jinn.”

 _“I am,”_ the voice echoed from all around her. _“You were not supposed to return here. Why did you, Rey?”_

“You know why. Ben is trapped in this cursed place, and I have come to set him free.”

“I was afraid you would say that.” The voice was suddenly focussed and clear.

Rey whirled around. A man, clearly a Jedi, stood in front of the fissure that led to the Sith Throne. Golden light danced around him. He wore a plain, sand-coloured robe in a style not unlike Rey’s. Half of his long, brown hair was tied back into a ponytail and his soft, blue eyes sparkled with sad amusement.

“I presume that by ‘setting him free’ you do not mean to liberate his soul, allowing him to merge with the Force, am I right?”

Rey gripped her lightsaber tighter, anger and impatience starting to rise in her. She was so close; she could feel it. Only this Force spirit was standing between her and Ben. And, frankly speaking, she was done with Force spirits for a while.

“I will bring him back.”

Jinn’s face became serious. “Rey, you need to stop. Now. Force Healing is a rare talent, one that not many Jedi ever have possessed; and even for those few, it had been restricted thoroughly. It is a trait of the Force that has the potential to disrupt the primal balance of life itself. I have studied the Living Force my whole life, and although I understand its mechanics, I haven’t come nearly as close to _applying_ them, as you have. But I gained many insights along the way. Do you think Force healing is unknown to most of the galaxy for no reason?”

Rey remembered Maz’s words. No Jedi had displayed healing powers as she had, not in a millennium. Thinking about how different the course of history might have gone if the Jedi had had the ability to save their loved ones – the ramifications were fathomless.

“No, it isn’t,” Qui-Gon continued. “The old Jedi kept it strictly regulated on purpose. There were even voices who demanded that Force healing should be banned completely, and stigmatised as an element of the dark side because of its sinister potential. The temptation to go too far is too great. Where does it stop, Rey? Where do you draw the line? Where does the benevolent healing end, and vile necromancy start? Where is the difference between what Palpatine did to cheat death and what you are intending to do to Ben right now?”

“You cannot possibly compare them!” Rey shouted, outraged. “Palpatine sought immortality for himself. He was a selfish, power-hungry monster, and whatever he did, he only did it for his own benefit! Ben sacrificed his life to save _me_ without hesitation, though I don’t think he even realized what that would do to _him_ in a place like this. Neither did he ask me if wanted him to throw away his new life so quickly. All I want is to give Ben the second chance he deserves - the chance I took from him!”

“You must _never_ attempt to resurrect the dead, Rey! Tampering with life and death like this is a violation of the Living Force.”

“Then it has been violated already,” she retorted hotly. “I was dead. Not injured, not dying - _dead!_ But Ben brought me back. So, tell me, Master Qui-Gon: why hasn’t that primal balance toppled over yet?”

At that, Qui-Gon was silent for a moment. When he continued, he was almost speaking to himself.  
“A dyad is such a rare phenomenon; the prophecies concerning them are even beyond ancient. There might be unique mechanics for some things. But being lucky once doesn’t give you a carte blanche to take chances and do whatever you please, regardless of the possible consequences, Rey! Even you must accept that there are rules and limits to what can be done.”

Rey suddenly realized that he was quite at a loss, too. He was well studied, but even he was not omniscient. Somehow, that knowledge soothed her. It was a feeling she herself was very acquainted with, especially in regard to the exact workings of the dyad.

Rey exhaled deeply. She did not want to fight with Qui-Gon Jinn; he only meant well after all. She took a step towards him, forcing her body to relax and lower her lightsaber.

“I haven’t studied the Living Force, or the afterlife, or the whole balance thing,” she said calmly. “In fact, the more I read about it, the more confused I got. I was never properly, formally trained and educated in the Jedi ways like you were, and I’m aware that I was far from being a model Padawan. I know I’m sorely lacking in all of that.  
But there is one thing I am absolutely sure of,” she looked at him beseechingly. “I must do this. I cannot forsake Ben.”

He just looked at her, pondering, and Rey felt that she had struck a chord in him. She suddenly remembered something from her endless reading sessions.

“I read about you in the journal Ben Kenobi left with Luke. He called you a ‘maverick’.” Rey noticed a small smirk tugging at Jinn’s lips when he heard this.

“He complained that you never cared a fig for prestige or positions of power; you followed what you felt was the will of the Force instead. When the Jedi Council forbade you to train Anakin Skywalker, you disobeyed them. You didn’t accept the limits they set you, you trusted your instincts. And you were right! He was the Chosen One.” She held his gaze, eyes pleading.

“Please, Master Qui-Gon: trust me in this. I know I’m right. I can feel it. Stand behind me, like you said you would, last time we were in there.” She indicated towards the Throne Room, looming ahead, and advanced another step, closing the distance between them and standing right in front of him. “And if you really can’t stand behind me – then at least, stand aside.”

Her face was pure determination as she locked eyes with the much taller man. Qui-Gon seemed to contemplate further arguments, but after a moment, he stepped aside to let her through. Rey walked past him and disappeared into the narrow path that cleaved through the towering wall which separated them from the Throne Room.

“Rey,” Qui-Gon Jinn called after her.

She stopped and turned. He was standing in the entrance of the passage, his golden light waning.

“Always remember that his death was not your fault. It was Ben’s choice. Even if he hadn’t asked your permission - he had made his decision.”

Rey nodded. “So have I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know about you, but Liam Neeson as Qui-Gon Jinn will forever be one of my all-time-favourite Jedi Masters! ❤️


	21. Chapter 21

Rey gripped her lightsaber tightly and raised it above her head. Together with Master Qui-Gon Jinn, the golden light had vanished, and darkness had again consumed everything but the pale glow of the plasma blade.  
Thoughts about Ben and what Master Qui-Gon Jinn had said threatened to overwhelm her, so she tried to distract herself by studying her surroundings. To her sides, the black stone walls jutted up into infinity. Only now did she notice the angular, blood-red carvings on them: the walls were littered with Sith runes, like the ones on Ochi’s dagger.

‘It’s written in the Old Tongue,’ Rey thought. Some of the glyphs were crisscrossed by cracks, but apart from that, the passageway was intact. ‘Maybe protective enchantments,’ she mused. Ahead of her, the path opened up and led into the vast amphitheatre with the barbed Sith Throne.

Rey took a deep, steadying breath and stepped through.

Eerie silence greeted her. The hall had lost much of its majestic, imposing appearance. Part of the roof had collapsed, revealing Exegol’s overcast sky. Debris lay strewn all over the place. It littered the ground, had smashed into the tiers and probably crushed hundreds of Sith Eternal cultists beneath.  
But the fiendish malevolence that still oozed from every stone, every crack and fissure made Rey’s hair stand on end.

The throne at the hall’s centre was completely destroyed. Palpatine’s explosive demise had blasted the enormous stone structure to pieces and had reduced its jutting spikes to stubs. Slowly, Rey rounded the heap of rubble.

Her heart missed a beat when she saw a bundle of black clothes on the floor, just a few paces from her: Ben’s clothes. She walked over and gently ran her fingers over the smooth fabric of the Henley shirt. But without Ben’s warm body inside of it, it was just a shirt, stained and torn.

Something stirred.

Rey shot up in alarm and fell immediately into a defensive stance. Then she realized that it had not been a physical disturbance. Something tugged at her mind.  
She turned, and her gaze found a gaping fissure. The one Palpatine had cast Ben into, before moving on to kill her.

She half expected to see acrid green smoke billowing out of it, but of course that was just her wild imagination. Only this strange feeling intensified.

As if drawn by invisible strings, Rey slowly moved closer until she could cast a glance down the abyss. It didn’t appear to be a natural formation, or maybe it had started out as one but had then been expanded by man. The protrusions had been smoothed down, and although there still were some ledges and cliffs, there was enough space in the middle for her to see that it went down endlessly.

‘Whatever you’ve been digging for here, grandfather,’ Rey thought grimly, ‘it surely wasn’t chromium.’

She deactivated her saber, knelt down and concentrated on her bond with Ben, reaching out for him. This time, nothing assaulted her, and she followed the trace of the bond with her mind, moving deeper and deeper down into the crevice. She passed a plateau and suddenly knew this was the one which had stopped Ben’s fall. It still bore bloodstains and a fleeting echo of his pain when he had hit the hard stone.

But she needed to descend even deeper, she could not stop – their bond intensified, despite her knowledge that Ben had never fallen that far.

And further down still. The walls changed their texture; she saw veins of strangely glittering ores, large geodes lined by sickly yellow crystals. Another change, and the cavities disappeared and gave way to almost smooth, solid walls, obviously hewn out of the bedrock. There were Sith runes again, engraved in the walls, and the all-pervasive presence of the dark side made her skin crawl. It was almost the same feeling as in the mirror cave on Ahch-To. Their bond was but a flickering, pale trace in the oppressive blackness.  
‘This is what being miles under the sea must feel like. Or being in the black of outer space without a suit,’ Rey thought, a cold, heavy weight pressing in on her mind.

Suddenly, the walls broke away and widened into a large, triangular chamber so dark, she could not make out the far corners. She had reached the tunnel’s bottom. It was made of obsidian glass, hard and jagged. Unbreakable.  
Her mind suddenly quaked with the onslaught of the dark side of the Force: _something_ lay beneath the crystal bottom; a livid, churning entity, somehow held back by the glass, but Rey could not make out how – the sheer malevolence blinded her senses. The bond did not go down further either, she had literally reached the end.

Far above, Rey’s body still kneeled in concentration and tried to block out the screams and violence of the place. She shifted her attention inwards and reached into herself, dipped into that thrumming pool of light at her centre. From it, she brought forth a small orb of warm brightness. Her own energy. A tiny part of her own vitality.  
It left her physical body and swooped along her mind’s link down into the abyss.

But the moment it entered the chamber, the darkness stirred and snuffed it out immediately.

Rey focussed harder, breathed deeply. A hum resonated in her chest, and her breathing transformed into the breath of Life itself, flowing out of her with every exhalation. Another sphere formed from it, larger and brighter, following the first.

The vast darkness below reared, snarled, and swallowed it promptly.

Rey gritted her teeth, but she would not give up so easily. Maybe going for size was not the right way. A change of tactics was due.  
Again, she scooped up a bit of the essence of her own life, but this time, her mind beaded it into six small specks of light. She hurled them down the tunnel, and they tumbled and ricocheted like bouncy balls through the chamber. The darkness bellowed and hissed angrily, swiping and snapping furiously at the opposing energy. One by one, the orbs were expunged – but they had illuminated the blackness for a few seconds.

Enough time for Rey to glimpse something else down there in a far corner, amongst a swirling mist of shadow: a single, tiny speck of the light side of the Force.

With renewed determination, Rey gathered as much of her life force as she dared, then formed and unleashed it one by one. Orbs of light circled her, then pelted down the abyss. The darkness below was raging now, a cacophony of howls and roars echoing up to her, the ground shaking with the force of the beast’s rampage.

‘Maybe you are stronger than me,’ Rey smiled in grim defiance, ‘but I’m faster!’

She kept sending barrage after barrage of tiny life specks until the whole tunnel was glowing from top to bottom.  
A dizziness began to cloud her mind, warning her that she was nearing the limits of her vitality. She expanded her senses, searching for energy in this forsaken place, something, anything she could draw on. But the Citadel was as cold and dead as space. No matter; she would give what she had, then.

Suddenly, Rey felt something: The other speck of light – it was approaching her! It ascended the tunnel, using the torrent of tiny orbs for guidance, the energy of them - _her_ energy - as a lifeline. Single-mindedly, it clawed its way upwards, away from the raging darkness below.

‘Ben,’ Rey thought weakly. It just had to be him.

Clinging to this hope, Rey held on for as long as possible, until the sound of her heartbeat boomed like a sledgehammer in her ears and told her in no uncertain terms that she would either have to stop now or die.  
Saving a particularly erratic and vivid string of orbs for last, Rey finally let go.

She collapsed onto her hands and knees, panting, feeling faint and dizzy. Only now that she was completely with herself again did she realize just how much energy she had drained from herself.

“… Rey?”

  
***  
  


_Ben had always disliked desert planets.  
Having grown up on a well-developed core world like Chandrila with calm seas and rolling hills, one just had to wonder why anybody would choose to live in a hostile, backwoods place like Pasaana._

_To his left, the barren landscape rose steeply into a ragged mountain range. Admittedly, the reddish-brown stone reflected the sun’s light quite beautifully. What he found less beautiful though, was the number of black cloaks that sped over the foothills and after him._

_Ben focussed his gaze ahead, on his destination: the sinking fields. If everything went according to plan, he might be able to stall his pursuers there._

_All of a sudden, a bright flash of white lit the sky above him for a split second; like a miniature supernova. It was over so quickly, that by the time he looked up, it was gone. This was strangely out of place, Ben thought, and slowed down to scan the horizon. Nothing._

_“Rey?” he whispered, and immediately reached out with his mind, trying to sense her familiar presence._

_Still nothing. Could he have imagined it? It had been only a very short … but wait! The demons had also halted, and their black hoods flapped left and right as they searched the desert for an invisible target._

_Suddenly, they all threw their heads back and stared up - another flash of light, even brighter than before, illuminated the sky above them. For a moment, Ben thought he glimpsed a vast, dark hall beyond the clear blue sky; and then it vanished again, like nothing had ever happened._

_But that was all the proof he needed._

_“Rey!” he shouted at the top of his lungs, “I’m here, Rey!”_

_Ben turned and broke into a wild run, now heading towards the mountain ridge. Upwards - he had to get closer to her, as high up as possible!_

_Only when he had reached the foothills did he notice that the spectres were no longer following him. Many of them wandered aimlessly, appearing strangely lost; like puppets whose strings had been cut. A few others though had made a choice and fled in the opposite direction as fast as their legs would carry them._

_‘One thing less to worry about,’ Ben thought and started scaling the ragged rock face.  
Suddenly, he sensed Rey’s presence; it intensified with every metre he climbed. “Rey!” he shouted at the sky once more, “Rey, hold on, I’m almost –”_

_There_ , he had meant to say. But at that moment, the world shattered.

Pasaana’s sky suddenly burst open like a canvas, revealing a sinister hall that lay beyond. Six blinding streaks of light shot through the opening like brilliant missiles. They immediately split up in every direction, and wherever they went, they tore the fabric of reality apart.

But – was this even the reality? Or was this the illusion?

He might very well have gone mad, Ben thought, but there was one thing that lifted his spirit above this chaos: together with the shining orbs, the level of Rey’s presence had increased beyond anything he had sensed so far. It was no longer just a trace of her awareness; it was so clear and palpable as if she was truly, physically here.

A deafening roar resounded through the opening, vicious and full of wrath. Ben could feel it reverberating in his very being, and he flinched. It had actually caused him pain.

As if in response, one of the bright orbs flickered and died; but another veered downwards and headed for the mountain ridge. Not far from Ben, it slammed into the ground like a meteor; yet it didn’t stop there. It went clean through the rock, and a moment later, it erupted from the desert a few miles away, leaving a gaping hole. Without pause, it arced back up and sliced through the sky, aiming for the mountains once more, but a furious snarl extinguished it mid-air.

All around Ben, pieces of this reality fell away and disintegrated like a picture set on fire. And then, with a final flash, the last vestiges were blown away – and nothing was left of Pasaana anymore.

Ben blinked in confusion. It took him a moment to get his bearings again. The bright orbs were down to three now, but they still cast enough light for him to take in his new surroundings: he was huddled in the corner of a large, triangular hall. The far sides were shrouded in darkness, but in its middle, he could just make out a crystalline structure atop a square metallic makeup. The orbs were spinning around like crazy, and the crystal reflected the orb’s light in a dark, crimson hue.

Suddenly, the crystal pulsed fiercely, and angry roars shook the room, snuffing out the three lights one by one. The hatred that oozed from that crystal assaulted Ben to the core. Desperately, he searched their connection, fearing that Rey’s mind might have vanished together with the light.

To his infinite relief, he still felt her presence, very close by. Carefully, Ben crept along the wall. ‘Just don’t get too close to this crystal,’ he thought. It was pitch black again, a tangible darkness that seemed to reach out for him, and Ben had to force himself not to cower down.

But suddenly, a faint glow appeared at the top of the triangular ceiling. It became brighter and brighter, and Ben realized that there had to be a tunnel. The light intensified further, and all of a sudden, a barrage of bright orbs shot out of the shaft and zoomed through the chamber.

The crystal hummed and throbbed with fury, and Ben felt the ground shaking with infinite rage. The onslaught of pure evil was enough to make his skin prickle and raise the hair in his neck. He needed to focus!

The lights - they bore Rey’s signature, her essence. They had to be the key!

Ben lost no more time. It was now or never. Mustering up all courage and strength, he leapt up, over the crystal, and grasped one of the orbs.

He gasped. The feeling was incredible. The sounds of the raging beast below were quenched immediately, blocked out by the light side of the Force. The orb’s power suffused Ben, and acted like an armour. It felt warm, alive and bubbled with energy; it encouraged him to carry on. He blindly reached up, and another bright speck of light immediately came to him, slid under his palm and lifted him further up, into the tunnel.

And the lights kept coming. Using the passing orbs like a rope ladder, Ben ascended the tunnel. Like a compass, Rey’s energy guided him steadily upwards, away from the rampaging darkness in the abyss.

‘I’m coming, Rey,’ he thought, ‘this time, we’ll make it.’

But all of a sudden, the lights flickered slightly. Something changed; he felt it clearly at the frayed edges of their bond. Rey was spending too much of her essence, her own life was running thin.

‘Not again,’ Ben gritted his teeth. ‘Let go, silly, I will find my way from here!’

But he knew her well enough to know that she would not; so he redoubled his speed, hauling himself up as high as possible with each go. He could already make out her silhouette at the end of the tunnel, and his heart leapt frantically. So close. Nearly there.

A few feet beneath the tunnel’s edge, the string of orbs finally ceased, and he saw Rey slump over.

_“No!!”_

Ben pushed off hard and shot out of the tunnel. He tried to seize her, but suddenly found that he could not slow down. Something was pulling at him, like a magnet pulled a nail. He flew over Rey in a wide arc, slammed down –

And then the world changed once more.

Ben felt gravity returning heavily as he rematerialized into a real, physical form. Wet, cold and solid. It was quite unsettling and not pleasant. Exhaustion overcame him, like he had not felt in a while; this body was battered through and through.

But that was not his worst concern. Ben forced his body to straighten up and opened his eyes.

“… Rey?”


	22. Chapter 22

That voice! Rey’s eyes went wide. Something rustled behind her, she turned sharply –

_“Ben!”_

There he was, back in his clothes: Ben Solo, just about to sit up. He looked at her in a mix of worry, disbelief and joy.

Rey pushed herself up and swayed; Ben had trouble standing up, too. His right leg didn’t support him properly and he was slightly hunched to the side, but this did not stop him from opening his arms wide when Rey stumbled into his embrace. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck and clung to him as if he might disappear again if she let go.

Time itself held its breath, and for a long moment they did nothing but hold each other.

Their bond had almost broken when Palpatine had leeched their Life Force. But now, both of them felt its frayed strands knitting back together, linking them once more into One in the Force. It was splendid. Rey finally felt complete again. Like she had come home, at last.

Ben’s embrace was tight. He inhaled her scent, felt her trembling body against his, warm and alive.  
“I knew you would come,” he rasped. His voice was hoarse, as if he had not used it in a while. He coughed, and immediately winced in pain. Unfortunately, his injuries had returned along with him.

Rey felt it through their bond. For a second, his pain was hers. She gasped; her right ankle was on fire, and her ribs stung badly. Then it vanished, and Ben caressed her hair in a silent apology.

She opened her eyes, frowning into his neck. “You are shielding me from your pain,” she realized. He nodded. “But I could share –”

“No,” he interrupted her. “That would only add guilt to pain for causing you suffering. I can bear it.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, still unable to see her face, hidden below his chin. “You’ve offered up more than enough for me already.” He felt her smile, her lips tickling his skin whenever she spoke.

“Wasn’t entirely selfless,” Rey whispered and slipped into his mind with astonishing ease. She sensed the barrier he had raised around his pain, but she respected it. Instead, she let him see all the emotions she had locked up inside of her: from the lonely emptiness after he was gone, to the blissful calmness that had settled over her now.

“Perfect balance,” Ben muttered in awe. “Amazing.”

Rey drew her head back and they locked eyes, still embracing each other. There was so much more she wanted to tell him, to show him – but suddenly, an icy tingle crept up her back. Like the chill breath of the dead.  
Ben sensed it, too. Instinctively, his hand went to where his lightsaber would be, but came up empty.

Rey let go of him, turned around and copied his movement, only she was lucky enough to actually draw a lightsaber.

“What is it?” she asked anxiously.

“Not sure.”

Their eyes scanned the vast chamber. The first thing they noticed was that the weather outside was changing. The opening in the stone ceiling gave them a clear view of the leaden clouds above, roiling and darkening. Thunder rumbled, the lightning strikes intensified, and heavy gales howled angrily.  
A storm was coming.

Even down here, the wind had picked up harshly. But that was not what they had felt.  
Suddenly, Ben turned towards the chasm and his jaw clenched.

“What?” Rey asked in alarm.

“They are coming,” he answered darkly.

She did not need to ask who was coming. The bone-chilling cold of the darkness that welled up from the chasm told her enough. Ben’s pursuers were not yet done hunting him.

“Don’t just stand there - _move!”_ Rey pushed Ben towards the narrow path in the wall behind them and ignited her lightsaber, covering their retreat. “We need to get out of here fast, to my ship!”  
But Ben’s limping made ‘fast’ a relative term; she only hoped they would make it fast enough.

They had just passed the destroyed throne of the Sith when she saw it: thick, black smoke billowed from the chasm, compressed, and took shape. The shape of hunched creatures in flowing robes, scurrying after them in eerie silence.

Rey gripped her lightsaber tightly, but never stopped her retreat towards the towering stone wall. She didn’t have to turn around to know exactly where Ben was. With their dyad restored, his presence was a brightly shining spot in her perception.  
He had reached the fissure.

At that moment, the spectres were on her.

Rey brought up her lightsaber to meet the first spectre’s claw as it tried to rip open her face. The blade went clean through its wrist, and she watched in astonishment as first the claw, and then the rest of the figure dissolved into fetid smoke.

It made no sounds, neither of pain nor of anger. Somehow, she found that most disturbing.

Rey quickly dispatched of the next attacker, thrust away another with the Force and then spun around, searching for one she had seen slipping past her out of the corner of her eye. It had just entered the passage and was about to rake his claws over Ben’s unprotected back. Furiously, she reached out and used the Force to collapse the spectre under his own weight, crushing it into a puddle of smoke.

Quickly, Rey pressed forward, closing the distance between her and Ben. Another figure leapt at her and she ducked, diving into the narrow passage. It soared over her head and crashed into the wall, disintegrating into an inky blotch.

‘They fight without regard for themselves,’ she realized as she reached Ben, who was doing his best to hobble through the tight space fast.

Rey turned back towards the opening to the throne room. The confined space worked in her favour, as their enemies were forced to come after them one by one.

Or at least, she had thought so.

Suddenly, the Sith runes along the walls began to glow blood red, and a deep rumble rocked the Citadel. This sent the spectres into an insane frenzy – they began to scale the towering walls like giant black spiders, bypassing Rey’s defence line!  
‘Blasted spirits,’ she thought grimly.

One of the climbing demons dropped down towards her; she deflected him with the palm of her free hand and sent him careening into his companions, while whipping her lightsaber around to fend off the monsters in the passageway in front of her. The blade hissed and sparked when it hit the stone walls. This was not a perfect space for lightsaber combat.

Still, her saber rose and fell without pause, dipping the narrow path in an eerie light, as the spectres kept coming and coming. Was there no end to their numbers? The stench when they vanished already stung Rey’s nose.

She could hear Ben’s grunts of effort behind her; he only had the Force to defend himself. As before, they shared what little power was left in them. She drew on Ben’s strength, and he drew on hers.

_‘Duck!’_

Ben’s warning came just in time, as an unseen enemy came flying over her from behind.  
The hooded figure in front of her seized the opportunity and lunged. For a moment, Rey thought there was something oddly familiar about it, but she had no time for idle thoughts now. She planted a Force kick in its midsection that sent it flying, but it still managed to run its claw - no, it had no claw, only the stump of its arm! - over her sword arm.

Rey backed off with a yelp of pain, bumping into Ben’s back. The creature’s light touch had sent a painful coldness creeping up her arm and into her shoulder, leaving it numb and heavy. Clenching her jaw, she tried to will feeling back into her tingling fingers.

An image lit up her mind; it was a message from Ben. ‘ _Too many spectres barring the way ahead. Can’t push past them.’_

Without hesitation, Rey turned off her lightsaber with her good hand and handed it blindly to Ben, showing him in her mind what she intended. He accepted it, ignited it – and Rey felt his surprise and excitement through their bond.

Then she heard the flurry of chops from her humming lightsaber, as Ben cut through the spectres blocking their way. They were finally able to move on, but painstakingly slow.

Rey just barely dodged a slash at her face; it had been so close that she could see the jagged edges of the claws. She hadn’t even seen it coming, but the Force had guided her instincts in the last moment. In frustration, she shook her numbed right hand. The skin was intact, but it still tingled as if she had touched a live wire.

Two rushed Rey simultaneously, one from the front and one crawling along the wall. She pushed out her left hand and drove the first one backward with the Force, then gripped the second. Gritting her teeth with effort, she plucked it off and smashed it into the walls – _left, right, left_ – until she felt it go limp and weightless in her grasp, dissolving into nothingness.

 _‘Almost out_. _’_ Ben’s presence flickered, his strength waning. Rey was glad to leave the narrow cleave. Strategy was all very well, but they couldn’t stay in here forever. Not with so many of the spectres coming at them from all sides – they needed to reach _Red Five!_

They stepped out of the passage. Some of their attackers already awaited them, but in Ben’s hands, her lightsaber became a wheel of yellow fire that cleaved through the spectres relentlessly. Again, Rey wondered how they could be so careless about their own safety. They threw themselves at Ben, even if it meant walking right into the swirling blade. Like they knew no fear.

The wind howled through the vast hall, and through the many cracks and slits, shrieking lightning illuminated the darkness. In their light, Rey glimpsed something on the floor: one of the Knights of Ren.

Ben saw him, too. He made a final, wide sweep, then the lightsaber spun in his hand as he switched to a reverse grip, turned it off and hurled it behind him. Rey stretched out her hand and it smacked into it, without her even looking.  
Ben raised his hand towards the corpse of the Knight, pulled, and a moment later an enormous axe soared through the air. He caught it and activated the ultrasonic weapon.

Saber and axe found their marks again and again, but more spectres kept coming.

They were tiring. Rey was breathing hard, and Ben was in no better condition. His Henley was shredded from attacks that had gotten through.

Another spectre saw its opening and aimed a slash at Rey’s knees, but in the last moment, she twisted and then turned her motion into an arching slash at his hood. Right before it dissolved, she saw that it had only one claw, and a hole in its middle.

Realization struck her.

She had seen this one before, battled it twice. They were not innumerable – they just kept returning! That’s why they feared neither death nor mutilation. It didn’t matter how maimed and crippled they were; as long as they could move, they would come back.

Fighting them was useless. They could neither outrun nor defeat them.  
Despair tried to claim her.

_… You needn’t kill what’s already dead …_

There, that whispering voice again!

An image formed in her head; an idea, desperate but brilliant… was it even her own?  
Rey felt her hope rise again.

Fighting them _wasn’t_ useless! They only needed to use the right weapon, one that would truly damage those spectres. Lightsabers and vibro-axes were physical weapons, but they needed something else. Another change in tactics was due.

“Ben!” Rey yelled over the ruckus of the wind. “Drop the weapon!”

Ben had discarded all finesse and just let the axe swirl around them as quickly as possible, mowing down the spectres aplenty. Confusion suffused their bond, when he heard her request.

“Trust me!” Rey pleaded and dropped to her knees. She exhaled and opened her mind to the light, feeling for the ever-shifting web of the Force around them. But the light side shunned this place; apart from her and Ben, there was nothing but darkness surrounding them.

‘Even better,’ she thought stubbornly, seeing herself and Ben all the more clearly in the dark. She gathered the last of her strength and raised a bright, shimmering sphere of Force energy around them. A barrier, but it was thin and barely able to ward off the onslaught of darkness.

Ben saw the flickering energy, and finally understood. The axe clattered to the ground and his hands found hers. Crouching down in front of her, he closed his eyes, and poured everything into their dyad. Giving.

The shield changed instantly. Ben’s essence seeped into it and intertwined with Rey’s, closed gaps and holes, consolidating the sparkling bubble. Their combined energy patterns merged into a perfectly harmonious, impenetrable barrier. Light and Dark; no longer opposing, but aligned.

The spectres did not give up though. They surged against the bubble, piled on top of each other, and tried to collapse it with sheer power of superior numbers. Ben gasped under their weight.  
_‘Hold on,’_ Rey whispered weakly over their bond, ‘ _just one more moment …’_

They were all around them now. Each and every one of them. She saw their distorted faces pressed against the barrier, and felt their cold determination to crush this refuge.

Rey’s fingers dug into Ben’s hands and with an ear-splitting scream, she unleashed the shield’s energy, exploding the dome outwards like a grenade. The blast consumed the shades, but this time, they did not dissolve into mist. With high-pitched howls, they were torn to shreds.

Rey’s body sagged against Ben. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her to steady her. Their connection was unmarred by the explosion, and he felt her exhaustion through the bond, worse than his own. It worried him greatly.  
“Don’t you dare die now, Rey! That would be the cruellest joke in the galaxy.” He gently cradled her head to his shoulder, more to calm himself than her.

After a moment, she took a shaky breath and chuckled weakly. “No, once was enough.”  
She allowed herself to remain like this for a while to recover, and just to relish the feeling of Ben’s arms around her. Ben was more than agreeable.  
Rey watched the remains of their enemies drifting slowly through the air like ash flakes. They had found the right weapon.

“How did you know this was the right weapon?”

Oh. She had been transmitting over their connection without realizing it. Rey smiled.

“There was a whisper in the Force. I’ve heard it once before, when I couldn’t figure out how to find you. It pointed me to you.”

“Hm,” Ben mused. “A benevolent spirit?”

She raised her head and looked at him, eyes filled with joy. “I think so, yes. But one that prefers to remain anonymous.” She looked over his shoulder, down the corridor lost in flashing dark. “But now we need to move on; I want to get out of here. Can you walk?”

“Yeah, I’ll manage.”

Together, they struggled to their feet. Every movement hurt, their bodies were sore from fighting and their minds numb from excessive use of the Force. Rey put Ben’s arm around her shoulders and supported him.

But before they could take a step, a sudden gust of ice-cold wind blasted their backs. They staggered around and looked back at the massive wall they could just make out in the twilight. For a second, the fissure leading to the throne room lit up brightly red, then it was pitch-black again.

 _‘Oh no,’_ she felt Ben’s rising horror echoing in her head. That just couldn’t be! They had obliterated them! The spectres couldn’t possibly –

But they could. Tattered and torn like black banners after a hurricane, the cleave belched them out. They dragged themselves over the floor, crawled along the ceilings; they were slower than before, but no less deadly.

And still too fast to outrun them in their state.

Rey’s heart hammered. What should she do now? She shifted her feet to redistribute their weight, felt her legs trembling with exhaustion, and drew her lightsaber again. Ben let go of her and bent down to pick up the axe, unable to use the Force to summon it anymore.

‘What would Leia do?’ Rey asked herself reflexively, as she had often done when she was at her wit’s end. It had usually given her an inspiration, a plan; anything would do right now… but her mind was blank.

 _‘Be with us_ ,’ she cried out desperately through the Force. ‘ _Don’t leave us stranded!’_

Then she felt a comforting presence, right beside her – Ben. ‘ _You are not alone. I’ll never leave your side.’_

That sobered Rey up. She moved up to him until their arms touched, and together they fell into a shaky fighting stance. One more time. Side by side. This was their last stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, the origin of this story's title has been revealed. 😊  
> Oh and, yeah, not sorry for another cliffhanger. Like I said... getting into prison is the easy part, getting out is the tough one.


	23. Chapter 23

  
“You know,” Ben snarled as he hoisted up the heavy axe. “Now would be a good time for some ghostly Force whispers.”

“Yes,” Rey nodded and ignited her lightsaber. “But this time, no one is coming to our aid. The light has left this place except for the two of us. We’re on our own.”

“Impressive,” an amused voice suddenly said behind them. “Every word in that sentence was wrong.”

A streak of blue hummed past them and cleaved through the spectres.

“Master Luke?!” Rey gaped in disbelief.

Luke Skywalker, shining with the blueish glow of the Force spirits, strode past, smiled at them briefly and then focussed again on his lightsaber. Hand outstretched, he guided it spinning through the first row of enemies. Rey felt a strong urge to join him, to fight at his side despite her weakness, but a wave of Ben’s emotions suddenly surged across their bond and stopped her.

“Mum…?”

Rey turned, and saw Leia rushing towards them, eyes only on Ben. Her expression was full of love and joy, her arms open wide. The axe slipped from his grip and he sank into her embrace.

“Oh Ben, my Ben…” whispered Leia and stroked her son’s tangled mane. Then she looked at Rey, reached out and pulled her to her chest as well. Leia felt so solid, like she was real. Tears came to Rey’s eyes; this was what embracing her long-awaited mother would have felt like. She knew it for sure – Ben’s heart showed her clearly.

“You found him,” Leia kissed her brow. “I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you, Rey. Forgive an old fool.”

Rey just hugged her harder in reply, unable to speak. The last remnants of the anger she had felt towards the Skywalker twins evaporated, and gave way to an infinite gratitude for their presence now, in this darkest hour.

“And I wish we had more time,” Leia continued after only a moment, her voice full of sorrow. “But Luke and I cannot stay here for long. This is their domain, and our strength fades with every passing second.” Tender but determined, she pulled them both away. She smiled one more time at Ben with all the love only a mother could have. Her hand cupped his cheek, and then she ordered them with her familiar General’s voice, “Come now.”

Rey supported Ben again, and they finally started down the corridor. His emotions were in turmoil, but in a good way, she found. And at least, he didn’t try to hide them from her like he did with his physical pain. Or maybe he simply couldn’t muster up enough strength anymore.

She glanced over her shoulder. Leia was right; Luke’s movements grew slower, his attacks weaker. Already, some of the spectres managed to sneak past him.

“Incoming,” she panted under Ben’s weight.

“I see them,” Leia frowned, looking back. Concern for her brother was written across her face. “I must say that I quite liked the Force barrier you did earlier. I never practiced that myself. Guess it’s about time I did.”

She concentrated, raised her hands over her head and a blue globe of energy rose up around them.  
A moment later, the first spectres reached them. They clawed and scratched at the shimmering field, and although they could not penetrate it, Rey saw it flicker and dent. Leia flinched as if in pain, and Rey was sure she had heard a stifled groan.  
This whole place and the demons were steeped in the dark side of the Force, and the continued exposure to them was hurting her Masters, sapping their strength.

Rey desperately wished they could move faster. But although she almost dragged Ben, their progress was agonisingly slow. His breath was ragged, sweat coated his face, and his jaws were clenched in a grim expression. When she used their bond to glimpse into his mind, she felt the iron barriers around his pain quiver and buckle; again, Rey wondered how bad his condition really was. How much he was hiding from her to spare her.

They pressed on, past the sinister laboratory and through dark halls.  
Suddenly, Rey recognized the corner ahead of them: behind it, she spotted the row of Sith monoliths that lined the path to the platform, to the way out!

At that moment, a cry of agony stopped them in their tracks. She craned her neck, and saw Luke clutching his chest, his lightsaber rolling uselessly over the floor a few yards away. He stumbled, but managed to splay his free hand and push the two spectres that had attacked him backwards – only not very far. Another rotten creature crept up from behind him, raised its own crippled claw and a wave of dark Force drove Luke to his knees.  
More of them gathered. They surrounded the Jedi and began to toss him about between them, like a puppet.

The spectres surrounding Leia’s Force barrier suddenly stopped their attacks. They just stood there silently and stared at them gleefully from dead eyes.

“What are they doing?” Rey asked in confusion.

“Luke… no…” Leia’s heart nearly broke; Rey saw it in her grief-stricken face and heard it in her anguished voice. As much as those dark spirits corroded her own essence, too - having to watch them torment her twin was far worse. And she could do nothing, trapped inside the Force shield.

“They’re toying with him,” Ben whispered darkly.

“They have eternity. No need to rush and end their _amusement_ prematurely,” Leia choked bitterly on the word.

Rey’s eyes widened in horror, but she realized that it was true: the spectres had stopped their attack on the bubble, although they could surely break it down by now. They could simply destroy Luke, but they preferred to torture him.  
She looked at Ben. Waves of anguish, guilt and despair rolled from him. He blamed himself for this. Everyone he loved - his family, his other half in the dyad - was suffering because of him. Was going to go to hell because of him.

“No!”

Ben let go of Rey and straightened up as best he could. “It’s _me_ they want. Leave me, all of you! Mum, you and Uncle Luke must vanish from this plane right now, before you’re too weak to. Rey, if you run, you can make it to the platform. I’ll hold them off as long as I can to buy you time.”

Rey looked at him, unmoved. “Are you finished?”

“That’s no joke, Rey!” Ben’s anger flared. “Let them have me! I deserve them, but they won’t get you, too.”

“Forget it! It’s either none or both of us. I won’t lose you again.”

“You’d go to hell!” he screamed.

“With you? I’ll go everywhere.”

Ben stared at her, too stunned for a quick retort. Behind Rey, Leia gave him a small smile. “Give it up, son. She’s always like that when she’s set her mind on something. Believe me, I know that look.”

“Stubborn like a Bantha,” he growled defeated, but Rey sensed the truth behind the grumpy words, rippling through their bond. Appreciation. Love.

 _‘I’ll never leave your side. Remember?’_ Rey gently showed him his own words from just a few minutes ago. She felt his heartbeat quicken at the memory. _‘Wherever we go, we go together. But all is not lost yet. Look!’_

Ben looked back at his uncle.  
Luke had not given up fighting. As feeble and in vain as his attempts were, he always tried to come back to his feet, pushed against an assailant’s leg or dragged his lightsaber an inch closer. Like Rey, he would fight against defeat to the last, not giving in to despair and hopelessness. But the blue glow of his Force appearance was visibly starting to dim.

Suddenly, the spectres froze.  
Something seemed to distract them from their merry game. One by one, their hoods turned back to where they had come from. Screeching flashes of lightning ripped the hall out of the darkness, and then Rey heard it, too.

A deep hum reverberated through the Citadel.

An icy coldness, harsher than the night temperatures on Hoth, worse than what she had felt oozing from the spectres, washed over them. Like the cold of space itself.

Then, a figure stepped out of the darkness. Rey could only just discern its silhouette: tall, ominous and shrouded in a long, hooded mantle. She tried to probe it with the Force, but met a barrier as hard and cold as a glacier.

It lifted its arm, and with a hiss, a blade activated like none Rey had ever seen before. Was that even a _light_ sabre? It looked like a rift in space, sucking in all the light instead of emitting any. Its deep droning was almost sub-sonic.

The figure strode towards them without hurry, an air of supremacy surrounding it. And then the spectres closest to it started to crouch and bow reverently, scuttling out of its path.

Panic flared through Rey. She suddenly realized who this had to be!

He had come to finish them off personally.

Her grandfather. The Emperor himself.

Palpatine.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up and hold on to your panties, here we go!

Rey flinched and instinctively tried to back off. But there was nowhere to go: behind her, Leia was rooted to the spot, unable to move. The Force barrier was encircled by spectres, their dark presence trapping them like a ring of flames. They were stuck. So close to the exit.

The tall, dark figure advanced further towards Luke. It passed the Skywalker lightsaber lying on the floor, extended its free hand, and the saber flew right into it and was turned off. Then it brought up its own dreadful weapon which droned with deep, hollow menace, into a strike position.  
The spectres made no noise, but their agitation reminded Rey of the hundreds of Sith Eternal cultists that had chanted during the horrible ritual her grandfather had intended. They enjoyed this spectacle to the fullest.

Luke lay on his hands and knees, gazing up at his executioner defiantly.

Ben gripped Rey’s hand so hard, she thought he might crush her bones.

The black blade descended in a flash – and the spectre next to Luke imploded with a howl!  
For a second, the other spectres were too dumbfounded to react. It was their downfall, for the figure did not pause and whirled around to destroy two more of them. The hood slipped off its head and revealed a striking young man, his wavy hair flying as he swiftly cut down his opponents.

Rey gasped. _“Anakin!”_

The moment of shock passed, and the spectres jumped into action. Three of them splayed their claws simultaneously to blast Anakin off his feet, but the Chosen One just leaned forward and breasted the dark Force current. It washed over him like a breaker over a rock, but he stood his ground. That seemed to confuse the spectres.

“Seriously?” Anakin shrugged and flashed a dangerous smile. “That trick is as old as the hills.”

He chucked the Skywalker lightsaber back to Luke and immediately engaged the spectres. The shadow-black blade growled hungrily and devoured one after the other. Unlike Luke and Leia, Anakin seemed unperturbed by the dark wraiths’ proximity. On the contrary; he openly enjoyed cutting them down, feeding their disintegrating essences into his strange sword.

The spectres obviously did not find this prospect very appealing, and began to back away from him. But Anakin was fast, and they were not. Without mercy, the void cut a swath of destruction through their ranks; each felled enemy imploded with a scream of terror and vanished into the pitch-black rift of the blade.

Rey watched him with morbid fascination as he single-handedly shifted the tide. The Chosen One was both magnificent and terrifying to behold. At her side, Ben’s eyes were glued to his grandfather in awe; his admiration was palpable through their bond. In his wildest dreams, he had probably imagined Vader to be exactly like this. A vengeful, dark god. Invincible.

Luke staggered to his feet and drew his lightsaber, but realized that his father needed no reinforcement at the moment.

“You took your sweet time,” he called to him.

“Someone left the door open,” Anakin grunted as he gripped a fleeing spectre with the Force, hauled it back and impaled it on his sword. “Had to close it first.” With a shrill shriek, the spectre was sucked into the gaping maw of the blade.

“You _knew_ he was coming?” Leia’s voice sounded affronted and she dropped the barrier. Their enemies were in full-scale retreat now, as fast as they could. Anakin looked wistfully after them, and Rey practically felt his itching to follow them. To finish them. But then he sighed deeply and turned off his peculiar weapon.

“I’m just the emergency back-up,” he said, turning to them. “I had hoped you wouldn’t need it.”

A new, terrible rumbling churned the Citadel.

Rey felt her skin crawl. Even Anakin flinched. He looked behind himself, to where the spectres were disappearing into the darkness. “I think you’d better leave now.”

The rumbling intensified, cracks appeared in the stone floor, and Ben grabbed Rey’s arm to keep himself from falling over.

Anakin reactivated the dark blade, fell into a fighting stance next to Luke and yelled at them, _“Run!”_

Ben looked at his mother. Leia’s eyes shone with regret, but she nodded urgently. “I love you, darling.” She reached up, kissed him on the cheek and then pushed them towards the exit. “Godspeed, you two!”

Together, they stumbled towards the turn-off, not once looking back. The floor shook and bucked like a wild Orbak and gave Rey a hard time keeping them both on their feet. Dust rained down on them, the whole structure groaned and shuddered.

‘Merciful Force, let the ceiling hold,’ Rey prayed silently.

They rounded the corner, and gusts of wind struck them in the face. Ahead, Rey saw the rectangular opening of the elevator platform in the ceiling, illuminated by lightning from the raging storm.

“We’re nearly there!” she shouted over the noise and shifted Ben’s weight around her shoulder. He only nodded, clenching his jaws. She admired his iron will; he was obviously in great pain, but he still shielded it from her.

The way was not long, but debris had turned it into an obstacle course. They wove their way through as fast as possible, and finally the platform came in sight.

_‘Watch out!’_

The warning rang over their bond, and Ben yanked Rey sideways. A boulder, twice her size, slammed into the ground where she had just been standing. It was a fragment from one of the Sith statues; a dead stone eye glared at her angrily.

“Thanks, that was close.” She leaned against Ben for a change, trembling all over. For a tiny moment, he allowed her to rest against him to get a hold of herself. But then he urged her on.

“We need to get out, this place is falling apart!” he wheezed. The crunches of stone on stone did not bode well, and the massive chains that dangled from the ceiling swayed and creaked dangerously.

They staggered across the last metres and collapsed onto the platform. Reluctantly, it came to life and rose upwards, towards the storm-tossed surface.

Rey lay panting on her back, feeling like she could never get up again. Beside her, Ben struggled to catch his breath, a hand pressed to his aching ribcage. Their eyes met - and then they grinned widely.

‘I must be insane,’ she thought, but she could not fight the elation that suddenly filled her. Ben was back in her life, and if fortune continued to smile upon them, he would remain so! She allowed herself to cling to this hope; and as if she had discovered a hidden source of strength within herself, she suddenly felt new energy flooding through her.

“Let me heal this.” Rey reached out and lay a hand on Ben’s booted ankle.

“Sure?” He frowned sceptically. She felt him checking on her over their connection, judging her condition. “You shouldn’t.”

“I won’t heal you fully,” she argued. “Just enough so you can walk the rest of the way by yourself.” She concentrated on the shimmering essence of life inside of her. It had diminished, but apart from that, it shone brightly and whole. A familiar hum resonated in her chest, travelled across the bond of their dyad, and suffused Ben.  
Rey gasped. She had expected this to feel similar to the healing on Kef Bir or of the Vexis serpent. But connecting to Ben now was entirely different. Both Kylo and the snake had calmed when she had healed them - but with Ben, it was the opposite: the more of her Life Force she poured into him, the more anxious he became. A few ruptured sinews had scarcely reconnected, when he suddenly blocked her out, didn’t accept any more of what she offered.

“That’ll do,” he said softly, sensing her silent accusation. “Save some strength for yourself.”

The platform wobbled slightly, but it held true. They had almost reached the ceiling, and Rey heard the violence of the storm now clearly. The elements were raging outside. Groaning, they forced their bruised bodies to stand up and prepared to leave.

The moment they rose to ground level, the howling gale pulled at their hair, buffeted their clothes. Ducking low, they sprinted for the edge of the monolith. Rey saw with relief that Ben’s ankle had recovered a bit, and her happiness spiked when she saw _Red Five_ in the distance, awaiting them.

They had just vacated the monolith, when the earth suddenly quaked again, so hard, that they were tossed to the ground. The dry soil cracked and split, and Rey watched in horror as a chasm opened up before them – and _Red Five_ skidded into the gaping cleft.

_“Blast!”_ she cursed and jumped furiously to her feet.

Then she turned to Ben. He was getting up, but he was limping again. When she cast a questioning look at his ankle, he waved it off. “We got other problems now!” he shouted over the deafening roars of the storm.

“Maybe we can find a functional pod in the debris of the Star Destroyers,“ Rey screamed back, shielding her eyes with her hand. Sand and loose rubble attacked them like shrapnel. Ben just nodded.

Rey didn’t really believe they would find anything spaceworthy in the wreckage, and she felt he was of the same opinion, but she was too stubborn to give up. So, they dragged themselves along the chasm, towards a large heap of metal that could once have been an Imperial Transport.  
A veteran scavenger, Rey had spotted it right away when she had arrived on Exegol. It was her frontrunner now, and she was defiantly hoping against all odds that it might still hold a good escape pod.

Ben suddenly braked hard, seized her around the waist and pulled her back. Just in the nick of time! Another crack split the ground in front of them and then deepened rapidly into an endless abyss. Sparkling, obsidian stone spikes sprouted from its depths like teeth in a sarlacc’s maw.

Every way was blocked now. Nowhere to turn to, except back into the Sith Citadel, and that was no real option.

Rey looked up at Ben, desperate – and she could see it reflected in his eyes. This was it. The end of the line. They had nowhere else to go. They had tried, but it was over.

Ben’s arms around her shifted, moved upwards into an embrace and tightened, pressing her closer towards him. Up close, she realized again how much Ben had changed, how different he was from the Kylo Ren she had known. It was not only the vanished scar. His eyes were so intense, full of emotions, but her own thoughts were too crowded to discern whether they were fear - or something else.

“Rey,” he whispered.

She hadn’t heard anything over the howling tantrum of the storm, but she saw his lips form her name, as he slowly bent down towards her.

At least they would be together, wherever they went from here.

She closed her eyes, longing to feel Ben’s lips for a last time. But they didn’t come.  
Her eyes flew open. Ben was frowning, looking down at something below her chin.

“What _is_ that?” he shouted, this time loud enough for her to hear.

Rey followed his gaze and saw a blueish glow under her sash.

“The amulet!” Rey realized with a start; she had completely forgotten about it. She fumbled for the chain around her neck and pulled the pendant out from under the cloth. The gemstone in the centre of the disc softly pulsed blue in a slow rhythm.

“I don’t know what that means, or what I should do with it now,” she yelled. “It’s a Jedi artefact, it brings good luck, but it never glowed before!”

She tentatively tried to press the gemstone, but nothing happened. Her eyes fell upon the ancient Jedi symbols. Maybe the script held some advice?

“Ben, can you read this?”

She held the pendant out to him and he took it. The moment his fingers touched the disc, the blinking accelerated, and the blue light intensified. Rey gasped. Ben halted, but when nothing more happened, he leaned down closer and squinted his eyes against the raging elements, trying to decipher the tiny letters.

Then he looked at Rey, and she would swear she saw the ghost of a smile playing on his lips when he shouted, “This is no Jedi artefact!”  
Again, the blinking sped up, it was almost steady-blue now.

“It’s a _homing beacon!_ ”

At that precise moment, a familiar sound drowned out the noise of the cataclysm. Rey’s heart leaped as the _Millennium Falcon_ broke through the lead-grey clouds and swerved directly towards them. Through the cockpit window she recognized Chewbacca and Poe; even these two experienced pilots had a hard time fighting the tempest.

Landing on the quivering planet was not an option. The surface continued to suddenly sprout rock spires, or collapse beneath them into a bottomless abyss. And there were lightning strikes all over the place.  
The _Falcon_ stopped a few metres away from them, hovering over the chasm, its pilots struggling to keep it steady despite the storm.

The gangplank deployed and Rey saw Finn standing on it, clutching a pole with one hand to keep himself from being blown away. He stretched out his other hand towards them.

_“Rey!!”_ he shouted at the top of his lungs.

“You first,” Ben called. Rey opened her mouth to argue, but he cut her short. “I’m right behind you.”

Rey nodded, turned and sprinted towards the verge of the newly created abyss. Just as she kicked off the ground, an obsidian spike shot out of the abyss, forcing the Falcon into a sudden swerve to avoid being impaled.  
Rey’s heart missed a beat when Finn, together with the gangplank, suddenly broke away from her; but then she felt an unmistakable _push_ that corrected her trajectory, and she flew right into Finn’s outstretched arm. Clinging to him, she looked over her shoulder just in time to see Ben lower his splayed hand.

Ben got into position, but the moment he tried to run, Rey knew he was doomed to fail. His injured ankle didn’t support him, and what should have been a short, fast dash turned into a hobbling limp. She saw him grit his teeth, but his right leg simply refused to cooperate. He stopped short of the ledge, an infinite space between them.  
Ben only shook his head; shouting was no use over the ruckus.

“We need to get closer!” Rey screamed at Finn over the raging storm.

Finn activated his comlink. “Poe, can you get us closer to that peedunky?”

Over the noise of static, Poe’s metallic voice barked back, _“Forget it, that blasted planet is trying to turn us into shish kebab!”_

Rey realized with horror that Poe was right: from all directions, the obsidian spikes seemed to zero in on them now, as if they were conscious, limiting the _Falcon’s_ space by the second.  
 _“Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”_

“No, we’re not leaving without him!” Rey yelled into the comlink.

_“For Edge’s sake, Rey, I can’t dodge all of –”_

“What the hell is he up to?” Finn interrupted their argument.

Below them, Ben had closed his eyes, his face calm and composed, arms outstretched at his sides. All of a sudden, he launched himself forward into the abyss, like a bungee jumper, but without the rope. Rey cried out, fearing he would plunge to his death.

In that moment though, another jagged obsidian needle erupted from the abyss. Ben caught it around the pinnacle and, clinging to it tightly, rose rapidly towards the _Millennium Falcon_ , as if he was rodeo-riding the stone.  
Once he was above the gangplank’s elevation, Ben let go and hurtled towards them, but at the same time, Poe veered the _Falcon_ away from the needle – and from him.

_“Ben!”_ Rey screamed and extended her hand, but came up empty; there was no strength left in her. She tried to pull on the Force, but felt nothing except exhaustion and numbness.

Suddenly, a gust of Force streaked past her; Finn, his lips firmly pressed together, face contorted into a deep frown, had reached out and _pulled_ hard.

Ben was ripped out of his fall and hurled onto the ramp. His momentum carried him on, and he spun over until he hit the main corridor’s wall inside, slumping unconscious. Over their bond, Rey felt ribs break upon impact and she doubled over in shared agony, gasping. She couldn’t breathe anymore. A searing chain had clamped around her lungs.

“We’ve got a full house, punch it!” Finn shouted into the com and dragged Rey inside. The hydraulics shrieked in protest, but the gangplank slowly closed. The _Falcon_ turned around and rose into a steep climb.  
With the ramp shut, the roaring of the storm finally died down a bit. Only the shaking and rattling of the _Falcon_ reminded them that they hadn’t cleared the tempest yet.

“Rey? Rey, what’s wrong? Talk to me!” Finn stared at her ashen face in alarm. “Say something! Breathe, dammit!”

He lowered her to the floor as gently as possible, his eyes frantically scanning her body for injuries, an explanation for her sudden deterioration.

Rey gathered all her remaining strength and strained against the clamp around her chest. It didn’t break, but at least she felt it yield a little. Enough to draw a tiny, shaky breath.

She pointed at Ben and wheezed, “Medbay!”

“I don’t give a flying thwip’s fart about him,” Finn retorted hotly, “ _you_ need help!”

Rey closed her eyes weakly. “We’re … connected,” she gasped. “His ribs –” she squirmed and groaned, as another blinding flash of pain overwhelmed her.

“Okay okay,” Finn yielded hurriedly, “that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard _– Chewie!!_ ” he bellowed over his shoulder, “I need a hand! Can Poe fly this thing on his own for a moment?”

Rey’s eyes went wide and she tried to shake her head, but a feeling of dizziness overcame her and she quickly stopped. She wanted to tell Finn what a bad idea that was, how much Chewie still hated Ben and that he would rather rip him into tiny shreds than help him. But her mind was becoming foggy with the lack of air, and she struggled for a breath.

Heavy footfalls approached them from the cockpit, and a moment later, the Wookiee towered in the round doorway, huge and ominously silent.

“Please,” was all Rey could get out.

Then she blacked out.


	25. Chapter 25

Rey slowly came to herself, puzzled. Where was she? Why was she lying down? She couldn’t remember going to bed… She dimly registered physical pain, soreness, and a numb feeling where her connection with the Force normally would be. Lying was pretty good, though. She felt warm, and a soft blanket covered her.  
Memories trickled in, slowly at first, but then the pieces clicked together faster and faster. Something, Rey suddenly realized, was amiss. She couldn’t quite put a finger on it yet, but something important was missing.

Just what?

Then Rey’s heart missed a beat – Ben! Instinctively, she reached down their newly regenerated bond, only to find it suddenly ending in a thick, white fog. She tried to push through, but the moment she breached the border of the swirling mist, the world tipped over violently. Nauseated from vertigo, she quickly reeled back.

“Ben,” she gasped and shot upright, forcing her eyes to open to the real world.

“ ’m here, Rey,” a deep voice slurred to her left. “ ’s okay.”

Her head immediately turned: on the far side of the cargo hold they were in, Ben was lying on the sophisticated Athakam med unit his father had ‘salvaged’ once, and watched her through heavy-lidded eyes.

“Ben! Are you alright?” Rey staggered to her feet, nearly tripping over the blanket. “I can’t sense you anymore.” She stumbled to his bedside and clasped his hand; just to make sure he was really there. He felt solid and warm. It calmed her frantic heart a little.

“Painkillers,” he mumbled hazily.

“Oh, of course. Right. That’s good,” Rey exhaled with relief and relaxed a bit, taking a seat on the edge of the med unit. He looked so tired, keeping himself from drifting off by sheer force of will. She couldn’t help but reach out and caress his cheek gently, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He closed his eyes, relishing the touch.

“You should rest. Is there anything I can get you? Anything you need?” she asked softly.

A tiny, roguish expression ghosted over his face. “G’dnight kiss?”

First, Rey was taken aback. But then she had to stifle a chuckle, leaned down and softly brushed her lips against his, careful not to put too much pressure on his split lower lip. The moment her lips touched his, she suddenly felt butterflies in her stomach.  
‘At least, the bond can’t betray me, thanks to the drugs,’ she thought shyly.

When she sat back up, Ben still had his eyes closed and for a moment she wondered if he had maybe fallen asleep. But then he cracked an eye open and muttered impishly, “Have ye kissed me yet? M’ lips are all numb.”

This time, Rey couldn’t contain her laughter. “Nice try,” she poked him lightly on the arm. “Go to sleep!”

Ben smiled. A bit lopsided, but to her it was the most beautiful smile she had ever seen. Stars, he was so different. Unburdened, open, younger, so very Han-like. Not a trace of Kylo Ren left.  
His eyes finally fluttered close and she felt him relax. His breathing evened out and calmness settled over his features. All the while, Rey held his hand, her thumb drawing soothing circles over its back.

After a brief moment, a wide grin suddenly spread across her face as something occurred to her and she whispered, “We made it, Ben. We really did it.”

Ben only grunted, already half-asleep.

Rey kept holding his hand until she was sure he was fast asleep, almost giddy with joy over having him back. She knew she owed much of this success to others; without help, they would not have made it from Exegol alive. She made a mental note to thank them, soon as she got the chance.

Ben looked so peaceful in his sleep. Her eyes wandered from him to the med unit’s touch panel. An illuminated key labelled “Diagnostic Analysis” caught her interest, and she pressed it with her free hand. The display changed into a sketch of Ben’s body. Her brows furrowed at the many red dots, each representing an injury the computer had detected. She went through them one after the other. A long list.

The good news was that none of the injuries were immediately life-threatening. The bad news was, that Ben was nevertheless in very poor physical health. Four ribs were broken, another two cracked. At least, none had punctured any internal organs or major blood vessels, Rey noted with relief. His right ankle was sprained with a partially torn ligament. Cuts and bruises of varying severity littered his limbs and torso. His left shoulder had been dislocated, but according to the panel, it had already been reduced by a certain “Emergency Doctor Fyzen Gor”. Rey couldn’t recall anyone of that name. Then again, who knew whomever Han Solo had ‘acquired’ this piece of medical marvel from; it certainly wasn’t a standard feature in Corellian freighters. Hardly anything was standard anymore on the _Falcon_.

“You’ve taken quite a beating,” Rey whispered and ran her hand through Ben’s hair, careful not to wake him. “Just hold on a little longer, we’ll get help soon.”

Only then did she notice that something else was prominently missing.

The thrum of the _Falcon’s_ engines.  
  


***

  
Reluctantly, Rey released Ben’s hand and got up, listening out carefully for the sounds of her surroundings. There was an ambient, low electrical hum, and the lights were still on; so, they had power. But the hyperdrive’s familiar droning was definitely not there. And that meant, something was wrong.

She consulted one of the consoles, and her eyes went wide. The chrono told her that she had been out cold for less than half an hour. By now, they should have almost cleared the crimson nebular that shielded Exegol from the rest of the galaxy, but according to the computer, they had merely entered it.

Rey cast a last glance at Ben in his peaceful, drug-induced slumber. He was safe for now, she reassured herself. She had to leave him just for a little while to figure out what had happened. They needed to get back to Ajan Kloss fast to get medical help for him.  
It was nevertheless an effort for her to turn away from him and go for the door.

It glided open silently and she stepped out into the corridor.

“Hello.”

Rey nearly jumped out of her skin!

D-O, who had been waiting patiently outside of number three hold, quickly went into reverse.

“S-sorry, sorry,” the little droid hurried to apologize and backtracked further.

Realizing who it was, Rey exhaled and carefully knelt down. “No, no, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. You just startled me because I wasn’t expecting you. It’s alright, D-O.” He seemed to believe her, at least he trundled back to her. She gave him an encouraging smile. “Hey, where is everybody else?”

“Friends in engine r-room. F-f-furball and BB-8 in cockpit.”

So, there was definitely something wrong with the ship. Damn.  
“D-O, would you do me a favour?”

“Yes, favour f-f-for friend, yes!” He rolled back and forth excitedly.

“Could you please stay here and keep an eye on him for me?” She pointed back at Ben. “If anything happens, if he wakes up or the med unit sounds an alarm, I need you to alert me immediately.”

D-O’s conical head swivelled from her to Ben, then back to her. He appeared a bit nervous now. “Friend, too? Nice?”

Rey nodded. “Yes. He’s a good man. I trust him with my life.”

“O-o-okay. I help.”

“Thank you, D-O,” she smiled and patted him gratefully. The little droid took up his post in the doorway again, trying to hold still on his wobbly uni-tread disc.

Rey got up and walked down the curved corridor towards the cockpit. The closer she got, the more she wondered. Why had Chewie helped them? Despite his outspoken hatred for Ben, he had obviously spared him. Had probably even helped Finn carry them both to the infirmary.

But her curiosity had to wait; for one thing, she had to find out what had happened to the engines, and for another – the bulkhead to the cockpit was closed. A red, blinking light indicated that it had been sealed shut from the inside. Rey frowned. That was unusual; Chewie never locked himself up in the cockpit.  
What in the blazes had happened while she had been unconscious?

She moved on silently, traversed the main hold, passed her own quarters, and finally heard familiar voices. Finn and Poe were indeed in the engine room, talking quietly.

Rey rounded the last turn. At first, she only saw Finn, squatted besides the sublight drive with an open tool box. The housing had been removed, but then she saw Poe’s feet peeping out from under the sub-processor. He was lying to his knees under the engine!

Finn suddenly turned, as if sensing her presence.

“Rey!”

He rushed to her and pulled her into a bear hug. “Are you ok? How do you feel?”

But before she could answer, someone shoved Finn aside roughly - Poe had extricated himself from the engine. He grabbed Rey and almost crushed her in his embrace. For a second, she was too taken by surprise to react, but then Poe already pulled away sharply.

“You reckless, binary, stubborn firebrand!” he bawled her out in lightning speed, accentuating every word by jabbing his index at her chest. “What were you thinking? Capturing a ship, stealing away in the dead of night without leave; you could have kicked the bucket out there! You could have -”

Poe didn’t finish the sentence, but pulled her back to him fiercely, burying his face in her shoulder. Rey felt him tremble slightly, and a pang of guilt overcame her; she had not meant to unsettle him so much. Maybe she should have taken the time to tell them in person.

“I’m sorry I had you guys so worried,” she apologized and rubbed his back reassuringly. “I didn’t tell you right away, because I was afraid you’d want to accompany me. But you couldn’t have helped me with what happened on Exegol.”

Poe let go of her, wiped his eyes furtively and then frowned pointedly. “Oh really? And what happened there exactly?”

“I’ll tell you _after_ you told me why the engine is offline.” Talking about stubborn. Rey saw in his eyes that Poe considered standing his ground. “Once it is running again, we got all the time in the galaxy to talk, but get it moving first! Ben needs medical help.”

“Nothing a bacta suit couldn’t fix,” Finn muttered.

“You got one with you?” Rey retorted, sharper than she wanted.

“No, ‘course not.”

Rey forced herself to take a deep breath, quenching the building tension. “Thanks for patching him up, Finn.”

Her friend shrugged. “I didn’t do it for him. You said you were connected, and I saw you suffering although you weren’t injured. Helping him meant helping you. Plus, I feel safer when he’s drugged into yesterday.”

Rey smiled a little. “Thanks anyway. So, what’s ailing the _Falcon_?”

Poe stared at her for a moment, but then he sighed and turned towards the massive engine. “We made it out of Exegol and tried to jump, but we immediately fell out of hyperspace again.” He pointed to his right. The heart of the Falcon’s legendary speed, the SSP05 hyperdrive, sat cold and dark on its core chamber. The familiar blue glow was gone.

“We’ve tried to reinitiate it, but no luck. And since we know how Exegol’s lightnings love to wreak havoc on our technical equipment, I thought one of the strikes might have fried something,” Poe explained. “So I checked.”

“What did you find? Can we fix it? What about the backup drive?” Rey’s mind was racing.

Poe shook his head. “The hyperdrives are toast. The inter-level conduits are offset, there’s no way we can repair that with our limited resources here.” He pointed at the tool box.

“Are you saying we are adrift?”

“At the moment, yes. But I am working on the thrusters.”

“Thrusters?!” she gaped at him. “It’ll take us _week_ s to get to Ajan Kloss on sublight thrusters alone!”

“Yeah, but we don’t need to get all the way to Ajan Kloss,” he said patiently. “Once we’re out of this nebular, we can send a coded distress signal and our allies will come at the speed of light and pick us up.”

She considered that for a moment, and sighed. “Well, better to crawl than to be stuck. So where do we start?”

“ _You_ start by going back to bed and rest,” Finn interjected sternly.

“I am not tired,” Rey lied. “You could really use my help. And see, I can rest here just fine.” She sat down where Finn had been, propped herself up against a pole, crossed her legs and appeared very relaxed.

Poe shrugged. “At least you might know the difference between a power calibrator and a hydrospanner”. Rey grinned and cast a sidelong glance at Finn.

“What?” Finn asked indignantly, but Poe just waved him off and crawled back into the bowels of the engine. “Hey, I was trained to be a Stormtrooper, not a radar technician, okay?!”

“We’re just kidding,” Rey placated him. “But tell me, how did you even find me? Did you receive my note? I left one for you with BB-8.”

“Oh yeah, we did,” Finn nodded. “He and coneface crashed our o six hundred meeting. Four security guys tried to stop them, but they gave them all the slip.”

Rey smiled fondly. “Never underestimate a droid.”

“Maz confirmed that you’d taken _Red Five_ and gone off to Exegol,” came Poe’s muffled voice from below the cowling. “Without her beacon, we would never have found you in that storm.”

Rey touched the little round disc under her sash, chuckled and shook her head. Jedi artefact indeed! She once again marvelled at the clever, old trickster.

“So, we hopped aboard the _Falcon,_ rode to your rescue, and, well - you know about the rest. Hand me the magna-driver, please.” Poe’s hand reappeared, Rey snatched a tool from the box and gave it to him.

“Why isn’t Chewie helping you with the repairs? He has known the _Millennium Falcon_ longer than the three of us together.”

“I wanted him on the bridge,” Poe answered between the whirrs of the driver. “BB-8 is an ace astromech, but he’s no fighter. They make a good team in the cockpit for now.”

“Fighter?” Rey asked incredulously.

“In case _someone_ managed to get through the bulkhead,” Finn explained.

The penny dropped. So that was why the cockpit had been sealed from the inside. “Seriously? You don’t still think Ben’s up to something, do you?”

“Until you’ve told us everything, I vote for better safe than sorry,” Poe’s voice echoed hollowly. “Polarity check prong!”

Rey huffed, rummaged through the tool box and then smacked the heavy tool into Poe’s waiting hand.

“Thanks,” he grunted sarcastically.  
For a moment, they were all silent except for the clicks and fizzles of the prong. When Poe spoke again, he sounded dangerously casual. “Just out of curiosity, Rey: how did you plan on escaping Exegol with Ben in a single-seater X-Wing? Power calibrator, please.”

Rey paused. Her eyes widened and a tinge of red crept up her cheeks. She hadn’t thought about that at all!

“Oh, erm... tightly?”

She quickly handed him the tool. Poe chuckled dryly. “Yeah, right.”

“It was tight enough the way it was, I’d say,” Finn grumbled. He stood in the doorway with his arms crossed.

“Speaking of close calls,” Rey quickly changed the topic, “that was quite an impressive Force Pull you’ve accomplished there. First time you really did it!”

The diversion seemed to work; Finn straightened with pride at her praise. “Guess my motivation was good enough this time. I might have to improve on the gentle landing part though.”

“Only when you’re pulling in someone nice!” Poe teased, emerging from the sub-processor. “Here we go, let’s give it a try.” He activated his comlink. “Chewie, start up the sublight drive.”

Chewbacca wailed something unintelligible that sounded suspiciously like a Wookiee prayer, and a low whining rose from the engine as the turbines began to rotate. A second later, the compressor sprayed showers of sparks and the stench of burnt reactant stung Rey’s nose. Finn yelped and threw himself protectively over her.

“Woah, shut it down, shut it down!” Poe shouted over the com, and the engine’s hum faded again. A few last sparks popped, and then it was silent.

“Okay … everyone alright?” he asked shakily from his cover behind the dead hyperdrive.

“Yeah, just a bit singed,” Rey knocked out some sparks on Finn’s jacket. It had received quite a few new burn holes.

“I guess that was a bust,” Finn complained.

“Smarty-pants,” Poe growled. “Any idea what could’ve caused this?”

“Smelled like something’s wrong with the injectors,” Rey surmised. “I’ll have a look at it.” She flopped onto her belly and quickly slipped under the engine. It was cramped, and she had to be careful not to touch the combustion chamber. Although the engine had hardly been running, it had already heated up considerably.  
She crawled further into the depths of the drive, until she reached the high-pressure seals that separated the radioactive interior of the thrusters from the rest of the ship.

“The seals are intact,” Rey called out to her friends after a short inspection. Her fingers carefully felt for the small metal tube that injected the reactant into the intermixer. She found it dangling loosely from its insulation.

“Okay, I found it. I’ll need one of you to lend a hand, and a servodriver, hex-clamps and bonding tape.”

“I’m on it,” Poe shouted in reply.

A minute later, Rey heard him huffing and puffing as he squeezed through the tight engine.

_“Ouch!”_

She bit her lip. “Mind the combustion chamber, it’s hot!”

“You don’t say,” he hissed. Finally, his head came into view. Rey pressed herself against the sub-processor housing to give him as much space as possible as he clambered to his feet.

“Here, can you feel it?” Rey took his hand and guided it to the loose tube. Poe nodded. “That needs to be reattached. I’ll align it, you hold it steady, then I can fix it in place. Understand?”

“Sounds pretty straightforward,” he shrugged.

“It is. Unless you accidentally rip the tube off completely.” Rey pulled herself onto the housing and squeezed into the tiny space between the thruster unit and the ship’s hull. Once again, she was glad for her narrow stature that allowed her to fit inside the most compact gaps.

“Erm, what happens if I pull it off accidentally?” Poe asked warily.

“Just don’t. More to the left. The other left! A bit more – stop. Hold it like this, and hand me the clamps”, she instructed. They scraped along the housing, and she fastened them carefully around the injector. “Now the tape!”

He handed it up and she struggled a little with the sticky adhesive tape, but finally she slipped off the module again.

“Done?” Poe asked.

“Yes, this one,” Rey smiled. “But this is an SRB42, remember? It has nine thruster units in total. Eight more to go!”

“Hooray,” Poe sighed.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love the trio interacting ... so, let's see how they get along with their new situation!

One hour later, Rey and Poe had checked all nine thruster units, and had found and fixed three more faulty injectors. Stiff and aching, but satisfied with their work, the two began to crawl out of the sublight drive. They were just passing the fuel pump, when Rey suddenly stopped.

“Did you hear that?” she whispered.

“What?”

“That sound. Like - a bubbling gurgle. Did you check the fuel supply lines, Poe?”

“Yes, twice!” he said exasperatedly.

“Then I don’t - _there,_ again! Don’t you hear it?”

“Yeah, this time I heard something, too,” Poe said with agitation.

Finn’s head appeared below the housing. “Erm guys, I think that’s my stomach.”

Rey stifled a laugh and quickly scrambled out of the engine, Poe following her closely. And indeed, Finn’s stomach rumbled again loudly. “We skipped breakfast in favour of your rescue, remember? And lunch. _And_ teatime biscuits!”

“It’s a miracle how you guys managed to win wars, being like this,” Poe grinned, but clapped his friend on the shoulder. “Better go and prepare some food then. I’m hungry, too, and if our genius here fixed the engine properly, we’ll join you shortly.”

“And if not?” Rey teased.

“We’ll be blown to pieces instead,” Poe answered dryly.

“Aah, I’ll better be in the galley then, good luck!” Finn turned quickly and hurried out. Poe reached for his comlink and cast a last look at Rey. “Ready?”

“It will work this time,” she said confidently.

“Well, it’s now or never,” he muttered and activated the com. “Okay Chewie, we’re ready for a second try. Fire her up!”

A moment later, the turbines came alive again. The slow humming increased steadily, until it became the trademark, high-pitched whining. The turbines ignited, and with a slight jolt, the _Millennium Falcon_ started moving again. Chewbacca roared happily.

 _“Yes!”_ Poe whooped and gave Rey the high-five, then reconsidered and lifted her off her feet in a hug. “Not bad, for a scavenger.”

Rey laughed and felt some of the tension inside of her dissolve. They were back in business, slowly but surely. Now Ben just had to hang on, and she could finally tell her friends all about her incredible adventure on Exegol.  
For a few minutes, they simply monitored the sublight engine doing its job, as if nothing had ever perturbed it.

“Chewie,” Poe called into the comlink, “get us out of this nebular and send a message to our friends as soon as possible. Tell them we need a lift; and maybe hyperdrive engineers and spare parts.”

Rey nudged him, motioning. He sighed and added, “And tell them to bring a bacta suit,” before cutting the connection.

She beamed at him and gave him a little peck on the cheek. “You’re the best.”

Poe just shook his head, but smiled anyway. “Come on, let’s have something to eat. I kept my end of the bargain; we’re moving again. Now it’s your turn to tell us all about your stunt.” He started for the door, but then he stopped and frowned.

“What’s that smell?”

He was right. Something smelled burnt. Alerted, Rey turned around and quickly scanned the engine room for signs of smoke or fire. But nothing caught her eye; the machine purred like a tooka kitten. Everything seemed fine, except for the increasing stench of something charred.

Suddenly, Poe’s eyes widened. “Finn!”

He dashed out, Rey hot on his heels. Ahead of them, she saw a thin line of smoke wafting out of the crew quarters, and heard Finn’s voice swearing like a true Stormtrooper. They turned the corner and stopped dead in their tracks: In the galley, Finn was trying to put out a burning frying pan with an oven mitt, without much success. He had flour in his hair, and something bluish ran thickly down the stove. The small kitchen resembled a battlefield, and Finn was definitely on the losing side.

“What in the blazes do you think you are doing there?” Poe asked in bewilderment.

“I told you already: Stormtrooper - not technician, _not cook!”_ Finn exclaimed and kept on batting the pan, splattering grease and charred chunks everywhere.

“Stop it!” Rey grabbed a small flame douser from the wall and sprayed the stove. The fire died down immediately. “You’re lucky you didn’t trigger the automated fire extinguisher. We’d be wading through foam for days.”  
She opened a compartment and pulled out three slim, vacuumed food packets. “One would think you could handle standard rations,” Rey wondered and placed the dehydrated polystarch and veg-meat into bowls.

Finn’s face fell. “Great. Didn’t know you had these,” he murmured.

“Let’s move to the lounge and hope the stench hasn’t carried over there,” Poe suggested.

“Good idea.” Rey handed them the bowls and filled a thermos with hot water. “Veg-meat is insipid when boiled, but frying it isn’t an option anymore, I’m afraid.”  
  


***

  
Rey kept her promise. As they walked the short distance back to the communal space, she began to tell Finn and Poe everything that had transpired since she had left Ajan Kloss in a hurry. They seated themselves around the deactivated dejarik table, listening intently to the unbelievable story she told them about how she had brought Ben back from the brink of the Netherworld, fought against endless waves of spectres and only made it out of the Citadel alive because of the Skywalkers’ help.

While recounting, Rey poured hot water over the polystarch flour, and within seconds, the mixture bubbled and expanded rapidly into a doughy loaf of bread. The veg-meat was less cooperative; it melted into a rather uninviting, green slime. But Poe and Finn didn’t even notice. They were too taken in by her report how the whole planet had attempted to thwart their escape again and again.

“And then you arrived and saved us,” Rey concluded and bit heartily into another loaf of the fluffy instant bread. She had only now realized how ravenous she was.

“Wow,” Poe said and used his bread to wipe the rest of the green goo from his bowl. “I knew the Force could do things far beyond the normal, but it’s really hard to believe some of the stuff you said. Not that I don’t believe you! It’s just – wow.”

“I know. A year ago, I wouldn’t have believed it myself.” She turned to Finn. “After you got us aboard, what happened? While I was unconscious?” There was still this one gap in her memory.

“Chewbacca and I carried the two of you to medbay. You really had me worried ‘cause you weren’t breathing properly, and even that super clever medbed couldn’t find a reason why,” Finn said quietly.  
“Then I remembered what you’d said about your –” he hesitated for a moment and cast a glance at Poe, “– your connection with Solo, and I put _him_ on the medbed. The computer immediately started medical emergency protocols, and the better he got, the better you got as well.”

“You did exactly the right thing,” Rey assured him. “By the way, who’s ‘ _Doctor Fyzen Something_ ’? The med unit claimed that he had set Ben’s shoulder.”

“Oh, well then, I guess that’s me,” Finn shrugged. “I was a little strained at that time, and the silly machine wouldn’t let me near its patient unless I was an accredited emergency doctor. D-O managed to lure a list of names from it and I just pressed a random one; it did the trick. At least that’s something I was trained for as a Stormtrooper! I might be a poor technician and a lousy cook, but I can reduce any dislocated joint in seconds.”

“Very handy,” Poe praised.

“Definitely,” Rey agreed full-heartedly.

“After you were both stable, I realized we weren’t moving, so I left D-O keeping watch and met up with Poe,” Finn finished his story. “We agreed that Chewie and BB-8 would secure the ship while we’d try to fix the engine. That’s where you found us.”

“What an adventure,” she murmured, staring at nothing in particular. For a while, none of them spoke.  
Rey couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so completely happy. Everything was as it should be. Well, maybe not entirely everything; the _Falcon_ was crippled, and Ben was also far from top shape. But they were all here. She had everything she needed, everything that mattered: Her friends, her other half in the dyad, the ship that had become her home. And a full belly to boot.

“Even at the risk that you might not like to hear this,” Poe suddenly cleared his throat, “but I still think it was the wrong decision to bring that guy back. I understand why you did it, and I respect the sacrifices you’ve made to make it happen - but I would have preferred you’d left him where he was.”

Rey’s good mood evaporated instantly. But she tried to keep her calm, as Poe was doing. She cast a sidelong glance at Finn, but he was staring intently into his empty bowl. He still agreed with Poe, then.

“Why is that?” Rey asked as calmly as possible.

“If this was just about your private life, I wouldn’t butt into it at all. But nothing that involves the Supreme Leader can be kept private, Rey, and don’t remind me again that he’s not Kylo Ren anymore. Even if _I_ believed that, do you think the rest of the galaxy will?”

“I haven’t had a chance to think about that yet,” Rey said stubbornly. “But we’ll figure it out on the fly.”

Poe’s jaws clenched; he was struggling to control his temper. “You wouldn’t have to, if you’d just let things rest the way they were. He had gone honourably, and the galaxy was a safer, better place without him. Good riddance.”

That was too much. Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Now look who’s talking. Who made you the saint to judge, Poe Dameron? And no, I am not speaking about your spicerunner past. You raised a _mutiny_ against a legitimate commander of the Resistance when Leia was incapacitated, remember?”

Poe was too taken aback to answer right away, so Rey ploughed on, trampling over the tiny voice in her heart which told her that she was unfairly abusing what he had confided in her; that she was deliberately twisting the knife in the wound.

“Did she put you on trial for that? Or Lieutenant Connix? No! Leia knew you’d meant well, and she believed your genuine regret when you learned about Admiral Holdo’s real plan. She trusted you to have learned from your mistake, without needing more punishment to ram it into you! So how about you have a little bit of trust in me, when it comes to Leia’s son?”

Nobody spoke; only Poe continued to stare at her.

“Leia always gave people a second chance,” Finn whispered into the prolonged silence. He knew from his own experience that the wise General had never held his past with the First Order against him. “Though I agree with Poe that her son is a difficult case. I basically had no say in my carrier choice and Poe only had that one slip, whereas Ben not only chose his path, but stayed on it for a long time even after you had offered him a better one.”

“He had been deceived and misguided! Believe me, I’m the first to wish he had seen the light a lot sooner,” Rey agreed. “But what matters is that, in the end, he turned. Just give him a chance. He’s not the same anymore, you’ll see!”

Poe didn’t look at her anymore, now studying his fingers silently. Instantly, the voice of restraint she thought she had erased, emerged and flooded her with guilt, gnawing away at her stubborn anger.

The awkward moment was suddenly interrupted when BB-8 came rolling in from the cockpit. The little, round droid passed them without a word and vanished towards the crew quarters, but peeked back into the main hold a few seconds later, beeping questioningly.

“Just some cooking that went awry, not to worry,” Rey answered, markedly friendly. “And D-O is at number three hold, watching over Ben for me.”

“There’s no need to stand guard,” Finn cut in. “I told you I doped him enough to sleep for at least a day, remember?”

She frowned warily. “How much did you give him?”

“I didn’t give him anything,” he shirked. “The computer calculated everything on its own.”

“Fully automatically?”

“Well, yeah,” Finn said reluctantly. “All I had to do was enter his weight and the machine would do the rest.”

“And what weight did you put in exactly?” Rey inquired.

Finn shrugged. “I had to take a rough guess, so …”

_“Finn!”_

“… about 400 pounds?”

Poe snorted and snatched a piece of instant bread, biting into the soft loaf with new-found appetite and a widening grin.

“400 pounds?!” Rey gaped at her friend. “Not even Unkar Plutt weighs that much!”

Poe nearly choked on his bite. _“Who?”_

Finn ignored him. “Relax, Rey. I’m probably not that far off, and frankly speaking, I just feel much safer when he’s unconscious.”

Rey was speechless. Looking back now, it was a miracle that Ben had managed to stay awake at all. She turned to the droid, who was still hovering about the doorway.

“How long till we clear the nebular?”

BB-8 beeped a reply and then decided it was safe enough to cross the room and check on D-O.

“Wait, I’ll come with you.” Rey got up.

“Have some rest, ok?” Finn told her. She nodded and joined BB-8, who swivelled his domed head, focussed his lenses and then trilled merrily in his binary language.

“What?” asked Rey in confusion. “What do you mean you ‘like Wookiee tornado hair’? Have you fried a language chip, BB-8?”

BB-8 started to extend a small, reflective plate but Poe hissed a warning, “Careful, BB-8, thin ice.” Finn chuckled.

BB-8 quickly retracted the panel and beeped reluctantly. He accelerated towards the cockpit corridor, but Rey cut him off. He spun around and hurried towards the other corridor, the only escape route.

“Let me see that!” Rey yelled and charged after him. They disappeared around the corner.

“That way’s a dead end,” Finn muttered.

“Yep,” Poe grinned. “Poor little fella. Think we should’ve told her about the hair?”

“No way!” Finn refused quickly. “Girls and hair? No matter what you say, you’ll end up in trouble.”

“Ah, old First Order locker room wisdom?” his friend wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

A long, definitely distressed whistling sounded from around the corner. The droid had noticed he was trapped. Rey’s angry voice rang out. “Stop, BB-8, don’t … hey … _give me that mirror!”_

The two men grinned widely. Maybe they _should_ have told her what the tempest on Exegol had done to her hairstyle.  
Sounds of a short scuffle carried over to them, ending with an indignant whirring and then – a high pitched scream.

“Holy _Force!!”_


	27. Chapter 27

When Ben woke up, he found that Rey had pushed a stretcher next to his and was fast asleep, her hand still holding his.

His heart fluttered as he looked at her small hand, her slender fingers intertwined with his own. Her hair, he noticed, was back to her normal three-bun style, no longer the windswept bird’s nest he blearily remembered. She looked and smelled freshly showered. He sniffed at his own shirt – good Force, he should better shower soon, too.

Now that his brain was clear of the leaden fog, he tried to piece together what had happened to him.

That traitor, FN-something, who Rey travelled with, had plucked him out of the air. It must have been him; he had been the only other person around and the pull had been too crudely executed to have come from Rey. It was the work of a fledgling in the Force.  
Looking back, it all fitted: the guy had shown a certain affinity for the Force on Ilum, where he had wielded the Skywalker lightsaber with ease. Ben had thought he had killed him in their duel - until the dead man reappeared on the _Steadfast_ to snatch Rey away from him.

‘Tough little sucker,’ Ben thought with grudging respect for his former Stormtrooper.

It surely was not FN’s personal dearest wish to save Ben; so why had he? They could have just taken off without him and left him stranded after they had retrieved Rey –

Rey. How obvious. He had done it for _her_. Maybe he was her Padawan. Or maybe…  
He did not finish the thought, not liking the feelings that arose with it. Ben knew he was in no position to demand anything from Rey; not after everything she had already done for him. And they would always have their bond, he tried to console himself. Apart from that, what she did with her personal life was none of his business. If she were to offer, of course…  
Again, he pushed the thought out of his head before it could fully form. Because of an entirely different set of feelings arising.

‘Don’t get your hopes up, you moon-brained fool, just because she kissed you once in the heat of an intense moment. Well, ok, twice by now… oh _stop it_ already!’ he chastised himself.

Ben tried to focus on his recollection of events instead. After slamming against the wall of his dad’s ship, there was the strangest memory. He must have fallen unconscious, but he had come around several times. It was mostly just unconnected moments, but he clearly remembered two things: a lot of pain, and a lot of fur, familiar in touch and scent. Chewbacca. So he was still loyal to the _Falcon_.

Chewie. His father’s closest and oldest friend. For Ben, the Wookiee had once been family; but that family had broken apart, like so much had. And he was, to a not inconsiderable extent, to blame for it.  
Memories of his father flooded him. That he had killed his dad would forever haunt him. He had been so stupid. Snoke had goaded him so easily into believing his family despised him, that he meant nothing to them but shame, burden and failure; when in truth, they had loved him, even after he had fallen prey to the dark. Until the end, and even beyond.

Ben tore himself away from the sombre thoughts and focussed on his most recent memory. Lying on the Athakam, feeling drowsy and muzzy, almost like drunk. The traitor had been there; he had treated the unconscious Rey. When he had been satisfied with his job, he had only cast Ben a last, dirty look and left. Rey had woken up shortly afterwards.

A smile tugged at Ben’s lips when he remembered his drug-boosted, bold request for a kiss. He had half expected her to refuse, but she had not. It had been a very different kiss from their first; soft and light, but still so sweet and full of tenderness -

The door hissed open and FN-whatever entered. He saw the sentimental expression on Ben’s face, then his critical gaze wandered to their entwined fingers. For a second, Ben felt the embarrassing urge to let go of Rey, like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But he quickly fought it down. He was not going to bolt like an embarrassed schoolboy, especially not from _this_ guy. Plus, it wasn’t like he had been groping the sleeping girl – _she_ had seized his hand after all.

“You’re awake,” his former employee stated the obvious. He seemed a bit surprised.

“Yeah,” Ben just said. For a moment, there was an awkward silence as they stared at each other, trying to adjust to their reversed roles.

“Rey said you wouldn’t be up to anything stupid,” the ex-Stormtrooper finally broke the silence. “I hope she was right.” He casually put one hand on the blaster at his hip.

“You would already be dead if I were.”  
The words had slipped out before Ben could stop himself. Finn tensed. ‘Not the most diplomatic answer,’ a tiny voice in the back of his head informed him. Ben sighed.

“The only plan I have at the moment, is to take a shower,” he added calmly.

“Fine,” Finn grumbled and cautiously stepped away from the door, his eyes never leaving Ben. “This way.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me,” he said harshly. “There’s simply no point in letting you continue to stink up the _Falcon_. Really, don’t the Sith ever shower?”

“I’m not a Sith,” Ben corrected him automatically. “And until most recently, I was too dead to shower.”

“You surely smell like it.”

‘Tosser,’ Ben thought sourly but held his tongue. Gritting his teeth, he slowly propped himself up on the elbows. His ribcage felt weird; he wasn’t hurting, but his ribs shifted strangely and he felt an inaudible grinding whenever he moved the slightest. They must have given him a ton of painkillers to suppress the pain of so many broken bones, he thought.

Ben carefully climbed off the medbed and tried to walk, but his right foot was too unstable to put any weight on it. The traitor made no move to help him and his pride forbade him to beg, so he had to use the wall for support as he hobbled along.  
They slowly passed the boarding ramp. To their right, the corridor to the cockpit branched off.

‘Chewbacca is probably in there,’ Ben thought.

But it wasn’t the large, furry Wookiee that came down the corridor: a round, orange-white droid rolled towards them instead. Ben recognized it; it was the BB-unit he had been chasing from Jakku to Takodana, the one with the missing map to his uncle’s hideaway. He had not found it back then – he had found Rey instead. The Force worked in mysterious ways.

BB-8 stopped warily when he saw Ben; then he noticed Finn and gave an inquisitive beep, to which Finn answered, “It’s all right, BB-8. I got everything under control.”  
The droid moved on, made a last-minute swerve, deliberately rolled over Ben’s foot and on to the common area.

Ben grimaced. Great, even the droid was picking on him. Not that he didn’t deserve it; but this was starting to get at him in ways that felt all too terribly familiar. Anger. Contempt. Loathing.  
He so longed for Rey’s presence, for a wisp of compassion and friendliness amongst all the hostility.

Finn just grinned and motioned Ben to move on. When they entered the common room, Ben heard a soft snoring and turned his head: a man was sleeping in the bunk over the dejarik table. He had his back to them, but the shock of tousled, black hair seemed strangely familiar.  
Ben was too distracted to notice another droid which suddenly dashed out from under the table, racing after BB-8 on a single track.

Ben tripped over the droid. He cursed reflexively, which prompted the little droid to shriek a panicked _“N-n-no thank you!”_ , and then he fell forward. He could barely catch himself on the edge of the dejarik table, and a sharp pain exploded in his chest. Ben let go and dropped flat onto his back, gritting his teeth, unable to suppress a groan.  
Oh, right. He had forgotten ‘excruciating pain’ on his favourite dark side features list.

When he had reasonably recovered his breath, he forced his eyes open and found two men staring at him: Finn still stood in the doorway, arms folded, an annoyed ‘what the Force are you playing at there?’-expression on his face.  
The other one was the guy who had been sleeping, until the ruckus had woken him up. If at all possible, Ben’s heart sank down another level. He knew now why the hair had looked so familiar; the man glowering at him was Poe Dameron, one of his mother’s Rebel X-wing pilots. A year ago, when Ben had still been consumed by his Kylo-identity, he had captured and tortured Poe aboard the _Finalizer_ for Skywalker’s position.  
Dameron surely liked him even more than the traitor.

The only positive thing about that pilot, Ben suddenly remembered, was that he had left Hux with egg on his face when the Resistance took down the dreadnaught _Fulminatrix_ ; a fact that had rather endeared him to Ben, even back then.

“How nice to meet you again, Supreme Leader,” Poe snarled icily. “I hope you enjoy the trip on your late father’s ship. Is everything to your satisfaction?”

‘And here it comes,’ Ben thought. With difficulty, he struggled to his feet. “Look, I can understand that you don’t want me around. Same here. So, how’s this: I’ll give you all a wide berth – as wide as possible on this small ship – and we all just pretend I’m not even here?”

“Oh, now that’s grand - you graciously allow me to just ignore you and everything you’ve done to me? And to Finn, to Rey, to Chewie and to the whole blasted galaxy?!”

Okay, he wasn’t going to get out of this without a fight. Hopefully, only a verbal one.

Ben inclined his head. “If my apology means anything to you, I do apologize. But I can’t change what has happened, as much as I’d want to.”

Poe snorted. “Yeah, that’s why you should think _before_ you commit unforgivable crimes.”

“You’re right,” Ben agreed. Which only seemed to enrage Poe further, but Ben quickly continued, “Which is also why I thought it best we ignore each other. We won’t find peace about my past deeds no matter what I say, nor will you have to suffer my presence for long. So why crucify yourself because of a few hours?”

Poe stared at him for a long moment, hatred radiating from him palpably. “You have no idea,” he finally hissed.  
He lay back down again facing the wall, and gave them the silent treatment. Finn, who had wisely kept out of their debate, nodded towards the opposite exit and marched off. Ben followed him slowly.

After the next bend, they finally reached the crew quarters. They were empty, Ben noticed gratefully. He’d had his fill of unfriendly encounters for a while. He passed the empty bunks and limped into the spacious walk-in closet.

His father had won the _Millennium Falcon_ from Lando Calrissian many years before Ben had been born. The closet was one of the few things that still remained from the former owner’s style of grandeur. The clothes it contained had changed, though. Lando’s fancy and colourful stuff had given way to Han’s sturdy, plain and utilitarian clothes. Another thing Ben was thankful for at the moment, although he briefly wondered why his father’s clothes were still here, when there was no sign of Rey’s wardrobe. Wasn’t she living on the _Falcon_ now?

He picked a pair of dark trousers, a pale linen shirt and underwear, then he stopped shortly at the belts. But he decided he wouldn’t need them. He was a bit taller than Han; if anything, he would have trouble getting into his trousers rather than having them slip from his waist.  
But it didn’t matter whether they were a perfect fit or not; they were clean, and that was more than enough.

Ben grabbed a towel from another rack, put it on top of his father’s clothes and hobbled into the wet room across the corridor. His ankle was starting to throb painfully from the continuous hopping around, and crashing into the table had not exactly helped either.

Taking off his clothes was difficult, but he would rather have choked on his tattered Henley shirt than ask Poe or Finn to lend him a hand. Underneath the shirt, large, dark bruises mottled his skin where his ribs were damaged. He winced.

Ben tossed his soiled, old clothes down the laundry bin and opened the cabinet under the sink. He found a large box with medical supplies, a few smaller pouches, and what he had been looking for: a bar of soap. He took it and stepped under the shower.

The jet of hot water hurt, his skin felt raw and irritated. For a moment, Ben just stood under the stream and held his breath, waiting for his body to adjust. The water washed over him, and he watched dust and gore vanish down the drain. Then he clenched his teeth and carefully soaped his body and hair. Ben hissed in pain; every nick and graze burnt, not to mention the deeper cuts.

When he had rinsed off, he stepped out and towelled himself down lightly. He was just considering if it was worth the effort to dry off his hair, when somebody knocked. Ben frowned and turned to the door. Was Finn that impatient? But then he felt a powerful, familiar presence behind the door: Rey! His mood lifted instantaneously.

“Just a second, Rey,” he called out and quickly wrapped the towel around his waist. Suddenly, he sensed another presence in the Force, close besides her. Finn, of course. He grinned. That opened up an interesting new possibility he just couldn’t resist. “Okay, I’m decent – or at least, there’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

The door opened a tiny crack and Rey peeped in. When she saw him in his towel, she grinned and slipped inside, closing the door behind her quickly. Right into Finn’s face, Ben noticed with satisfaction. The trooper was probably stomping his foot right now, burning to know what was going on in here and what exactly it was that Rey had already seen before. Which was Ben’s bare torso, of course. He would never lie to her, after all.

“You are such a –” Rey’s smile faltered as her gaze fell upon his chest. The many cuts and bruises. “Oh, gracious Force,” she whispered and stepped closer hesitantly. Her concern and compassion immediately let him forget all about Finn. It had nothing to do of course with her proximity in this small cabin, or him wearing nothing but a thin towel.

“It looks worse than it is,” he tried to calm her. She shot him an incredulous look. “I could still be dead.”

“Not funny,” she scolded. “Hold still.”

Without hesitation, Rey splayed her hand and placed it gently on his chest. Ben realized her intention immediately. “Rey, are you sure you can afford that already? To share?”

She simply nodded, closing her eyes in concentration.

Ben waited for the unique feeling of her life energy flowing into him, like it had on the platform on Exegol. An intense warmth seemed to seep from Rey’s hand on his bare skin. It spread over his chest, his belly, everywhere; Ben swallowed. This heat had most definitely nothing to do with the Force. He swiftly checked their connection; his side of the bond was still closely guarded, only allowing Rey to transfer some of her Life Force to him when she was ready. She would not notice his – condition.

Shielding his thoughts and emotions had become second nature to Ben, almost since childhood. He had realized quickly how much it worried his mother whenever she glimpsed the darkness inside of him. So he had tried to keep it from her, to not distress her. Years later, under his uncle’s tutelage, he had maintained this effort, even towards his fellow students.  
The first time his ability to close himself off had failed, had been with Snoke. The reason for this was probably not so much Ben’s incompetence, as Snoke’s ruthlessness. Where his family and comrades had respected his wish for privacy, Snoke only saw it as a challenge and dug his prying claws deeper into Ben’s mind. In the end, it had taken an elaborate ruse to finally beat him at his own game.

Rey suddenly dropped her hand and frowned. “I can’t heal you,” she stated in surprise. “It’s like ... I cannot connect to the Living Force. Something is not right.”

Ben looked at the spot where her hand had been, almost expecting to see a red burn mark. There wasn’t. “Let me see for myself,” he muttered and placed his own, broad hand onto Rey’s belly. The fabric of her tunic felt soft and warm.  
‘Jeez, get a grip on yourself and concentrate!’ he tried to reign in his rampant thoughts.

He closed his eyes and focussed on their life energy. Rey’s was sparkling and humming steadily, his own was dull and throbbing. When he tried to reach for his, he understood what she had meant. An invisible wall separated him from it; he saw it clearly, but he couldn’t touch it. How interesting.

“Strange,” Ben said, as he opened his eyes again. “I can’t either.”

Rey sighed and her eyes flickered over his bruised torso. “I guess that leaves us with the traditional way. Have a seat.” She knelt down and began to rummage through the cabinet under the sink.

Ben looked around. There was hardly enough room for two people, and apart from the floor, the only other thing that rated vaguely as a ‘seat’, was the toilet. So, he shuffled over and sat down on the lid.

Meanwhile, Rey had found the first aid kit. Beneath a large stack of gauze and patches, she spotted the salve she had been searching for and took it out. “Seems like Han needed a lot of this,” she said as she tried to stuff the dressing back into the box.

“Dad often returned from his trips with a gash or some other souvenir,” Ben remembered.

Rey smiled. “Like father, like son.” She squeezed some of the ointment into her hand and gave Ben the tube. “Here, you can do the front yourself, I’ll do the back.” She moved around him and began to dab at his wounds carefully.

Ben did as he was told, although an incessant, tiny voice in his head rumbled that it would have preferred it if Rey had done both. He enjoyed her touches, despite the painful burning of the salve.

They had just finished, when Finn’s voice sounded through the closed door. “Hey, is everything alright in there? What’s taking so long?”

Rey picked up Han’s shirt and answered, “We’re done, just getting dressed.”

Ben gaped at her. For a second, he felt an irresistible urge to probe her mind to find out if she had intended the innuendo in her words, or if she had thought nothing else of it. Finn seemed equally unsure; at least he remained profoundly silent.

“Raise your arms, just a bit will do,” Rey instructed, seemingly oblivious to the men’s confusion. She carefully pushed the shirt up his outstretched arms and then pulled it over his head, trying not to jostle his damaged ribs. “Do you hurt?”

“No,” he answered truthfully. “But I feel like I’m made of spice-jelly.”

“I think Finn was a bit overzealous with the painkillers,” she sighed and tried to straighten the shirt. “It’s a bit snug.”

“It’ll do,” Ben shrugged and cast a look at the remaining pile of clothes: socks, boxers and pants. When he looked back at her, she just raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I’m sure you can don those yourself. I’ll make some breakfast; you must be starving.”

Rey turned towards the door, opened it, then hesitated for a moment. “I’m glad you’re back, Ben,” she smiled genuinely.

Deep down, Ben felt the frightening truth; that she was probably the only one who was. But right here, right now, he couldn’t care less. Because she was also the only one who mattered.

Then the door hissed closed behind her.


	28. Chapter 28

Ben managed to get dressed. The socks had been troublesome; the contortions he had to perform to get them on without bending over would have made even the humourless Captain Phasma laugh. And squeezing his swollen ankle back into the boot had been even more difficult. Thankfully, no one had watched.

He left the wet room and hobbled back to the crew quarters. The soft murmur of Finn and Rey’s voices came from it. When Ben passed the doorway though, all he could see was Finn’s broad back. The man leaned casually against the freezing unit, but Ben could have sworn this was a carefully chosen, strategic position – he was blocking Rey’s view on the corridor.

‘Try to block this, egghead,’ Ben thought grimly and made his presence known to Rey over the Force. Her awareness, so familiar and welcoming, sensed him immediately.

“Hey Ben,” she called out. “Come on in.”

Finn spun around, and the expression on his face was priceless. Ben stepped around him and shortly considered bumping into him, just a little - but he would probably do himself more harm than Finn’s pride, so it wasn’t worth it.

Rey stood at the small galley. She looked him up and down and smiled approvingly. “That looks good on you.”

“They’re better than the old clothes,” Ben shrugged diplomatically. She did not really need to know that those trousers pinched pretty badly, and that only his calf-high boots concealed that they were much too short.

“It’s not finished yet,” Rey apologized and pointed towards a large tray, where she had begun to arrange breakfast. “I hadn’t stocked up, so I’ll have to improvise a bit. Why don’t you wait in the lounge? It’s more comfortable there anyway.”

“Alright. And don’t worry about breakfast. This already looks so much tastier than the nutritive beverages of the First Order,” he praised.

“Indeed,” Finn unexpectedly agreed with him. “But if you think _those_ were bad, you’ve never tried the trooper brekkers classic: mealbread and numian cream. The stuff of culinary nightmares.” He shuddered theatrically.

Rey giggled about Finn’s joke, and Ben felt a sudden, deep desire to change his mind and shove that braggart straight through the freezer.  
“As long as you’ve got enough caf to wash it down, it can’t be so bad,” she winked at Finn, oblivious to his tension.

“I’ll wait in the lounge,” Ben said as evenly as he could and dragged himself slowly to the communal space. He felt Rey’s perplexed gaze on his back, but he did not turn around.

When he reached the main hold that served as the _Falcon’s_ social centre, he halted shortly. Dameron was still sleeping in the bunk over the holo-table, and Ben had not the slightest desire to be present when he awoke. He glanced at the access tunnel which led towards the cockpit - and made a quick decision.

There was this matter that he still needed to deal with: Chewbacca. So why not now.

The Wookiee was special to him; Ben deserved Finn’s and Poe’s hatred, he knew, but they did not mean that much to him on a personal level. Whereas Chewie had been family.

Ben hobbled down the tunnel and then stared at the sealed hatch. As far as he remembered, there had been only one time his father had ever been forced to seal the cockpit; until then, Ben had not even known this was a functional bulkhead.  
One thing he remembered clearly though, were Han’s security codes.

He keyed a string of numbers into the pad below the blinking red light, but nothing happened. He frowned; someone had invalidated this code on purpose.  
‘Well, let’s see if you’ve closed every backdoor my dad installed,’ Ben thought and started typing again.

At the third attempt, the bulkhead yielded and began to unlock. Ben smiled slyly; they had failed to revoke Leia’s personal override code.

The blast door slid open slowly and Ben stepped aside, just in case. Chances were, that the Wookiee was waiting for him with a drawn bowcaster. And he could do without a hole in his chest.  
When no plasma bolts came flying, he cast a quick glance inside: It was empty except for Chewbacca, who sat calmly in his usual seat at the front right. He must have noticed Ben’s attempts to open the bulkhead, but he pointedly ignored him. He just stared ahead into the crimson space that stretched out behind the transparisteel window.

Ben entered the cockpit. He noticed the _Falcon_ was flying strangely slowly; space did not rush past them as usual, but dragged by lazily. Another enigma to be solved later.

He sank into the left backrow seat, on Chewie’s far side, and they remained silent for a few minutes.

“You didn’t kill me on Starkiller Base,” Ben finally broke the silence. “You’re a crack shot; had you truly wanted to see me dead, you wouldn’t have missed. Why have you?”

Chewbacca struggled to keep himself from answering, but ultimately managed to restrain himself. Instead, he occupied himself with the flight controls, and corrected their course by an unnecessary inch.  
The uncomfortable silence stretched out again. Finally, it was too much for Ben.

“Maybe this isn’t the right time,” he concluded. “Sorry to have bothered you.” He was about to get up, when Chewie’s quiet mewling froze him in place.

_“Because of their love for you.”_

Ben swallowed hard and sank back into his chair, feeling heavy as lead. The simple truth still crushed him: That he had been so wrong, so ignorant. That his parents had loved him, despite everything. And that this love had, unbeknownst to him until now, even saved his life on Starkiller Base.

He tried to speak past the lump in his throat, but words wouldn’t come. Tears did instead. For the first time since his resurrection, Ben cried. Chewie glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. If he was surprised to see him cry, he did a good job at hiding it.

_“They are my family now,”_ he rumbled. _“I spared you again, for them. For her.”_ He tilted his large, furry head and his eyes clearly conveyed the message that lay behind this: ‘If you but lay a finger on them, I will finish you this time.’ Ben silently nodded his understanding and quickly brushed away the tears with the back of his hand; footsteps were approaching from the corridor.

A moment later, Poe Dameron stood in the doorway. His hair was combed, he was clean-shaven and somehow, he didn’t seem half as hostile anymore. Maybe he was simply always grumpy after getting up. At least when he was woken up so rudely.

Poe stopped short for a moment and locked eyes with Ben, as if trying to find out what was going on, but then decided he didn’t care and strode on, flopping into the pilot’s seat next to Chewie.

“So,” he said briskly and flipped a few buttons around, “are we making good progress?”

Ben was not entirely sure whether the pilot was referring to him and Chewie’s talk, or to their flight. Chewbacca just huffed and pointed at the nebular in annoyance.

“Yeah, I know; same old, same old out there. But why don’t you look on the bright side of it? Normally, we’d just rush past this … this ...” he gestured vaguely at a piece of _something_ that floated by, “… whatever this is. But now, we can finally take our sweet time taking in the view.”

Another _something_ came in at a steep angle and bounced off the cockpit window. Poe flinched in disgust. “Yikes, didn’t that look kind of organic?”

“Why are we going so slowly?” Ben asked and bent forward in his seat to get a better look out of the window. He winced as a sharp pain suddenly stabbed him in the ribs, and quickly sat back up again. Blast. The painkillers were beginning to wear off.

Poe turned around to him. “Hey, what happened to your non-crucifixion-policy?”

Chewie gave a puzzled yelp.

“Never mind,” Poe said to no one in particular as he turned back again. “We are doing snail pace because the hyperdrive got fried by lightning when we were leaving your pleasant abode on Exegol. We’ve managed to bring the sublight engines back online, but that only allows for a funeral pace in comparison to this babe’s usual speed. Which also means that we will be stuck here together for a bit more than just ‘a few hours’,” he cited Ben’s words from earlier.

Ben wondered briefly why Rey had not told him about this. He was about to ask for more details, when he felt a tingling at the base of his skull. He smiled; Rey was reaching out for him, announcing her arrival the same way he had.

And indeed, a few moments later, she and Finn appeared in the cockpit. The tray she was carrying was laden with caf, blue milk flatcakes, slices of fried veg-meat and candied shuura fruit. Beside her, Finn was munching on a polystarch bun and had a cup of steaming caf in the other hand. It was his father’s favourite mug, Ben noticed; the one Han had personally etched a proud ‘12’ into. That Finn probably didn’t even know what it meant.

“Hey, here you are,” Rey smiled at Ben, but at the same time, eyed him keenly. He was reasonably sure his face did not give away any pain, neither the physical nor the emotional, but maybe their bond was conveying it. It seemed to deepen more and more. Somehow, he liked the prospect.  
“Are you alright?” They entered the cockpit.

“I’m okay,” he nodded, noticing how Finn carefully matched his steps to hers, so he was always between them. For lack of another option, Rey lowered herself into the last free chair, opposite Ben, carefully balancing the tray on her knees. Finn remained standing in the aisle between them, resting his elbow on her seatback.

‘How very protective,’ Ben thought sourly. He couldn’t prevent a pang of jealousy washing over him. It was not the fact that Finn constantly tried to get between them which unnerved Ben. Actually, he could quite feel the young man; if Finn was as much infatuated with Rey as Ben admittedly was, what else could he do. What got to Ben, was the fact that Rey _allowed_ it.

Rey had not allowed Kylo Ren’s darkness to stand between her and Ben. She had vanquished the two most powerful Sith in the galaxy when they had threatened their dyad. Stars, she had not even allowed death itself to stand between them – but with Finn, she didn’t so much as lift a finger.  
The doubts, the possibilities that this behaviour entailed, gnawed at Ben.

“Hmm, something smells nice,” Poe sniffed and turned around in his seat. His eyes widened. “Woah, that _looks_ very nice, too!”  
He reached for the tray, but Rey lightly slapped his hand away.

“Hey, hands off! What makes you think it’s for you?” she joked.

“’Cause… I’m the galaxy’s finest pilot, I’m absolutely gorgeous and you said yourself that I’m the best?” tried Poe, eyes glued to the tray. Had he been Force-sensitive, the caf mug would have lifted and flown right into his hand, given the intensity of his stare.

Rey laughed. “Sure! Don’t get cocky just because you’ve shaved for once. I’m afraid the dead-sexy flying ace will still have to make his own breakfast.”  
Finn snickered and sipped from his mug.

“You can’t be serious – _Finn_ gets a treat, but I won’t?” Poe complained in mocked outrage.

“Maybe I’ve done something to earn myself a reward that you haven’t?” Finn teased with a wink.

Something clenched in Ben’s stomach. Powerfully. And it had nothing to do with the fading painkillers. Nobody paid him any attention, though; their banter was full on.

“Oh, I’m getting it!” Poe squinted his eyes knowingly and his voice turned dangerously prankful. “You have to be ex-First Order to spark Rey’s mother instincts.”

Rey gaped at that, incredulous. “What? Are you…”

Poe unbuckled his seatbelt. “Well, missy, if you want the bad-boy-gone-saint style, I have no choice but to comply. Starting with bad boy.”  
With a predatory growl, Poe flung himself from his chair towards Rey and squealed in his best Hux-voice imitation, “Surrender your caf to me immediately, you loathsome, Republic-cuddling rebel scum!”  
He rolled his ‘R’s so ferociously, that even Ben had to admit it was quite an impressive mimicry of the red-haired First Order General.

Rey managed to yank the tray up just in time, holding it as far away as possible from Poe’s groping hands.

“Poe, are you mad?! Stop this!” she giggled, trying to shake him off.

But Poe had no intention of stopping. Hanging half-way between his chair and Rey’s lap, he was clutching her knee for support while reaching for the tray with his free hand.

“Yield, puny Force user! Nothing shall stand between me and my caf!” Poe screeched.

“Get off me, you crazy nut!” Rey was laughing so hard now that the tray’s contents wobbled precariously. Finn quickly stuffed his half-eaten bun into his mouth and snatched the mug from the tray before it tumbled over the edge.

“Stars and galaxies! You foul caf usurper!” Poe immediately switched target and now tried to crawl over Rey, and after Finn.

Chewbacca roared his displeasure, since this new move brought Poe’s rear end right into his face. Rey was crying tears with laughter as Poe clung to her backseat and flailed wildly at Finn, who had backed away as far as possible in the cramped cockpit. He was screaming unintelligible insults through the bun between his teeth, while holding two caf mugs high above his head.  
Chewie’s exasperated calls to order went unheard; he seemed like a helpless parent trying to reign in a bunch of kids at an out-of-control pie battle.

Ben watched the four friends’ jolly banter. He felt a bit like the fifth wheel. Their casual easiness was so debonair, so different from how relations were in the First Order; formal, rigid and clinical. Cold and efficient.  
Their squabble was warm and enticing, but it also felt a little foreign and odd to him. The dull pain in his chest that was steadily increasing, didn’t improve that either. And, he realized, he simply wasn’t used to this anymore: having friends.

An old yearning resurfaced, from ages ago, and tugged at his heart: wanting to belong, to be part of things instead of looking in from the outside.

To distract himself, Ben looked out of the window again, which was easier now since the seat in front of him was empty. He suddenly noticed that these ‘objects’ really did not look like objects at all. At closer inspection, they resembled … his mouth went dry.  
‘Holy mother of meteors,’ he thought. This was not good.

“I’m afraid you might be right, Dameron.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, I know it's Superbowl tonight, that's why I'm posting early. Have a good time!

Ben thought his voice was hardly audible over the ruckus the four others made inside the tiny space of the cockpit. But miraculously, Poe paused in his desperate struggle for caf and cast a glance over his shoulder. “Huh? I was right about what?”

“I think this really is organic. Or rather, _was_.”

Poe slowly slid back into his seat, his childishness vanishing as quickly as it had come. That earned him an approving growl by Chewbacca. Rey wiped the tears from her face and straightened out the food on the tray. Finn stepped closer again and bent forward to get a better view, silently handing Poe the cup of caf he had been chasing so desperately. Poe shot him a blissful smile.

“There.”

They all followed Ben’s pointing finger: a huge shape drifted through the swirling, crimson mist, more consistent than the lumps they had encountered so far.

“That’s colossal!” Finn whispered in awe, finally freed from the bun. “You really think that _lived?”_

They kept watching the area as the _Millennium Falcon_ entered a sort of clearing. The dust particles became less dense, which gave them a wider view. Rey sucked in a breath: hundreds of those creatures, in various degrees of destruction, rotated silently in space.

“What are they? I’ve never seen anything like them,” she whispered.

“Maybe they are purrgils?” Poe chanced. “I heard spacers tell stories about them. Huge creatures that live in space.”

“No,” Ben stated flatly. He stared out of the window, but he seemed to be looking far beyond.

“I was about six years old,” he said quietly, lost in memories. “My mother, a New Republic envoy at that time, was on a trip to Naboo. Another one of those diplomatic meeting with Queen Soruna and the Royal Advisory Council. She had taken me with her. She knew how much I loved the ocean.”

Finn and Poe traded glances; they could not place Ben’s sudden, strange narration, while Chewie only listened as if he remembered the story himself.

“We were in the cockpit aboard her ship, the _Mirrorbright,_ ” Ben continued. “I was playing pazaak with the co-pilot to while away the boredom of hyperspace. Mom suddenly froze, and she looked out of the window as if she could see more than just the blue tunnel of hyperspace.”  
Instinctively, they all turned and gazed out of the window. But there was nothing except the red gas cloud, filled with the bodies of the strange, space-faring megafauna.

“She raised a hand and suddenly, our ship was ripped out of hyperspace. It tumbled right into a gigantic swarm of purrgils, readying to enter hyperspace exactly where we had been, on a collision course.”

“Leia tore a ship out of hyperspace?” Poe asked sceptically. “How did she even know that swarm was there?”

“She must have felt them,” Ben mused. “It was the first time I ever saw her actually use the Force. And that’s how I know that these -” he pointed at the behemoth looming over their starboard, “-definitely do not look like purrgils. They must be another species, one probably long extinct.”

They watched the eerie scene in silence.

“I don’t think they died of old age,” Poe said, leaning over the console and almost pressing his nose against the transparisteel to have a better look. “They look pretty banged up; some of them have holes large enough to fly a Star Destroyer through.”

Chewbacca grunted and pointed at some of the carcasses.

“Yeah, you’re right, they do look a bit like shrivelled plums,” Finn agreed. Then his eyes widened. “Hey, what if the cloud of red gas around us once filled _them?_ Could it be their frozen blood?”

Ben felt a spike of revulsion through the Force and cast a glance at Rey. She was huddled into her seat, her hands clasped tightly around the tray, staring at the floor. She avoided looking at the dead creatures.

“This is a monstrous battlefield,” she whispered. “A graveyard.”

“But who could terminate creatures large as that in such big numbers?” Poe wondered, oblivious to Rey’s discomfort.

“What planet lies right within the gas cloud?” Ben asked in return.

“Exegol – you mean the Sith did that?” Finn interjected. “But why?”

“I don’t know, but this is just like them,” Ben shrugged, and immediately wished he hadn’t; the jolting movement sent a hot wave of pain through his ribcage. Outwardly, he didn’t flinch, but he could not stop it from penetrating his careful shielding. Rey noticed. Her head shot up and she tilted it in a silent question.

“We’ll probably never know; this battle might have taken place millennia ago,” Poe muttered.

“Whatever the reason, there’s nothing we can do for them anymore,” Rey sighed and got up. She squeezed past Finn and then looked back at Ben. “Let’s go and boost up your painkillers, Ben. And have something to eat while there’s still something left,” she added with a stern glance towards Poe, who was sipping nonchalantly from his cup, pretending not to listen.  
  


***

  
“Just a second, I need to reconfigure this,” Rey told Ben, who sat down on the medbed. She pressed some buttons on the Athakam’s screen, sized him up critically, and typed again.

“Checking out my dream dimensions?” he tried to joke, although he didn’t really feel like it. The growing tightness in his torso was incredibly vexing. Every movement hurt, so he tried to breathe as shallowly as possible. But there was only so much avoiding breathing, and if things continued at that rate, he soon would not be able to breath without pain at all.

Rey smiled a little without taking her eyes off the display, and shook her head. “I just had to correct a few faulty values. There, done.”

The Athakam buzzed into action. One of its robotic arms was equipped with a hypo-syringe, which swiftly injected Ben with a dose of analgesics. “Ouch,” Ben grunted and rubbed his arm. The medbed was not the gentlest nurse droid in the galaxy.

“I’ll get us some fresh caf to go with this,” Rey pointed at the breakfast tray, then winked mischievously. “I’m sure Finn won’t mind donating us two of his First Order instant pads.”

“Actually, I don’t like caf,” Ben admitted. As tempting as it was to deprive Finn of his limited supplies, Ben would not force himself to drink that bitter muck just to spite the egghead. “But I’d have a cup of Gatalentan tea, if that’s still aboard. Used to be in the cupboard besides the trash incinerator.”

“It still is,” Rey confirmed, and there was a hint of surprise in her voice. “I’ll be right back.” She disappeared into the corridor, and Ben felt himself instinctively switch to another sense; the bright spot of her awareness in the Force, as it moved through the ship. When she allowed him, he could follow her, sense her, no matter what physical distance or barrier lay between them. It felt amazing to be connected to Rey like that.

He shifted his focus and found the other three specks of life aboard the _Falcon_. None of them were like Rey, but he could still discern them. It was a new Force ability for him, one that had evolved together with their dyad.  
When he brushed lightly against the consciousness of Finn, he found that there was a wall of Force around the guy’s mind. Crude and makeshift, nothing that could have kept Ben out if he had truly wanted to break through. Finn was probably not even consciously aware of it; it felt more like an instinctive shield than a controlled barrier. Interesting.  
Dameron and Chewbacca were also in the cockpit. The three were surely discussing his fate.

Ben returned fully to himself and looked unhappily at the tray beside him. The food looked tempting, but the throbbing pain in his chest spoiled his appetite. The painkillers took their sweet time to take effect. Whatever Rey had ‘reconfigured’ - maybe she should not have.

“Here, I hope it still tastes okay. It must have been in that cupboard for ages.”

Rey was back with two cups of tea. She handed him one, sat down on the other side of the tray and helped herself to a flatcake. She nibbled at it, and for a while, they just sat there in silence. He sipped his tea; it tasted pretty okay, and the warmth in his belly was soothing.

“It’s good,” Ben said and dared to take a flatcake as well. It was nearly cold, but it tasted delicious. He could not remember the last time he’d had a breakfast like this. The First Order detested real food; it was considered too time-consuming, too inefficient. The word ‘indulgence’ was an obscenity to them.  
He marvelled at the soft texture and the explosion of sweetness in his mouth; he had completely forgotten about these aspects of food. In no time, Ben had finished the remaining flatcakes and tried one of the fried veg-meat strips. They were totally different: crisp and salty, but no less savoury. He cast a look at Rey, realizing they had not spoken a word in minutes now. She was watching him eat, and he would bet he saw a hint of pride and amusement on her face.

“A credit for your thoughts,” he said and bit into another piece of tangy protein with a crunch.

Rey nipped her tea and pondered her answer for a moment. “Anything and everything,” she finally shrugged. “Can’t you read my mind?”

“I could,” Ben admitted. “If you let me, that is. I am cured of the misconception that I could force my will upon you. But I’d prefer to hear it from you anyways.”

“There’s so much on my mind at the moment. I don’t even know where to start,” she sighed, but after a moment, the words started to tumble out of her. “I’m glad you like the food, and that at least your appetite is healthy. I’m relieved we all made it out of Exegol alive, and that the boys have managed not to kill you since. I’m frustrated that we’re going so slow although I’ve been trying to figure out a way how to get back home faster, but I haven’t come up with anything useful so far. And then there’s all those dead creatures out there. I can’t get them out of my head.”

Rey swallowed and stared into her cup. “I keep thinking about what might have happened to them. Why they all ended up getting killed. Maybe their whole race perished here.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, too,” Ben said quietly. “And I can’t believe that they died in the space around Exegol just by pure chance. Someone, probably the ancient Sith, annihilated them here on purpose.”

“But an entire race!” Rey repeated, almost pleading. “That’s genocide.”

“Yes, that’s the whole point, I believe. Putting a final end to a species is the ultimate violation of life. Whatever their goals were - if it took a tremendous sacrifice like that, it must have been something huge. It just fits their patterns too well to be a coincidence.”

She shook her head in disbelief. Ben felt her distress echoing through their bond, and on an impulse, he reached over the tray and lay his hand on her forearm. A little smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, and after a second, she rested her hand gently on top of his.

“When Finn suggested that this cloud of red gas might be their blood, I suddenly had this strange idea,” Rey said hesitantly. “I thought that, if he’s right, then maybe that’s why I cannot heal you.”  
She took a deep breath, seemed to consider something and then went on. “On Exegol, when I was about to bring you back, Master Qui-Gon Jinn appeared and warned me about the effects that tampering with life and death could have on the primal balance of life itself. Now I wonder if whatever the Sith did here might have indeed affected the Living Force. Like, you know – the Living Force shuns this place because everything here is poisoned by the extinction of these creatures, and therefore I can’t reach for the life energy inside of me. Does that make any sense to you?”

“Afraid so,” Ben nodded after a moment. Actually, this made a lot of sense. It could well have been the whole purpose of that atrocity.  
In this case, the crimson nebular was more than just a physical barrier that jammed navigation systems and long-range coms; it also blocked out a vital part of the Force. Literally. “How long will we be stuck in here?”

Rey sighed and rubbed her hands over her face in frustration, forcing him to withdraw his hand. “About a week, according to BB-8’s calculations. As soon as we’re out, I’m sure I can heal you in no time.”

He had no doubt about that; not after the miracle she had worked on Kef Bir. “A week,” he repeated slowly. That was a long time to spend either in pain or drugged up. But there was no point in getting upset about it, he thought with resignation. It was not her fault.  
Ben squared his shoulders. “Well, until then, I’ll better stick to my only friend, the Athakam, and try to make myself invisible to the rest.”

Rey looked at him, and her eyes were intense. “You are not alone in this, Ben. Never forget that. The Athakam is not your only friend here. There’s me. And the boys will come around, too, just give them some time.”

Her undaunted spirit would forever amaze him, Ben thought. It seemed to come to her so easily. Her comforting words filled him with warmth, more effectively than the freshly brewed Gatalentan tea ever could.  
“Thank you,” he said quietly, locking eyes with her. “For everything.”

She just gazed at him, and when he carefully felt along their bond, he sensed that her emotions were in turmoil, only inches below the surface of her calm appearance. Part of him itched to pry into her mind, to see exactly what she saw. But he felt a resistance; she was still torn between wanting to keep this to herself, and permitting him to know.  
Maybe she’d had bad experiences with revealing confidential matters. He could certainly understand that, so he sent his reassurance over their connection. Rey began to ease up, but then suddenly –

_“Rey!”_

Their connection was harshly severed when Rey’s awareness clamped shut like an oyster; the sudden call over the ship’s com had triggered her defensive reflexes.

“Poe – what is it?” she asked automatically.

 _“Rey, could you please come to the bridge when you’ve finished breakfast.”_ This was pointedly no question, Ben noticed.

“Of course, I’ll be right there.”

The com went silent again. With a sigh, Rey slipped from the medbed and snatched a handful of the candied shuura fruit. “I’ll better go see what they’re up to. Maybe they’ve found a way to fix the hyperdrive. Will you be okay?”

He nodded. “Sure.”

But Rey made no move towards the door; she just stood there, a bit lost with the candy in her hand, and cast him a pensive look. “There’s so much I’d like to talk to you about. But somehow, something always interferes.” There was a hint of frustration in her voice.

Ben smiled. “Unless you’re right about Dameron’s ingenious flash of mechanical inspiration, we’ll have plenty of time to talk in the coming week.” And hopefully, beyond that as well, he thought privately.

“That would be the bright side about it. But still, the faster we’re out of this nebular, the better.”

“Absolutely,” Ben stated, finished his cup of tea and put it on the tray. Except for a few candied fruits, they had eaten all the food. “You know, this was the best breakfast ever.”

“Oh – erm, thanks. I mean, your welcome.” Rey grinned proudly. “I’m not a very accomplished cook. On Jakku, I used to live mainly on ration packs. They were both food and currency. But ever since I left, I’ve developed a taste for all kinds of food. You should really try the shuura,” she said and popped the yellow fruit cubes into her mouth. “They’re fantastic,” she mumbled.

“Maybe later,” Ben said dryly. “The shirt is too tight as it is, I don’t want the seams to burst.”

Rey snorted with laughter, and nearly choked on the sticky candy. “You know,” she wheezed when she had recovered, “I had never thought of you as witty. But I was so wrong; you’re a true Solo.”

And with a last, warm smile, she left for the cockpit.

A bit stunned, Ben lay back onto the medbed and then sighed with relief. Oh, lying down was so good. The painkillers were a marvel, now that they finally kicked in, and the auto-heated med unit felt warm and cosy. His limbs were growing heavy fast and he could hardly keep his eyes open.

“A true Solo,” he muttered drowsily. The idea that Rey thought of him as Han’s son and not as ‘Kylo Ren’ anymore, actually filled him with pride. And hope.

Ben smiled as he drifted off to sleep. Maybe he really had a chance to start new, to leave the past behind and move on.

Maybe it would work out, somehow.

With Rey.


	30. Chapter 30

Rey approached the cockpit and a small, resigned sigh escaped her.  
Despite what she had told Ben, she did not honestly believe that her friends had found a way to fix the hyperdrive. More likely, Poe had finally coerced Finn into declaring himself openly against Ben, and Chewie didn’t even need convincing when it came to his late companion’s son. She only hoped they would not suggest anything rash.

She turned the last corner, took a deep breath and faked an easy-going smile. Then she stepped into the cockpit.

“Hey guys, what’s … the … matter…?” she trailed off.

Rey had been mentally prepared for accusations and discussions, and that her friends would oppose her defiantly. So she was all the more surprised when nobody even noticed her coming in. Poe, Finn and Chewbacca were clustered around BB-8, who was operating the nav computer, explaining something in binary.

“Hello?” She craned her neck to get a look over their shoulders. “You called for me?”

“Ah, there you are,” Poe finally noticed her. “Come here and check this out!” He made room for her and pointed at a star map. It was littered with lines, numbers and equations. Some kind of course calculation, Rey realized, but she could not understand why her friends would make such a fuss about it.  
Everybody looked at her expectantly.

“O-kay… what am I looking at?” she asked slowly.

_“Yes!”_ Finn whooped, and Poe exhaled in relief. Only BB-8 sulked and gave a disgruntled beep.

“We were beginning to think we’re dim-witted, because we didn’t understand BeeBee’s navi-babble either,” Poe explained and patted the droid’s domed head. “Don’t be mad, buddy. Think of it this way: you’re the cleverest astrogator within at least fifty parsecs, right? Tell her what you’ve found.”

Still a little miffed, the droid rattled down a quick series of beeps and whirrs, all the while zooming and shifting the map on the screen. Rey did her best to follow his explanations, and although she didn’t understand most of the finer astrophysical nuances, she at least felt that she got the general idea.

“You found a - shortcut?” she asked tentatively when he had finished. BB-8 affirmed. “That’s brilliant!” Rey beamed at her friends.

“Looks like he detected some kind of natural wormhole, if I got that part right,” Poe nodded. “According to BeeBee’s extrapolations, we could reach it in about nine hours and then leave this nebular through it in an instant. We’d come out a little offset from our original starting point, but nothing major.”

Again, Rey studied the map and tried to understand how this could work. Back in the Niima Outpost on Jakku, she had heard spacers chatting about wormholes which connected two places and allowed for almost instant travelling between them, but she had never actually seen one. Let alone tried to use it. The navigating formulae on the screen were way beyond anything she had ever calculated.

Chewbacca suddenly growled something and firmly shook his head. Finn appeared thoughtful, too. “You’ve got a point. Leaving the safety of the wayfinder’s path might not be wise. Who knows what’s out there.”

“There’s nothing out there we couldn’t dodge at our present speed,” Rey argued and pointed out of the cockpit windows. “Normally, we’d be barrelling through here at high speed. Then it would be truly dangerous to deviate from that course, with all those corpses and debris floating around. But now? We’re so slow, we’ll see anything in our way hours in advance.”

But the Wookiee was unconvinced. He crossed his arms and stared down at her stubbornly.

“BB-8 would never suggest anything that’s unsafe,” she continued. “He’s an experienced astromech, and the _Falcon’s_ navi computer is one of a kind in the whole galaxy, right? If there’s one team to find an otherwise impossible shortcut, it’s them. I trust their judgement.”

BB-8 visibly grew an inch.

“It’ll save us _six days_ of travel! That’s six days less our friends will worry about us.” ‘And also, six days closer to a proper infirmary,’ she added in her well-shielded mind, but was careful not to say it out loud.  
Rey looked at each of them. “I say we take the shortcut. What do you say?”

After a few seconds of silence, Poe was the first to speak. “Yes. Let’s at least give it a try. We can always turn around and go back to the original pathway if anything unexpected comes up.”

Chewbacca only grunted and shook his head vigorously. All eyes went to Finn, who had not said anything so far and now held the decisive voice. He was visibly uncomfortable, but then he sighed. “Alright. Let’s do it.”

The Wookiee huffed and gurgled something, then he turned and stomped out of the cockpit. Rey looked after him, but did not try to call him back. She knew him well enough to know that he would not return, and maybe this was for the better; at least, no one had lost an arm yet.

“Well, it’s still my shift anyways,” Poe shrugged and slid into the pilot’s seat. “Send me those coordinates, buddy.”  
BB-8 transferred them, and moments later, Poe had set the new course. The _Millennium_ _Falcon_ turned slowly and steered towards the new destination.

“Rey? A word, please,” Finn muttered and nudged her elbow, motioning her out of the cockpit.

“Don’t forget it’s your turn in five hours!” Poe called after her and made himself comfortable.

When they were out of earshot, Finn said, “Everything you said in there made sense. But I still have a bad feeling about this. Don’t you think it’s odd that a wormhole just happens to appear conveniently, here and now? Right on cue? As far as I know, they are an extremely rare phenomenon.”

“So what if they are rare? No one usually dares to even enter this nebular, let alone explore it. Plus, people prefer to jump through hyperspace instead of crawling through realspace, like us now. They might simply miss out on them. I myself have travelled the wayfinder’s path three times before, and the whole Galaxy Fleet did, too. But none of us noticed the wormhole, nor the dead creatures then.”

Finn chewed his lip and considered her words. “Might be. But promise me you’ll stay alert, okay? I can guess that you weren’t just thinking of our friends back home when you voted in favour of this shortcut; don’t even try to deny it. So at least promise to keep up your vigilance.”

Rey nodded, and a genuine smile flitted over her face. Her friend knew her all too well. “I’ll do, promised. Don’t worry.”

His eyes bored into her, and Rey suddenly felt the gentle press of his consciousness against her shielded thoughts. It surprised her a bit. Since their unfortunate meditation session in the forest, Finn had never actively reached out for her mind again.  
“I always worry about you. Especially when your judgement appears to be clouded. This whole rescue mission was reckless; taking Solo on board was another chancy thing; and now we’re leaving the only known safe path through unknown territory. I’m no coward, and I don’t shy away from taking personal risks if necessary, but this is getting close to folly.” When he realized that she wouldn’t let him past the iron shield around her mind, he sighed and withdrew his consciousness. “I am just afraid you’re not thinking straight when it comes to _him_.”

And with these words, Finn turned around and left Rey standing in the corridor. She watched him go, pondering. If she was completely honest, she had to admit that he was not entirely wrong. But still, she had made her decision, and her determination to get out of this horrible nebular as fast as possible had not waned.

‘Life is always risky,’ Rey sought to reassure herself. She would definitely not put her friends willingly in any unnecessary danger. That’s why she hadn’t taken them with her to Exegol in the first place.  
But the wormhole was as safe an option as possible, even BB-8 had confirmed that. Finn just worried too much. Rey promised herself to be extra vigilant. If anything started to feel remotely dicey, she would sound the alarm and prove him that her judgement was still trustworthy all right.

  
***

  
Five hours later, Rey walked towards the cockpit to relieve Poe, but was surprised to find that he had closed the bulkhead again.

‘Maybe he wanted to take a nap without us noticing and painting him a moustache with a permanent marker,’ she thought with a grin. The bulkhead accepted her code willingly and opened up. One look at Poe, and Rey knew that her assumption had been very wrong.

The former X-wing pilot was highly awake. One of his knees quivered nervously and the look on his face as he gazed out of the window was utterly haunted.

“Poe?”

He winced and spun round in his seat. When he realized who it was, he relaxed somewhat.

“Oh. It’s you.”

“Of course it’s me, were you expecting somebody else?”

“No, no. It’s just… have you heard … I mean … did you notice anything, I don’t know, strange, or …” he trailed off and gestured vaguely towards the ship.

Rey frowned. “No? The thrusters sound fine, Finn isn’t in a talkative mood and Chewie is tinkering with something in the forward cargo hold. Maybe that’s what you’ve heard.” The booming of a pneumo-hammer and the screams of bending metal echoed across to them.

He shook his head and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Never mind. It’s nothing. Must be that eerie place.”

“Not for much longer,” Rey tried to soothe him. “In a few hours, we’ll see the stars again.”

“Yeah,” Poe nodded and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “Right. The sooner, the better.”

He jumped out of the pilot’s seat as if it had suddenly started to burn and left the cockpit in a hurry. Yet he never quite turned his back on her, Rey noticed.

“Did you hear anything strange?” she asked BB-8 and slipped into the empty seat. The armrest was damp with sweat. But the droid declined.

Rey frowned. Why was everybody acting so weirdly lately?

Chewie had locked himself in his workshop and seemed to vent his frustration there. Finn had traded his guts for brooding and spent his off-duty time alone in the galley, hugging his caf. Rey thought that he was slowly turning into a real worry wart, but at least he had maintained his loyalty to her. So far.  
And now, even Poe began to act strangely. As if the devil himself was after him.

“Men,” she sighed and shook her head in annoyance.

BB-8 chirped indignantly. Rey chuckled and poked his spherical body lightly. “Didn’t mean you, of course. Honestly, I really wish we had more rational minds like you on board at the moment.”

Trying to make herself more comfortable, she slid lower into the pilot’s seat and gazed up, out of the transparisteel canopy. The red haze that lay beyond had not thinned yet. But in a few hours, they would leave this cursed crimson zone, and her friends would be alright again. Once they were out of here, everybody would finally be able to relax and return to normal. Rey was confident about that.

Another corpse passed above her. It looked intact, but yet so very small in comparison to the others. All alone, it drifted by. So lost, so tiny … Rey swallowed hard and averted her eyes, her confidence waning. She thoroughly hated this place.

Her eyes fell onto the mug on the console which Poe had forgotten to take with him. Grateful for the distraction, she picked it up. It was empty, of course. Thoughtfully, she turned the cup in her hand. The reason behind Poe’s strange restlessness was maybe less mysterious and worrisome than she had thought. Maybe the greedy guts had simply had too much of Finn’s extra-strong caf? Yes, that had to be it. With a satisfied smile, Rey put the cup back.

“BeeBee, everything still according plan? When do I finally get to see this wormhole?”

The droid’s reply was immediate, but not what she had wished for: they were still too far from the event horizon to get visuals. “Yeah, I can see that much myself,” she muttered slightly irritated and steered the _Millennium Falcon_ manually around a corpse in their path.

Time dragged by so slowly. Rey double-checked the instruments every once in a while, but everything was fine. ‘Told you, Finn; this is going to be as easy as pikatta pie,’ she thought. Then her thoughts wandered off to Ben, and she smiled.  
What would he say when he woke up and found that they were no longer trapped in the nebular? She imagined his face, how he would look at her with appreciation and respect for having saved him. Again. Pride filled her heart, and the image of Ben looking at her in loving adoration lulled her in … but then she frowned.

An unpleasant possibility occurred to her: what if he woke up too early, and they were still stuck in here? BB-8 claimed that they still had a little more than three hours to go. In her mind’s eye, Ben’s image began to change slowly. His face fell, the smile vanished and was replaced by a deep frown, and in the end, she was looking upon Kylo Ren’s angry countenance once more.

Rey shivered. No, she couldn’t let that happen. Never again, not after everything it taken her to get Ben back. But what could she do?  
A thought crept into her mind. _I could dope him a little._

For a second, Rey stared into the swirling red chaos outside with unseeing eyes, then the smile returned to her face and she jumped out of the pilot’s seat. “I’ll be right back,” she called to BB-8 and hurried out of the cockpit, ignoring his puzzled bleeping.

But when she had rounded the corner, her steps faltered. She stopped. What was she doing? Hadn’t she just downsized Ben’s dosage? Increasing it again now, wasn’t that … risky?  
 _I don’t have to give him as much as Finn has; just a smidge to help him stay asleep. This would even spare him pain. And that’s good, right?_

Slowly, her feet started to move again. Yes. It was okay. Besides, Ben would never know. When he woke up, he would be out of here. And that was all that mattered. Nobody would be interested in unimportant details later. So, no harm done.

Low voices suddenly caught her attention; Finn and Poe were approaching from the main corridor, whispering to each other. Poe sounded clearly agitated, while Finn’s voice had a calming tone. The moment the two men passed the cockpit access tunnel and saw Rey, they stopped dead and fell silent.  
‘Gotcha!’ she thought. ‘Talking about me behind my back, huh?’

“Rey,” Finn cleared his throat, “everything alright in the cockpit?”

“Runs like a charm. You?”

“Fine,” he replied, a bit too quickly. “Uhm, yeah. Well, see you later then.”

Rey only nodded. Finn pushed Poe forward slightly, and the two disappeared towards the common room. She wondered what they had been whispering about. Obviously, they were hiding something from her. But what?  
All of a sudden, Rey realized that the two had come from the direction of the medbay. An icy shiver ran down her spine - Ben! If they had done anything to him, she would …

Without wasting any more time on imagining what exactly she would do to them, she broke into a run.

Seconds later, she barged into the medbay, panting. Ben lay on the Athakam, peacefully asleep. With wild eyes, Rey scanned the room. It looked exactly like she remembered it. Trying not to wake Ben, she forced herself to breathe calmly and tiptoed over to the medbed’s display. The unit was constantly monitoring his status; presently, his vitals were as good as could be expected under the circumstances.  
She silently selected a tab labelled ‘Ops History’ and checked the last entries. Everything was ok; there were her changes in Ben’s weight, and the subsequent administration of analgesics. But then she frowned. A tab she hadn’t noticed before caught her eye. It read ‘Maintenance Log’.

Feeling a strange sense of foreboding, Rey pressed the button, and a new page appeared. It had only one entry, just a few minutes old. According to the log, the medication hatch had been opened for servicing, authorized by – _Dr. Fyzen Gor._

Rey’s lips curled into a snarl. She’d known it! Finn must have tampered with Ben’s medication. Seething with anger, Rey went through the servicing program until she found the correct button. It took some self-control not to slam her fist into the innocent machine. The medication hatch in the medbed clicked open, right above her knees.

She glanced at Ben, but thankfully, the sound had not woken him. When she crouched down, the hatch revealed a row of slim pull-out containers in different colours. Rey tilted her head to read the imprinted labels: Disinfectant, Anaesthetics, Antibiotics, Analgesics – there! Her pulse spiked.

With trembling fingers, she pulled out the container - and had to grit her teeth to prevent herself from screaming: except for a tiny residue, the tank was empty. For a few seconds, she stared at the reservoir in her hand with so much hatred, that she felt the Force ripple threateningly around it; all it would take now was a single thought, and she could crush the feeble plastic into dust.

But what good would that do? She slid the container back in and closed the hatch. Her fingers were still trembling, but this time, it was with rage. She badly wanted to punch something. Or rather, someone. Doctor Fyzen Gor, to be exact.

‘How dare you, Finn!’ Rey clenched her hands into fists as she slowly got up. Bitterness was burning through her like acid. ‘I trusted you! Oh, you are a traitor indeed. Hiding behind greater people, drifting in their fairway like the flotsam you are, until you feel safe enough to stab them in the back in an unwatched moment. Like in that corridor when you thought I was in the cockpit. You were plotting with Poe there, weren’t you? Poe, that seasoned mutineer. But I won’t have my authority questioned aboard my own ship! I am in command, it is my destiny, my birth right to rule, I am Rey Palpat– ‘

Rey slapped her hand over her mouth and her eyes widened in horror when she realized what she had just _almost_ thought.

“I am going mad,” she whispered through her fingers.

Stars, what was wrong with her? Something was clearly messing up her mind. Something dark and hateful. She couldn’t trust herself anymore! As if through thick fog, two words clawed their way from her memory, blurred and barely tangible: Dicey… Alarm…

_“Finn! Poe!”_

Rey bolted out of the room and after her friends. She had to hurry and warn them, warn them about herself - before she completely lost her mind.

Behind her, roused by the noise, Ben stirred.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains a section showing non-consensual sex! If you feel uncomfortable with this and want to skip that scene, all you have to do is leave out the part inside the " *** " and think instead: “Kylo Ren acts like a real _Bleeeep_ towards Rey, and Ben Solo is rightly ashamed of it.”
> 
> Enough spoilers, read on!

Rey sprinted down the curved corridor as fast as she could, driven by the fear of losing her sanity before she would reach her friends.

‘Must warn them … Must warn them …’ She repeated the words in her mind like a mantra, hoping they would block any other thought long enough.

Rey burst into the common area. Finn, who had been sitting next to Poe at the dejarik table, immediately shot up and positioned himself protectively between her and his friend, eyeing her in alarm. Poe also stared at her, visibly trembling. ‘Oh, just look at you!’ she thought. ‘The mighty General is now hiding beh-’

_‘No, stop!’_

Rey shook her head fiercely and pressed a hand against her forehead, snarling in frustration. She had to concentrate; she could not let her mind be dragged under again. Drawing a deep breath, she lowered her hand and looked at the two. ‘At my friends,’ she reminded herself.

“Something is wrong with me.” Her voice shook. “I can’t think straight anymore.”  
Having said it out loud already lifted some of the weight that had been pressing down on her. It lifted even further when she saw her friends’ tension ease off, and a look of relief and understanding crossed their faces.

Finn nodded vigorously. “Yeah, yeah we’re feeling the same! Something is way off.”

“Rey, we need to turn around,” Poe implored. “Ever since we left the wayfinder’s path, I’ve heard strange whispers in my head. I had thoughts that were not my own. At first, I believed it was just my nerves, but then Finn told me it was the same with him. Whatever this is, it’s manipulating our minds. We must go back, now!”

Rey was about to agree, when a hoarse voice behind her made her whirl around.

“Too late.”

Ben was clinging to the doorframe. His face was ashen and sweaty, and he was struggling to breathe.

“It’s here.”

An icy shiver suddenly ran down Rey’s spine. She felt something of the dark side taking form, solidifying. Next to her, Finn flinched - he felt it, too. An overwhelming evil was manifesting in the Force, making their skin crawl.

“What’s here?” Poe snapped angrily at Ben, not noticing the reactions of the Force-sensitives.

_“Me.”_

Finn, Poe and Rey spun around. A young woman stepped from the crew quarter’s corridor, graceful and sleek like a predator, in a flowing black gown. She was slender, pale – and she looked exactly like Rey! Except that her features were sharper, and her eyes were hard and cold as stone.

Poe looked in confusion from the strange woman to Rey, and back. “What the brix …” Even he felt the unnatural malevolence that radiated like shockwaves from this new Rey. “Where did you suddenly come from? Who are you?”

“I’m the voice you’re hearing in the dark. The shadow behind your back.”  
Her voice echoed through the common room from every direction, and for a moment, Rey thought she even heard it inside her head.

Poe flinched and cast a haunted look around. The dark side version of Rey tilted her head and her eyes pierced him. “I have looked into your soul, Poe Dameron, and I found – nothing. You are a disgrace, an unworthy man. That’s why no woman ever stays with you. Unsuitable as a leader, unlike Leia; insufficient as a lover, unlike Zorii; and powerless, unlike me.”

He stared at her, spellbound.

“Don’t listen to her,” Finn whispered. “She’s just trying to –”

 _“Shut it, Jedi scum!”_  
The sinister Rey flexed her fingers and made a sweeping movement. Finn was flung roughly across the room, and with a loud bang, he crashed into some containers at the wall and remained lying on the floor, groaning.

With lightning speed, Poe had drawn his blaster and aimed it at her head. But his hand was shaking. “Go back to wherever you came from, you foul hag, or I’ll …”

“Or you’ll what?” she sneered. “In case you haven’t noticed, ‘General’ - _I_ am in command here now. And here’s one for you: _kill the girl_.”

Rey’s skin erupted in goose bumps. Those last words had been dripping with Force, and she knew that Poe had no means to resist a powerful mind trick like this one. His hand shook badly, he was trying to fight it, but he could not keep himself from turning his blaster away from Rey’s dark counterpart, and towards her. He was drenched in sweat. “No, no, please, I don’t want to … I can’t … Rey, help me!” he gritted through clenched teeth, his eyes wide in fear.

Rey’s thoughts raced frantically. Could she draw her lightsaber fast enough? Draw it, activate it, and deflect a plasma bolt? But what if it rebounded and hit one of her friends? Or damaged the hull?

Before she could make a move, Poe was suddenly yanked off his feet and hurled backward, right into Finn’s outstretched arms. ‘He _is_ getting pretty good at Force-pulling,’ Rey thought with relief and quickly drew her lightsaber.

“I will show you who’s in command here,” she snarled, and activated the yellow blade. Its sonorous hum immediately bolstered her confidence.

“You think so?” Dark Rey smiled sweetly, flashing her pointed teeth. “New target, Dameron. _Kill the traitor_.”

Rey’s heart skipped a beat. Poe tried to angle his blaster towards Finn, but the ex-Stormtrooper caught his wrist just in time and they began to wrestle for control over the weapon.

“Oh, what a dilemma,” her dark side cooed. “Who will you save? Your friend, or yourself?” And with these words, she reached behind her back and drew the hinged double-bladed lightsaber Rey remembered all too well. The unstable red blades clicked into place, and Rey fell into an insecure fighting stance. At their last encounter, she had been no match for her inner darkness. She would have to do better this time; she could not run away and leave her friends behind.

“Stand down!”

Rey’s blood ran cold when she suddenly felt the Force wrap around her like iron clamps, immobilizing her. She recognized the source immediately – it was Ben! He had pulled himself upright, a hand extended towards her, using the Force to freeze her in place.

 _‘Trust me,’_ she heard him whisper over their bond. ‘ _Just_ _play along.’  
_He had filled his mind with thoughts of hatred and darkness, shielding his true thoughts. But with their bond, Rey could see through the illusion with ease. She saw herself in Dark Rey’s back, killing her with her lightsaber; Ben was showing her his plan!

“Rey’s mine,” he growled. “You wanna play with her, too? Queue up.”

The dark vision tilted her head, but surprisingly enough, deactivated her saber. “Well, look at this. Do I sense a change of heart here?”

“I didn’t go to all the trouble of playing the redeemed Sith, just so you can waltz in here and sink my plans.” His breathing was laboured, and Rey felt how much it exhausted him to just stay on his feet.

She cast a quick glance at her two struggling friends. Finn was lying on his back; he had wrapped his arms and legs around Poe like a human vice, pinning him to his body to restrain him without having to break his bones. Poe squirmed like a Purcassian river eel, attempting to break free. His hand still gripped the blaster tightly, but at least it pointed away from Finn. It was a shaky stalemate; Rey could not hope for support from them.  
Oh, if she had only listened to their warning and stayed on the wayfinder’s path!

“And what plans would that be?” Dark Rey asked and stepped closer, eyes narrowed. She was right abeam Rey now; she could have gripped her, had she been able to move. The stasis Ben kept her suspended in was not tight enough to hurt, but it was still strong; it needed to convince their enemy.  
‘Just one more step, you monster,’ Rey thought and readied herself to strike.

“To use her pathetic compassion against her and seduce her to the dark side,” Ben snarled. “And I nearly had her there, till you barged in.”

A predatory smile tugged at her twisted version’s lip. “Still clinging to your dreams of a Dark Empress? It’s _you_ who’s pathetic,” she huffed. “And I must say I’m very disappointed with you. Did you honestly believe I was stupid enough to fall for your little trap? Now, that really hurts. Let me show you just _how much_.”  
Her free hand closed into a fist, turned – and Ben roared in pain. He fell to his knees and clutched the broken ribs Dark Rey was twisting with the Force. His hold on Rey vanished, and with a battle cry, she drew her lightsaber far back for a massive blow.

But not fast enough. Unfazed, Dark Rey simply raised her index finger, and Rey froze again; only this time, the statis was not painless at all. She felt like her body had been caught between a hammer and anvil.

“How sweet. So very protective. So _pure_. Have you told her the truth yet, _Ben?”_ Dark Rey drawled his name, her voice dripping with derision. “About your impure desires?”

Ben was still shaking, but he fell silent at her words and blanched. “No! Please, don’t –”

„So wicked. So _hot!”_ she continued relentlessly. “Did you really think you could just walk away from your past? Start fresh? Naïve fool. I’ll make sure she will _never_ forget your transgressions!”

And suddenly, Rey’s perception was turned upside-down. Foreign memories invaded her mind, snapshots of someone else’s thoughts – it reminded her of how she had felt when she had touched Luke’s lightsaber in Maz’ cellars on Takodana …

  
***

  
_“Remember the first time we met here?”_

Rey pivoted on the spot. Kylo Ren’s voice, distorted and hollow through his mask, was so close that it made her jump. He stood behind her, fully clad in his black robes and cape; but he took no notice of her and walked right past.

That’s when Rey recognized her surroundings: she was in the interrogation chamber in Starkiller Base. Ren approached the torturing chair in its middle, and Rey gasped when she saw who was strapped to it: her own likeness.  
Kylo softly ran his gloved hand over the metal restraints on the other Rey’s arms. “Back then, I told you that I could take whatever I wanted. I didn’t, though. I asked you nicely. Now I’ll be asking you a second time. But there won’t be a third.”

With a hiss, he took off his helmet and bent over the bound girl, his nose nearly touching hers. “Will you submit to me?”

Rey’s counterpart bared her teeth defiantly. “Never!”

Kylo smiled dangerously. “I was hoping you would say that.”

And with that, he grabbed the sashes of her tunic and yanked them down. The other Rey screamed in indignation and mounting panic, but Ren did not pause. He continued to roughly tear and rip her clothes away, until he had stripped her completely. Impatiently, he unbuckled his broad leather belt and dropped it carelessly to the floor, where it clattered next to the discarded helmet.

Rey felt like she had been doused with ice water when she realized what he was about to do.

Kylo pressed a few buttons on the chair’s control panel, and the device came to life. The writhing and screaming girl was tilted backward, and then the leg supports moved, forcing her thighs apart. Ren stepped between them, and accompanied by the deafening cries of her copy, Rey slapped her hands in front of her eyes abruptly. She just could not bear to watch, although the shame at her own cowardice burned red-hot in her.

Red-hot. Red.

When she peaked through her fingers, everything Rey saw, was deep scarlet red. She frowned, and dropped her hands. Where in the blazes was she now? The screaming had stopped, but there were still faint sounds. Stifled whimpers, and heavy breathing.

Tentatively, Rey extended a hand – and found that the omnipresent red was actually an enormous, opaque curtain. She began to move along its smooth surface, feeling for a seam, searching for an exit. The sounds drew closer, became clearer, and she felt bile rising in her throat. It was not hard to imagine pictures matching those sounds.

And yet, when the fabric suddenly gave way beneath her fingers and she nearly fell through the gap, Rey could not prevent a shocked outcry at the scene that presented itself to her: she had stumbled right into Snoke’s throne room aboard the _Supremacy_. Her own naked image lay bent over the empty throne’s armrest, and behind her towered Kylo Ren. He had one hand clamped around her neck, while the other gripped her hip so tightly that his fingertips left dark bruises on her skin.

“You … will … obey … me!” Ren panted with each harsh thrust.

Gasping, Rey staggered backward, and tripped on the curtain. The heavy fabric tore apart and buried her alive. Shrieking in surprise, Rey thrashed and flailed, and after what felt like an eternity, the drape finally slipped off her again. The scarlet red vanished together with it, and gave way to stark white.  
She blinked at the blinding brightness. She was still aboard a ship. First Order, by the pristine, clinical look of it.

“Take a good look, scavenger.”

Rey whirled around to the sound of the familiar, hated voice of Kylo Ren. But he was not addressing her; he spoke to his phantasy version of her. This Rey was kneeling on the spotless floor, and except for a pair of cuffbands, she was bare and badly bruised. Ren stood in front of her; his fist was curled into her hair, yanking her head back and to the side to force her to look at a black, obsidian plinth. The smooth stone surface reflected her tear-stained face like a mirror.

A charred, disfigured helmet rested on top of it. Silently, it glared down at the sobbing girl.

“This is your place if you keep resisting me.”

The sound of a belt clicking open, and then the sobs were replaced by choking gasps - but Rey had already bolted from Kylo Ren’s quarters, desperately trying to stop her own stomach from turning over.  
Suddenly, the floor fell away beneath her. White became black, and she tumbled through the vastness of space. When the spinning finally stopped, Rey found herself - in the cockpit of Ren’s TIE silencer.

Rey blinked. It was dark inside the cramped space of the fighter, the only illumination coming from the red lights of the control panels. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the dim light – and her mouth dropped open.

Ren was leaning back comfortably in the pilot’s chair. Sitting astride him, was Rey’s counterpart. Her hands were not bound anymore; she was grasping Kylo’s shoulders for support instead. His hand rested casually on her hip, guiding her gyrating pelvis whatever way he liked it.

Rey shook her head in disbelief. Her doppelganger wasn’t fighting back anymore. Had she caved in?

But then she looked at her face: her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and her expression was murderous. She had clenched her jaws defiantly, and kept completely silent. Rey’s gaze travelled downward, and her breath hitched: Kylo’s other hand was holding his lightsaber. The blade was deactivated, but he pressed the hilt against the girl’s spine in an unmistakable manner – one flick of his thumb, and she would be split in half.

“There you go. Really ain’t so difficult, is it?” he praised her like an obedient dog.

The naked girl glared at him wordlessly. Kylo chuckled, as if her stubborn resistance amused him.

“Come on, tell me you like it,” he demanded softly.

When she didn’t respond right away, he dug his gloved fingers sharply into her hip and pushed the cold, Sarrassian iron hilt harder into her backbone. A warning; a challenge?

“I said, _tell me you like it!”_

“… I like it.”  
Her strangled whisper was hardly audible over the low whining of the twin ion engines.

“That’s my girl. Now we’re talking.” Ren eased his grip and relaxed into his seat again. “Show me some speed.”

  
*** _  
  
_

_“Nooo!”_

All of a sudden, the visions stopped. Dazed and disoriented, Rey slowly opened her eyes and tried to get her bearings. She was back aboard the _Millennium Falcon_ ; and she must have collapsed, because she was lying on the floor next to the dejarik table. Little D-O cowered anxiously in a corner under the bench, his favourite place. He watched Rey closely, but did not dare to move.

“I will _destroy_ you!”

Ben’s outcry brought her fully back to reality. His voice was full of pain and distress, but this time it was not faked. An all-consuming fire raged in his soul. Drawing on its energy, he reached out with the Force and gripped Rey’s tainted counterpart, intending to crush her windpipe.

Her eyes bulged. Her hand shot to her throat, and she opened her mouth as if gasping for breath – but then she laughed spitefully.  
“Still trying to fight fire with fire?” She shook her head in disappointment, and with a casual flick of her hand, she reversed the Force choke back onto Ben. “To think that I once favoured you. What a shame. You are no Jedi, and no Sith, Ben Solo. All you’ve ever been is a _failure!”_

She tightened her fingers and Ben was lifted off the ground, held up by his neck, fighting for air. Frantically, Rey searched the floor for her lightsaber. Where had it gone when she had dropped it?!

Suddenly, the hidden access door to the forward cargo compartment burst open, and Chewbacca stormed into the common area. Their noise must have alerted him, because he was brandishing two heavy power wrenches, ready for battle. His eyes immediately found Dark Rey.  
If his sudden appearance had startled her, she did not let it show. She released Ben, who immediately collapsed to the floor, and turned to the Wookiee instead.

“Ah, the noble beast,” she hissed through her sharp teeth. “Have you come to rescue your family? You’re too late – _as always.”_

Chewie howled like a wounded animal and charged. The dark version of Rey splayed her hand and sent a blast of Force to stop him, but he braced the wave of dark energy and swung his wrenches wildly at her. Ducking and dodging, she barely managed to hold the enraged Wookiee at bay.

That was Rey’s chance!

She whirled around and addressed the hidden droid. “D-O! Quickly, to the cockpit!” she whispered urgently. “Tell BB-8 to return to our original course immediately. This is a death trap.” D-O nodded bravely and accelerated, swerving around her and Ben as fast as his single tyre would go. A moment later, he vanished around the corner.

Rey looked at Ben. He lay on his back, panting with difficulty, but at least he was alive. Behind her, she heard Chewbacca roar like a berserker. He kept lashing out at her dark counterpart, who grunted with the effort of warding him off.

 _There!_ Her lightsaber had rolled under the engineering station.

Rey rose and summoned her lightsaber, which skidded across the floor and smacked into her hand. The blade ignited and she turned to face Dark Rey, who had been forced to retreat from Chewie’s attacks until her back suddenly hit a wall. Disbelief and wrath rippled off her through the Force.

“Dameron, _gun_ _that flea bag down!”_ she yelled.

This time, Finn was not quick enough.  
The blaster he had turned away from himself had the perfect line of fire, and Poe pulled the trigger. A shot rang out, Chewbacca howled in pain, and then the giant Wookiee sank to the ground and moved no more.


	32. Chapter 32

D-O raced along the corridor, spurred on by the sounds of battle behind him. His uni-tread disc squealed as he skidded around the last corner and into the cockpit. BB-8 was just consulting the _Falcon’s_ main computer, but his domed head immediately swivelled around to face his friend.

“What in the name of all hexdrivers are the organics doing back there?!” BB-8 signalled worriedly in droidspeak.

“Self-destruction mode,” D-O replied hurriedly, and as if to underline this, a single blaster shot rang out. “The Rey unit orders to return to the original course immediately.”

“Acknowledged,” BB-8 agreed. Another tool-bay slot at his side popped open and a connector shot out. The astromech plugged into the pilot’s command console and altered their course. “Advisable decision. I am receiving peculiar signals from the worm hole.”

The _Millennium Falcon_ turned sluggishly to the right into a one-eighty. Suddenly, D-O backed away from the transparisteel windows in fear: something emerged from the nebular ahead - and chased after them! Something huge. _Monstrously_ huge.

“L-Leviathan! No, n-n-no thank you!!” he shrieked in panic. BB-8, who knew the little droid inside and out by now, immediately realized the danger and reacted with lightning speed. Using his connection to the main computer, he activated the ship’s missile tubes - and fired the whole payload.

  
***

  
“I have been really patient with you so far,” Rey’s dark twin growled fiercely as she stepped over Chewbacca. “But it seems that you only learn through –”

She froze. Her head shot up, she gazed at something only she could see, and then she screamed, convulsed in pain - and vanished.

For a second, Rey was confused. Her eyes quickly searched the room, fearing this could be another ruse of her inner darkness. But then, she felt the tentacles of the invisible entity that had been holding her mind hostage, retreat. The fog lifted, her thoughts were clear and fully her own again!

Poe stopped struggling against Finn and dropped his blaster as if it were a venomous snake. “Let go, let go of me, Finn! I’m okay again!”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, for Edge’s sake - now come on, we need to get to Chewie!”

Fear gripped Rey with icy claws. She deactivated her saber and dropped it carelessly before running to her fallen friend. With trembling fingers, she searched for his pulse. Finn and Poe were at her side a moment later.

“He’s still alive!” she nearly cried with relief. “Hurry, go get the medkit, it’s in the cabinet under the sink!”

Finn instantly jumped up and ran off through the corridor towards the crew quarters.

“How can I help?” Poe asked in a strained voice. Remorse and sorrow were etched into his face. Rey knew that words would not comfort him now. Hopefully, taking action would.

“Remove as much hair around the wound as possible,” she instructed him, while her careful fingers examined her unconscious friend. The plasma burn was large, and the stench of singed fur stung her nose. “Looks like the shot went clean through his left side. The wound is cauterized, but I can’t say how badly he’s hurt on the inside.”

When she touched his hip, the Wookie gave a small yelp, but even the pain didn’t wake him. “Please, hold on Chewie, we’ll fix this right away,” she bit her lip.

“Shouldn’t we get him to the Athakam unit?” Poe suggested.

Rey shook her head. “He’s too big, he wouldn’t fit.”

The ship’s com activated, and BB-8 quickly informed them that he had altered their course, back to the original route.

“Thanks BB-8, well done, mate!” Poe praised his droid friend. “You’re our knight in shining armour. That fury is gone.” The astromech beeped flattered.

They heard footsteps thundering through the corridor, and Finn reappeared, carrying the medkit. He dropped to his knees, quickly opened the lid and silently began to rummage through the pile of bandaging material. With routine precision, he selected the scattered parts of an antiseptic field generator. Rey silently thanked the Force for his Stormtrooper training; in situations like this, it was really paying off.

She decided to give the two men some space and turned to Ben, who was getting painstakingly to his feet again. He had not spoken a single word till now, she suddenly realized.

“Are you hurt? Is there anything I can …”

Together with her words, Rey had instinctively reached out along their bond as well. For a split second, she felt a deafening, roiling chaos at Ben’s end, a burning shame – but then her connection was cut off so forcefully, as if Ben had just slammed an actual door in her face. She staggered back.

“Stay away from me,” he hissed and fled down the opposite corridor as fast as he could limp.

“Rey? Give us a hand,” Poe called her, uncoiling a knot of cables for the field generator.

Rey looked indecisively from her three friends on the floor to Ben’s disappearing back. Finn saw it. “Give him a moment alone, Rey. He can’t go far. Come on?”

“Yeah, sorry,” she knelt down and helped them sort out the tangled wires.

Soon, the generator was assembled correctly and fixed onto Chewbacca’s shaggy fur, where the little device began its work. The Wookiee was still unconscious, but his breathing was even and steady now.

“Can the three of us carry him to his cot?” Poe asked with a sceptical look from their large friend to his bunk; it was only a few metres, but the distance appeared infinite to him. “We can’t just leave him lying on the cold floor.”

Finn puffed up his cheeks. “He weighs at least 250 pounds,” he guessed.

“I’ll do it,” Rey volunteered and got up. “Just make sure the healing field doesn’t slip out of place.” She extended both hands and felt for the web of the Force in the room. When she had found the ever-changing flow of energy, she carefully wrapped it around Chewie like a blanket, and lifted him gently. He rose up without a sound, and she floated him onto the padded bunk.  
Finn and Poe marched beside him, eyes fixed on the blinking generator. It reminded her of a funeral procession, but she quickly discarded the sombre thought. ‘Chewie will be alright,’ she promised herself. Oh, how she wished she could use her healing abilities again!

When they had settled him comfortably, there was suddenly an awkward moment between them.

Rey saw that her friends avoided looking at her. Poe glanced furtively at the exit to the cockpit, and Finn nervously ran a hand through his hair. She did not understand what was going on; why were they still acting so strangely?

“Well, I’ll better go and, ah, check on BeeBee,” Poe made his excuse.

“I’ll return the medkit,” Finn added quickly and hurried to the exploded box on the floor.

“Wait!”

Rey did not really know why, but something told her that they simply could not part in this way. Not yet. Not after everything that had just happened. The two men stopped reluctantly.

“Please, stay. Both of you. I know it sounds strange, but I feel like the ghost of my corrupted version is still poisoning our minds. As if the sheer memory of her is still driving a wedge between us, at this very moment! We must fight that,” she implored them. “Do not let the darkness divide us, please! Let’s talk about it. We are still friends, aren’t we?”

For a moment, everyone was quiet. But then, Finn swallowed and nodded. “You are right. I admit, I’d rather be alone at the moment, but I guess that’s just what you mean. It would be wrong. We need to get this off the table first. What do you say, Poe?”

Poe let out a deep, long sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “That I need a drink. Come on.”

Rey smiled. After a last glance at the peacefully sleeping Chewbacca, she started to follow the two to the galley, but then remembered something. Without looking back, she held out her hand, and her lightsaber shot up from the floor and right into her waiting palm. The feeling of the cloth handgrip was familiar and soothing, and she clicked it back onto her belt.

In the crew quarters, Poe went straight to the storage locker and pulled a slender, blue bottle from it. Meanwhile, Finn organized three coffee mugs. When Rey raised her eyebrows, he just shrugged. “Didn’t find any shot glasses. And we could all do with a double, or maybe a triple.”

They sat down; Finn and Poe on a bunk each, while Rey took the small bar chair. ‘Still worlds apart,’ she thought sadly. No one spoke.

Poe poured himself half a cup, then passed the bottle around. Even Rey, who normally detested strong alcohol, accepted the offer. The two men both took a large swig, and finally Poe blurted out, “Who by the Emperor’s black heart was this … this… _woman?_ Was that even a woman?”

“No, not really,” Rey shook her head. “I’ve met her before. Or it. Or whatever you want to call it. She’s something like a mean spirit, a demon, I think; a manifestation of the dark side of the Force.”

“You met her before? You never mentioned that,” frowned Finn.

“It was only a brief encounter, in the ruins of the Death Star on Kef Bir. She was guarding the Sith wayfinder we’d been searching for.”

“But why did she look like your evil twin sister?” asked Poe. “Was that supposed to scare us or what?”

“Well, I found her pointed teeth pretty scary,” Rey admitted. “But I don’t think that instilling fear was her goal. When you are scared, you cling all the more to the hope that, in the end, everything will somehow take a turn for the better. That’s what kept me alive on Jakku for many years. What she wanted though, was to _destroy_ that hope. If I had believed her on Kef Bir that I was destined for the dark side, that my resistance was pointless because of my ancestry, the dark side would have won me over back then.”

“She tried to lure you into darkness, like they’d done with Ben,” Finn murmured, and Rey nodded.

She took a tiny sip from her cup, and pulled a face. The liquid burned in her mouth like laser fire.  
Through watering eyes, she watched Poe. His brows were knitted together in thought; the concept of the Force was hard enough to digest for a non-Force sensitive, but the immense consequences of the choice between its light or its dark side had to be even harder to grasp.

“So, let’s just assume for a moment that you _had_ chosen her way,” he began. “Then you would have become like that demon? In looks, behaviour and all?”

“Yes, that’s quite likely.”

“Huh,” he stared into his cup. “Hard to imagine. Apart from the looks, you are totally different from that nefarious bitch.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to make you understand for ages whenever it came to Ben,” said Rey, sensing her chance to finally convince her friend. But how could she explain this properly?  
‘How would Leia do it?’ she asked herself reflexively – and suddenly had an inspiration.

“Compare it to yourself. Being a spice runner was a shady profession, but it was not who and what you were at heart. Surrendering to the dark side though, isn’t just a career choice – it changes your core, how you feel and think. The dark side overrides your character and consumes your soul. You saw it today, the difference between her and me; and you’ll see the same difference between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo, if you only give him the chance.”

Poe sipped his ’skee and nodded slowly.

After a moment of silence, he turned to Finn. “I haven’t thanked you yet for stopping me from shooting you all.”

Finn smirked. “My pleasure. But just to make it clear, Poe: I’m sure we all agree that none of this was your fault. It was that demon who shot Chewie, not you. You were only the weapon, not the culprit.”

Rey nodded firmly, and the young pilot smiled gratefully. There was still a tinge of pain and regret in his eyes, but Rey was not too worried about that. She remembered well that it had also taken her a while to accept the fact that she was a Palpatine; she knew she could hardly be blamed for her bloodline, but she had felt guilty and ashamed nevertheless.  
All Poe needed now, was a bit of time and the reassurance of his friends.

“Being pulled through the air won’t become one of my favourites,” he said, and Rey suddenly noticed a familiar hint of mischief in his voice. “But I must say you really improved on that landing part. In contrast to Ben, I landed softly as a downy feather.”

They all laughed, and she was relieved that the heavy load was beginning to lift from them quicker than she had dared to hope for. Finn patted his belly and raised his mug for a toast, “To my sensational padding!”

Poe and Finn emptied their cups, and even Rey plucked up the courage to take a big gulp.  
‘ _Oh,_ _kriff,_ ’ she thought, as the blue alcohol carved a blazing trail down her throat. ‘This is what drinking rhydonium must feel like!’ She coughed profusely, and felt her cheeks go red.

The men snickered.  
Finn got up and fetched her a glass of water. “Here, drink this, it’ll help,” he gently patted her back. “Better?”

Rey dashed down the whole glass, then nodded slightly. She didn’t dare to open her mouth yet, fearing she would probably still emit fire rather than words.

Suddenly, they heard a groggy wailing from the main hold - Chewbacca was coming round! They all straightened, but Poe was quickest.

“No, no, it’s okay! You stay here with Rey, I’ll see to him. Please, I need to do this.”

“Call if you need us,” Finn said calmly. He understood his friend perfectly; it was Poe’s way of atoning for having pulled the trigger. And mothering a drowsy Wookiee also gave him some time to mull over all those things in his head in peace.

Poe disappeared through the corridor, and Finn turned to Rey again. She was surprised by the sudden intensity of his look.

“You know, you are the bravest person I have ever met,” her friend said, and a warm feeling spread in her belly. Was that the alcohol? “It’s one thing to face off your enemies. But you’ve proven that you are also able to stand up to your friends when they are too blind to see the darkness threatening them. Thanks, Rey.”

And without waiting for her reply, he pulled her into a hug.

Rey smiled into his shoulder and hugged him back tightly. “Only starfire ’skee knocks me flat," she croaked.


	33. Chapter 33

Finn and Rey sat side by side at the galley’s small table. While Finn had poured himself another shot of blue starfire ’skee, Rey preferred to nurse her glass of water. It was a mystery to her how anybody could like the feeling of molten lava running down your throat; she was just glad the coughing had stopped and that she felt her tongue again.

“Do you think Chewie will be alright?” Finn asked into the silence.

“He woke up cursing; that’s a good sign,” she smiled. “He only has to hang on until we leave this nebular, then everything will be fine. Once I have access to the Living Force again, I can heal both him and Ben. Like the snake on Pasaana, remember?”

“How could I ever forget,” he said. “By the way, shouldn’t you be looking for Ben now? I’m surprised at how calm you are sitting here, to be honest. I had expected you to run after him the moment Chewie was stable.”

“Normally, I would,” Rey admitted. “But I got a feeling Ben doesn’t want to see me right now. He has locked himself away in the rear cargo hold.”

Finn frowned in confusion. “How do you know he’s there?”

“I can sense him in the Force.”

“Through that special Force bond you’ve told me so much about?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “Our dyad has changed tremendously ever since I brought Ben back from the brink of the Netherworld.”

“In a good way?” Finn looked questioningly at her over the rim of his mug. “If it’s not a too personal question.”

“No, it’s alright,” she smiled. It was indeed very personal, but Finn was her best friend, and also the only other Force-sensitive that she could talk to about this topic.

“Definitely in a good way. In the beginning, when we didn’t know yet what it was that connected us, our dyad was discordant and weakened. We were opposing forces, Kylo and me. The first time I thought that this could possibly be different, was when we fought Snoke and his guards, together. The bond enabled us to fight in perfect sync. As one. Had it not been for Kylo’s insistence to turn me to his side instead of changing sides himself, our dyad might have matured fully, right then and there. But as it was, our discord remained.”

Rey glanced nervously at Finn. She knew that her story would have sounded more than just a little crazy to any ordinary listener. But although he was even less trained in the ways of the Force than herself, Finn seemed to have an innate understanding of _her_. He calmly listened, and when she didn’t continue, he gave her an encouraging nod.

“It all changed when Ben came to Exegol, hell-bent on fighting my grandfather alongside me,” she continued. “The moment he entered the citadel, our dyad snapped into place, full-force.”

Rey remembered the elating feeling that had coursed through them: no longer unwanted, no longer an intrusion upon their privacy, but a warm, welcome feeling of unity and strength. Even Palpatine’s attempt to leech this power from them had not entirely succeeded.

“And when I brought Ben back and we fought those spectres together, our dyad finally aligned completely and became harmonious.”

An image of the Force bubble they had created together came to her mind. Beautiful, brilliant, simply perfect.

“And now you can sense where he is and what he is thinking? Anytime?” Finn whistled lowly. “Wow. Could you teach me to do that?”

Rey’s smile widened. “I don’t know. We could try. But it would be different, for sure. Ben and I didn’t _learn_ to do this; it came as part of the package. And it’s not quite true that I can sense his thoughts anytime,” she added, her smile fading.  
“At the moment, for example, he’s shutting me out. I know where he is, but that’s about it. He won’t let me through, won’t talk to me.”

“Understandable,” he murmured quietly and lowered his eyes.

“What do you mean?” frowned Rey. Why would Finn understand such a behaviour?  
Suddenly, a terrible suspicion dawned on her. “Oh my god … did you … have you also seen Kylo’s phantasies about me?” she whispered, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Her friend still avoided her gaze and fiddled around with his cup, but nodded. “I think this ‘dark side Rey’ made sure we all did. But, do you think those images were even genuine? That she-devil had a nasty, forked tongue.”

The temptation was great. If she claimed now that it had all been a lie, cooked up to discredit Ben and lure her friends into loathing him, they would believe her. But they had glimpsed into Ben’s real memories; she somehow knew for sure that Dark Rey had not just made those up. If she lied to her friends now, she would be no better than her counterpart.

“They were genuine,” Rey gulped. Then she felt anger rise in her. “But that demon had no right to put them on display for everyone to see! Those thoughts were private. And he _never_ tried to act on them, not even when he was still fully with the dark side.”

“He didn’t?”

“No, not once! Even though there were plenty of opportunities.”

In her mind, Rey went through every encounter she’d had with Kylo Ren, both in the real world and in the enclosed space of their connected minds. But in none of them had he tried to do anything of what she had seen in those sadistic phantasies.

The memory of them still made her a little queasy. She was not prudish; but although she had not yet experienced physical love herself, she had already witnessed some of its darker shades on Jakku. While Unkar Plutt had not explicitly run a brothel, he still was not one to refuse credit chips, if they were large enough and the customer promised not to damage his property. It had been one of the many reasons why she had happily moved out of Niima Outpost and into her own AT-AT.

Finn nipped his ’skee.  
“That doesn’t sound like Ren,” he wondered. “Self-control and consideration weren’t his strength. On the contrary; his destructive outbursts were infamous among us troopers. We all knew better than to be anywhere near him when he was throwing one of his tantrums. I can’t imagine what could have stopped him from enforcing his plans in this case.”

“Hmm; what if he had never _really_ planned to put them into action?” Rey mused. “I had rejected his offer to team up with him. Twice! What if those imaginations were just the vengeful thoughts of a man whose pride had been stung? Maybe he lived out his anger at me in those dreams, and they were nothing but a private outlet to vent his frustration?”

“It’s still sick,” Finn protested. “Weirdest kind of anger management ever. I mean, I’ve had differences with Captain Phasma, too. And I will admit that I sometimes dreamed of getting back at her. But in my dreams, she never even had to take off her helmet for that.”

“Because you are a good person and you were not possessed by the dark side, Finn, that’s the difference,” Rey defended her point. “Still, the only thing I don’t get is: why is _Ben_ killing himself over these phantasies now? They were Kylo’s, first of all; it’s not like I’m holding them against _him_. So why does he run away from me?”

His behaviour worried her greatly. Locking himself away with nothing but dark thoughts to keep him company was a dangerous decision. She felt that clearly.

Finn chewed his lip, but said nothing.

“Finn?”

“It’s just a guess, Rey, I might be wrong,” he said reluctantly. “But haven’t you noticed the way he looks at you?”

Rey just stared at him, utterly dumbstruck.

“I think he’s got a crush on you. That makes the whole thing so much worse for him. He’s afraid that you won’t make a distinction between Ben Solo and Kylo Ren, and that you might be so disgusted by what you’ve seen that it has ruined his chances of a romantic future with you, once and for all.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “And he also seems to think that _we_ are a couple.”

“What?! _Us?!_ You’re kidding me! Oh, not that you wouldn’t make … I mean – you know what I mean, don’t you?” she stumbled over her words.

Her friend laughed. “I know. I love you too, just not in a romantic way. But you should have seen some of the looks he shot me, whenever he thought you preferred me to him. If they’d been blasters, I’d be riddled with holes.”

Rey exhaled deeply. “I am so blind to such things,” she admitted.

Finn grinned mischievously. “So, Poe was way off-base when he claimed that you had the hots for that guy?”

Rey felt another fierce blush creep up her cheeks. Finn took her hand and squeezed it. “I’m just teasing you, Rey. There’s nothing wrong about having feelings for someone.”

“The thing is, I don’t know what I am feeling, Finn. I’m … I’m drawn to Ben; but what if that’s just a side effect of our dyad, and I am mistaking it for something else? To have someone so closely bound to you, that’s really…” she struggled to find a word.

“Intimate?” he suggested.

She nodded. “Yeah. I know how corny that sounds. But he’s like a different person now that he’s back with the light side. The true Ben Solo. I had only gotten glimpses of him in Kylo Ren, and now he’s real. I guess I would have to get to know him all over again, but after what just happened, he’s shutting me out. He has curled up into a ball like a hedgehog, and all I’m facing are spines.”

“Do what you’ve done with us,” Finn advised her calmly. “Talk to him. We were all shaken by that demon, but you were right: talking helps a lot to overcome this. Just be honest, about everything.”

His words suddenly sparked a memory in her head: the Athakam unit. The near-empty analgesics container. Her outraged suspicions that Finn had tampered with it.  
‘Oh the hell with it,’ Rey thought and took a deep breath. ‘I might as well just ask him directly now.’

“There’s one more thing, Finn…” she swallowed hard. “After I ran into you and Poe on the corridor, I went to check on Ben in the medbay, and I found out that you had opened the Athakam’s servicing panel and the pain killers were gone. Why did you do that?”

Rey had expected to find a look of embarrassment on his face; she was quite surprised when he frowned at her in confusion instead.  
“Pain killers? I didn’t touch them,” he said. “I had opened the thing because I was looking for some tranquilizers for Poe, to calm him down a bit. He was close to a nervous breakdown. But there were none left. If it’s the same with the pain medication, you might wanna put ‘restocking’ on the top of your priority list once we’re back on Ajan Kloss.”

His words immediately took a heavy load off her mind. The last remnants of the discord her inner demon had bred, fell away; it was such a wonderful, liberating feeling.  
“Oh … I’m sorry, I completely misinterpreted this. I’m so glad!”

Finn just shrugged. “Never mind. That dark entity has toyed with everyone’s perception. But in the end, we bested her. Our friendship was too strong for her to break it. That’s what matters. Now, off with you, and try to talk some sense into that guy.”

Rey smiled at her friend with deep gratitude and got to her feet. “I’ll try. Thanks for your advice, Finn.” She had almost reached the doorway, when he suddenly called out to her.

“Rey!”

“Yeah?” she turned and looked at him questioningly.

“May the Force be with you.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final countdown begins, only ten more chapters to go! I would like to take the opportunity to thank you all for following this story and for every single kudo and comment you have given it so far. I hope you'll enjoy what is yet to come, feel free to share your thoughts!

Rey walked slowly down the curved path towards number three hold. Ever since she had chosen the _Millennium Falcon_ as her home, she had walked through its corridors countless times, and was sure she knew them all by heart.

But now, they felt different. Like she had never been here before. She blinked. A strange sensation swept over her, and was gone again in an instant. Ahead, she saw the bulkhead of number three. As she had expected, a red light on the door’s panel silently admonished her to stay out.

‘I don’t know what tricks you are trying to play with me,’ she thought. ‘But I _do_ know this ship, and that includes override codes.’

In less than a minute, Rey had persuaded the lock to surrender, and the bulkhead opened. Like a caged nexu, Ben was pacing the far wall, despite his injury. A disturbing memory bubbled up from her mind: Kylo Ren, deliberately striking his bowcaster wound, using the pain to fuel his anger.

“Not now, Rey,” Ben snarled without looking at her. “Go away.”

Rey ignored him and entered the cargo hold. “I’m not mad at you,” she said in the most soothing tone she could muster. “No one is. You don’t have to hide in here.”

Now Ben turned and faced her. His eyes burned with shame, and his voice was harsh when he snapped at her, “Do you think what she has shown you was the worst of it? It wasn’t. You have no idea about the things I allowed myself to do to you. If you knew, you would not be standing here, talking to me - you’d chuck me out of an airlock!”

He whirled around again and turned his back on Rey, unable to bear looking at her anymore. She felt the Force ripple around him dangerously; he was barely keeping his temper under control.

“I don’t care about those imaginations,” Rey spoke to his back. “I understand what prompted them. But you’ve changed, Ben, I can see it clearly. You would never do anything to hurt me. For Force’s sake, you traded your own life for mine; do you really expect me to think that you are still clinging to the fantasies of days long past?”

When there was no reply, safe for his rapid breathing, she reached out and gently touched his shoulder.  
He shook her off immediately.

Rey huffed impatiently. She wanted to stay calm, but somehow that was extremely difficult. Ben’s emotional turmoil seemed to resonate within her; his distress became her own, as if the line between their identities was blurring.  
And the fact that Ben acted more stubborn than a bantha did not help much either. Why was he still punishing himself so much when she had told him, in no uncertain terms, that she had already forgiven him? Did he really think she didn’t understand why he had resorted to this?

“Stop being so binary, Ben! Those fantasies were Kylo’s act of retribution to the pain I caused you. It wasn’t about making love; it was a punishment. Don’t you think I can distinguish between the two?”

Ben spun around on his good leg, his face twisted in pain and anger, and Rey took an instinctive step back at his aggressive posture. This was not Kylo Ren, she knew, but it came close. Too close.  
And that suddenly caused a countering, equally fierce anger to rise inside of her as well.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?” he shouted. “You deserve better than that!”

“Oh yeah?! My thoughts exactly! That’s why I turned _Kylo Ren_ down every time - I wanted _Ben Solo!”_ Rey shouted back, hands curling into fists, her frustration finally getting the better of her. “I still do! And I’m not allowing that _kriffin’ bitch from hell_ to take him away from me again!”

Her outburst took Ben by surprise. He just stared at her, speechless for a moment because of her abusive language. He had never heard her swear like that before.

Rey’s eyes flashed. All of a sudden, she dangerously resembled her dark counterpart as well.

“Do you think I’m a porcelain doll or what? A princess on an ivory tower from a far, far away fairy tale wonderland, who would faint at the mere mention of sex? Do I really have to remind you that I grew up on the arse end of the galaxy, in a junkyard, where most of the indentured workers were female, and most customers male?”

She saw him flinch at the allusion, but she was nowhere near done with him. This whole ordeal had been tough on her too, and she had been patiently holding herself back for him long enough now.

“I have witnessed so many atrocities in the deserts of Jakku! There were nights when I couldn’t sleep because of the noises; those the men made, and those of the crying girls. Whenever a starship landed, they trembled with fear, because you never knew if they’d come for spareparts, or else. Once, one of the women ended up pregnant from who knows what, and not a day later, she was gone and I never saw her again. You think I deserve better than that? Well thanks, me too! But don’t you dare to make my choices for me, I can do that myself!”

Rey forcefully ripped herself away from Ben before she could hurl more devastating words at him; he looked so shocked already, she almost feared _he_ might faint. Angry, mostly with herself for having lost control, she dropped on the Athakam and crossed her arms defiantly in front of her, struggling to calm herself again.

After a long moment of silence, Ben slowly limped over and sat down awkwardly on the other end of the medbed, taking care to keep an arm’s length distance between them. He stared down at the floor in front of him.  
But then, Rey felt something unexpected: something in their bond shifted. Ben’s mind slowly began to emerge from its sealed shell and touched hers, hesitantly and light as a feather.

All the anger that had consumed Rey like wildfire, faded away in that single moment. Her shoulders slumped, and she dropped her arms with a long sigh. She felt so sorry for her outburst; he surely did not need any of her old nightmares on top of his own problems.

“Did you…” Ben swallowed hard, “I mean, did anyone ever…” he started again, but couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. He did not have to; Rey knew what he was trying to ask.

She shook her head. “No. They were only after the young beauties.” She did not see the puzzled frown on Ben’s face when she said that and continued, “Moreover, they were too scared the Blobfish would cut off their hands if they laid a finger on me.”

Ben’s frown deepened. Rey remembered then that he did not know her former junkyard dealer, of course; and part of her really didn’t want to dig out any more memories of her old life. But talking about all of this seemed to both ease the knot of tension inside of her and draw Ben out of his cocoon, so she forced herself to continue.

“A Crolute. His real name is Unkar Plutt, but everyone just calls him Blobfish behind his back – well, you can probably guess why.”

“And this … _he_ protected you?”

“Yes. It wasn’t due to any sense of compassion, don’t be mistaken. He was the junk boss of Niima Outpost, and like you’ve said - my parents had sold me to him. Not for drinking money, but to hide me from my grandfather. Plutt saw potential profit in a girl small enough to fit inside the most compact wreckage, so he took me under his wing. By protecting me, he basically protected his own interests. It paid off for him: I became one of the best scavengers on Jakku.”

Ben listened intently. He had known her record as a scavenger in the junkyards of Jakku; but he had never spent too much time thinking about the implications this might have had on her childhood. Or on her whole life.

“I guess in the end, it doesn’t matter why he kept me safe,” Rey murmured, gazing into space. “Only that he did. Everyone who hoped to trade junk had to keep on the right side of him, so the riffraff left me alone not to incur his anger. Whatever. That was my luck.”

They said nothing for a while. Then Ben finally turned to face her. He appeared much calmer.

“I wish I knew where you draw all that strength from,” he said honestly. “People have been broken by less than what you’ve suffered.”

Rey blinked. She had never looked at it that way; it had simply been her life. The only one she had ever known.  
“For many years, I only had myself and my hopes for my family to return some day. It kept me alive, but apart from that, it didn’t really get me anywhere. My life only really began the moment I found friends,” she replied thoughtfully. “Without them, I’d never have made it this far. They stood by me, gave me guidance, comfort and strength.”

She faced him now, too, and was relieved to see that the shadow of Kylo Ren had vanished again completely.

“No one can do everything just by themselves, Ben. We all need somebody occasionally to help us carry on. There were times when I was ready to give up and chuck it all in the bin; and I would have done so, had it not been for my friends who backed me up.”

He looked at her in mild disbelief.

“I’m not saying it happened very often,” she gave him a small smile, “I’m usually too stubborn to give up. But whenever I really needed a kick in the pants, they were there. I needed Luke, who showed me that exiling myself on Ahch-To, after I found out about my heritage, was not an option. I needed Finn, who lifted me up when I was too depressed to do anything much, after you had died on Exegol.”

Rey noticed suddenly how Ben’s jaw muscle tensed, although his voice was still calm and even, when he said, “You must be glad to have Finn.”

Finn’s words replayed in her mind, words she had almost forgotten because of her quarrel with Ben. Gracious Force; was Finn really right? Ben _was_ jealous of him? Well, she could find out easily.

“I am,” Rey agreed enthusiastically. “Finn means so much to me, Ben. There’s nothing I wouldn’t trust him with. He’s loyal, brave and really quick and eager to learn; he’s making such rapid progress with his Force training, you know.”

All the while, she watched Ben closely out of the corner of her eye. His face gave nothing away, but his shoulders slumped a tiny bit, and there was also a subtle change in their bond: Ben was closing himself off again. Very discreetly this time, not like slamming a door in her face like he had before, but since she was looking for it, she noticed it nevertheless.

That he would rather accept her choice and keep his pain for himself was too much; and anyway, she had seen enough proof to know for sure that Finn had hit the mark.  
‘Time to put him out of his misery,’ Rey smiled inwardly. ‘But I won’t make it too easy for him.’

“I know it might be theoretically possible, since Finn is older than me; but I strongly doubt that Lando’s background checks will reveal him to be my brother. Although I really would have loved Finn to be the big brother I never had.”

A moment of confusion passed. And another heartbeat. But then Ben’s demeanour changed, and their bond followed immediately.  
Rey felt his consciousness open up a crack again, reaching out tentatively, searching for proof. He was quite startled to find Rey’s brightly shining presence, already awaiting him, radiating a loving warmth – with a tiny twinge of mischief.

He finally looked at her fully, finding his assessment confirmed in her face, and shook his head.

“You little minx,” he smiled. “Since when did you know?”

“I didn’t,” Rey admitted and shuffled closer to Ben, until their shoulders nearly touched. “Finn had to spell it out for me.”

“Finn?!”

“U-hu. See? That’s why I am so glad I’ve got friends who point me to the things I fail to see.”

She lowered her head, trying to hide the embarrassment that crept up her face. “I’m so not skilled in this,” she whispered as she insecurely brushed her hand against his. A tingling ran through her body at the light touch; but what did that mean?

 _Just be honest, about everything,_ Finn’s words echoed in her memory.  
‘Huh, easier said than done,’ Rey thought. She took a deep breath.

“Please, don’t get this wrong, Ben. I … I like you, a lot actually. P-probably. But… I don’t really know you; I mean - you know?” She realized she was stuttering, and that made it worse. Heat rushed into her face. How could she make him understand if she wasn’t even able to form a normal sentence? “All I have for guidance at the moment are my feelings, but they’re so confusing and it’s difficult for me to understand them. I’ve never known that kind of emotions. And… and I can’t promise you anything that I might not be able to…”

The feeling of Ben’s hand gently clasping hers silenced her.

“That makes two of us,” he said quietly. “I don’t know where this is going to lead, either. But I can promise you one thing: I won’t put any pressure on you. That you’re still talking to me at all, is already so much more than I could’ve hoped for.”

Ben lowered his eyes and swallowed hard. “Those violent phantasies she showed you,” he said in a small voice. “I am so ashamed of them. You were absolutely right: I couldn’t stand being humiliated by you, and continuously humiliating you in return was the best thing I came up with. Stupid, pathetic, I know. But I just couldn’t help myself, although my heart knew that, in truth, the real you would never have submitted.”

He gathered all his courage and looked Rey straight in the eye. “Rey, I swear, I would never have done anything like that to you for real. Not even back then. As twisted as I was, I just wanted you by my side.”

“I know,” she squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I believe you.”

For a moment, they remained silent. Rey sensed that Ben was regaining some of his balance; as if his confession had pulled a painful splinter from his soul, and the wound could finally begin to heal. A small but genuine smile spread over Rey’s face. Looked like Finn had been absolutely right about the talking. They both felt so much lighter now.

“Do you still want to get to know me better, then?”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked, taken by surprise.

“Well, you said that we don’t really know much about each other. Which is regrettably true. But if you like, we could start to change that. Tell me more about yourself! About anything: your favourite dish, fave colour, the name of your cuddly bear - take your pick.”

“Ookay,” she said slowly, but then she shook off the awkwardness. He had a point; they had to start sometime, so why not right away? It wasn’t like she had much else to do at the moment. The _Millennium Falcon_ was heading back to the wayfinder’s path through the nebular, and once back on course, they had almost another week of travelling time ahead of them. Plenty of time for conversation.

“Right,” Rey chewed her lip in concentration. Then, an image emerged from her memory. “My favourite toy, well, actually my only toy, was a fighter pilot doll. I had made her myself, from scraps and a flight uniform I had scavenged from a cargo container. It had once belonged to a ‘Captain Ræh’, so that’s what I called her.”  
A tiny pang of longing filled her as she thought back to the brightly orange doll that she had left behind with all of her other belongings when she had left Jakku in a hurry.  
“How about you?”

“I had more toys than I can remember,” Ben admitted. “When I was little, my favourite was a Tooka plushie I’d been given from Lando. But the one I remember fondest was the kid’s speeder my father gave me for my 5th birthday. Mom did not approve of it; the thought of a five-year-old zooming through the house in a real repulsorcraft wasn’t to her liking.”

Rey grinned. “Did you smash a lot?”

Ben bit his lip, but she still saw his smirk. “Only at first. I quickly got the knack of it, but she liked that even less, ‘cause from then on it was all the harder for her to catch me.”

She snickered; in her imagination, a black-haired toddler in a miniature _Falcon_ ploughed through his mother’s well-kept flowerbeds while she ran after him, yelling. The thought of her Master not as a General, but as a young woman and mother, living a normal life, warmed her heart.

“My turn now,” said Ben and broke her reverie. “What would you like to know?”

“Oh, erm… what’s your favourite dish?” Not the most creative question, admittedly; it was just the first thing that had come to her mind. Innocuous enough, at least.

“Easy. Your blue milk flatcakes.”

‘Okay, so much for innocuous,’ thought Rey and felt her ears turn red. “Charmer,” she mumbled. “You must know a hundred kinds of food from all corners of the galaxy.”

“I do,” he shrugged. “Still, there’s none I’d prefer to your cakes. So, what’s yours?”

“Hmm, that’s difficult; I guess I don’t really have one yet. I’ve grown up mostly with food portions, and they definitely don’t draw first prize,” Rey wrinkled her nose. “Jakku isn’t exactly a gourmet hub.”

She went on to tell Ben about what it had been like growing up on Jakku. First, in Niima Outpost under Plutt directly, but as she grew older and more independent, she had decided to strike out on her own.

Rey described the home she had made of the derelict AT-AT; from the tiny spinebarrel flower which had initially drawn her attention to the walker, to the thousands of notches she had since etched into its walls. One for every day she had wrested from Jakku.  
She recounted some of her scavenging tours into the bowels of ruined starships. In particular, the one where she had found a still functioning flight simulator on a canted, dust-encrusted Star Destroyer deck. Rey had spent endless hours in there, honing her piloting skills, unknowing that she would sorely need them someday.

In return, Ben told her more about his life, before he had fallen to the dark side. About both merits and pains that being the son of Princess Leia Organa and notorious swashbuckler Han Solo had brought along. Their very different and busy life styles were bound to clash and had often left Ben with feelings of abandonment, as he openly admitted.  
But he also remembered many good times: he vividly described some of the hundreds of planets he had visited before he was even ten years old, because of his mother’s extensive travelling duties as a New Republic envoy.  
He spoke of the pride he had felt whenever his father had taken him on one of his trips in the _Falcon_ , even allowing his son to pilot the ship. Chewie had closely monitored his doings from the co-pilot’s chair, but didn’t have to intervene once.

Rey found she had been right. This was an entirely new, different person sitting beside her. One she would have to become acquainted with all over again, although the connection they had been sharing for over a year felt as familiar as ever, and even stronger.  
However, it was like an unspoken agreement that neither of them tried to use their connection to relay thoughts or feelings directly into the other’s mind. The bond was tactfully omitted. Instead, they simply kept talking.

Both shared a deep and honest curiosity about each other. And although they chose mostly subjects that were ‘safe’ to talk about, Rey noticed that Ben occasionally slipped in a compliment or an ambiguous undertone.  
‘I wish I was any better at those diplomatic allusions,’ she sighed inwardly. As it was, she did not dare to enter his game; too much was at stake if she made a mess of this.

Fatigue finally forced them to stop and give their tired bodies some sorely needed rest. Rey snatched a blanked and curled up on the rickety stretcher next to Ben, who lay down on the Athakam. Although the unit’s medications were depleted, it was still a very comfortable sleeping place: nicely padded and with integrated heating.

“Sleep tight, Ben,” Rey murmured, her eyes already closing with sleepiness.

“Sweet dreams, Rey,” Ben replied softly. His ribs stung badly, and he knew he would not find sleep easily; but that should not worry his other half of the dyad tonight.


	35. Chapter 35

When Rey opened her eyes, she found herself in the conference room of an elegant, medium-sized Star Yacht. Everything was high-class, from the polished furniture and the pieces of art to the exotic fruit bowl, which sat decoratively on a magnificent, white glass table. Curiously, Rey looked around and took a while just to admire the beauty of the ship. She was in no hurry.

This was a dream. She could not say how or why she knew it; she simply did. Like it always was in a dream.

Rey heard soft voices coming from the bridge. She crossed the conference room and peeked inside: a man, probably in his fifties, sat in the high-backed pilot’s seat. He wore a neat Alderaanian uniform, and the rank insignia identified him as a captain.  
In front of him, through the cockpit windows, Rey saw the blue tunnel of hyperspace whirling past. But the man paid no attention to the spectacle; a warm smile adorned his face as he watched his co-pilot, a young female who sat cross-legged on the floor, playing a game of cards with –

Rey’s breath caught: next to the woman sat a barefooted, little boy in pyjamas, his curly, black hair tousled as if he had just come out of bed. A worn-out plush toy was tucked under his arm, and he held a deck of cards in his small hands.

‘Ben,’ she realized and stepped closer to get a better view of the two.

“I’m gonna win this!” the small boy declared with proud conviction.

“Nah, wouldn’t start celebrating just yet,” the co-pilot winked and smiled mischievously.

“I will,” little Ben insisted. “I know it. Your cards are snot!”

_“Ben!”_

Rey spun around when she heard the familiar voice. In an alcove she had not noticed so far, sat a woman she recognized immediately: Leia!  
But how different did she look. For a moment, Rey could only marvel at her beautiful, regal appearance. She wore a burgundy red tunic dress under a long, white cape with embroidery patterns. Her hair was braided into two buns, and she was _so_ young! Not much older than Rey herself, she thought.

“Language, young prince,” Leia chided him, but before she resumed reading in the datapad she was holding, she cast him a prankish look. “And I sincerely hope you are not cheating at cards.”

“Am not!” Ben pouted, and Rey’s heart melted. She was sure she had seen a little blush on his face.

“Don’t worry, your Highness,” the co-pilot grinned. “Ben is a real pazaak shark, but he won’t … my Lady? Is everything alright?”

Leia was slowly rising from her seat, mechanically, as if remote-controlled. She stared blankly into space. Rey knew that look. The young princess was focussing on something in the Force, and Rey already knew what was going to happen next.

“Mommy?” Ben asked with a trembling voice. Seeing his mother like that scared him.

Leia’s hand shot up, she closed her eyes in concentration, and a second later, the blue tunnel of hyperspace collapsed. With blaring alarms, the ship tumbled back into realspace.

“Into position, Tamsin!” yelled the captain and gripped the yoke, trying to regain control over the bucking ship. He needn’t have told her; Tamsin had already dropped her cards and tried to scramble into her seat. Ben crawled over and clung to his mother’s leg, hiding his face in her cape. He was crying.

While the two pilots worked feverishly to stabilize their vessel, Leia came back to her senses. She lowered her hand, and then noticed Ben weeping at her feet. “Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” she bent down, scooped him up into her arms and rocked him gently, stroking his hair.  
“Shh-sh, it’s alright darling, mommy is here, everything is fine,” she tried to soothe the sobbing boy.

One by one, the alerts and warning beeps quieted down and the ship stopped quivering.

“Captain!” Tamsin’s voice was a mix between alarm and wonder.

Rey followed her gaze, and her jaw fell open: outside the cockpit windows, she saw a swarm of enormous, purple creatures that moved gracefully across the vacuum of space as if it were an ocean. They looked like a crossbreed between a whale, a stingray and a squid.

“Oh, look at this, Ben!” Leia tried to lure out the boy, who still had his face buried in her shoulder. “I’m sure Tiktik has never seen one of those before! Don’t you want to show him?”

Now Ben peeked out, and when he saw the swarm, his eyes went wide. In an instant, all fear was forgotten. Leia carried him over to the window, and he pressed his hands and face to it, staring at the magnificent creatures in wonder. Then he remembered something, and pressed his tooka plushie to the transparisteel, too. Leia smiled.

“Weapons ready to fire, sir,” Tamsin announced, all business-like.

Leia’s head spun around, the smile vanishing from her face. She frowned intensely at the captain and shook her head minutely, indicating at her son, who was glued to the window in fascination.

“Shut them down, Tamsin,” the captain said calmly.

“But - sir? Purrgils are a dangerous pest! They are a threat to every ship in hyperspace and –”

“You have your orders,” he cut her short. “They are leaving anyways. Let’s give them a five minutes headstart, and then we continue our trip to Naboo as planned. Make yourself useful and plot our new course, please.”

Leia mouthed the man a silent ‘thank you’, then continued to watch with Ben as the purrgils’ tentacles began to glow, and a moment later, the whole swarm jumped away into hyperspace.

“How about some Corellian fried ice cream, darling?” she nudged him.

“Oh yeah!” Ben agreed enthusiastically and squirmed till she put him down. “And also one for Tiktik! I’ll help him if he can’t finish his.” He dashed from the bridge, and Leia followed him with a laugh.

_“I had totally forgotten his name.”_

Rey turned abruptly – next to her, Ben had suddenly appeared out of nowhere; no longer a child, but the grown man she knew. He watched his younger self and mother leave the bridge, a pensive look on his face.

“Are you… are you in my dream?” Rey asked in surprise.

 _“Your_ dream?” Ben cocked an eyebrow. “I’d say you boarded mine.”  
He strode towards the pazaak cards which lay scattered across the floor. “Huh,” he bent down and picked up one of the cards Tamsin had dropped. “A golden tiebreaker. She really would have won.”

He turned the golden card over in his hand, then looked up. A strange, mechanical whirring sounded.

“Time to wake up.”

His words echoed in her head, then her vision blurred and went black.

  
***

  
When Rey opened her eyes again, she was still looking into Ben’s face. But they were both lying down, and the posh Yacht had somehow turned into the battered, scruffy _Millennium Falcon._

“Morning,” he smiled wryly.

Rey blinked, propped herself up on one elbow and returned his smile a bit awkwardly. “Good morning. And, uh, sorry for breaking and entering. I have no idea how that happened.”

Behind her, the whirring sounded again. She cast a glance over her shoulder and just saw D-O vanishing through the bulkhead and off into the corridor.

“It’s ok, probably an effect of the dyad,” Ben replied. “And that dream? Must have come back from memory ’cause I’d told you about the purrgils and Tiktik. At least, this was a dream I’d readily share with anyone.”

Now Rey grinned genuinely. “He was so cute.”

Ben cocked an amused eyebrow.

“The plushie!” she clarified automatically, but then cursed herself inwardly for the addition. ‘Holy Force, girl, you don’t have to justify yourself. He would have slipped in the same ambiguous comment as a compliment, had he been in my shoes. Maybe I could start doing the same?’

“Yeah, he surely was,” he said. “Carried him with me wherever I went. Had mom turn around halfway to Coruscant once, when I had forgotten him at home. Might show you that next time.”

Rey suddenly realized that Ben seemed to have trouble breathing properly. He spoke a little faster than normal and clipped his sentences; and his chest rose and fell rapidly, but only shallowly. When he saw her scrutinizing gaze, he sighed.

“Painkillers have worn off,” he confirmed her suspicions, “and the medbed has run dry.”

“I know,” Rey admitted miserably. “It’s my fault. I never checked the medical supplies after we snatched the _Falcon_ from Plutt. He must have pilfered all of the valuable drugs and hawked them to the highest bidder years ago. I’m so sorry, Ben.”

Ben opened his mouth to answer, but stopped. Rey heard it, too: footsteps were approaching on the corridor.  
“Uhm, hello? Rey?” Finn’s voice came from around the corner. “Are you decent?”

“Sure, what do you think,” Rey answered and sat up. “Good morning, Finn. Up already?”

“Yeah, ’bin up for a while now,” he said and peeked around the corner. He eyed Ben cautiously, and then looked at Rey with raised eyebrows, silently asking how things had gone with him. She just smiled in reply, and her friend relaxed visibly.  
“Oh, erm, since I couldn’t sleep anyways, I thought I could do something useful with my time, so – I made this.” Finn finally entered number three hold and held up a cobbled-together metal contraption that vaguely resembled a crutch.

“It’s improvised,” he excused the rickety condition of the thing as he leaned it against the Athakam unit, “but it’ll hopefully last a few days. Just handle it with care.”

Ben stared in disbelief first at the crutch, then at Finn, completely taken by surprise. Rey had to bite her lip to not laugh out loud. Finn leaned in to her and whispered, rather loudly, “Oh, by the way; do I still have to give him that manly speech about what I’ll do to him if he hurts you, or can we just skip that part?”

“I think we can skip that,” Rey replied just as distinctly. Inwardly, she rejoiced about Finn’s open approach to Ben. It was a start, a good one at that, and this was exactly what Ben needed most at the moment. Hope blossomed in her; if only Poe and Chewie changed their minds about Ben now, too.

“Great,” Finn clapped his hands. “Now that this is settled, why don’t you give the thing a try? I’ve prepared breakfast in the common room.”

“You have?” Rey climbed from the stretcher and looked at him doubtfully.

“Yes, and don’t worry, I didn’t set the galley on fire again.”

“That’s reassuring,” she chuckled. “Ben, can you get up by yourself?”

Ben shook off his confusion, tensed his abs and raised his head, but that was as far as he got. With a pained grimace, he lay back down. “Sorry, can’t,” he panted.

“Ok, then let’s give you a lift.” Rey went over to the Athakam’s control panel, pressed a few buttons and the upper part of the medbed slowly rose into an upright position. It was not entirely painless for Ben, but he gritted his teeth and said nothing. Once he was sitting, Rey helped him to move his injured right leg carefully off the bed.

With the crutch tucked under his shoulder and Rey supporting him, the three slowly made their way to the common room. It was only a short distance, but for Ben, each step was a battle, so they had to stop every now and then.

“Why are you doing this?” Ben suddenly asked Finn in one of their breaks. “Why … are you helping me?”

Rey had felt the burning question at the back of his head for a while now. Clearly, he had not truly believed her when she had told him last night that no one was mad at him.

“Because I know what it feels like to be given a second chance, even if you think you don’t deserve it because of your past and your shortcomings. Your mother taught me that.”

Ben swallowed hard, and Rey felt the lump in his throat as if it were her own. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything,” Finn said calmly. Then he winked. “But you might think about ‘thank you’, or something along that line, some day.”

And with that, he simply walked on. Rey smiled at Ben, but didn’t probe any further into his mind.

When they finally reached the common room, Ben was as out of breath as if he had run a mile. The first thing they saw was Chewbacca, still asleep in his cot. Next to him, Poe had pushed a few boxes together to make a provisional bed, and was snoring softly.

“How is Chewie?” Ben asked, panting. Rey could clearly feel that, despite his own pain, his concern was not for himself, but for the Wookiee.

“Hurt, but on the mend,” Finn said quietly, not to wake their two sleeping friends. “He’s tough, he’ll pull through.”

Ben nodded in relief, and Rey helped him onto the bench at the dejarik table, where Finn had indeed prepared a decent breakfast.  
Sitting between the two men, she unscrewed an insulated bottle, and the smell of strong, black caf immediately permeated the room. After pouring Finn and herself a cup, she suddenly remembered what Ben had said about his dislike for caf and started to get up, but he gently took her arm to stop her.

“I’ll have one, too.” He held out his cup, and Rey gave him a small smile; she understood perfectly well that Ben was only doing this as a favour to Finn, who ironically would never know of his sacrifice.

Suddenly, a loud bang made them jump. They all looked up - Poe had slipped off the crates. Drowsily, he tried to pull himself up again. His hair was a mess, he had dark rings under his eyes and a pronounced five o’clock shadow.

“Caaaf?” he mumbled through half-closed eyes and sniffed.

Finn snorted, got up and helped his friend to his feet. “You are pathetic in the mornings, General Dameron,” he teased.

As if to confirm it, Poe yawned loudly and allowed Finn to drag him to the breakfast table without resistance. He plunked down next to him and stretched widely.

“Stars, wake up, will you?” Finn held his cup under Poe’s nose. This actually seemed to worked; his eyes shot up and he grasped it, inhaling deeply. Rey grinned and finally poured Ben some of the hot beverage, as well as new cup for Finn.

Then they began to eat in silence.  
Finn had prepared a few loafs of instant bread, a bowl of salted yarum seeds and some strange-looking, greyish cookies Rey could not remember ever having seen aboard the _Falcon_ _._

She picked up a handful of seeds and eyed Poe, who gradually came to his senses with every sip. He, in turn, was watching Ben pensively over the rim of his mug. Rey would have given anything to know his thoughts; she fervently hoped that their conversation of yesterday had changed his mind about Ben, too.

“You know,” Poe said to Ben after a while, “I think you should move out of that rear cargo hold, and in here.” He indicated at the free bunk behind the dejarik table.

Ben blinked, again too surprised to answer right away, but Rey felt like she was suddenly hovering an inch above her seat with joy. Finn tried to keep a straight face, but she could see he was inwardly grinning.

When nobody said anything for a moment, Poe continued awkwardly, “Well, erm, it’s just - up front, it’s easier to keep an eye on you than in number three hold. Plus, the Athakam is useless without medication, so…” he shrugged and trailed off.

“Yeah,” Ben managed with difficulty. “Yeah, that’s ... a great idea.” And with a side-long glance to Finn, he added, “Thank you”.

Rey gently squeezed Ben’s hand under the table, and finally allowed herself to slip into his mind.

_‘See? Told you the boys would come around.’_


	36. Chapter 36

“We’re back on the wayfinder’s path, by the way,” Finn informed them, munching the last cookie. “Reached it a few hours ago. Now we’ve got a little less than six days until we’re out of the nebular, according to BeeBee.”

Ben noticed Rey’s sidelong glance, but he did not respond to this piece of news, not even over their bond. He simply continued to sip the bitter caf. What was the point of telling her the obvious, anyways? One did not have to be a psychic to know that the prospect of days spent in agony, was grim.  
And he was in quite some pain by now. It took most of his focus to shield Rey from the worst of it; he knew she would not want him to do that, but he stubbornly did it anyways. Had to be the Solo in him.

“Why did you leave the path in the first place?” Ben asked in an effort to change the topic.

Rey sighed and cast her eyes down. He felt that part of her had dreaded this question, although she had known that he was bound to ask about it at some point.  
“We thought we had detected a shortcut,” she said glumly. “Our scanners had picked up signals that indicated a natural wormhole leading out of here; but it looks like that was just a trick to divert us from the safe path.”

“There was no wormhole. Only that evil, mind-clouding bitch,” Poe muttered. “Sorry Rey, no offense meant.”

“Definitely none taken. I totally agree with you on her.”

BB-8 suddenly came rolling into the common room and announced that it was time for his recharging cycle.  
“I’ll be right in the cockpit,” Rey volunteered. Then her gaze fell onto the empty plates on the table. “Oh, and BeeBee, would you please remind me to stock up with food and medicine once we’re back on Ajan Kloss? Just to make sure I won’t forget that again.”

The astromech affirmed and kept chirping on. She frowned. “And with torpedoes? But why would we need to –” The droid continued with a quick series of beeps, sounding very excited. “Wait, wait, slow down. What was that? _You fired all our torpedoes?_ Why, for Force’s sake?!”

Instead of answering, he activated his holoprojector.

The holographic image showed BB-8’s cockpit view. A dark nebular cluster loomed ahead. In the dimmed audio recording, they heard D-O’s faint voice, followed by the muffled sound of a blaster shot. A moment later, the _Millennium Falcon_ veered into a right turn. Suddenly, an ugly, colossal creature emerged from the nebular which had veiled it until now, and chased after the ship.

Next to Ben, Rey gasped. The monstrous beast resembled an unholy crossbreed between a reptilian and an octopus; its pockmarked hide was dotted with blister pods, and several tentacles sprouted from its body. Two sets of gleaming red eyes, one atop the other, were trained on the _Falcon_. But the most striking feature were its giant jaws, lined with razor-sharp teeth.

In the recording, D-O shrieked, and eight torpedoes were launched from their ship. Their target was too big and too close to miss, and all missiles hit true. The creature reared up in pain and tried to retreat into the nebular, but by then the _Falcon_ had turned away too far for them to see it anymore.

BB-8 deactivated his holoprojector.

For a moment, there was no sound except for the soft humming of the engines.

“Holy beek-monkeys,” Poe was the first to find his voice again. “That was one big-ass monster. Anyone ever seen something like that before?”

An ugly feeling settled in Ben’s stomach. He had not seen a creature _exactly_ like that before, but he nevertheless had a strong suspicion; was it wise to tell them, though?

Finn and Rey only shook their heads and shrugged, but suddenly BB-8 trilled again and replayed the part where the creature emerged from its hiding place. Only this time, he turned up the audio volume. D-O’s panicked voice was now clearly audible: _“L-Leviathan! No, n-n-no thank you!!”_  
The recording ended, and BB-8 looked at them all expectantly.

“Wait - how come _coneface_ knows what this is, when the rest of us has never even heard of such a big damn thing?” Finn wondered loudly.

“Coneface is a droid, I take it?” Ben asked. Now that his suspicions had been confirmed, there was no point in keeping secrets. “Let me guess: he had contact with the Sith or one of their affiliates, right?”

“Yes,” Rey said in astonishment. “His actual name is D-O, and he once belonged to a Sith assassin who worked for my grandfather. He inadvertently picked up a lot of information from him. How did you know?”

“Because only the Sith or someone close to them would still know about Leviathans these days,” he said darkly. “They have been considered extinct for millennia.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Ben watched Finn and Poe closely. They had been acting neutrally, even friendly, towards him today. But although no one had spoken it out loud, it was obvious how _he_ knew about Leviathans. The name ‘Kylo Ren’ hung in the air heavily, and he distinctly felt Rey’s fear that her friends might relapse into old attitudes. Which did not exactly calm him down either.

“Alright,” Finn finally said matter-of-factly. “So, enlighten us: what exactly are those ‘Leviathans’?”

“They are Sithspawn,” Ben explained readily, seizing his chance and hoping that sharing his knowledge would be taken as a sign of trust. “Alchemically-engineered bioweapons. Combine genetic engineering and the dark side of the Force, and you get a creature that is brutal, cunning and fiendishly intelligent.”

“Do you think the Sith Eternal created this thing?” asked Rey, remembering the abhorrent laboratories on Exegol. “Hid it in the nebular like a booby trap, so that anyone who didn’t have a wayfinder might accidentally run into it and get killed?”

“Maybe. Or maybe it had already been there, long before Palpatine came to Exegol. Leviathans can hibernate for millennia, waking up only when prey is around. Did you see the blister pods on its back? When a victim is within close range, those pods absorb their life energy. That’s how they both kill and feed.”

“Charming,” Poe murmured into his cup.

“And that’s not even the worst,” Ben continued. “Adult Leviathans can toy with the minds of Force-users, causing hallucinations and obsessive behaviour.”

“That’s what happened to us!” Finn exclaimed and slapped Poe so hard on the shoulder that he spilled his coffee. “All those strange thoughts and feelings that were not our own, remember? Even you felt them, and you’re not even Force-sensitive.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult,” Poe growled and tried to wipe the caf from his trousers.

“Holy Force,” Rey suddenly whispered, and her face turned pale. “Do you think that this demonic version of me was such a hallucination?”

“What if?” shrugged Poe. “Does it make any difference?”

“Of course it does! Oh, wait, let me check something.”  
And with that, she slipped down and vanished under the dejarik table. The three men stared at her empty seat, dumbfounded. Then they heard her muffled voice.

“Hey, it’s alright, can you please come out for a moment?”

Rey came crawling out from under the table, followed by a little droid that Ben recognized as the one he had accidentally tripped over. _‘This_ is coneface?’ he wondered. ‘Pretty unimpressive for an assassin’s companion.’

“D-O, could you please show us what you saw the other day when I asked you to tell BB-8 to turn the ship around, and return to our old course?” Rey asked gently, kneeling beside the jittery droid.

His cone-shaped head swivelled a few times from her to the men, and Ben had a feeling that the little droid’s gaze lingered a second longer on him than on the others.  
But then, D-O muttered a quiet _“O-o-okay”_ and turned to BB-8. After a short conversation in binary, the astromech cooed reassuringly and connected to the little droid’s dataport at the back of his head, allowing BB-8 to access D-O’s storage drive.

Once again, the holoprojector activated. This time, the image quality was lower; blueish, flickering and full of scan lines, like the holograms of old.

Ben frowned. He recognized the scene immediately, although it was shown in an angle from below the bench. But that was by far not the major difference to his own memory:

In the hologram, Ben saw Rey, Finn and Poe in this very room. Finn was standing protectively between her and Poe, and they were talking heatedly.  
Then Ben saw himself appear in the doorway, and a moment later, Finn was flung across the room. Trembling, Poe turned his blaster towards Rey, but got ripped off his feet, too. She drew her lightsaber and her hologram snarled in a tinny voice, “I will show you who’s in command here!”, and Poe started to point his gun at Finn.  
Ben, extending a hand, yelled, “Stand down!”, and Rey froze, but a couple of distorted sentences later, Ben suddenly doubled over in pain, and she whirled around with a roar, bringing up her lightsaber.  
But then she seemed to have second thoughts and froze again, her saber still hovering in the air. “No! Please, don’t –“, Ben heard himself plead.  
Another heartbeat, and Rey collapsed. The camera moved back and forth a little, as if the operator was torn between wanting to go to her and running away, but then her eyes opened again and she came to.  
“I will destroy you!” Ben’s howl rang over the hologram’s static. The image flickered, and Chewbacca suddenly burst into the room, flailing two wrenches wildly.  
That’s when Rey crawled right into the camera and instructed the viewer to hurry into the cockpit and tell BB-8 to return to their old course. The world began to move, and Ben passed by himself, lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, as D-O raced towards the cockpit.

The holoprojection ended, and there was a long moment of eerie silence.

Ben swallowed hard. So that was why Rey had been so upset and insistent to see the droid’s point of view. Well; her hunch had been correct.

“Holy Force,” Rey muttered again. She looked at D-O, who had disconnected from BB-8 and was teetering nervously on his unicycle. “You must have thought we had gone mad, going at each other’s throats like this, right?”

D-O only nodded silently. BB-8 rolled closer and gave him a few low, sympathetic whistles.

“That blasted she-devil is not on any of the recordings at all,” Poe blinked. “No visuals, no audio. Nothing. Like she wasn’t even here.”

“That’s because she wasn’t, right?” Finn looked directly at Ben.

“Right,” he affirmed. “She was only a hallucination. A distraction, wrought by the Leviathan to keep us from turning the ship around before he was close enough to suck the life out of us. He had been lying in wait in that nebular all along, pretending to be a wormhole. Although I have only now realized this, too. At that time, I believed she was real. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered trying to kill her.”

“I was too rash,” Rey whispered. “When I saw this twisted version of myself, I immediately remembered the encounter on Kef Bir. Back then, that demon had been physically real; we had actually crossed sabers. So, when I saw the same figure, I believed it was _her_ , again. I never spent a second thought on the possibility that this might be something else.”

“Do you mean to say that she could not have done anything to us?” Poe asked incredulously. “She only existed in our heads?”

“Yes and no,” Ben cut in, unwilling to give Rey more opportunities to kick herself. “Yes, she wasn’t physically here, so she could not have picked up a crowbar and beat you to death with it. But no, that does not make her any less dangerous. You experienced first-hand the power she exercised over our minds. She didn’t need to have real hands to hold a weapon; she simply used ours instead.”

He reached out and gently touched Rey’s shoulder. She still cowered on the floor next to D-O, hanging her head, and he felt sorrow and shame rolling from her in big, suffocating waves. “Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t possibly have seen this coming; you didn’t even know about the existence of mind-benders like Leviathans. Hell, I knew of them, and still I fell for its trap.”

A consenting gurgle came from Chewie’s cot, and Rey’s head shot up immediately.

“Chewie - you’re awake!”

At lightning speed, Poe had jumped off the bench and raced to the Wookiee. “Oh my god, it’s so good to see you up, mate, I’m …” he struggled for words, but then just decided to give him a careful hug. Chewie patted his back with his large, furry paw, and Ben would have sworn he heard a tiny, chuckling purr.

With a smile, Finn got up and turned towards the galley. “Hey, my man, welcome back! There’s a pitcher of vaporated blue milk and Bothan Splenda waiting for you in the fridge. You must be starving, right?”

Chewbacca hummed enthusiastically.

“Be right back, don’t go anywhere.”

Rey looked at Ben. Her eyes shone brightly again, and he felt with relief that her sombre mood was lifting. A smile lit up her face, and she briefly squeezed his hand on her shoulder before she got up and squatted at Chewie’s side.

“You were right, my friend, from the start,” she apologized. “We were heading for a trap. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

Chewbacca stared at her in silence for a moment, and Ben could practically see the darkness of insecurity and fear creeping up on Rey again. He wanted to go and wrap his arms around her, to comfort and protect her from it; but something as simple as getting up and walking over was an insuperable obstacle in his present state.

Suddenly, the large Wookiee snorted, made a dismissive gesture and ruffled Rey’s hair thoroughly. She squeaked and tried to fend him off, but by the time she managed it, her neatly braided buns were already done for.  
Beside her, Poe grinned. “I think fate is trying to convince you to keep that new hairstyle, you know? It suits you. Gives you kind of a – dashing look.”

“Nah, that style is your specialty,” Rey snickered, eyeing his rumpled clothes and his out-of-bed look. “But I guess I deserved that. Be nice to the boys, alright Chewie? It’s my turn to play flight monitoring now. And thank you!”

She hugged him a long goodbye, and this time, everyone could hear his soft purring.  
Ben opened his consciousness a little towards his other half in the dyad, and allowed himself to share some of the intense happiness that coursed through Rey at this moment. She really was a miracle to him; her uninhibited honesty, how she simply allowed her feelings to suffuse her without restrictions – it was so different from his own, rigorously controlled mind.

And right now, there were so many positive emotions washing over her that he could hardly distinguish them: the liberating feeling of relief; the soothing calmness of being at home, united with her family and friends; the hopeful confidence in the future, that all would turn well now. It all mixed up into dizzying, stunning joy.

Rey finally let go of Chewbacca and straightened up. “If you need anything, just call.” Then she nudged BB-8, who was still waiting patiently beside D-O.  
“Come on, BeeBee, you really earned yourself a break. And how about a nice oil bath as a reward? You too, D-O.”

The droids cheered excitedly and hurried along.

“Oi!” Poe called after her. “Didn’t we save the world a bit, too? How about a nice oil bath for us?”

Rey kept right on walking, but her eyes met Ben’s. They sparkled roguishly, and her smile sent an electric current rushing through his whole body that even made him forget his pain for a moment.

“You wish.”

With that, she vanished into the corridor, and Ben found himself oddly out of breath again.


	37. Chapter 37

The IT-S00.2 had been the latest in medical droid technology; naturally, the hospital ward aboard Snoke’s Dreadnought _Supremacy_ had been equipped with dozens of them.  
After the incident on Ilum, Kylo Ren had been brought to the infirmary badly wounded: He had been shot by a bowcaster and had received several deep lightsaber cuts - one ran all across one side of his chest and face, and had nearly split him in half.  
But although it took further sessions to reduce the scarring and tend to the mechnosutures, the little techno-prodigies had managed to patch up the worst in less than three hours.

Ben cracked an eye open and glanced at the chrono display at the top of his bunk: he had only been asleep for roughly twenty minutes, before the intense burning in his chest had woken him again. Jeez. What he would not give for a single IT-droid now. Or at least a dose of painkillers.

Neither of both could be found on the aged _Millennium Falcon_ , though. In comparison to the _Supremacy_ , this ship was like a relic from the stone age. Which reminded Ben of the countless arguments his parents had had about it; his mother had called it a ‘shabby piece of trash’, and although Ben had generally dissented, he was inclined to agree with her at the moment.

Ben sighed.  
After Rey had left for her shift, he had decided to rest a bit – after a short visit to the loo. Blasted caf. Poe and Finn had offered their assistance, but he had declined. He would not give up that last, tiny bit of dignity; not without a fight.  
So he fought his way to the bathroom and back, and by the time he returned to the common room, Ben was so exhausted and weak, that he allowed Finn and Poe to heave him into his bunk without any resistance. The moment he closed his eyes, he had fallen asleep – or rather, had passed out.

But only for kriffin’ _twenty_ minutes.

His ankle was not the problem. As long as he didn’t move around too much, it was bearable, and he had to admit that the crutch did help a lot. But the broken ribs were plain hell. Their constant, painful stinging made it impossible to breath properly, and he dreaded the thought of what might happen if he had to cough or sneeze.

Soft murmurs tore him from his gloomy thoughts. The sounds were coming from the bench below. Slowly, Ben turned his head, and he saw that Chewie, Finn and Poe had gathered around the dejarik table and were playing a game.  
‘Must have just started,’ he concluded, since all eight of the gaudy holomonsters were still on the board.

Suddenly, Ben noticed that under the table, Poe’s hand rested intimately on Finn’s thigh. Finn hummed, and placed his own hand on Poe’s leg, caressing him with his fingers.

Ben frowned. What the hell were they doing there, petting right in front of Chewie during a game of dejarik? Did they honestly think the Wookiee would not notice?

Poe slightly shook his head, his fingers starting to move on Finn’s thigh as well.

And suddenly, Ben understood. The two men were not groping each other; they were covertly discussing tactics.  
‘Not even a bad strategy,’ he had to admit. He continued to watch them silently for a while, until he had figured out two things: how their secret communication worked; and, subsequently, that they had no clue about the finer details of dejarik.

Finn and Poe made all the typical beginners’ mistakes, and even though they worked well as a team, they were no match for an experienced player like Chewbacca. After a few minutes, he had easily won the game, and they started fresh.  
After the first three moves, Ben frowned – he recognized the manoeuvre Chewie was paving the way for.

When Ben had still been a kid, Chewie and him had played dejarik for hours on end. The Wookiee had taught him everything about the game: its rules, the abilities of the monsters, typical traps and tactics – and some of his personal favourite manoeuvres. Ben had soaked it all in, gambling being as much in his blood as it was in Han’s.

The manoeuvre that Chewie was preparing now was called ‘The Last Laugh’, a tactic that would inevitably result in the enemy’s defeat after five rounds, unless he was very smart. It was a devious tactic, because it began by deluding the other player into thinking that Chewie had made a mistake which left one of his figures undefended, practically begging to be taken down. But therein lay the rub: if the enemy seized this chance and took the proffered bait, he had manoeuvred himself exactly to where the Wookiee had wanted him, and he could take him apart from there.

Ben thought it was unfair of Chewie to use this strategy against Finn and Poe; only an advanced player had a chance to realize the trap before it was too late, and none of the two was.

Sure enough, they fell for it. Chewbacca made his seemingly imprudent move, and Finn immediately patted Poe’s leg excitedly, drawing a quick message that Ben deciphered as the instruction to move in for the kill.

Ben bit his lip; he suddenly felt something he had not felt in years: a sense of outrage at an injustice. But cutting into other people’s game was considered unsporting, even in dejarik.

Poe was about to enter the move, when Ben made up his mind and interjected vaguely, “Bold move.”

“Sounds an awful lot like ‘stupid move’ when you say it like that,” Poe grumbled, but continued to punch in the instruction regardless. Ben only sighed and watched as their Ng’ok – a brown, many-toothed monster – shuffled forth and bit off the head of Chewie’s pawn sacrifice.

Finn whooped, and Poe looked triumphantly at Ben. “Pays off to be bold, sometimes.”

Chewbacca, who had remained untypically calm at the loss of his figure, sprung the trap. His Houjix – an inconspicuous, little monster – darted from the background, jumped over the body of his fallen comrade, past the Ng’ok, and devoured Finn and Poe’s Ghhhk in whole.

That wiped the grins off their faces. In shock, the two friends stared at the now bloated monster; they had not seen that one coming, of course.  
“Oh wait, you can’t … Finn, can he do that?” stuttered Poe.

Finn looked closely at the board and pulled a face, but nodded. “Yeah, afraid so.”

Chewie hollered joyfully and poked him amicably on the shoulder.

“Huh, easy for you to say,” Finn muttered. Then he stared at the table again in deep concentration.  
Ben wondered if Finn had already realized the far worse problem than just the loss of their healer; they now had only one chance left to thwart Chewie’s manoeuvre and prevent their impending defeat. And that chance was very hard to spot for a beginner.

For a few minutes, he watched their secret discussions under the table, but came to the sad conclusion that they were totally on the wrong track.

While the two men were brooding over the situation, D-O came zooming in from the main corridor. He gleamed like a piece of lard, and his single wheel whirred smoothly without the tiniest squeak.  
‘Rey’s oil baths must be awesome,’ Ben thought involuntarily, and could not suppress a goofy smile at the pictures that bubbled up in his head.  
D-O headed automatically for his favourite spot under the bench, when he suddenly saw Ben looming in the bunk above, grinning madly. Their eyes met, and that scared the little droid so much that he immediately spun on his wheel – and collided with Chewie’s hairy leg.

_“Whrrraaargh!”_

The Wookiee mewled and tried to shake D-O off, but some of his fur had caught in the droid’s slick cooling vents. After a short struggle and an endless string of _“S-sorry! Sorry!”_ s _,_ D-O managed to free himself and wobbled away as quickly as possible, taking a tuft of hair with him.

Ben shook his head. “I really fucked it up with him, didn’t I?”

“Let’s say, he’s probably not your greatest fan,” grinned Poe. He and Finn had finally made up their minds and he leaned forward to type in their move.

“U-uh.”

Poe sighed, but paused. “What? Supreme Player Ben Solo has a better idea?”

Ben decided to ignore the jibe. “The Monnok. Move him to the inner circle and use its special attack on Grimtaash and K’lor’slug.”

Chewie complained loudly; he did not like Ben handing out advice, especially not this one. But Finn’s face immediately lit up. “Yeah, that’ll rock the boat!”  
He reached over and punched in the move, ignoring Poe who still frowned at the dejarik in confusion.

They all watched in suspense as the tall Monnok strode forth, towards a wormlike creature and a purple monster with a trunk. He lifted his spear, and in a single blow, skewered the pair.

Chewie banged on the table so fiercely that the holomonsters flickered briefly. He was clearly unhappy with this turn of events.  
The men were not impressed by this, though; Finn’s fist shot up in the air, he whooped again, then he turned around and offered Ben a high-five. Ben was taken by surprise at first, but then he accepted it. Even Poe couldn’t keep himself from shouting out loud.

“Ha!”

“Oh come on, Chewie, don’t be a bad loser, the score is still like, what – two hundred to nil?” Finn tried to soothe the Wookiee, who looked on the verge of smashing something. “Plus, we haven’t won this one yet.”

“Is everything alright?!”

Rey had stumbled into the common room, looking worried. She quickly assessed the situation, and when her gaze fell on Ben, he felt her awareness reaching out for his, seeking confirmation that he was okay. He nodded and smiled; despite the pain in his body, a jolt of positive energy flowed through him because of her concern for him.

“Hey Chewie, you’re up?” she turned to the Wookiee, now in a soft voice, and hugged his shoulders. He sulked, but he calmed down. “I thought I heard you shouting and punching something. What made you so unhappy? Did those mean boys cheat?” She pointed at the dejarik.

“Wasn’t us. Really!” Poe raised his hands defensively and indicated at Ben. “That master strategist just taught us a sneaky trick about holographic warfare.”

“It wasn’t sneaky,” Ben protested. “I was only applying the rules. Creatively.”

Rey rolled her eyes, but smiled.

Suddenly, the healing field generator which was still attached to Chewbacca’s side, beeped. In an instant, Finn’s face turned serious again. “You really need to relax and lie down for a bit, mate. You’ve been up far too long already.”

The Wookiee huffed, but at least he complied. While he let Rey help him to his bunk, he still complained quietly and then pointed at the board.

“And miss the chance of finally beating you?” Finn winked. “Of course we won’t turn it off!”

“Ha, I wanna see you turn _this_ one round,” Poe added. Rey turned away from Chewie, pretending to grab a blanket, and cast them a silencing look, ‘Don’t you rile him up!’

But the little device had been right; Chewie was exhausted, and it wasn’t long before he fell asleep, snoring softly.  
Rey looked unhappily towards the cockpit.

“Anything new out there?” Finn asked sympathetically, giving her an excuse to stay a bit longer.

“No, nothing except the –” she faltered, took a deep breath and continued, “– the gas cloud and the occasional ‘debris’. But our path is clear for as far as the scanners can see.”

“Then stay a while and listen to the epic story of how we almost defeated the mighty Chewbacca in a game of dejarik,” said Poe happily and moved aside a little to make room for her.

“With kind support of Ben,” Finn added quickly.

“You do remember what a sore loser he is, right?” Rey asked Ben with raised eyebrows as she sat down. “Unless he was different when you were a kid.”

“No, definitely wasn’t.”

“Still, it was a cool move,” Finn pointed at the monster-shish kebab on the board. “He’ll probably still beat us somehow, but at least he’ll have to work for it this time.”

“As long as you keep your arms in your sockets,” she chuckled.

The three continued to talk about the game for a while, but Ben did not really listen. He was suddenly very cold, and he shivered. The moment passed, and he wondered what that had been. A glance at the climate control panel of his bunk told him that all systems operated normally; there had been no change in temperature whatsoever.

Poe cleared his throat, which caught Ben’s attention, and his voice suddenly became serious.  
“Well, I know it’s still a few days away, but maybe we should start thinking about how we’re going to handle – well, you know. The return of Ben Solo.”

Their playful mood dampened down immediately. Rey cast Ben a look, but when he didn’t say anything, she sighed. “Yeah, I suppose the earlier we start, the better.”

“So, what’s your plan?”

“I told you, I never planned that far ahead,” Rey slowly shook her head and locked eyes with Ben. “Maybe … we could pass you off as my Padawan? A new recruit. Most people only knew Kylo Ren as the man behind a mask, so –”

“No,” Ben’s voice was firm, although alternating waves of heat and coldness suddenly tormented his body. “It would never work. Too many people know my face, so what do you suggest? That I grow a silly moustache, put on glasses and bleach my hair, hoping they won’t recognize me?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Rey said defensively. “I just wanted … I don’t know…”  
‘To not lose you again,’ she thought privately, but did not dare to say it.

“I am not going to run away from the mess I’ve made,” he emphasized. “You run once, you’ll run for the rest of your life. You saw what happened to my mom; she managed to hush up the truth about her real identity for some years. But in the end, it still blew up in her face.”

They all remembered. Leia Organa had been a respected member of the Galactic Senate of the New Republic for years, when the scandalous revelation that she was in fact the daughter of Darth Vader ended her political career overnight.

“I don’t want that,” Ben continued, breathing heavily. Speaking at length exhausted him. “I’d rather face my shit, and either triumph or die trying. No battle was ever won by people who run.”

Poe looked at him, and for the first time, Ben saw genuine respect in the man’s eyes. Not taking the easy way out and trying to build a new life on the basis of a lie, obviously resonated with him. “Alright then, no covering up the truth,” Poe said with finality. “That means we’ll have to take them head-on.”

“Them?” asked Rey with a frown. “Who’s ‘them’ exactly?”

“Basically, the whole galaxy,” Finn answered dryly. “Let’s face it: most people will not like to see Ben alive, and that goes for both our faction and his. They’ll react the same way we did: they won’t believe that he has changed. And you can hardly blame them.”

“But – we’re on your side, and we’re not nobodies,” Poe reassured Rey when he saw her crestfallen face. “I’m pretty sure we can manage to convince a few others as well, and then we’ll just have to dig our heels in and break down barriers as they come.”

“Yeah! Remember Lando when he defended DJ? If we could get him to testify for Ben like this, I bet he could even sweet-talk him out of court-martial,” Finn suggested. “And we still have a few days left to make plans before we hit the civilized world again.”

Ben did not know what to say. Partly, because he was shivering so badly with cold now that his aching ribs clouded his mind, but also because he was just too overwhelmed at their support to find appropriate words for it. Not long ago, he had considered the two men to be a nuisance; now he found that they could be great pals.  
When he looked at Rey, he saw that her eyes had become a little moist, but her face shone with gladness. She was probably thinking along the same line.

But then their eyes met. Her smile vanished, and she frowned deeply. “Ben, are you okay? You’re trembling all over.”

“Just a bit cold,” he said through chattering teeth. It was a blatant lie, and he knew she could feel it clearly over their bond.

Rey got up quickly and snatched the blanket that Chewbacca had refused. She carefully draped it over him and brushed a wet strand of hair from his brow. He hadn’t even noticed how clammy his face was.  
“Holy Force, Ben, you’re burning up,” she whispered, aghast. But then, she regained her composure, and with a forced smile, she tucked the blanket under him and said as calmly as possible, “Try to rest, that will help you heal.”

Ben nodded weakly and closed his eyes. He felt so tired. Sleeping actually sounded like a good idea.

He did not see Rey casting a worried glance at Finn, who understood immediately and without a word.

Ben was getting worse.


	38. Chapter 38

Rey sat on the bench’s backrest and watched over Ben’s restless sleep. He groaned in pain whenever he broke into shivers and rattled his ribcage too much, and his hair clung to his damp face. His breaths were shallow and rapid, but at least he was still breathing, Rey tried to comfort herself.

Deep lines of worry had carved into her face. She reached out to check his temperature; her own hand felt cool against his feverish skin.  
Bracing herself, she closed her eyes and sensed along their bond, careful not to wake him up. Connecting with Ben’s mind had become so easy, so natural since their dyad had aligned fully. But what she now found on his end of the connection worried her greatly.

Ben’s mind was a chaotic mess, a blinding mixture of agony, blazing heat and jumbled, senseless thoughts. Rey retreated quickly, keeping her own mind safely guarded. She hated having to do this; deliberately blocking Ben out did hurt her, but she knew it was the only reasonable thing to do. It didn’t help anyone if she shared in his state and let her consciousness be clouded with his pain. If she were to help him, she needed a cool head.

Rey laughed bitterly. What a pun.

She heard footsteps and saw Finn entering the common room; she had not even noticed him leaving. He scaled the bench, sat down next to her and held out his hand: a hypo-syringe was in it, filled with a clear liquid.

“Antibiotics,” Finn explained quietly when she gave him a questioning look. “From the Athakam unit. I hadn’t bothered to check every medical tank last time, and I figured you probably had not, either. So, I did now. Had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to squeeze out this dose, but it’s better than nothing. It won’t heal him, but it’ll buy him time.”

Rey stared at the syringe in Finn’s hand like she had stared at the sixty portions Unkar Plutt had offered her for BB-8, back on Jakku.  
“Thank you,” she whispered, once she had regained her voice. “Thank you so much, Finn.”

He just smiled warmly. “You know how to use these?”

“Yeah, sure.” Carefully, Rey took the hypo as if it were a priceless antique, pushed up Ben’s sleeve and injected him with the antibiotics. He did not even flinch.

“So now we wait?” Poe muttered, as the two slid down from the backrest and onto the bench next to him.

“Not much more we can do for him,” replied Finn.

“What do you think is wrong with him?” Rey swallowed hard. “Should we maybe move him back to the Athakam?”

Finn sighed. “I don’t think that would help him much, Rey. I checked all the tanks, and apart from some disinfectant, it’s definitely used up now. And as for diagnosis: well, I’m no Athakam, but field medicare is part of a Stormtrooper’s training. My guess is that he has contracted pneumonia.”

Rey’s heart sank. She had been thinking the same; ever since she had brought Ben back from Exegol, he had not been breathing properly to avoid pain to his ribs, but this came at a price now.  
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” she looked at her two friends. “It’s still almost six days, what if he…” She could not bring herself to finish the sentence and stubbornly fought back the tears that threatened to spill.

Finn grabbed her hand. “Hey, we’re not giving in to our fears, remember?” Rey nodded, and squeezed his hand tightly. She was so glad to have her friends at her side; she did not know how she would have coped without their support. “You know what? Six days is a long time, but we can put it to good use. I’ll turn the _Falcon_ upside down; every crate, every cupboard, every secret compartment. Maybe we’ve overlooked something that might help us.”

Instead of an answer, Rey just hugged him hard and also allowed her mind to envelope Finn, conveying her intense feelings of gratitude and friendship.  
“Whoa,” Finn gasped. “That’s … wow! That feels – erm – awesome?”

“Sorry,” she apologized as she let go of him. “I was probably a little over the top.”

“No, no, it was really … a good feeling, very good actually. It’s just, huh, there was so much of it all at once.”

“I am a little envious now, you know?” Poe suddenly piped up.

Rey smiled. “When this is all over, I’ll check the Jedi texts if there’s any way to let you share in this, too.”

“Oh, never mind those dusty books,” he scrunched his nose. “As far as I’m concerned, you may keep your sacred Force; I’d be happy with just the mundane part of the hugs.”

Now Rey had to chuckle. They got up and Poe pulled her into a tight embrace; but then he suddenly lifted her off her feet and spun them round in circles until she was dizzy and actually crying – with laughter.

“There. That’s my Rey,” Poe grinned. “No more singing the blues, okay?”

Rey nodded and wiped the tears off her face. She suddenly felt so much lighter, as if a heavy burden had been taken off her. They would make it. She did not yet know how, but somehow, they would find a way. She was absolutely sure, because she was not alone on this.  
Deep inside of her heart, an old, festering wound finally closed; her friends were with her, her new family. And together, they could overcome anything.

“Can you stay and keep an eye on Ben and Chewie while Finn searches the ship?” she asked Poe, knowing that she could fully entrust them to him. “I have to return to the cockpit. It’s dead boring, but I don’t feel safe leaving the autopilot alone for too long in this cloud.”

“Of course, ma’am,” Poe saluted. “Nurse Dameron is always at your service.”

Rey grinned widely and followed Finn, who had decided to start his search in the medbay. “Hey Finn, you might wanna look out for a nurse cap and apron for Poe while you’re at it.”

Finn snorted.

“Oi! I’m certain I’d look darn good even in that!” Poe called after them playfully. Then he checked on his two patients, but thankfully the ruckus had not woken them.

  
***

  
A few hours later, Poe sat comfortably with his feet on the dejarik table, watching an old holovid he had found on a pad in Chewie’s workbench.  
‘At least, it’s not Wookiee porn,’ he thought as he watched the cheesy romantic comedy, which featured a clumsy human crook who tried to hide from law enforcement in a Mirialan nunnery. There was a lot of singing, and about five minutes into the film, Poe would have already bet his mother’s wedding ring that the guy would end up marrying the beautiful novice.

Chewbacca had woken up once to pay a visit to the bathroom, but apart from that, everything was very quiet in the common room. Occasionally, Poe glanced at Ben, whose condition had improved a little since Rey had given him the antibiotics; his breathing had evened out, and he slept calmly in his bunk.

The film had just finished - of course with the anticipated marriage, accompanied by the singing of the entire cast - when Ben stirred. Poe quickly took his feet off the table, threw the pad onto the bench and looked down the corridor, but Finn was nowhere in sight and Chewie still fast asleep. ‘Excellent,’ he thought and moved over to Ben.

“Hey,” Poe whispered and gently nudged his arm. “Hey, Ben, can you hear me?”

Ben slowly opened his eyes; it took him a moment to come to, but then he looked at him. “Yes,” he croaked.

“Okay. Listen carefully: I know you must feel like poodoo, but you just can’t die on us now,” Poe said urgently. “You have no idea what Rey went through before she got you back, and I won’t have her go through that again. So; I saw with my own eyes how Rey healed a snake on Pasaana in an instant. And she told me that you did the same on Exegol to save her. You Force users can transfer life energy like normal folks transfer blood, correct?”

Ben blinked a few times, but then he nodded vaguely. “Sort of, but –”

“No buts, and no questions,” Poe cut him short and glanced over his shoulder, once more making sure that they were alone. “Okay. Go ahead, take some of my life energy. Not all, ok? Just enough to get you back on your feet.” When Ben just stared at him, he added, “Come on!”

“I can’t.”

“What, you’re suddenly having scruples? I’m offering this willingly, okay?”

“I really can’t, Poe,” Ben emphasized. “Rey and I have tried it before. Must be this nebular, it’s somehow blocking the healing Force.”

The pilot scrutinized his face, searching for a lie. But he found none. With a deep sigh, he raked his hand through his messy hair and slid back down onto the bench.  
“Blast.”

“Thanks for the offer, nevertheless. Appreciate it,” Ben said, and he totally meant it.

“Hm, you’re welcome,” Poe grumbled. “But don’t tell Finn I volunteered!”

Ben cracked a smile, but then his face turned serious again. “Hey, Poe – I’m really sorry about the shit I did to you on the _Finalizer_. Wish I could make it undone.”

“Yeah, well,” Poe shrugged awkwardly. “Tell you what: we make a deal. I’ll forgive you, if you promise to hang on. For Rey.”

“Deal,” Ben murmured.

  
***

  
But when they all gathered for another scarce meal some hours later, Ben’s state had deteriorated again. The fever had returned, and his consciousness was drifting away more and more. And although Rey knew that his body badly needed sustenance, he stubbornly refused to eat anything.

“You must drink, at least,” she insisted softly and tried to coax Ben into drinking some water. His eyes fluttered open, but his gaze was unfocussed. With effort, he took a few sips, but then it got down the wrong throat and a coughing attack shook him.  
White-hot pain seared across their bond, and Rey cried out, clutching her ribs.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Finn quickly caught her around the hip and kept her from tumbling off the bench. “Your connection again?”

Rey just nodded, rubbed her side and took a few deep breaths before she could answer. “Yes, I had accidentally let my guard down for a moment.” She looked unhappily at Ben. His face was taut with pain, and his breathing was ragged.  
“The antibiotics have worn off. Hey BeeBee,” Rey activated the ship’s com. “How long till we clear the nebular?”

From his watch post in the cockpit, BB-8 replied dutifully that they still had one hundred and twenty-six hours, forty-three minutes and twelve seconds of travel time left. Approximately.  
Rey sighed.

“Any luck with your search yet?” Poe asked Finn, but his friend shook his head.

“No. I’ve checked the most likely places: medbay, bathroom, the escape pod. Next will be the cargo compartments. Gonna be tricky, because I don’t know all the little hidey-holes Han had installed. But I hope Chewie can give me some hints on that, right, mate?”

From his bunk, Chewie hollered his assent.

Rey forced herself to smile. She would not surrender to despair; what did it matter that they were clutching at straws. It was all they could –

The proximity alert shrilled loudly.

All three of them immediately jumped to their feet, and Poe’s hand shot to his com. “BeeBee, what the hell –”

BB-8’s excited beeps over the com interrupted him.

“What? Who’s hailing us?” Poe frowned.

 _“Hey sky trash,”_ a female’s cocky voice answered instead of his droid friend. _“What’s takin’ you so long?”_

“Zorii?” Poe whispered in disbelief, but then his face lit up. He whooped joyfully and broke into a run towards the cockpit. “Zorii! Oh, you’re heaven-sent.”

Someone warbled something in Anzellan, and Rey recognized the squeaky voice of Babu Frik, the droid smith and companion of Zorii Bliss she had met on Kijimi. She did not understand his language, but one word she did understand clearly: _Lando._

Finn grabbed Rey’s arm, grinning broadly. “They’ve come for us, Rey! We’re saved!”

He pulled her towards the starboard-side airlock so quickly that she only managed to shout a short “Be right back!” at Chewie over her shoulder. Her heart was beating frantically; was it really true? Had their friends actually found them when everything had seemed lost? It almost sounded too good to be true.

Poe joined them, coming out of the cockpit. His face was glowing with happiness. “Guess what, Lando is here, too! We just talked briefly; the _Lady Luck_ is about to dock with us, then we can talk face to face.”

Right on cue, a soft, metallic _clank_ sounded and the floor shook slightly as the two ships connected. Rey shifted impatiently from one foot to the other, and so did her friends beside her. Finally, the hatch opened with a creak.  
In the linkway, grinning widely, stood Lando, Jannah and Rose.

It was a really joyful reunion and a big hello. Rey almost became dizzy from all the hugging; she was pretty sure that at one point, she had even hugged Finn and Poe like she had not seen them in years. Everyone was talking simultaneously, trying to recount everything they had gone through as fast as possible. Which was quite a lot.

Suddenly, Rey noticed another person in the background: leaning against the _Lady Luck’s_ corridor wall, was Maz Kanata. She calmly watched the jolly scene with a content smile on her lips.  
Rey excused herself and headed for the pirate queen, pulling out the amulet from under her sashes.

She knelt down in front of the small woman, a wry smile on her face, the ELT dangling from her hand. “Sacred Jedi lucky charm?” Rey asked with a raised eyebrow.

Maz snatched it from her and chuckled, “Girl, this little treasure saved my skin many times, just like I said. And it saved yours, too, it appears. So, I’d say I didn’t promise too much.”

Rey laughed and clutched her hands tightly. “You didn’t. Thank you, Maz. For everything.”

The old woman smiled fondly. Then she said, a little quieter, “And I feel you have found what you were looking for on Exegol, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” Rey answered truthfully, not caring whether it had been the Force which had told her, or her instincts, or even the ship’s scanners. “But he’s in very bad shape. I really hope Lando has a better medbay on his ship than we do.”

Readjusting her goggles, Maz blinked at her and laughed. “Oh girl, this is a rescue! You don’t think an old warhorse like Lando is riding into battle without a few aces up his sleeve? Just bring the boy over, I’ll make sure everything is ready for him.”  
And with that, she turned and walked back into the _Lady Luck_ , cheerily spinning around the ‘sacred lucky charm’ on its chain.

‘Fortune comes in so many guises,’ Rey thought, and a feeling of clarity and determination suddenly suffused her; one that had accompanied and sustained her for all of her life, had carried her through so many hardships, and had never abandoned her entirely. It had a name.

Hope.


	39. Chapter 39

“Alright lads, as much as I love chatting about your incredible adventures - but Zorii is already on her way back to inform the Base that we’ve found you, so they can stop arranging our burial ceremonies,” Lando called out over the chattering and looked meaningfully at Poe. “Now, I guess General Dameron has some instructions to give?”

“I do?” stuttered Poe, who was just describing the monstrous Leviathan to Jannah and Rose. “Oh, of course, I do! Erm – Finn,” he grabbed his best friend’s arm, “you take Rose to the engine room. See if you can bring the hyperdrive back online. I’d hate to leave the _Millennium Falcon_ behind.”

“It’ll be fixed in no time at all; we’ve got the Rebel’s best engineer here,” Finn smiled and squeezed Rose’s shoulders amicably. “And she’s already got experience with Exegol’s lightning strikes, right?”

“Lightning strikes again?” Rose groaned in fake frustration. “I won’t fix any more showers, I tell you!”

Poe grinned, but then remembered that he was on duty and quickly adopted an earnest face. “And the rest of us will see to the transport of the injured to _Lady Luck_. I hope you can host two patients?”

“’Course,” Lando nodded. “We’ve been prepped for the worst.”

“Excellent, then let’s move.”

The whole group set in motion. Rey’s eyes suddenly fell on the blaster rifle slung across Jannah’s back, and her breath caught – how would the former Stormtrooper react to seeing Ben in the common room?

“Wait!”

They all stopped and looked at her questioningly.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Rey began slowly. “I don’t know if Maz or Lando have informed you yet, but I set out for Exegol for a certain reason.” She took a deep breath and tried to come up with the right words - but Rose beat her to it.

“You mean Ben?”

Rey stared at her for a moment, too dumbfounded to speak. Finn and Poe traded surprised glances.  
“Uh – yes…”

“Well, Maz has already given us a hell of a briefing in case we should run into Ben Solo here,” Rose continued casually. “She didn’t let anyone aboard without a thorough lecture.”

“Oh yeah,” Jannah affirmed and mimicked Maz’s stern voice, “If anyone feels like opposing Rey’s willingness to give Solo a second chance, better think again. She’s the granddaughter of the Galactic Emperor, and chose an ex-spice runner and a defected Stormtrooper for company – but still, they saved the galaxy. If she now decides to take a former dictator into her ranks, just trust her instincts. If you can’t, this ain’t your trip.”

“See? No worries,” Rose smiled sweetly, and turned into the hallway.

Rey was too shocked to reply, but the others only grinned and followed the little technician.  
“Come on,” Finn nudged her gently, “let’s just be glad they’re not putting up a fight like Poe and I did, huh?”

“Zorii might, though,” Lando whispered quietly. “She’s still bearing Ben a huge grudge because of Kijimi. It’ll take more than Maz’s words to pacify her, I’m afraid.”

“I’ll talk to her,” Poe offered immediately. “I think I can win her over.”

“Hopefully she’ll listen. It was hard enough to convince her to leave us here while he’s around, but the Base has to be informed. You cannot hide the fact that all top leaders have vanished for long. We’ve put up some smoke screens; only a handful of people know what’s really going on. But the sooner we return with you, the better.”

“Right,” Poe sighed, and Rey could see how the prospect of returning to a committee bombarding him with questions about these happenings weighed him down. Some part of him had clearly enjoyed just being a rash pilot again for a while, whose only problems were to hold his ship together and stay alive.

When they reached the common room, Rey saw that Chewie had managed to sit up on his own. The moment he saw Lando, he gave some happy, throaty gurgles. The old smuggler approached him, arms spread wide.

“Chewie, old chap! What’ve they done to you this time?” He patted his back carefully while he listened to the Wookiee’s wails.

Rey’s attention shifted away from the two old friends, and towards Jannah and Rose. Rose had waved at Chewie, but had then followed Jannah, who had immediately walked towards the bunk Ben was lying in. He was unconscious, his face pale and clammy, and his breathing was laboured.

Jannah regarded him in silence for a long moment; it started to make Rey a bit uneasy. Involuntarily, her fingers flexed at her side.  
But then, Jannah turned away from Ben. “I had never seen our Supreme Leader that close before. He always looked bigger from afar.” Rose giggled.

“Princess, would you come over and help Poe with Chewie? I think he needs a hand,” Lando called for her. Jannah handed him her rifle and slung Chewbacca’s left arm over her shoulder, while Poe was jammed under his right.  
“You’re ready?” Poe blew a strand of fur out of his face. “Then let’s move him over to _Lady Luck_.”

Together, the three of them shuffled out of the common room.

“The engine room’s this way,” Finn motioned towards the other corridor. Before Rose followed him, she leaned in closely to Rey and whispered, “I think he’s quite cute, without the helmet.”

Rey smiled at her and watched her friends leave, chatting animatedly about the hyperdrive and the repairs they had already attempted. Then she was alone with Lando and Ben.  
The acclaimed war hero stood at Ben’s side, felt his temperature and watched him with concern.  
“Oh, kiddo, you really don’t look well,” he murmured, and something clenched in Rey’s stomach at this unusual term of endearment. It reminded her that Lando had known Ben since his birth, long before the dark side had corrupted him. That he had been part of his family.

“We ran out of medication,” Rey explained feebly, in a desperate need to apologize for Ben’s poor state.

Faint thumps coming down the main corridor suddenly caught their attention. The first thing that came into view was a hovergurney, followed by a humanoid droid which Rey recognized as an older 2-1B model.  
When he reached the common room, he stopped and said calmly, “EM-32, by command of Counsellor Kanata, at your service. Please state the nature of the medical emergency.”

“Em,” Lando greeted the medical droid, “perfect timing! This is your patient.” He pointed at Ben. “We need to transfer him to _Lady Luck_ immediately.”

EM-32 went over to them and quickly assessed Ben. “Affirmative,” he said in his pleasantly deep, soothing voice. “Please describe what has happened to the patient while I move him to the stretcher.”

“I can help you,” Rey interjected and stepped forward. The droid’s servogrip pincers looked a lot more like something you would find on a torture droid than on a medical orderly; she could think of a much easier and painless way.  
With practiced accuracy, Rey used the Force to float Ben onto the stretcher, mindful not to jostle his injured torso.

“He has several broken ribs, and since this morning he has suffered from sudden chills, severe fever and breathing difficulties. We think it might be pneumonia.” Then she remembered something. “Oh, we have a full diagnostic analysis of him from an Athakam Med Unit, if it helps.”

“That would be highly appreciated,” EM-32 replied dutifully. “Please transmit the report to _Lady Luck_.”

And with that, he herded the hovergurney out of the common room, Rey and Lando in tail.

“Do you think this old model is still up to the job?” Rey asked quietly as they followed the droid at a discreet distance. “He sounds more like a protocol droid, what with all his good manners.”

“Em? He’s the best, don’t worry,” Lando patted her shoulder. “Major Kalonia had requested to come with us personally, but she was needed on the Base. And we simply couldn’t afford to have any more commanders gone, so this was our compromise.”

When Rey didn’t answer immediately, he added, “Ben is in good hands, Rey. Em will do everything in his power to keep him alive; it’s in his programming. And, in contrast to humans, he doesn’t bear grudges. That’s a plus, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she admitted, and decided to trust the old smuggler’s words. After all, dealing with used and cobbled-together makeshifts had been the story of her life. Having something shiny and new for once would have broken a tradition.

They reached the junction at the airlock. “Will you stay with him?” Rey asked with a look at Ben, and pointed towards number three hold. “I just need to go and send over that report.”

“Sure,” Lando smiled. “See you over in my ship.”

  
***

  
‘Speaking about shiny,’ Rey marvelled as she stepped aboard Lando’s yacht a few minutes later. The _Lady Luck_ was a lavish luxury starship; in contrast to this, the _Falcon_ in her back looked even crappier.

The ship’s interior was completely panelled with rare laroon wood. Hundreds of tiny overhead spots provided a soft ambient lighting, and everything was spotless and neat. At the far end of the long, straight corridor, Rey caught a glimpse of the bridge; even the two pilot seats were upholstered with fine, red velvet.

She entered a sumptuous dining area with conform-couches and real plants. A transparisteel staircase spiralled upwards, so light and airy as if it were floating. The only thing that seemed out of place was a half-eaten bowl of cheap instant noodle soup that had been carelessly left on one of the polished tables.

Kanata’s voice suddenly drifted over from a cabin to her left, sounding agitated. Rey peeked inside curiously and had to clasp her hand in front of her mouth not to laugh out loud.  
The luxurious cabin was all black and white, from the curved queen-sized bed to the bizarre painting on the wall. A huge chandelier dangled from the ceiling and its sparkle reflected in the viewport that stretched from floor to ceiling. The cabin was worthy of a nobleman - but lying between the fluffy pillows, shaggy and ruffled, was Chewbacca.

Maz was mothering him, fluffing up the pillows and readjusting the lights. All the while, she muttered incessantly about how unfair life was to always target the big ones; it seemed to embarrass the Wookiee somewhat, especially since Poe was lounging in an armchair with a big grin on his face whenever Maz called Chewie her ‘boyfriend’.

‘At least he’s recovering,’ Rey thought gratefully, and tiptoed to the only other cabin with an open door.

This cabin was even larger, but Rey did not waste a single glance on its pompous style: Her eyes found Ben, lying peacefully on the king-sized bed, and a wave of relief washed over her. Until she suddenly realized that he was clad in nothing but a semi-transparent flexpoly suit. Slightly embarrassed, she turned her head away.

EM-32 was calmly adjusting the status sensors that were connected to the sturdy shoulder collar, when Lando noticed her.

“Rey,” his face immediately broke into a smile. “Come on in. Ben’s asleep, Em has just finished his treatment. Right, Em?”

The droid looked at Lando for a second, then straightened up and turned to the door. “Indeed,” he said smoothly. “I shall check on him again later, after I have tended to the Wookiee.”

“Wow,” Rey said as she watched him leave. “He can understand insinuations?”

“Told you he’s the best,” he winked. “Being old isn’t always negative, you know. Experience can pay off. Now, since we’ll probably have to kill some time before Rose has fixed the hyperdrive: care for a drink?”

Lando touched a mirrored panel on the wall, and it slid apart to reveal a colourful minibar.

“I don’t, erm … I’m not a big fan of alcohol,” Rey said evasively. She still remembered her last encounter with strong liquor too well.

“That’s alright. Then I’ll make you a Carbon Freeze; it’s alcohol-free, but I promise you’ll love it! It’s Jannah’s favourite drink. She doesn’t care for spirits either.”

“Really? Alright, I’ll give it a try.”

While Lando busied himself at the bar, Rey walked over to Ben and carefully sat down beside him on the enormous bed. Gently, she took up his hand in her own; his skin still felt too warm, but his wheezing breath, which had scared her more than any Leviathan, had turned calm and even. He was fast asleep.  
Unable to resist, Rey closed her eyes and reached out for Ben’s awareness. She found it shrouded in the familiar fog of painkillers, and decided not to try and push it this time. He needed rest.

“Is it me, or did I hear a cocktail shaker in here?”

Rey’s eyes shot open, and she saw Poe peeping through the doorway.

“Your ears didn’t fool you, General,” Lando smiled and beckoned him in. “Since we have some leisure time now, I was hoping Rey might tell me in more detail what had happened that made you all vanish so suddenly. And a dry throat is a poor storyteller. Here you go, love.”

With an elegant bow, the old scoundrel handed her a tall glass. Green spheres drifted through a yellow liquid, and it smoked slightly. “Wow,” Rey gazed at the flashy cocktail. “Ah, is it safe to drink? Or shall I wait until it has stopped smoking?”

“It’s perfectly safe,” he laughed. “And for you, Poe?”

“Just a plain starfire ’skee, if you have,” the young man said and took a seat in an armchair. “No fancy stuff.”

“As you please.”

And then, Rey and Poe began to tell their whole adventure, from her rash departure and the strange events on Exegol, to their escape from the Leviathan. Maz and Jannah joined them at some point, listening in silence.

“Unbelievable,” Lando murmured when they had finished. “What a unique adventure. Wish I had been there.”

“It probably sounds cooler than it was to really be there,” Rey shrugged and sipped her cocktail. She had been suspicious about the green bits at first, but they tasted delightfully fruity.

_“Oh my god!”_

Finn’s high-pitched scream suddenly rang out to them from the corridor. Seconds later, he stood in the doorway, eyes wide in amazement. “Did you see that? There’s a Gourmet Master 500 in the galley over there! Can you believe it? It’s the finest automated food processor in the whole galaxy! In the First Order, only the highest-ranking officers had –”

“Finn,” Poe cut over him. “Honestly? You’ve scared the poodoo out of me with your yelling, just because of a kriffin’ _microwave_ _?_ I nearly spilled my drink!”

“Well, um, sorry ’bout that,” Finn muttered sheepishly. “It’s just, food was pretty rudimentary over at the _Falcon_ , you know. But actually, I came here to tell you that Rose has finished the repairs. We’re ready to race back home.”

Rey snickered; the two friends’ bickering would never stop making her crack up, no matter what the situation.  
“That’s fantastic news,” she said. “I knew Rose could do it! So, we punch it right now?”

Finn glanced longingly at Poe’s drink, but nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

“Wait - what do you say about this: We bring Rose over here and enjoy a little dinner together. This won’t take any longer than we need to get out of the nebular at top speed,” Lando suggested. “We wouldn’t lose any time, but we could enjoy a lovely meal and some good company.”

Rey saw the twinkle in his eyes, and admired the old smuggler for his quick-wittedness; his suggestion was worthy of Solomon.

Poe looked around the room and found no objection in anyone’s face. With a grin, he raised his glass towards Lando.

„You heard the boss.”


	40. Chapter 40

Rey stood on _Lady Luck’s_ gangplank and deeply breathed in the cool early-morning air. After the desolate red nebular, the lush green rainforest of Ajan Kloss was like a soothing balm to her soul. The approaching dawn painted the sky in pink and orange, and a many-voiced chirping rose from the leafy canopy despite the early hour.

Although the base had still seemed largely asleep, they had touched down on a secluded landing spot, some distance away from the main port.

A flock of birds suddenly took flight from a maroola tree at the fringe of the landing spot, and Rey saw the unsteady beam of a helmet lamp cutting through the dark undergrowth. It was Zorii Bliss, accompanied by Babu Frik, piloting a small hoverpod. With concern, Rey’s eyes wandered to the pair of blaster pistols that proudly adorned her thighs.

“Zorii!”

Poe ran past Rey and down the gangplank. For a moment it looked like he might seriously try to fling his arms around the leader of the Spice Runners – but then he came to his senses and stopped an arm’s length from her. He awkwardly ran a hand through his messy hair, and Rey saw that they were talking, but they were too far away to hear anything.

From inside the ship, Lando stepped up to Rey.  
“I have just spoken to Major Kalonia,” he said quietly. “Here’s the plan: you and Poe will go to headquarters, as will Finn and Rose, once they’ve arrived with the _Falcon_. The return of the High Command will certainly cause quite a stir, which provides us exactly with the distraction we need to smuggle Ben discreetly off my ship. Harter is preparing a closed-off area in the hospital ward as we speak.”

Suddenly, two hearts warred in Rey’s chest. The fiercely protective guardian in her loathed the idea of not being with Ben, of leaving him in the care of anyone else but her. But the cooler, more reasonable voice in her head knew that this was a good plan, and that she could absolutely trust Lando to keep Ben safe.  
Rey cast a look at Zorii again. At her blaster pistols. And then, at Lando. The old smuggler was watching her, and for once, his eyes did not twinkle with mischief. He didn’t say a word, but Rey saw that he understood exactly what was going on inside of her. That she had to make a decision, either to trust her friends, or walk the path of the lone warrior again.

“Okay,” she sighed after a moment. “We’ll draw away their attention.”

Lando nodded, pride and relief on his face. “Me and Jannah will be leaving Ajan Kloss shortly afterwards, but Em stays with Ben the whole time. And if you don’t mind an advice: for now, Major Kalonia is the only one from Base who knows about Ben’s presence here; better keep it that way.”

“I will.”

“And keep an eye on Zorii,” he added even quieter. “The destruction of Kijimi weighs heavily on her, you can see that even through her helmet.”

“I hope Poe can sway her,” Rey whispered. She did not even want to imagine what might happen otherwise.  
With mixed feelings, she walked down the gangplank towards Poe. “Hey, Zorii,” she greeted the woman in her trademark burgundy suit. “Hello Babu. Are you our escort to headquarters?”

“We’re your welcoming committee, yes.”

“Let’s not keep them waiting then,” Rey said, but turned back to Lando once more. “Thanks again for your hospitality. I guess I’ll have to schedule some extra training for Finn to work off that dinner.”

“It was all my pleasure,” Lando smiled. “It’s not every day I see someone finish off three portions of chantilly crème after a full meal, unless he’s a Hutt. Oh, and Zorii: whenever we’re around, you can always drop by again for another pool party.”

Poe’s jaw dropped. “Pool party? Zorii was _in_ your pool – like, without armour?” He took a step towards Lando, asking eagerly, “What’s she like beneath that suit?”

Lando’s smile widened, but before he could possibly say anything, a warning _“Dameron!”_ came from Zorii.

“Oh come on, we’ve been running the spice lanes together for how long?” Poe complained. “But we never once got to see you in a bikini – right, Babu?” The diminutive Anzellan cackled a laugh and answered something in his strange language. “Exactly!” Poe nodded vigorously.

“And you never will,” Zorii shrugged, unfazed.

“Come on, let’s go to headquarters,” Rey tugged at his vest. “Finn and Rose will have arrived with the _Falcon_ by now, it’s about time we meet up with them.”

Reluctantly, Poe followed the two women and Babu, but then he turned and motioned Lando a silent ‘call you later’-sign.

  
***

  
Returning to headquarters had been surprisingly okay. People were not half as mad as they were relieved to see them, and Rey had wisely kept in the background, letting Poe and Finn do most of the talking.  
Her thoughts always drifted to Ben no matter how hard she tried to focus; had everything gone alright? Had Lando managed to smuggle Ben off his ship without anybody noticing? Well probably; otherwise, they would surely have heard the shots up to here.

After two hours, Rey could not stand it anymore. She needed to know for sure.

She excused herself, claiming she wanted to check on Chewbacca, and left the meeting room as inconspicuously as possible. But just as she left the elevator, Rose suddenly came running after her.

“Rey, wait!” the little technician called out.

She stopped impatiently and waited for her friend. “What’s up, Rose?”

“There’s something I haven’t told you yet,” Rose said with a sad face, slightly out of breath. “But when you go to the hospital ward, you’ll find out anyways, so I think I’d better tell you now.”

Rey frowned, a dark premonition rising in her. “Tell me what?”

“It’s about Hadeen. You remember Hadeen, right?”

“Sure, your colleague.”

“The one who has an eye on you, more precisely.”

“Yeah, ok. So?” Rey felt slightly embarrassed.

“He was repairing the holoprojector in HQ, that morning when BB-8 barged into the meeting. Hadeen overheard what he told Poe about you having gone to Exegol, and since he’d missed out on the action the first time, he obviously thought it was either now or never to rescue you,” Rose explained. “He stole an A-wing and took off, head over heels. But he didn’t even make it to the nebular, he’d miss-calculated the course. It took the Rebels a while to find him, adrift and half-dead. He was badly dehydrated, and by the time they recovered him, he had run out of oxygen for a short while.”

Rey felt like she had been doused with ice water. She stared at her friend, almost unable to follow the tragic story she was telling her.

“He is in the hospital ward now, but he’s in a coma. They are not sure if he’ll make it,” Rose finished gloomily.

As if in trance, Rey turned and broke into a run. She did not hear Rose calling after her anymore, and she did not care that people gave her strange looks; guilt and fear had reduced her sight to a tunnel vision, the same rueful thoughts repeating in her mind over and over.  
‘I should have told him, I should have turned him down, why didn’t I think that he might try something stupid to get my attention…’

Rey burst into the hospital ward. There was no medical staff present; normally, that would have puzzled her, but at the moment, she did not waste a single thought on it. Fear and worry still clutched her heart, her own breath sounding overly loud in her ears.

In the far corner, she saw that a veiled isolation ward had been set up. A bright red biohazard-sign warned everyone to stay away. So, Lando had made it; Ben was here, in safety.  
Then her eyes fell onto the only other occupied bed, and her heart skipped a beat.

She almost did not recognize Hadeen. His once youthful face was grey and sunken, and he was connected to so many tubes, cables and machines that it reminded her for a terrible second of her grandfather, strapped into that cybernetic harness on Exegol.

Slowly, Rey stepped to his bedside and glanced at the status monitor above his head. She did not know all of the technical terms on it, but you did not have to be a doctor to see that all vital signs were down in the critical range.  
‘I’m so sorry, Hadeen,’ she thought bitterly. ‘But I’ll make it up to you.’

Rey reached out, put her hands to either side of his head, and closed her eyes. She knew that the jungle outside was teeming with life, but this was her responsibility, and hers alone. So, she reached for the Force inside herself, gathering energy from the pool of light at her core, her own vitality, and let some of it flow into the young man.

His eyes fluttered; but although he remained unconscious, Rey felt how his body began to regenerate. Darkened regions in his brain flared up, neural networks formed new, re-joined. His heartbeat strengthened, and slowly, a rosy complexion returned to his skin.

Rey swayed slightly with exhaustion and took a few deep breaths. Then she checked the monitor again: one by one, his vital parameters slowly inched out of critical and up towards the green range.

“Please be well again, Hadeen,” she whispered shakily and stroked his hair. “I’m so sorry, I should have told you how I felt about you.”  
A tear ran down her cheek, and she snivelled quietly.

Suddenly, the door opened, and Twylope Nur entered the hospital wing with a food box in his claws, cheerfully humming a song. When the Mohsenian field medic saw Rey, he stopped abruptly.  
“Oh, Master Skywalker! What a nice surprise. I have just grabbed some breakfast to go; I’m the only one on early shift this morning, so I didn’t want to leave my patients alone too long. Would you like some herbal tea?” he babbled away and began to unpack the box on an empty gurney. “I heard you’ve just returned, how was your journey? Did you have a pleasant trip?”

His large, black eyes rested on her, and Rey felt a sudden urge to bolt. Why, of all people, did she have to run into the biggest gossiper on the whole base?

“Erm, thanks, yeah, I’m good. I mean, it’s good to be back,” she stuttered, and furtively brushed away the tear. That did not go unnoticed, of course.

“Oh, poor thing; you’ve come to visit Hadeen, hm?” Twylope asked compassionately. “It’s such a tragedy. Snatched himself a ship - I heard it was a flawed one, but he didn’t know that when he took it, of course - and then jumped all across places he’d never wanted to go to, right until –”

Suddenly, he stopped. His long snout quivered, and he cocked his furry, grey head. “What’s that smell?” He quickly strode to Hadeen’s bed, but instead of looking at the monitor, he leaned in and sniffed intensely.

“It’s a miracle!” he squealed excitedly. “He is improving! Did you do this? What did you do? Oh, quickly, we must tell headquarters immediately. They will be _so_ thrilled.”

He grabbed Rey’s wrist and practically dragged her with him. She cast a longing glance at the isolation ward but knew that there was no way that she could persuade Twylope to leave without her. He was way too curious about what she had done.  
Still, the attentive Mohsenian noticed her look.

“Ah, you don’t have to be afraid for your health,” he said soothingly. “It’s nothing lethal over there, just a case of Bakuran fever bumps on a noble who arrived this morning. Understandably, she doesn’t want to be seen in this state, hence the charade.” He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Major Kalonia said she looks like a crumble cake with all those welts in her face,” he giggled.

‘Clever ruse of Harter,’ Rey had to admit.  
“Poor girl,” she said as they left the hospital ward. “Let’s hope she’ll recover, like Hadeen.”

  
***

  
It was so good not to be in pain for once, Ben thought blearily when he slowly came to his senses. Experimentally, he tried to move his torso and was rewarded with a strange rustling sound. He carefully cracked an eye open and looked down at himself.  
‘Oh, a bacta suit. Neat,’ he thought. ‘Not as good as an IT-droid, but at least they haven’t dumped me into one of those antiquated diaper tanks.’

Ben looked around and was thoroughly startled when he found that he was not on the _Millennium Falcon_ anymore. He was in a veiled-off cubicle, all alone except for an old 2-1B medical droid which was plugged into the recharger at his bedside.

Reacting purely on instinct, he reached out for his connection with Rey – and gasped. Distress and concern slammed into him, and not a second later, a door nearby hissed open and he felt her presence rushing into the room behind the curtain.

‘Don’t worry, I’m alright, I’m here,’ Ben immediately tried to soothe her, but her mind was too distraught to even notice his tender contact.

He was about to get up and tell her in person, when he suddenly felt something that made him freeze in place. Rey’s mind was focussed on somebody else; another man. As if through his own eyes, he saw her approach a medbed, and then he felt the energy in the room change. She was offering up some of her own life Force to heal his injuries.  
And moreover, he felt a confusing, jumbled mix of guilt, compassion and tenderness amidst the tiredness that Force healing brought along.

“Please be well again, Hadeen,” Ben heard Rey sob as she gently stroked the man’s hair. “I’m so sorry, I should have told you how I felt about you.”

Jealousy flared up in him, white-hot, leaving him trembling with rage. It took all of his self-control to keep it from roaring over their bond and contain it behind the mental shield he had raised hastily.

Who the frick was _Hadeen?_ Rey had never spoken about anyone by that name.

‘Calm down, idiot,’ Ben adamantly tried to curb his rampant imagination. ‘This could just be a big misunderstanding. Don’t jump to conclusions.’

Still seething, he silently followed the arrival of another person, a talky medic obviously; his comments were quite revealing. Now Ben knew a little more about this Hadeen - that he was a crappy pilot, for example.  
Right before Rey left with the doctor, he felt her thoughts brushing against his; but he kept his mind firmly closed and played unconscious.

Then they were gone, and he was alone. With _Hadeen_.

Gritting his teeth, Ben pushed himself off the medbed. The bacta suit rustled and squeaked, and he suddenly felt like a turkey wrapped into a roasting bag. The obnoxious sounds grated on his already strung-out nerves so much, that he almost wrenched the suit from his body in his anger.

At least his ankle caused no more problems when he stepped towards the partition and pushed it aside forcefully.

There he lay. Rosy and asleep, brimming with Rey’s life Force.

Ben approached the unconscious man and eyed him up and down. He was his complete opposite. Skinny, blonde, the only blemish on his face being laughter lines. ‘And I bet his eyes are as blue as the bum of a blasted Chiss,’ Ben thought acidly.

Still, he burned to know if his suspicions were true, so he carefully extended a hand towards the other man’s face. ‘Just a glimpse, no need to hurt him yet,’ he reminded himself.

Holy Force, his emotions were – so familiar! As fundamentally different as Hadeen’s appearance was from Ben’s, their feelings for Rey were nearly identical. Memories of Rey flashed by, mostly just fleeting glimpses of her from afar, but there were one or two precious moments where they had talked briefly to each other – and permeating all of them, was an innocent, genuine love.

Ben lowered his hand. The furiously jealous beast inside of him had calmed a bit; Hadeen was no imminent threat. A potential rival, yes, and certainly a factor to be considered in the future, but he had not yet laid any claims to Rey’s heart. Not yet.  
Ben had promised Rey not to push her when it came to the nature of their relationship. But he could not just sit there and wait for a guy like Hadeen to beat him to it, either. He sighed. If only he were as bold as Han when it came to wooing a woman.

Lost in thought, he returned to the isolation ward, pulled the partition closed again and lay back on his bed.

  
Behind him, EM-32 discreetly reengaged the safety on the remote-controlled neural interrupter, which he had implanted subcutaneously into Ben aboard _Lady Luck_.

He had his orders.

To nurse, to protect, and to do as the Master commanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And _that’s_ for all of you who have been thinking that, since we’re down to four chapters, nothing is really going to happen anymore. 😜  
> But still: four more chapters only!! I’ll admit I am a little torn between relief and sadness.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace for the 'three magic words' to happen in this chapter - very unexpectedly!

“If you’ll just sign here, please.”  
Lieutenant Chireen held out a data pad to Rey, and she put her signature below the long list of goods the quartermaster had assigned to the _Millennium Falcon_ : Engine spare parts, food, medication, two four-missile magazines, and a frying pan.

“Thank you so much,” said Rey. “I know that everything is in short supply in the Resistance, and this is such a lot of gear.”

“I believe it’s well invested,” he smiled and walked back to headquarters. He passed a couple of cargo handlers, who roughly hauled a large container across the _Falcon’s_ gangplank. “Careful with these, that’s explosives,” he rebuked them, and the men instantly handled the load with more care.

Rey watched as they carried the last crates and boxes inside her home. Chewbacca appeared, his arm in a sling. He waved at Rey, holding something tiny in his good paw.

“My comlink,” Rey realized with surprise and felt her trouser pocket; she had left it inside again.  
“Who is it?”

Chewie purred and chucked it to her.

“Major Kalonia?”

 _“Rey,”_ the doctor’s calm voice came over the little device. _“Can you speak freely?”_

“Yes.”

_“Your patient is fit enough to be moved. Please come over to escort him, just in case.”_

“I’ll be right there.”

She looked at her friend, but the Wookiee only gave her a little nod and returned into their ship, closing the gangplank behind him.

Rey did not take the most direct way to the hospital ward, but carefully avoided the busier parts of the base. When she reached the barracks that housed the Resistance’s infirmary, Major Kalonia already stood in front of the entrance, looking tense.

“Ah, good, there you are,” the tall woman said quietly when she saw Rey. “Shift change is due in about five minutes, better be gone by then. Your getaway vehicle is waiting for you at the backdoor.”

“Okay, we’ll hurry,” Rey nodded and was about to walk past the Major when she caught her arm.

“Please be careful,” Harter said with genuine concern. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Rey understood her concern, but she had no time to explain now that it was unnecessary. “I’ll take care, everything will be alright. Don’t worry.”

Harter nodded slowly and let her go. “Good luck.”

Rey quickly slipped into the hospital ward and went straight to the isolation cubicle. She reached for the partition, but suddenly, a voice made her spin around.

“Rey?”

Hadeen’s voice was just a weak, hoarse whisper, but he was conscious.

“Hadeen… it’s … it’s so good to see you’re better,” she stuttered in surprise, “and I really wish I had more time, but –”

“I saw you,” he breathed, and the wistful look in his eyes cut into Rey’s heart. “In my dream. You saved me. Our souls touched. But Twylope said it was no dream?”

“Ah, well no, it wasn’t. But I can’t explain this now, Hadeen, I need to –”

“I love you.”

His honesty hit her like a missile, and Rey suddenly had a fat lump in her throat.  
It would be too cruel to just bolt now and leave him without an explanation for what he had experienced; but she was running out of time. Weren’t there already muffled voices in front of the door?

With a harsh scraping sound, the partitioner behind her was suddenly pushed aside and Ben stepped out, clad in well-worn jungle gear. ‘He must have been waiting behind it, listening to us all along,’ Rey thought with a jolt.

“Rey. We need to leave.” Ben’s dark voice was quiet, but firm. He stood so closely behind her that she could feel his chest touching her back.

“Now.”

Without waiting for her answer, he put his hand on her upper arm and, gently but determinedly, steered her towards the rear exit. She caught a last glimpse of Hadeen, whose eyes were popping out of his head with fear. He must have recognized Ben.

“Why did you do this?” Rey hissed when they were out of earshot. “He was not supposed to see you, nobody must know you’re even here.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Rey felt that he was hiding something from her. His mind was shielded in too many extra places; but now, there were definitely voices coming from the main entrance: Major Kalonia made a loud and wordy handover to her colleague.

Ducking and in complete silence, Ben and Rey sneaked out of the backdoor.

The rainforest’s afternoon heat greeted them, and Rey was relieved to see that they were alone – except for Maz Kanata, who sat at the controls of her ancient antigrav cart.

 _“That’s_ our getaway vehicle?” Rey gasped in horror. She remembered well how she had Force-carried the rusty, old bucket all the way to Kanata’s ship when its repulsorlift had conked out.

“Girl, this trusty, old fellow has seen many adventures in its lifetime, and this won’t be the last,” Maz said confidently. “I had it repaired, it’s as good as new. Hop in, and hide the boy among the equipment.”

Ben just shrugged and then lay down on the loading space. Rey clambered up as well, covered him with a tarp and began to rearrange the rest of the cargo to hide him properly.

 _‘Are you okay? Can you still breathe?’_ she asked over their bond.

_‘I’m good.’_

His answer was short and neutral, but she felt that it was not entirely honest. Rey let her hand rest on the cover as if by chance, where she knew his shoulder was beneath.

“Do you know the way?” she asked Maz, as the pirate queen set the craft in motion with a jerk.

“Finn has given me coordinates. We’ll take a little detour, but we should be there well before sundown. Just make sure we don’t lose any of your gear.”

It was a good piece of advice, since the rumbling and shaking of the cart’s antigrav threatened to throw off the items at the edges. Rey inspected them closer as she gathered them up and fastened them as best as she could.  
There were food rations, water, some blankets and a self-inflating mattress. In a bag, she found some clothes and an old mosquito net. The survival gear was worn, but still functional.

“Going on a camping trip?”

Rey looked up, startled. They were just passing a landing spot where several X-wings were parked. A Mythrol in a brown technician’s suit, the one she had seen with Hadeen, disconnected a heavy refuelling hose from one of the fighters, flung it over his shoulder, and came over to them. Maz halted politely, and Rey quickly checked that Ben was still completely hidden under the tarp. That was just what she needed now - for him to be discovered because of a boot peeping out!

“Need a drop of rippinnium? My own recipe. Would even turn that old chooba into a podracer.” The Mythrol eyed the ancient thing; then his gaze travelled over the crammed load bed, and to Rey. His eyes lingered on her, and she felt a nervous blush starting to creep up her face.  
‘For frag’s sake, get a grip, Rey!’ she cursed herself inwardly. Ben must not be discovered; but what could she do if he was? She could not start a fight, not here – not against her own people. Would a mind trick work on Mythrols?

“That’s very generous of you, Junn. But I’m afraid this classic is a lot too old for experimental concoctions,” Maz smiled and patted her cart lovingly. “We’ll simply take our time; that’s the whole point of going on a camping trip, after all.”

“Well, suit yourself,” he hoisted the hose higher, but then stopped again and addressed Rey. “Ma’am? I’d like to thank you for what you did for our Hadeen. We all owe you, and Junn Gobint never forgets another’s generosity.”  
He nodded briefly and then headed back towards the X-wings. Rey took a deep, relieved breath.

“As gruffy as Mythrols can be,” Maz hummed and set her vehicle in motion again, “they have their hearts in the right place.”

They left the outer perimeter of the base camp and entered the verdant jungle world. Rey ducked down to avoid some low-hanging vines, when she suddenly felt the familiar sensation of Ben’s awareness reaching out for hers. Glad that he was finally willing to talk, she closed her eyes and opened up her mind to him.

_‘Rey… what's with this Hadeen everyone keeps talking about?’_

Ben’s voice in her head was calm and controlled; she felt an underlying quiver, but at least he let her share it.

 _‘He’s one of Rose’s ground technicians,’_ she answered. _‘She had told me that he had an eye on me, but I ignored it because I was too busy finding you.’_

 _‘She is right’_ , Ben said after a moment, and the memory of Hadeen’s confession echoed over their bond. The three magic words.

_‘I know. It was wrong of me to ignore him, to not take his devotion seriously enough. After I had gone to Exegol, he was so desperate that he stole a ship and tried to follow me. He nearly died as a result.’_

Guilt welled up in Rey, and she did not attempt to hide it from Ben.

_‘Don't, Rey. You couldn’t possibly have foreseen that he would take such extreme action when he had only adored you from afar before.’_

This made Rey frown. _‘How do you know this?’_

She felt him flinch, as if he suddenly realized he had said something he should not have.

_‘Ben?’_

Silence.

 _‘Ben, what did you do?’_ Worry began to bubble up in her.

 _‘I looked into his mind,’_ he grudgingly admitted. _‘But there’s no need to worry. I didn’t hurt him.’_

_‘But why did you do this?’_

Again, Ben did not answer right away.  
_‘What did you mean when you said that you should have told him about your feelings?’_

And finally, Rey understood what was gnawing at him.

_‘I should have told him to put that idea right out of his mind. I know Rose only meant well when she tried to set us up; maybe she thought dating would cheer me up after I’d lost you, and Hadeen is probably very nice boyfriend material. But I was never interested, and if I had only told him that, he might not have risked his life in a reckless rescue attempt.’_

The change was immediate. Rey was a little surprised that Ben, who had kept his initial jealousy of Finn such a secret, now openly allowed her to feel the relief and elation her words caused in him. She smiled, and then she felt Ben sliding up his hand under the tarp until their palms touched through the fabric.  
For a moment, they simply enjoyed the calm, unclouded harmony of understanding.

 _‘You know, maybe he would have done it nevertheless,’_ Ben mused, and there was a hint of mischief in his thoughts. _‘It seems you have a talent for inspiring men to jump into their ships and follow you to Exegol.’_

Rey laughed out loud.  
Maz turned around and looked at her quizzically, but when she saw Rey’s hand resting on the tarp and the ghost of another hand beneath it, she just smiled and turned her attention back to the narrow trail they were on.  
  


In spite of Rey’s fears, Maz was right: the old cart rattled and groaned, but it did not break down. About two hours later, Rey recognized her surroundings again; they were approaching the training parcourse. The ancient gravdrive whined and protested when Maz steered it up the rising slope towards the drill ground, and Rey was very relieved when they reached the plateau intact. She got off with shaky bones.

“Let’s unload everything quickly. I want to be back home before dark; I’ve invited my boyfriend over for dinner,” Maz chuckled, hopped off the cart with an ease her age did not suggest and grabbed some of their gear.

“Hey, did you survive the bumpy ride?” Rey asked gently as she peeled a rather rumpled Ben from his hiding place and helped him up.

“Mostly,” he groaned and rolled his shoulders, but his eyes were radiant when he looked at her. Then he surveyed his surroundings: A rocky plateau at treetop level with a single access path and a small, natural cave. “My new home?”

“For now,” Rey smiled and tried to haul the last piece of their gear, a heavy water container, from the loading space.

“Let me help you.”

“No way, the doctor strictly advised for light exertion only,” Rey panted and tugged again. “You’re still healing and –”

The container suddenly lifted off the cart and Rey, taken by surprise, landed on her backside with a yelp. Her eyes flew to Ben. He had not moved, except for his palm which was now facing up, and he looked very smug. Rey grinned, both about her own ignorance and his roguish behaviour.  
‘That’s what you get when you take Leia’s prowess in the Force and combine it with Han’s sense of humour,’ she thought.

“Ah, finally someone decided to make themselves useful,” Maz called and pointed towards the cave. “Bring it in here, my boy. The rest is already in, too.”

When her cart was empty, Maz walked up to Ben and pulled out something small from under her vest. Rey recognized it immediately: it was the ring Leia had always worn on her right hand. Two blue orbs in an intertwined, golden setting.  
Although Rey had met her as a General of the Resistance and had later become her Padawan, she knew of course of Leia’s upbringing as Crown Princess of Alderaan; to this day, some still referred to her as “Princess Leia”, rather than “General Organa” when speaking of her. Therefore, Rey had never questioned why Leia had always worn distinct jewellery.

“I believe this is rightfully yours now, Prince of Alderaan,” Maz said quietly and placed the ring in Ben’s hand. For a long moment, her magnified eyes looked deeply into his. Then she turned and drove away in her rickety gravcart.

Ben looked pensively at the ornate ring in his hand. Rey stepped up to him, curious as to why this particular piece of jewellery from Leia’s inheritance should be so special.

“Is this a keepsake?” she asked softly.

“Rather the symbol of a spurned fate,” he said. “This ring is part of the Alderaanian regalia; the only piece that survived the planet’s destruction. My mother wore it because tradition demanded it, but she never ascended the throne herself. She chose to serve the Senate instead.”

“Are you going to wear it?” Rey asked after a pause.

“No,” he smiled. “This one is intended for queens, not kings. Doesn’t look manly enough.”

She snickered. “Well, true. Still, it’s beautiful. And I didn’t know it held so much meaning; I never thought to ask Leia.”

“She taught me everything about it. Care to know?” Ben sat down on the inflated mattress that Maz had rolled out in the entrance of the small cave. Rey seated herself closely to him, watching him as he traced the fine, golden lines with his finger.

“The ring consists of two separate parts which come together to form a whole; something that is better as a union than each of its parts alone,” he began and tilted the ring to give her a better view. Rey felt a tingling in her stomach when she realized that Ben’s words seemed to apply to more than just Leia’s ring; or was that intentional?

“Each part symbolizes one of the two forms of rulership that governed Alderaan: democracy and monarchy, working hand in hand to form this unique society. The democracy of the Republic, and the monarchy of House Organa. Each embraces a blue lapis stone that embodies the planet itself in its natural colour. Mum always said the oceans had been breath-taking.”

He gently brushed a thumb over the marbled, blue gemstones. It was getting darker by the minute now, especially since they had settled into the cave entrance.

“I would never have thought that a piece of jewellery could express so much about a culture,” Rey admitted in awe.

“Alderaan wasn’t known as a planet of beauty, arts and poetry for nothing,” Ben murmured.

“So - this ring makes you the rightful heir to the throne of Alderaan?”

“No. It identifies me as the heir of the Royal House of Organa, for what it’s worth. Alderaan is gone, and so is its throne.”

“But its people are not! Maybe we could get them to aid you, when –” Rey swallowed, “when we have to face court-martial.”

“They don’t know me, Rey. Like my mother, I did not choose the way of courtly ceremonial. When I became Luke’s Padawan, I stopped all of my other formal education. And I told you I won’t play hide and seek, not even behind a crown. It’s bad enough hiding in a cave.”

“This is only temporary,” Rey nudged his shoulder. “We just need a little time to come up with a sensible strategy. If we screw this up, they’ll swiftly execute you for treason, mass murder and about a hundred other crimes. For the moment, you’re safer here. Only a few people know about this place anyways, and I’ve spread word that I have set up a lot of Jedi traps for training Finn, so that should hopefully keep everyone away.”

Ben sighed, but nodded. He slipped the ring into his pocket and then reached for the little oil lamp, but Rey stopped him.  
“No, leave it please. The stars are more beautiful without lights.”

It was hard to read his expression in the dark, but Rey felt a ripple going through Ben’s emotions for a second. Humming, pleasant. “Then let’s go outside where we can see them better.”

They crawled away from the low cave entrance and stood silently on the rocky plateau. It was not yet completely dark, but a myriad of stars was already twinkling through the treetops around them. Rey tilted her head back, and for a while, they just gazed at the sky and listened to the sounds of dusk.

Then she felt Ben’s presence, both in her mind and physically. He had quietly stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her tenderly.

_‘Am I going too far?’_

Rey smiled blissfully and leaned back against his chest.

_‘Not at all.’_

They just stood there, letting their thoughts and emotions flow freely between their minds for a while.

 _‘So beautiful,’_ Ben said softly over their bond, and again Rey was not sure whether he meant the sky above them or something else. She liked it either way.

 _‘There’s a place, not far from here, where you have an absolutely stunning view of the stars. I’d like to show you some time,’_ she replied, and felt his hugging tighten a little in positive response. Then they fell into an amicable silence again.

Only when the moon had risen above the treetops and the night chill began to crawl up their legs, did Ben reluctantly let go of her.

“Will you come back tomorrow?” he whispered quietly, so as not to disturb the absolute perfection of the moment.

“As soon as possible,” Rey nodded.

But moving away from him, losing the warm contact of his body was so difficult; and she felt the same yearning within him. Still, he forced himself to take a step towards the cave, then one more – and she was thankful, because she was not sure if she could have done it.

_‘Good night, Ben. And thank you for this evening.’_

_‘Hopefully again, soon. Get home safely.’_

Rey smiled, turned, and a moment later, she had disappeared into the moonlit rainforest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and in case anybody was wondering: yes, I totally made up the meaning of Leia's ring. Hope you liked it and it made sense!


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I have to admit that I was in a very ... playful... mood when I wrote this. A bit of a light-hearted episode since we're nearing closure. I hope you enjoy our favorite Force-users goofing around a little.

The next morning, Rey woke up early and with a smile. She could not even remember the last time that had happened. But her mood was exuberant, so she kicked off the sheets, jumped out of bed and went to the shower with a spring in her step.

As the warm water splashed over her, she replayed yesterday’s evening in her memory and felt a pleasant tingle in her stomach, as if a thistlebuzzer was fluttering around inside. She smiled.

Once she had dressed, she left the crew quarters in search of Chewbacca, but the Wookiee was not aboard. Had he stayed on Maz’ ship? Overnight? Rey grinned, and decided that in this case, she would change her plans for a shared breakfast with him in favour of a take-away.  
She left a note for Chewie on his workbench, just in case, and left the _Millennium Falcon_ for the mess.

Those who were already up and working greeted Rey politely on her way, and she beamed at each and every one of them. Her infectious good mood even earned her an extra-large breakfast bag at the serving counter, and she was delighted to find that there were blue milk flatcakes in it, as well.

Rey turned to the exit, and almost bumped into Finn.

“Rey!” he said, startled. “You’re up already? Oh, listen, you have to –”  
He made to say more, but then he suddenly shut up. Poe was coming up the ramp.

“Ah, morning Rey,” he greeted her with a big smile. “Wow, you look great! And just check out this huge breakfast bag; so you do have something big planned. Is it really going to take all day? It’s hard to spare Finn for so long.” He clapped a possessive hand on his best friend’s shoulder, who forced a smile and then looked at Rey beseechingly.

“Oh, well,” she quickly understood his hidden clue, “I’m sorry, Poe – but some things just can’t wait.”

“You’ve heard Master Skywalker,” Finn said with relief and shrugged. “But I’ll work extra hard, so I can join you as soon as possible. Would hate to miss all the fun in headquarters.”

“Yeah, sure,” Poe sighed, his face falling. “Good luck, and be quick.”

They parted ways, Poe making his way to the caf dispenser, while Rey took the path into the jungle, Finn in tow.

“Thanks for playing along,” Finn said as they followed the narrow, winding trail. “And don’t worry, I won’t leave Poe alone in the treadmill all day. Just the morning,” he winked.

“It’s okay,” Rey smiled.  
For a moment, she had not been too thrilled that Finn was going to come along. She had actually been looking forward to spend some time alone with Ben. But on the other hand, it reminded her that she still had duties. Like Finn’s training, or finding allies for Ben’s case. He would not sit and wait in that cave forever, no matter how many flatcakes she brought.

She sighed. It was probably a long while before anything concerning Ben would be simple and easy.

As they climbed up the slope leading to the plateau, Rey felt for the bond that connected her to Ben to announce their arrival. He responded immediately, as if he had only been waiting for her; the thistlebuzzer in her belly resumed its acrobatics, and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from grinning like a mooncalf. What would Finn think.

  
***

  
Ben was sitting in a meditation pose on the inflated mattress in front of his cave. His mind was awake; he sensed the overabundance of life all around him, immersed himself in it, let it heal him. The bacta had already done a good job; bones and sinews had mended, flesh sealed. But a dull throbbing throughout his body, the echo of those wounds, still lingered.

Suddenly, the fabric of the Force changed, and another mind dipped into it as well. Strong, bright, and infinitely familiar. Rey was here, and she was in such high spirits that Ben almost did not register that Finn was with her, as well.

He smiled, opened his eyes and forced his tired body to get up and meet them.

“Ben!” Rey called out joyfully, but when she got closer, she frowned and eyed him.

He knew that he had to look worn out; he had not slept a single minute that night. At first, he had been too emotionally exhilarated to find rest. That Rey had allowed him to hold her, to be so close to her for what had felt like an eternity, had raised his hopes. Only after he had revisited the evening in his memory for about the hundredth time, had he finally felt calm enough to try to sleep.

That’s when the noise had started.  
Wildlife, nocturnal birds, unidentifiable sounds. Ben was not used to this anymore. Silence was non-negotiable on First Order starships, and as such, his sleeping quarters had been as quiet as a tomb. The only time he remembered ever sleeping out in the wilderness like this was when his father had taken him for a hike to Endor. Back when he was nine.

“Are you in pain? You look terrible,” Rey asked anxiously with a look at the dark rings under his eyes.

“No, I’m just not the camping type,” he admitted. “The night was a bit too loud and lively for my taste.”

Finn snickered, and Rey elbowed him lightly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get used to it. And I won’t have to live in a cave like a hermit forever, right?”

“Right,” she said, but Ben noticed how she cast her eyes down and hugged the bag she was holding closer to herself. “I thought, erm, maybe you would like to see the training ground? That’s where Luke trained your mother, and later she used it to teach me. I hoped we could continue this tradition and practice there together, too. After breakfast?”

She indicated the bag, and Ben decided that he would let her get away with this not-so-subtle change of topics this time. He was fairly hungry, after all.  
“Lead the way.”

Together, they left the plateau and plunged into the deep jungle world. The noises weren’t any less during day, only different, Ben noticed. He had to admit that he was curious about the training ground; Leia had never told him that she, too, had been Luke’s apprentice once. It was difficult for him to imagine his mother with a Padawan braid, training all those things from lightsaber combat to Force powers.  
Ben sighed quietly. There was so much she had never told him when it came to the Force.

“Here we are,” Rey’s voice tore him from his thoughts.

Ben looked around. They were on a clearing in the rainforest, but apart from a few old Alliance crates and a neat pyramid of pebbles, nothing suggested that this was a training ground. Rey lifted the lid from one of the crates and showed him her ‘training gear’ with a proud grin. Carefully, Ben picked up one of the battered Marksman-H training remotes. It was the same type they had used in Luke’s temple.

“It’s worn, but it still does the trick,” she defended the poor thing. “Come on, let’s eat first.”

Finn had already laid out the content of the breakfast bag on another crate and was helping himself to a cup of caf. Ben grabbed a flatcake and asked, “So, what’s news in the galaxy? How’s Hadeen?”

Rey cast him a probing look, then shrugged. “I didn’t check on him last night. But he’ll be in the hospital ward for a few more days, so I will talk to him later. We promised Poe we wouldn’t stay here too long anyway.”

“Sort of promised,” Finn interjected, already halfway through his cake.

Rey gave him a long, meaningful look, and Finn quickly shoved the rest into his mouth. “But speaking of news, Lando mentioned they found some J-Sec files. Any findings yet?”

“U-uh,” he washed down the rest of the flatcake with a gulp of caf. “They’re still trawling through the data, but there’s no news about my origins in particular yet. But you know, somehow I’m not as interested in my past any more as I am in my future.” He eyed another cake and licked his lips.

Ben would have sworn he was trying to Force-pull it towards him. Rey seemed to notice as well.

“I sense a lot of extra workout in your future if you continue eating at that rate,” she teased.

“Oi! Not so long ago, you were all in favour of my padding,” Finn said with feigned indignation. Ben almost choked on his cake. He grinned broadly and raised a suggestive eyebrow. “You can wipe that leer from you face, man, it’s not what you’re thinking! It was a perfectly decent situation.”

“If you say so,” Ben chuckled.

Their petty banter continued, and Ben enjoyed every second of it. At last, he felt like he was part of something. Someone who belonged here. No longer standing outside, looking in.  
Together, the three of them swiftly finished off the remaining food.

Then he got up and stretched a little, careful not to strain his torso too much. His ribs were still sensitive. “So, how about some workout?”

Finn sighed, but followed suit and knocked some crumbs off his jacket. “Alright, I’ll get the training sabers.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Rey objected. “Major Kalonia said Ben should take it easy. What if one of us accidentally hits his ribs?”

“We could only aim at padded areas,” Finn suggested with a sly grin.

For a second, Rey glanced furtively at Ben’s buttocks, but then quickly averted her gaze. “Very funny,” she slipped off her crate and slapped Finn playfully on the thigh.

That suddenly sparked an idea in Ben. A warm-up game from his youth. But, would they play along? No. They were probably both far too shy if he would outright propose it; but on the other hand, if he played it smart, maybe he could coax them to agree.

“Honestly, I think you highly underestimate the difficulty level of that,” Ben said to Finn, his voice distinctly neutral. “You’d have to be really fast. I doubt you could score a single hit on me, especially without a stick.”

Finn gaped at him, taken aback, but then he recovered from his shock. “Hey, is that a challenge?”

“What if?”

Ben looked at them, waiting if they would swallow the bait. But Finn and Rey just stared back indecisively. So he shrugged, feigned indifference and opened the cargo crate, pretending to assess the equipment once more. “Forget it. Naturally, none of you would dare; you neither have the guts nor the necessary speed anyway.”

There; the last tie-breaker in his deck. If they did not even react to this, he – there was a loud _smack_ and a short, sharp pain shot through his backside.

Ben whirled around. Rey had just taken a quick step back, a mix of nervousness and roguish glee on her face. A slow, predatory smile spread over his face, and his eyes narrowed playfully. Finally.

“Alright, you asked for it.”

He reached into the crate and grabbed two red ribbons and a flight helmet, chucking the latter at Finn. He caught it with a frown.

“What am I supposed to do with that?”

“Well, it would be boring if we could use our eyesight in this, right? Therefore, we’ll make it a bit more challenging. I guess you are not advanced enough yet to see your surroundings solely through the Force, so you put this on instead. Just make sure you only pull down the semi-translucent visor, not the blast shield. Unless you want to stumble around completely blind.”

“Okay,” Finn eyed the battered, old helmet sceptically. “And you two?”

“We do this with our mind’s eye only,” Ben answered and handed Rey a ribbon.

“Any rules?” Rey asked.

“No weapons and no offensive use of the Force against each other, but apart from that, everything goes. First one to deal five hits wins.”

“So it’s every man for himself?” Finn asked and donned the helmet.

“Unless you find someone to team up with, and I won’t,” Ben grinned and blindfolded himself, as did Rey.  
“Back to back, everybody,” he said and they formed a triangle, shoulders touching. “Ready?”  
A rush of adrenalin shot through his veins.

“Ready,” Rey and Finn answered simultaneously.

_“Go!”_

They sped apart, and Ben flung out his mind towards the jungle ahead. He had seen a zibeth tree when they had arrived, with low-hanging branches and full of large, ripe fruit; that’s what he was looking for. But the moment he sensed it, he also realized that he had a problem – a bright presence in the Force was trailing him.

‘Idiot,’ Ben scolded himself, slammed down a shield and blindly changed course towards the tree. This was not going to be as easy as it had been with other Force users; he and Rey were a dyad! _One_ in the Force. He could not hide himself from her, unless he completely refrained from connecting to the Force. Which effectively rendered him blind.

Twigs grazed Ben’s head, and he knew he had found the tree. With one leap, he was on the lowest branch and crouched down to listen for the other two. At least, he could still use his ears.

There were light footsteps close by, and then heavier ones approaching them. And quiet whispers.

‘Rebels. They never stop allying,’ Ben thought with a grin. ‘Well; two birds, one stone.’  
For a second, he carefully opened his mind a crack and _pushed_ at some of the football-sized fruit on the tree’s far side. They tumbled down and landed with a dull thud. Rey and Finn darted towards the sound, passing below him. Ben hitched his knees around the branch, swung down – and planted a double slap on their butts, right before swinging back up.

“Finn!”

“What!? Wasn’t me! I caught one myself. Where _the frag_ is he?”

Ben struggled to refrain from laughing as he carefully climbed around the trunk and slid down silently on the other side. Again, he listened intently. He heard Finn, moving away from him. No sound from Rey. Had they spread out? Finn’s footfalls moved further away still, and Ben seized his chance.

He darted around the tree and swiftly chased after Finn, daring to use the Force to guide his feet to avoid dry twigs and rustling leaves. The helmet would also impair Finn’s hearing, so Ben was -

_“Behind you!”_

\- safe. He had thought.

Rey’s shout made the former Stormtrooper pivot on the spot and he automatically fell into a crouched, broad-legged fighting stance. Ben’s adrenalin level shot through the ceiling in an instant. Reacting purely on instinct, he let himself drop to the ground and used his momentum to slide through narrowly under Finn’s legs. Then he twisted, lashed out, landed a hit which elicited a satisfying yelp, and jumped to his feet in one fluent motion.

Heart pounding, Ben bolted on. He gritted his teeth; that stunt had not done his ribcage any good, but he had no time to catch a breath, because Finn was hot on his heels. Ben changed his course erratically, trying to shake his pursuer off, but that meant he had to open himself to the Force to sense where he was going.

Inevitably, a bright spot suddenly exploded in front of him: Rey. She was coming at him at full speed. Ben dropped all shields, now useless anyway, and surrendered himself to the Force. He flung out his arms a second before she was upon him; his right hand came up empty, but his left hand found a sapling. He desperately held on to it and hauled himself out of the way.

_“Argh!” “Ugh!”_

There was the sound of two bodies colliding, and Ben worriedly ripped the cloth from his eyes. Rey and Finn lay sprawled in the dirt; Finn had lost his helmet and Rey was just peeling her ribbon away as well, but they were both laughing already. Ben exhaled with relief.

He held out his hands. “You alright?”

“Sure, I just wanted to test Finn’s padding first-hand,” Rey panted with a grin.

“Told you it’s worth its weight in platinum,” Finn chuckled.

They took his proffered hands, and Ben pulled them up. Rey and Finn cast each other a look – and in the next moment, Ben was double-smacked.

“Hold it, blindfolds gone means game’s over!” he laughed and rubbed his stinging backside.

“Looks like you’ve won three to one, then,” Finn admitted freely, picked up the helmet and they walked the short distance back to the clearing.

“If I graciously agree with that last one,” Ben pointed out.

“No matter, you win,” Rey winked and grabbed a bottle of water. “You’re really fast, you know? Like you’ve done this before.”

“I have, actually. We did a lot of ‘pulling tails’ with Luke for warm-ups. It’s almost the same.”

Finn and Rey stared at Ben, dumbfounded.

“What? You really don’t know ‘pulling tails’? Every kid plays that.”

“Well, we hardly had a standard childhood,” she countered.

“Oh. Right, erm, you just attach a piece of cloth to the back of your pants, that’s the tail, and then you try to rip the other’s tails off without losing your own. The last one with a tail wins.”

Finn slowly shook his head. „Jeez, I thought you guys were studying the Force and doing combat training, but that sounds like summer camp… what else did you do in the Jedi temple? Midnight panty raids? Firing potato launchers at each other?”

Ben grinned widely. „No, they only do this in Stormtrooper training facilities, I’ve heard.”

They all laughed.

Suddenly, someone came crashing through the dense undergrowth nearby. Rey immediately turned and positioned herself in front of Ben, a hand flying to her lightsaber. But then there was a loud cursing, and she giggled.

Poe stumbled out of the ferns, furiously plucking some stickyweed from his hair. “Here you are,” he panted. “I’ve been … looking for you … on the hilltop … weren’t there.”

“Why didn’t you just radio us?” Finn asked and patted the comlink in his pocket.

He shook his head and leaned against an ancient sequoia to catch his breath. “Couldn’t. Top secret. I need your opinion.” He looked at Ben.

“My opinion?” Ben repeated incredulously. “On what?”

Poe drew a last, deep breath and straightened up again. “You’ll never guess who just contacted us and requested accession negotiations.”

Rey shrugged with dry humour, “As long as it’s not my grandfather - again.”

“Or Snoke,” Ben added.

Rey made a face. “Urgh, please no, I’ve had enough Snokes for a lifetime.”

“Ha-ha, very funny,” Poe said wryly. “All wrong, but you’re not that far off, it’s –”

Finn quickly held up a hand and interrupted him. “No no no no, wait! I want a shot at it, too.” He squinted his eyes and focussed on Dameron, in a very pointed _I’m invading your mind_ -style. Poe sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes.

“What are you –”

“Shush! I’m concentrating here. And I see… I see…” He took a step closer to Poe, his face drawn into a frown, and extended a hand towards Poe’s face as if really trying to enter his mind. For a moment, Poe’s look turned truly uneasy. But then Finn jumped back and gave a dramatic, high-pitched shriek.

“Oh no, it’s _Captain Phasma!”_

Rey snickered, and even Ben grinned at Finn’s performance.

Only Poe did not seem to see the funny side. On the contrary; his annoyed expression became really pissed. “Right, that was a hoot. But you’re still wrong, it’s not her either. Oh, and just let me get this straight: I don’t like Force users rifling through my brain, so don’t even pretend to, ok?”

Ben’s grin immediately faltered, as well as Finn’s playful mood. Sensing their tension, Rey quickly stepped forth and put her arm around Poe’s shoulders.

“Come on now, don’t sulk, torture buddy. We were just kidding. Besides, nobody will ever again rummage through your head, not while I’m around.” She squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and started to steer him towards their makeshift lounge area at the cargo crates.  
“So, who is that mysterious, new would-be ally everyone’s so excited about?”

Ben and Finn exchanged a relieved glance and followed them.

“We couldn’t believe it ourselves at first, but we’ve double- no, _triple_ _-_ checked it,” Poe was just saying with a dramatic pause. “It still proved authentic: this morning at 9 am sharp, we were hailed by none other than the _Finalizer_ , asking for a truce and negotiations to join our cause.”

They all stopped dead and gazed at him.

“The _Finalizer?”_ Ben asked incredulously. With mixed feelings, he thought back to his old First Order flagship. Why had they contacted the Rebels? Who of their commanding officers would be so daring – or desperate?

Now it was Poe’s turn to smile. “Like I said: you’d never have guessed.”

“Who’s commanding it?”

“Well, your shots were quite close. It _is_ someone we assumed to be dead.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter should rather be "42".  
> Why? Because it holds the answers to life, the universe and everything that I have left open until now, of course.  
> Enjoy! 😄

It was just after nightfall when Rey, Finn and Poe finally left the Rebel’s headquarters and retired to the _Millennium Falcon_. Negotiations with the _Finalizer_ had been arduous and slow, but at least everyone agreed that they had gone reasonably well – naturally, news of a _Resurgent_ -class Star Destroyer joining their ranks had spread through the base like wildfire and was now on everyone’s lips.

Finn and Poe were no exception.

“I am so looking forward to being off-planet for a while,” Poe exhaled with relief as he sprawled on the padded bench in the communal space. “Back to the stars at last.”

“You just want an excuse to get away from the political arena and into the fray,” Rey smiled, leaning against the engineering station. Poe did not object in the least.

“Well, us relocating to the _Finalizer_ as our new mobile base is definitely the best part,” Finn agreed and pushed Poe aside a little so that he could sit down, too. “Although I find it a bit weird, too. I know it sounds silly, but somehow I can’t stop thinking about who might have gotten my bunk after I deserted.”

Rey laughed. “As long as you’re right and it’s not a blunt attempt to lure us into a trap.”

“We’ve taken as many precautions as possible, now we have to be daring and take the remaining risk. Just think of the example this will set for other ex-First Orders to join us,” Poe said excitedly. “Anyone we can turn to our side is one less we have to fight.”

“Not to forget the firepower a battlecruiser adds to our cause,” Finn winked at Rey. “People will think twice before they engage a Star Destroyer.”

He had a point there, and Rey was sure that he had mentioned it on purpose. When it had become apparent in the course of the negotiations that the _Finalizer_ could be turned into a powerful beacon of the rebellion, Generals Poe and Finn had been only too willing to volunteer for the job. And when Finn had quietly pointed out to her that Ben would be much safer (and certainly more at home) aboard a Star Destroyer than in a cave in the wilderness, Rey had finally sided with them, too.

_Rey …_

The sudden voice in her mind was little more than a whisper. Rey frowned; it was not Ben, she was sure of that. She would have recognized his voice among a million others. She looked at Finn, whether he had managed to contact her, which would have been a first; but her friend was absorbed again in an animated conversation with Poe about the organisation of their upcoming adventure.

“Guys, I’ll leave the detailed planning to you,” Rey said and pushed herself off the engineering station. “I rather feel like taking a walk.”

“No problem; you need an escort?” Finn asked sincerely.

“No, I’ll be fine, just catching some fresh air.”

“Okay,” Finn shrugged and continued to list the things they had to prepare. Only Poe cast her a warm, knowing smile, and Rey felt a slight blush on her face. The young pilot had immediately seen through her pretext, even though his assumptions were certainly a little off, compared with what was really on her mind.

_Rey!_

The moment she had left the common room and was alone in the corridor leading to the boarding ramp, she felt the calling through the Force again, stronger now. Just her name, like an invitation.  
It reminded her of the mysterious, whispering voice that had pointed her to Exegol, and to the realisation that the dark spectres could not be destroyed ordinarily.

Rey was about to leave the _Falcon_ , when the world around her suddenly became muted and the sensation of Ben’s awareness flooded her mind.

_‘Rey - have you heard it, too?’_

She turned and saw him standing in the corridor, although she knew he was not really physically here. This was one of their shared visions as a dyad. Ben wore a fresh set of camouflage jungle wear, and his hair was wet. The expression on his face alternated between curiosity and concern.

_‘Yes. Somebody is calling me.’_

_‘Me too. Who is it?’_

_‘I don’t know. But I think it’s the same voice that whispered words of advice to me twice before.’_

As if on cue, the whispering sounded again, only with a different message this time:

_You know the place_

A slow smile spread across Rey’s face. Of course - she suddenly knew exactly what place the voice was talking about, and she also had an idea as to why it would summon the two of them.

_‘I guess we’re finally about to get some answers, Ben.’_

Ben tilted his head, puzzled.

_‘It’s time I showed you that special location I was talking about yesterday. Meet me there.’_

And with that, Rey sprinted down the ramp and into the darkness of the rainforest, knowing that the Force would guide Ben to her unerringly.  
  


***

  
A short while later, Rey stood at the foot of the limestone cliff and awaited Ben’s arrival impatiently. Even without using the Force, it was easy enough for her to track his movement as he came closer; he seemed to have an uncanny knack for startling the nocturnal wildlife. First, there was a raptor’s indignant screech in the distance, soon followed by the sound of panic-stricken deer breaking through the brushes - and finally, a wild roba sow with a bunch of piglets almost ran over Rey on their headless escape. She saved herself only by a daring jump up a palm tree.

‘He really isn’t an outdoor guy,’ Rey thought with a wry smile as she slid back down from the palm again.

Finally, Ben emerged from the undergrowth. Before he could say anything, Rey had closed the distance between them with a few steps and pulled him into a firm embrace. His surprise quickly gave way to delight, and he wrapped his arms around her in return. He was a little winded from running, and his warm breath ghosted over her head as he buried his face in her hair.  
In that moment, Rey felt at home. At peace with herself and the rest of the galaxy.

“Sorry about the ruckus,” he suddenly mumbled. “It’s a jungle out there.”

Rey chuckled against his chest. “You don’t say.”

They remained holding each other for another moment, but then she slowly pulled back and nodded towards the rising terrain. “Let me show you my favourite place in that jungle. I have a feeling somebody is waiting for us there.”

“So do I,” Ben said, but his tone betrayed that he was not sure yet whether this was good news or bad. Or maybe he just would have preferred to keep holding her, Rey thought joyfully.

Cautiously, they climbed up the moss-covered slope in the dim light that filtered through the dense canopy of leaves. But then, they reached the forest border and stepped out onto the ledge which had become an almost sacred place to Rey.  
Ben looked up and stopped dead in his tracks, gazing in wonder at the endless expanse of space above them.

“Incredible,” he whispered.

Their eyes met, and for a second, Rey saw the starlight reflecting in his dark eyes, so brightly as if they were tiny galaxies themselves. Without thinking, she raised a hand and gently brushed back a thick strand of damp hair that threatened to fall into his face. His wavy mane was now almost as long as when she had first seen the young man behind the mask.  
Ben leaned into the touch, and Rey felt his pulse beneath her fingertips quicken.

“If this is a bad time, I can always come back later.”

Rey flinched at the sudden voice behind her and whirled around. At the edge of the cliff, having appeared out of thin air, stood the Force ghost of Anakin Skywalker. He had tactfully turned away a little, but not far enough to conceal the amused smirk that tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Anakin,” Rey stuttered.

“Surprised?” he looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright after the ordeal you went through on Exegol. But I’m glad to see that my concern was needless.”

Ben put his arm around Rey’s shoulders and pulled her towards him. “Rey made sure of that.”

Rey shook her head vigorously, but although she disagreed with his words, she felt quite agreeable to his closeness. “As if all credit belonged to me; without the help of you and our friends, we would never have made it out alive. It was like the whole planet was trying to kill us.”

Anakin cast them a long, thoughtful look. Then he turned towards them fully, and his face became very serious. “Never return to Exegol, no matter what.”

At these words, Rey frowned and simultaneously felt her own confusion mirrored in Ben over their bond. Why was the Chosen One suddenly bringing up such an absurd idea? Returning to this dreadful planet ranked on the list of things she still wanted to do in life at about the same level as marrying Unkar Plutt.

“Why in all the galaxy would we ever want to go there again?” Ben asked, voicing what she had just thought.

“Maybe you won’t,” Anakin answered cryptically. “But maybe you will, because of what I’m going to tell you about it.”

“Is this about the door you said we had left open? The one you had to close first?” Rey asked curiously.  
This statement of his was still vivid in her memory; it was representative of all the unnatural events on Exegol for which she had no explanation to this day. And tonight, when she had heard the voice of the mysterious whisperer again, there had been this unmistakable feeling that they would finally get answers.

“That’s part of it, yes. But I better start at the beginning. You may want to sit down, it’s not a short story.”

The three sat down, Anakin carelessly close to the edge of the cliff, Ben and Rey leaning against the rock face. The temperature was dropping noticeably, and the limestone had already lost almost all the warmth it had absorbed during the day. Rey shivered, wishing she had brought a blanket or at least her poncho, and Ben immediately pulled her closer.

“Do you have any memory of where you were trapped on Exegol?” Anakin asked Ben.

He nodded slowly. “I went to all kinds of places; or rather, I thought so. But they were only illusions. When Rey shattered them, I found myself in an underground hall, at the bottom of the shaft Palpatine had thrown me into. I suppose I’d been down there all along.”

“You had,” Skywalker confirmed. “This shaft was one of many. In ancient times, the Sith dug a lot of deep fissures in Exegol’s crust to find a vergence they believed to lie hidden in the rock. They didn’t find one, but what they found instead at the bottom of this particular shaft, was the Heart of Exegol. The planet’s living core.”

The image of a jagged, obsidian glass bottom suddenly shot through Rey’s mind. She remembered the hateful, raging entity that had lurked beneath it, the overwhelming presence of the dark side that had emanated from it.

“The Sith of old created this ritual chamber and tried to tap into that Life Essence, but they were unable to harness the planet’s power. Over time, and because of more urgent matters such as the Sith-Jedi wars, the chamber faded into obscurity,” he continued. “Until Palpatine came across Exegol.”

The mere mention of her grandfather made Rey’s hair stand on end.

“He rediscovered the gateway to the planet’s core and began to experiment with the chamber. He had always been an avid collector of Sith artefacts and arcane knowledge, and one of the most powerful objects in his collection was the Great Crystal of Aantonaii; a massive, bled kyber crystal. With the end of the Clone Wars and the attainment of his goal to build a Galactic Empire, Palpatine shifted a lot of his focus to Exegol. It was to become the centre of his Sith Empire, so he moved the crystal from Coruscant into this chamber and turned it into a gigantic Force reservoir. Basically, a battery, which amplified his powers whenever he was in the Throne Room.”

“I remember that crystal,” Ben murmured. “It stood in the centre of the chamber. It was deep red, steeped in the dark Force, and it felt somehow – alive. And furious.”

“Oh yes, alive it was,” Anakin said darkly, “for it had another quality: to his Sith Eternal cultists, Palpatine claimed that the crystal would give them immortality. Which it did, in a way - but in fact, the devious bastard had even betrayed his own followers. For in death, their spirits got tethered to the kyber, enslaved for eternity, increasing its power with their essences. And thus, increasing _his_ power.”

“So that’s what enabled him to create such a tremendously powerful Force lighting!” Rey exclaimed.

“Exactly. For once, he told the truth when he claimed that he _was_ all the Sith that had ever lived there – only they weren’t ‘with’ him, like we Jedi were with you, Rey. We lent you our strength voluntarily. But their souls had been forcibly chained and drained.”

“That crystal,” Ben spoke up, although he looked reluctant. “Was that the reason why my soul didn’t leave Exegol? It bound me, too?”

Rey’s eyes widened when she suddenly remembered the first whispered words – _darkness found him, darkness bound him._ Did that mean … Anakin was the whisperer? Had he secretly guided her all along?  
The Chosen One glanced at her, and Rey felt like he saw straight into her thoughts. But he continued quickly, before she could, “Yes. Or rather, it _tried_ to bind you, but you were too powerful to be easily devoured.”

“It took the guise of a black maelstrom. I was drifting towards the eye, but something dragged me out before I drowned in it. What saved me?”

“You found the strongest possible anchor in the Light.” Anakin looked from him to Rey for a moment, and then he smiled. “Love.”

His ruthlessly candid conclusion caught Ben off guard, and Rey remembered very well what this felt like. Anakin had done the same thing with her during their first encounter; where others would have beaten around the bush discreetly and perhaps a little embarrassed, he preferred to address matters very frankly.  
Ben glanced at Rey. She saw insecurity and concern in his look, but not shame. He was probably worried that she might feel awkward because of Anakin’s blunt declaration. Perhaps she would have been, if she had not already known his outspoken nature. Or if she had not felt the same way.

As it was, Rey just smiled calmly at Ben and nudged his shoulder a little. “In my visions of you, I tried to intervene. Not just that last time when I succeeded, but before that, too. To buy you time, or to comfort you when you seemed to give up.”

“I noticed,” Ben said, and the relief that she was not disgruntled, was audible in his voice. “At first, I thought it was just my imagination. Wishful thinking. But when the spectres turned against you, I knew you were real.”

“So those spectres,” Rey returned her attention to Anakin, who was watching them intently, “who hunted Ben in these visions and later chased us through the Citadel – they were the spirits my grandfather had enslaved within the crystal? His own men?”

“Yes. Their souls are eternally bound to the kyber. That’s also why you could not destroy them permanently, but they kept returning from the abyss. The Great Crystal of Aantonaii acts like a phylactery. As long as it exists, they are chained to this world; it wouldn’t let them leave and move on.”

“So, when you said you had closed the door … ?”

“I meant that I had destroyed the crystal.”

Rey stared at him, awestruck; she could hardly imagine the strength it required to actually go down that fissure and destroy an artefact of such raw, sinister power.  
“How in the name of the Force did you manage that?”

Anakin shrugged evasively. “With the right tool, you can fix anything.”

“So it does exist,” Ben whispered, and Rey saw his eyes flash. “I wasn’t sure when I saw it first; I always thought it was just a myth. But that sword you wielded – that was the Void Blade, wasn’t it?”

For the blink of an eye, Anakin looked shocked. But then he huffed, his face a mix between annoyance and – respect?  
“You mean the accursed Void Blade of Medriaas? That’s a very old legend. I’m surprised that you should even know of such dark, ancient lore. I thought I had done a pretty good job wiping out all hints and references to it.”

Ben looked very smug. “It wasn’t easy. Took some digging, and luck. But the galaxy never truly forgets anything.”

“This is indeed something that better remained forgotten,” Anakin said seriously.

“Is it that bad?”

“Forged from dark matter and void magic, born in the dark side of the Force – what do you think? Trust me when I say that it is the foulest piece of Sith sorcery imaginable.”

“Well, it’s good then that such a foul thing doesn’t really exist,” Ben shrugged, and his eyes sparkled mischievously.

A wide grin spread across Anakin’s face, and for the first time, Rey thought how bizarre it was that he looked even younger than Ben - who was his grandson - in this way.  
“I’m glad to see we speak the same language, you and I,” he winked at him.

Now, pride practically radiated off Ben. Rey smiled. She knew how much Anakin’s praise meant to him, and she was also glad that the two were getting along so well; after her first encounter with the Chosen One, she had not been so sure of that.

“The only thing I still don’t understand is why you believe we could want to return to Exegol. The matter is closed,” Rey said.

“Maybe not entirely, I’m afraid,” Anakin sighed and his grin turned into a frown. “I’d thought that Palpatine’s soul had also been captured by the crystal when you killed him in the Throne Room. Caught in his own trap - what a delightful irony. When I destroyed that crystal, I believed his spirit would move on, like the rest. But I was wrong. Remember what happened after the spectres fled? How Exegol itself turned on you?  
That has led me to the conclusion that Palpatine must’ve had yet another Contingency plan up his sleeve, which made sure that he wouldn’t end up as a prisoner himself – he took over the prison instead. His essence managed to seep into the heart of the planet and corrupted its core.  
_He is_ now Exegol.”

Rey remembered. She had had the weirdest feeling that the forces of nature had deliberately conspired against them to thwart their escape. Like a vengeful entity. So, Palpatine had been the malevolent consciousness behind Exegol’s attacks?

“I knew it was no coincidence!” she shouted angrily and clenched her hands into fists. “Those obsidian spikes, and the rifts that always happened to open up right in front of us – this evil, old wretch was behind them.”

Ben cast Anakin a long look. “Which also means that he’s still out there, right now. Alive.”

Rey felt her flesh crawl, and these goose bumps had nothing to do with the night’s cold.  
Anakin nodded. “Alive, but trapped. He cannot leave Exegol - unless you provide him with a suitable vessel.”  
He looked at Rey intensely for a moment, before he repeated his previous warning, “Never return to Exegol, no matter what.”

Rey swallowed; her mouth was suddenly very dry. “Thank you for that warning. Oh, and also for your previous advice. It _was_ you who had whispered those hints to me, right?”

Anakin smirked. “Well, don’t tell anyone I did. Strictly speaking, I’m not allowed to give advice so bluntly.”

That baffled her. “You spoke very openly tonight, so why not?”

He laughed out. “Busted. Alright, I’ll try to explain it, although that in itself could be considered another transgression. Ah, so what,” he shrugged. “See, the future is not predetermined. Even the wisest among us can only discern rough patterns in the intricate web of the Force, and use them to predict - to a degree - a few things that might happen in your future. _Might_ happen,” he stressed. “Yet, nothing is written in stone. That is why any piece of advice, any vision coming from our side of the Veil always sounded so cryptic; but still, there have been disastrous misinterpretations on your side in the past. Sometimes with most terrible consequences. It’s therefor been decreed better not to say anything at all.”

“Like Master Qui-Gon said: rules and limitations,” Rey shook her head. “Even in the Mist-Beyond.”

“In which case you are probably in a lot of trouble,” Ben surmised. “You’ve bent some of them quite much.”

Anakin just shrugged again. “I was never much of a stickler for the rules.”

“Obi-Wan called you a ‘notorious rule breaker’ in his notes,” Rey grinned.

This amused him. “I’ve always considered myself to be more of a rule _maker_ ,” he agreed. “But that’s on your shoulders now. I take it you are planning to rebuild the Jedi Order?”

Rey was hesitant. She had been thinking about this fleetingly, but it was such a daunting task; and despite the Sacred texts, she actually knew very little about what being a Jedi meant in the traditional sense.  
“I’m not sure. I was never trained like the real Jedi of old were; how could I call myself the last of them with a clear conscience?”

“How about the first of the new Jedi, then?” Ben asked softly, and somehow, Rey immediately felt a lot more at home with this idea.

Anakin got up and they followed suit. He looked at Ben thoughtfully, but then he turned to Rey, and she recognized a twinkle in his eyes.

“Rey, I hope you still remember my _other_ words of warning: the Skywalker name always means trouble. I have that on good authority.” She chuckled and linked arms with Ben. “Keep an eye on him.”

Rey beamed.

“Two. Always.”

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shocked about the "The End"? Actually: me too. A little.  
> But every story has an ending, and this one had always been intended to be a "Fix It" - so here I am, at a point where my _problem_ has been fixed: Ben has been dragged away from the brink of oblivion and is finally back in the galaxy far, far away. Back in Rey's life.
> 
> Oh, you might have noticed that I am still one Chapter short. There's a reason of course: The story began with a Prologue, so naturally it is going to have an Epilogue at the end. In which I shall give to you my final and hopefully best parting gift. 😉


	44. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is: the Epilogue.  
> I would like to thank all of you for coming along on this journey, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this story. An extra smooch goes to those who took the time to leave kudos or even a comment – as a reader, I never truly felt the value of such things, but now that I posted my own first fiction, I do. And hereby promise to comment more myself. 😉

A few weeks later.

_Ben raced through the underground labyrinth. He had never been to this part of the Citadel before, which made finding Rey no easier. The dark side permeated everything down here, and he could hardly discern her weak presence in the Force._

‘Rey – where are you?!’ _he tried to contact her again, but it was in vain. There was no answer._

_He reached a junction and skidded to a halt, panting. In the corridor to his left lurked two spectres, but the moment they saw him, they backed off.  
‘All the better,’ Ben thought and lowered the long, rapier-like weapon he was carrying. He had no time for such nonsense._

_Ben flung out his mind, searching for Rey._

_To the right. That was his path._

_He tried to run down that corridor, but suddenly, he couldn’t run anymore. As if the floor was covered with sticky syrup, Ben struggled on. Angrily, he shifted his sword into its whip form and thrashed at the floor, impatience getting the better of him. The red electro-plasma current running through his weapon sizzled fiercely as it rebounded.  
  
_

_"FOOLISH YOUNGLINGS. YOU SHOULD HAVE HEEDED MY APPRENTICE'S WARNING ..."_

_  
_ _Ben staggered and nearly fell to the ground as the sinister voice rang out loudly in his head. Ahead of him, another two spectres appeared and he lashed out with his electro-chain whip. They recoiled, but the voice was not deterred by this._

_  
"YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE RETURNED. NOW, MY BELOVED GRANDDAUGHTER WILL FULFIL HER DESTINY; AT LAST."_

_  
An evil cackle reverberated through the Citadel, followed by a high-pitched, agonised scream._

_“Nooo! Rey!”_

_Flames erupted from the corridor’s walls, its ceiling and the floor – but Ben pressed on, swinging the whip blindly in case those spectres found their courage again.  
He had to get to Rey, had to save her …_

In her quarters at the _Finalizer’s_ upper habitation level, Rey tossed and turned restlessly in her bed. Nightmares haunted her, an obscure menace she could not grasp. Suddenly, something crimson flashed before her inner eye; it was the Bilari electro-chain whip of Snoke’s Elite Praetorian Guard, a deadly weapon that had nearly overwhelmed her once.

She woke up with a start. Disoriented, she looked around.

The linear wall panels, the sparse furniture, the dark, polished floor. This place was as far from ‘homely’ as could be. Even the spinebarrel in its little pot, the only other living thing in her quarters, could not change that.

With a yawn, Rey got up, shuffled over to the table and took a sip from the water carafe. But the queasy feeling in her stomach did not subside.  
On a whim, she lightly dipped into the connection she shared with Ben, just to see if he was awake. Maybe he was unable to sleep as well, and they could chat privately for a while.

Rey cried out, the bottle slipped from her grasp and shattered on the pristine floor – instead of Ben’s familiar consciousness, she only found a raging inferno. Mindless, raw panic roared over their bond, and amidst all the clamouring chaos, there was a single, discernible word: _REY_.

In an instant, she rushed to the door and hammered on the electric strike. Far too slowly, the pneumatic door hissed open, and she had almost dashed out of her room when she suddenly heard a tinny voice behind her, calling out her name – it was Finn, shouting over the comlink.

Rey whirled around, darted back, grabbed the small device and was out of the door again before she had even acknowledged. She ran towards the central connecting hallway, thinking feverishly about the quickest way to get to the blazing point of light in her mind that was Ben.

“Report!”

“Rey, you’re up, thank the Force,” Finn sounded relieved, and she could hear that he spoke while running. “Ben’s totally out of it; he’s rampaging through the ship, lashing out at everyone and everything. He doesn’t even react to me or Poe, we cannot stop him!”

“Get out of his way, he’s caught in a nightmare - do not engage!”

“Are you kidding? No one’s volunteering to stand in the way of a raging chain whip. But I’m not sure how long we can keep people from firing blasters at him; they’re used to him slicing up panels during tantrums, but if he keeps damaging the ship _that_ much...”

“I’m on my way to you, keep trailing him at a safe distance.”

“Copied. It looks like he’s heading towards you anyways. Be careful, Rey; if he doesn’t recognize you any more than the rest of us –”

Rey thought she heard Poe’s voice in the background, saying something about ‘setting blasters for stun’, and sped up, drawing upon the Force to go even faster.  
Luckily, it was in the middle of the artificial night cycle according ship time, and no one was in the hallways around the women’s quarters. The only one she encountered was a little MSE mouse droid, that quickly careened out of the way when she zoomed past it with inhuman speed.

She neared her target, and suddenly there were other people: A young communications officer came running from Ben’s direction, pale and wide-eyed. From the adjacent corridors, Rey heard the heavy footfalls of armoured boots approaching fast, and ahead of her, she saw two Stormtroopers with riot control electroprods at the ready, crouching in front of the last turn that separated her from Ben.

“Almost there, hang on!” Rey panted into the comlink.

Now she could already hear the low hum of the Bilari and the fierce crackling and popping of electrical discharges.

She rushed past the two surprised Stormtroopers and took the last, sharp corner running halfway along the wall to keep up her speed.

There he was! Ben, stumbling through the hallway, his eyes wide-open but unseeing, lashing out aimlessly with the crimson weapon that had once belonged to Snoke’s Elite Praetorian Guard. Behind him, at a respectful distance, she glimpsed Finn, Poe and at least a dozen Stormtroopers with raised blasters.

“Ben!” Rey screamed, never slowing down.

He froze in his tracks and blinked a few times, as if realizing his surroundings for the first time. Confusion mixed into his panicked thoughts, then he _saw_ Rey – and the chaotic flames that had blazed around his end of the bond died out abruptly. The whip deactivated, slipped from his grasp and clattered to the floor.

“Rey?” Ben whispered hoarsely. He took a shaky step towards her, hands outstretched, desperately reaching for her.  
Rey had not stopped running. She flew into his arms, and her momentum nearly carried him off his feet. Nevertheless, Ben pressed her so tightly against him that it almost hurt.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m right here, we’re safe,” she said against his chest, to soothe him as much as herself. “It was just a bad dream. It’s over now, calm down.”  
At first, Ben was still trembling and panting heavily, but her sheer presence slowly brought him back to his senses and he grew calmer and more composed by the moment.

“Alright guys, show’s over, move along,” Poe shooed the Stormtroopers away. “Nothing more to see here.”

The soldiers obediently lowered their weapons and the white-armoured crowd dispersed.  
Ben took a deep, steadying breath and finally let go of Rey. But then he spotted the demolished corridor, and his face fell.

“Did I…” he asked with concern when he saw the amount of destruction he had caused, but his voice broke before he could finish the question. Rey knew what he feared and looked at Finn, who obviously understood, too.

“No one was injured,” he reassured them. “They all jumped out of your way quickly enough, and you weren’t really after _them_. We got a few fried electrics and some badly dissected furnishing, is all.”

Ben still looked shaken and regretful, but Rey felt a lot of his tension ease at that.

“Well, at least there was no severe harm done,” Poe sighed with relief. “Nothing that couldn’t be repaired. But I’d say it’s best to go back to sleep now. We’ll sort out the rest tomorrow.”

They all agreed. Ben started to turn back to the men’s quarters along with Finn and Poe, but Rey called after him.  
“Hey, where do you think you’re going?”

The men stopped, and Ben shrugged, “To bed.”

“My room’s this way,” she pointed a thumb over her shoulder. Poe and Finn gaped at her, only Ben’s face was unmoved and he kept silent.  
“It’s safer if you sleep at my place from now on,” Rey continued.

At last, Finn regained the ability to speak. Sort of.  
“Sleeping… at your… _safer?!”_ he managed to push the words out, his voice rising an octave towards the end. Ben tried to suppress a grin, but he was not really good at it.

Rey was dead-serious, though. “I don’t want to go to sleep every night, fearing that I might wake up to Ben rioting through the ship, searching for me. Do you?”

“Yeah, think of all the poor furnishing,” Poe grinned.

“But… but – Rey, you can’t … he’s …” Finn was utterly lost for words, so instead he gestured wildly, pointing from Ben to her and back. When they did not react, he looked desperately at Poe, who just shrugged.

“Finn, relax. They’re grown-ups. And as much as I hate to say it, she’s right about the crew’s safety. Just because we were lucky tonight, doesn’t mean we will be next time.” He patted him on the shoulder paternally. “And come on, the two of them sharing a room - what’s the worst that could happen?”

He started pulling the reluctant Finn back towards the men’s quarters.

“Oh well, for one thing there’s –” Finn started, but Poe quickly cut over him.

“Rhetorical question, buddy; it was just a _rhetorical_ question.”

Her two friends moved on, and Rey gently took Ben’s hand. She felt him through the bond, calm and collected again. They smiled at each other, fondly and content, and walked the other way.

After a few meters, Finn suddenly turned and shouted after them, “I’ll have Threepio bring you a spare bed!”

Rey gave a laugh and even Ben grinned, but they kept on walking without looking back.

The moment they had turned the corner though, Ben suddenly swung Rey around, pressed her up against the wall and captured her mouth in a hungry kiss. His hands roamed over her lower back, waist and bottom, and she arched into his touch. A new fire erupted across their bond, but it was distinctly different from the one before.

Ben peppered her jawline with kisses, working his way up to nibble gently on her earlobe, teasingly slow. She felt his hot breath ghost over her neck, and a pleasant shiver ran down her spine.

“Will I be needing the spare bed?” he purred, his lips tickling her ear.

Without waiting for an answer, Ben leaned down and bit softly into the crook of her neck, one of her most sensitive spots. Rey gasped and pressed herself closer against him, her hands clinging to his broad back; the siren song of Ben’s body, calling out for hers, drowned out everything else.

Everything - except for a distant, exasperated outcry:

 _“Yes, thank you, I know all about the birds and the bees, Finn; will you_ **please** _button your yap now!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I not promise you a parting gift? You may have guessed by now anyways: Yes, there is a Part Two to the story, and this Epilogue is a snippet from one of the early Chapters. Bit like a sneak preview, if you want. 😀  
> Now, don't expect Part 2 to come up right away; I need a bit of a holiday from Star Wars first, and then I'll put it together.
> 
> So long, my friends, thank you for everything, take good care ... and may the Force be with you, always!


End file.
